The Black Swan (26 page)

“Something’s happened,” she announced. “Is that why you are here?”

“I very much wanted to talk to you.” -

“Well?”

“Roland Fitzgerald has asked me to marry him.”

I could see that she was pleased. “Such a nice man. I liked him … and his sister. The way they brought you back from France is an indication as to the sort of people they are.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Well, are we going to have a wedding?”

“I don’t know, Rebecca. I’m so uncertain.”

“You are thinking of Joel still?”

“Of course.”

She took me by the shoulders and looked into my face. “You can’t go on grieving forever, Lucie,” she said.

“I know. That is what Roland says.”

“He knows … about Joel?”

“I told him.”

“Lucie, the sooner you break away from the past it is going to be easier for you.”

“That’s what Roland implies.”

“He’s right. He’s a good man and he loves you.”

“Yes, I think he does. But there is more to it than that.”

“You mean you don’t care for him?”

“I do … in a way. They have been so good to me … both he and his sister …”

“Oh, there is his sister. I suppose she feels a little put out.”

“Oh, no, no. I am sure she knew he was going to ask me. You see, we went out riding, just the two of us … but I felt he had talked it over with her beforehand. Which was natural. She had made an excuse not to come. She was waiting for our return and when there was no announcement I think she was a little disappointed.”

“Oh! So you really think she wants you to marry him?”

“Yes, I do. You see, the three of us get on so well together. She was so much a part of the trio. Roland is rather quiet. She does most of the talking. She is very jolly.”

“And you are fond of her.”

“It would be difficult not to be. She is so charming and so kind. She is really a delightful person.”

“It seems to me that you want to be part of that trio,” said Rebecca.

“I rather think I do. But … I am not sure. It is not so very long since I was thinking of marrying Joel.”

“You must stop thinking about Joel. Couldn’t you have a tentative engagement … something like that?”

“I think Roland wants a definite answer.”

“Of course he does. But he’ll understand that you are not ready yet.”

“I think he does understand that. It is just that I am so unsure.”

“I think it would be a wonderful idea if you made a fresh start, if you put the past behind you. You’ll never get over it while you go on brooding. There is so much all round you to remind you of it. I don’t think it’s good for you to be in that house in London. I think Celeste should sell it and get right away. It is, after all, where it happened. And then Manor Grange … you were there so much with your father.”

“I could never sell Manor Grange, Rebecca. What about the Emerys?”

“Yes, I know. It would break their hearts. How they used to love all the entertaining which was done there! They’ve been through so much with us.”

“Mrs. Emery adores you.”

“We always got on well together. We’d talk in her sitting room … over her Darjeeling tea.”

“I think she likes me, too, but for her there is only one—and that is you, Rebecca. You see that I could not bear to disturb them.”

“Well, why don’t you go and stay down there while you make up your mind?”

“And your opinion is that I should marry Roland?”

“Well, we don’t know much about him, but he is certainly very charming and really everything I want for you. I like his relationship with his sister, and she obviously adores him. Well, that shows something of his character, doesn’t it? When you see devotion like that … it has to be earned and in their case it is mutual. Yes, I do think it would probably be the best thing for you to marry him.”

“It’s so soon. That is what I think.”

“But you’ve got to grow away from it and the sooner the better. I am so glad you came here.”

“I had to talk to you, Rebecca.”

“Well, let us get some sleep. We’ve plenty of time to talk later on.”

She kissed me good night, and to my surprise, I slept through the night without waking.

There was certainly something comforting about being with Rebecca.

The days began to speed past. I spent a good deal of time with the children.

Rebecca and I went riding together and visited some of the people on the neighboring farms. There was always a welcome and we were generally given refreshments—usually homemade cider and home-baked cakes, which it would have been churlish to refuse.

Rebecca loved the country life; but then, of course, she had Pedrek and the children.

She had admitted that she had discussed my affairs with Pedrek and he thought that Roland—and his sister—would be just right for me. In fact, the more I saw of the family life Pedrek and Rebecca enjoyed, the more I came to believe that the best thing I could do was marry Roland.

