The Book of New Family Traditions (9 page)

Pretend School

Before school starts, begin the practice of “playing school” for a week, with your child’s stuffed animals filling in as some of the students. Engage in some of the activities you know are standard at your child’s new school, such as blocks or story hour. If you can get the names of a few other children who will be in the class, invite one or two over to join the pretend, and make sure to include a fun snack.

Instant Book on First Day of Kindergarten

When each of her three kids started kindergarten, Kim lnglee of Albany, New York, took digital photos of every thing that child did to get ready for the big day: waking up, dressing, brushing teeth, combing hair, waiting for the bus. Being a reading teacher, she also wrote captions underneath: “Ben woke up on the first day of kindergarten,” “Ben made his bed on the first of kindergarten,” and so on. For each child’s book, she printed the photos on paper using her home printer, glued the pictures and captions onto card stock, made a front cover, and had the instant book laminated and bound at Staples or Office Depot that same day. “Just as they get off the bus that first day, they get this special book,” says Kim. “And the best part is that I write a mushy letter to them and place it on the back cover. I find them re-reading these books every now and again, though they are now eleven years old, nine, and seven.”

Celebrating Back -to- School Days

Even for older kids, the first day of a new school year is a big deal. Thoughtfully celebrating these days is one way to convey a sense that learning is a joy.

Think Harry Potter

Muggles don’t get school supplies as nifty as pet owls and magic wands, but make your school shopping into a fun outing including lunch, and let your kids pick as many items as possible, even if their taste appalls you. Harry loves going back to Hogwarts partly because he had such memorable experiences there, so on the night before school starts, go around the table and talk about the most memorable events from the previous school year. Talk about the school play, a favorite teacher, the science experiment that blew up. The Giehl family of Colorado has a feast in the dining room on the night before and each kid receives a school-related present, such as a fancy pencil box or a globe.

First Week of School

Erica Rawson, a mother of four in New Mexico, plans and cooks elaborate breakfasts for the whole first week of school. Her menus include pancakes, burritos, and the kids’ favorite, Breakfast Lasagna, in which the layers that are usually pasta are items like waffles and pound cake, the filling is berries and custard. Like many families, the kids pose for a first-day photo, but Erica got the brilliant idea of having her kids each hold up a handmade sign declaring which year of school they are about to enter.

Front-Step Photos

Many parents take photos of their kids dressed up in new clothes, carrying new backpacks and lunchboxes, but posed in the same spot on the front steps. It’s wonderful to look at these photos over the years, and maybe even combine them in one collage.

Sweet Beginning

On the first day of a new school year, Pam Skripak serves her kids homemade hot apple pie and ice cream for breakfast. Yum. (They get this on the last day of the year as well.)

Pep Talk in Chalk

In Maryland, Kunni Biener used to wake up extra early on the first day, so she could write messages to her daughters on the sidewalk that led to their school. They giggled as they walked along reading “Good Luck!” and “Have Fun!” and when they reached high school, they started writing messages to each other in the street on the first day.

Bus-Stop Party

Gail Spencer always starts out the year by providing juice and bagels to the ten or so kids who wait at the bus stop with her kids.

Drop-Off Blessing

Cheryl Maner started doing this when her son had to adjust to a first-grade teacher who was a good educator, but not cuddly like the kindergarten teacher. There were a few behavior issues, and she thought a ritual like this would help focus him: “May God bless you, may He smile his shining face on you, may He guide you and direct you in everything you do today [and she would insert particulars like ”including the spelling test“], and most of all, may God give you peace.” Her son, Parker, usually joins in and says, “Peace,” at the end.

Rewarding Good Work

Basically, I agree with Alfie Kohn, author of
Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars,
Incentive Plans, A’s, Praise, and Other Bribes, that it’s better (and more effective) to instill a love of learning than to try bribing a kid to succeed. Here are some rituals I think offer positive encouragement.