I liked Roland. I loved Roland, I supposed. I realized how desolate I should be if I never saw him again. It was brought home to me how much I enjoyed his and his sister’s company. Phillida could always make me laugh and it was indeed a fact that when I was with them I could more easily forget the past than at any other time.

I had been romantically in love with Joel, but I had been young and inexperienced then; and although I might not be so very much older now, I had known such tragedy as few are made to face, and that must inevitably force me into maturity.

Rebecca and I discussed the future constantly. We went over the same ground again and again; but Rebecca did not mind. What she wanted most was to find the right solution and I realized she had made up her mind that it was marriage with Roland.

I knew she was looking into the future and she saw me in a cozy home with Roland and Phillida … and children. Rebecca was a great believer in the solace that children could bring.

And so the days passed and I began to believe that she was right; and by the time I left Cornwall I had made up my mind.

I would marry Roland.

I went back to Manor Grange and I had only been there a few days when Roland and Phillida came down. They had had a trying time in Yorkshire, they told me; and they were delighted to be back in the South.

When I told Roland I would marry him, he looked so happy that my spirits were lifted. He held me tightly in his arms and kissed me tenderly.

“I want to tell Phillida first, Lucie,” he said.

We went to her room. He knocked and we stood on the threshold hand in hand. I saw her eyes light up with joy.

“It’s true!” she cried. “It’s really true!”

She flew at me and hugged me.

“I’m so excited!” she cried. “I’ve been so terribly afraid. Oh, Roland, isn’t it wonderful? Now there’ll be three of us.” She stopped and released me, her face grave. “There will be, won’t there? But … perhaps you won’t want me. Two’s company, three’s a crowd. …”

“What nonsense!” I said indignantly. “We’re no ordinary three.”

“No, we’re us!” She kissed me again and her jubilation delighted me.

“Phillida has been a little anxious,” explained Roland.

“Anxious!” she said. “I was terrified. I was afraid you were going to pass over the chance of a lifetime and refuse the most wonderful man in the world.”

“Phillida,” protested Roland with a little laugh.

“Well, it’s true. And who should know better than I? Oh, Lucie, I’m so happy. You must forgive my being a little silly. I am like that when I am happy. But I know this is going to be the most wonderful thing that could happen. We missed you so much in Yorkshire. I said to Roland, ‘It isn’t the same without Lucie. Something’s missing.’ And of course I was right. Lucie was missing. Are you sure you’ll want me with you? I shan’t spoil it, shall I? Oh, I do hope …”

I laughed at her with Roland. “Of course we shall want you,” I said. “It wouldn’t be the same … without Phillida.”

The news was out. Mrs. Emery thought it would be “very suitable.”

“I hope you’ll be living at Manor Grange, Miss Lucie,” she said.

“I don’t know. We haven’t made arrangements yet … but rest assured I shall keep Manor Grange just as it is.”

Celeste was delighted. I had written to her and my letter brought her hurrying down.

“I’m so pleased for you, Lucie,” she said. “It really is the best thing possible. You have to put everything that has happened behind you.”

“It’s what Rebecca tells me.”

“You’ll start a new life. You’ll be happy, I know. Roland is such a good, kind man.”

She spoke wistfully. I wondered whether, when she thought of my father, she remembered the years of frustration and loneliness she had endured. Poor Celeste, I wished she too could find happiness.

It was to be a quiet wedding. We did not want a renewal of that publicity which Belinda’s wedding had provoked.

“It is too soon after everything,” said Celeste. “It was different with Belinda. She wasn’t so close to your father. But I realized that was a mistake and should have been done more quietly.”

Roland said he did not mind what sort of wedding it was as long as it took place.

When Belinda heard that I was to be married she and Bobby paid a flying visit to Manor Grange.

Her marriage appeared to have been very successful. She had grown even more attractive. She had acquired some very fashionable and beautiful clothes, was as vivacious as ever and had thoroughly enslaved Bobby.

“Marriage suits you,” I told her.

“I made up my mind that it should.”

“Bobby is charming.”

“He’s rather a pet and it is all such fun. He has the most fantastic house in the country … you’re coming to stay … you and Roland. Mind you, between ourselves, I found the country a trifle dull. I’m persuading Bobby to buy a house in London … and we shall be there most of the time.”

“Bobby has agreed, has he?”

“Bobby always agrees.”

“I can see why the marriage is so successful.”

“Now don’t be acerbic. Is that the right word? You would know, you old sobersides. I never thought you’d get married. But now there is this nice Roland. Celeste says he is very charming and suitable. He comes from Yorkshire, doesn’t he? Does that mean you’ll live in Yorkshire? I hope not. It’s much too far away.”

“Roland is mostly in London and he and his sister have a little
pied-à-terre.
He doesn’t have to go to Yorkshire so very often. So I expect we shall be round about here most of the time.”

“A house in London, I suppose, and Manor Grange as the country residence. Well, it’s yours anyway. Lucky old Roland, to marry an heiress.”

That remark upset me a little. I was sure Roland hadn’t thought of me as an heiress. He knew little of my affairs and had never asked. All the same … Belinda had planted an uneasy thought in my mind. Trust Belinda to introduce an unpleasant note!

“Are you going to have a grand wedding?” she asked.

“No. A quiet one.”

Belinda grimaced.

“I should have thought that … with all your money … you would have wanted something really grand.”

“We are not all as ostentatious as you like to be,” I reminded her.

She laughed. “I recommend Venice for the honeymoon. Ours was wonderful. But I expect you would prefer Florence. Dante and Beatrice and all that. It was all there, wasn’t it?”

“We have not decided yet.”

“Well, you should. It’s such fun planning. I am wondering what to wear for this wedding.”

“That should keep you occupied for a while.”

She laughed and gave me an affectionate push. “Honestly, Lucie. I never really thought you’d make it. You never set out to attract men and they do like to be chased, you know.”

“I thought they were supposed to do the chasing.”

“That shows how little you know of the world.”

It was amusing talking to her as always, and I was glad she would be there. It was unfortunate that Jean Pascal had come back with her.

Celeste told me that he had asked all sorts of questions about Roland.

“It is not his affair,” I protested.

“He says he feels a certain responsibility for you … as he does for Belinda.”

“Well, there is no need.”

I hoped he would not approach me, but he did. He caught me when I was alone.

“So,” he said, “you are going to be married!”

“Yes.”

“I feel considerably jealous of my successful rival.”

“It was never a matter of rivalry.”

“You made that clear to me. I should be very hurt with you. But I do really care for you, Lucie, and I want to assure myself that all is well.”

“Then I can assure you that all is well.”

“This man … your fiancé … he seems to have come out of the blue, as it were. He was on the Channel ferry; he was in France. Is that all you know of his background?”

“I know what I wish to know,” I replied. “Really you must not concern yourself.”

“But I do. You see, you are Celeste’s stepdaughter and that makes some sort of relationship between us, doesn’t it? Who is going to look after you if I don’t? Rebecca’s husband? Well, he is far away in Cornwall.”

“Why do you think I need a masculine protector?”

“Most women have one. If your father were alive …”

“But he is not, and I assure you that I do not need your protection.”

He bowed his head and then lifted his shoulders.

“In fact,” I went on, “I would prefer it if you did not attempt to … as you say … protect me.”

“I must accept your decision, of course,” he said. “But you must remember that you are not exactly penniless. There might … with some people … be a certain temptation. …”

I looked at him coldly, and said pointedly, “I feel sure there may well be some. …”

He smiled at me, cynically, taking my meaning. He did not look in the least offended and I felt that my suspicions that my newly inherited wealth was the main reason for his offer of marriage were not without foundation.

I felt disgusted with him. I compared him with Roland who was so different and who, I was sure, had no idea of the size of my fortune. I felt very happy and secure then.

Every day I was thinking more and more of how good life would be when I was Roland’s wife.