Report Card Dinners

The Suttons of Casper, Wyoming, don’t eat out that often, but they have a ritual of a restaurant dinner for the whole family every time report cards come out. “They mostly get straight A’s, but we have the dinners no matter what,” says Mary Sutton. “We feel it’s important to reward the effort.” Even more important, she says, she and her husband feel like they really get caught up with their kids’ school lives at these relaxed meals. Thus, these dinners are more about celebrating their children as students than they are about tying certain rewards to specific achievements.

Book Rewards

Books should be treasured, and one way to reinforce that is to make books the reward for good work. When my son was learning to read, we had “reading treasure hunts,” in which he had to read clues all over the house. After each hunt, he put a sticker on a sheet taped to the fridge and, after ten stickers, I took him to the bookstore and let him pick out a book.

Ms. Frizzle Awards

One of the problems with rewarding good grades is that it encourages kids to take easy courses and avoid challenges. My favorite teaching philosophy is that of the fictional teacher Ms. Frizzle, from the
Magic School Bus
series on public TV. “Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!” is her motto, and such behavior leads to learning. Every month during the school year, give the Ms. Frizzle Award (a piece of white paper with fancy writing) to the family member who follows her advice and learns the most—parents included.

Homework Ritual

If kids learn early to set aside specific times for homework, they’ll develop the discipline they will need all the way through school and beyond. Establish the time for homework the first day of school, and dedicate a special “Homework Zone” in a bedroom, kitchen, or den. Ideally, this should be a quiet place, with no television or other distractions. Our son used to use the kitchen table, but as he worked his way up through high school, he gravitated to the bigger table in the dining room. It’s very easy to tell if he’s goofing off, when he’s stationed in such a visible place. We’ve also made sure his computer is downstairs rather than in his bedroom.

Brain Food

It’s good to develop a transition ritual from school to home, with a snack and some goof-off time to start. Physical activity could be included, a quick phone call to a best friend, or fifteen minutes of a favorite computer game, but limit the time. Some kids like to take off their shoes or change clothes.

Q/A Partners

It can get pretty boring sitting in your room staring at a textbook. Parents can help make it more lively, partly by drilling their kids on material that requires rote memorization. My friend Jean Donaldson used to toss a koosh ball back and forth with her kids while they recited math tables or spelling test words: The physical activity kept them from getting too lethargic, and I suspect the rhythm worked like a mnemonic device, helping to anchor the data in their brains.

Sentenced to Laughter

It’s good to develop family rituals related to learning apart from the school curriculum. By regularly including games in which you play with words and use your brains for fun, you show that creative thinking is a lifelong form of play. There are plenty of great word games, including Scrabble®, but it’s also fun to buy a set of words to stick on your fridge. Magnetic Poetry@ has an early reader version, small words in big print, and you can keep them in an empty coffee can in the kitchen. Try to get every family member to invent a sentence a day—the more absurd the better—and read them aloud at dinner.

Lesson of the Week

Once a week, during a family meeting or Sunday dinner, have each person in the family share something valuable or fascinating he or she learned that week. Again, you reinforce that learning is a lifelong activity. At the same time, this exercise works as a lesson review for kids and may actually make them realize they learned something useful.

Country of the Week

Once a week, on Sunday night or Monday morning, announce a country the family will focus on that week. Pick a country that’s in the news at that time, and start by looking up its location on a map or globe. Talk about why it’s newsworthy, and help the kids look up its language, history, and customs on the Internet or at the library.

Show and Tell

Part of the daily homework ritual should include a parental review of what’s been done. Some kids feel a sense of accomplishment if they can make a checkmark on the calendar when they finish, or add a sticker. Compliment perseverance as well as creativity. You might create a winding-down ritual of a warm bath, or a back rub, or end the day by reading aloud from a book your kids enjoy.

Sunday Sundaes

It’s important to set specific homework rituals for the weekends as well, so everything doesn’t get left till the last minute. One family gets together in the kitchen on Sunday nights for “make-your-own sundaes,” but only those with finished homework can come. You might have special treat food for weekend homework sessions: Instead of serving popcorn when you watch videos, save it for homework period.

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