The Black Swan (25 page)

Roland looked at her in affectionate exasperation. Then he said, “Oh, I see you have some good stables here, Lucie. Do you ride much?”

“Yes. I’ve always loved it. It was one of the main attractions of Manorleigh for me.”

“Then perhaps we can ride while we’re here?”

“That would be wonderful.”

“We’ll find one of those inns we’re always hearing about,” said Phillida. “You know the sort. They’ve been there for the last three hundred years; there are underground vaults where they used to hide the goods which had been smuggled into the country; they lured ships onto the rocks and led seamen to their deaths; they hung the excise men on gibbets and buried their corpses in the cellar.”

“Except,” I said, “that we are miles from the sea and I don’t know where your wreckers could have done their evil work.”

“You have started something,” said Roland laughing. “You’ve brought out Phillida’s unhealthy taste for the supernatural.”

“That’s right,” went on Phillida. “You hear the moaning in the night of those who died violent deaths.”

How we laughed that weekend! We explored the house. There were lengthy discussions during meals. There was always something to talk about. We rode through the countryside visiting those little villages where Celeste and I used to go canvassing during election time. We found an inn which appealed to Phillida, but the landlord was very prosaic and not given to conversation—which disappointed her. It was a wonderful weekend and I was very sad when it came to an end.

“Couldn’t you stay another day?” I asked when Monday came.

“Oh yes, please. Do let us, Roland,” cried Phillida.

He looked rather sad. “I shall have to be going up to Yorkshire very soon,” he said.

My look must have betrayed my disappointment for Phillida came to me and put an arm round my shoulders. “It has been so wonderful knowing you,” she said rather huskily. “I marvel at my luck that day on the boat when I spoke to you. Roland says I shouldn’t do that sort of thing, but I always have and you see how well it has worked out this time. I was right, Roland. You have to admit it … because if I hadn’t been like that … we should never have met Lucie.”

“Let us say that you were very right on this occasion,” admitted Roland.

“Please show you mean that by staying another day,” said Phillida.

He hesitated. “Well …”

I cut in, “Oh, please do. It would give me so much pleasure.”

“Perhaps then …”

So they did.

Phillida had become a favorite with Mrs. Grant, the cook. From the first she had complimented her on her various dishes and admitted that she herself—as she put it—liked to try her hand at special dishes … something unusual.

On Sunday for lunch Mrs. Grant had served a soufflé. Phillida had praised it and wanted to know exactly how it was done.

Mrs. Grant was enchanted. She was a garrulous woman who came of a family of cooks; her mother had actually cooked in this house and so had her grandmother before that. She it was who had first told Rebecca the story of the haunted seat.

The outcome of this was that Mrs. Grant said that she would make a soufflé for lunch on the Monday and if Phillida would come to the kitchen she would show her exactly how it was done.

Phillida delightedly accepted the invitation.

“So you are going to desert us,” said Roland. “I had thought we would go for a long ride on Monday morning. I’d like to see that village again … the one with the Norman church.”

“Well, there is no reason why you and Lucie should not go,” said Phillida.

Roland looked at me.

“No reason at all,” I said.

“If Phillida prefers the kitchen to the open countryside, so be it,” added Roland.

That was how it was that Roland and I were alone that morning.

We visited the Norman church and came out to the ancient graveyard. The yew trees had been there for many years and so had some of the gravestones. Many of the inscriptions were almost entirely obliterated; some of the dates were just visible and it was sobering to realize that many of them had been put up two hundred years before.

“How peaceful it is here,” said Roland.

“You really feel you are here with the dead,” I said.

“Does that sadden you?”

“No. I just feel the peace of it.”

We made our way along the path, past the well where visitors to the graves found the water for the flowers they wished to put there.

There was a wooden seat close to it.

“Could we sit here for a while?” suggested Roland. “There is something I want to say to you.”

“Yes, let’s do that,” I replied.

So we sat there.

“How quiet it is,” I said.

“People are all working. Remember it’s Monday. I expect on a Sunday there are many people here. Lucie … I want to talk to you.”

“Yes?”

“It’s difficult,” he began. “I know what you have gone through. …”

“You and Phillida have helped me a lot.”

“Phillida is very bright. It is difficult to feel unhappy in her company. That does not mean she does not feel. …”

“Oh, I know. It has been wonderful for me to have been with you both.”

“We feel the same. And it is because of this that I want to talk to you. You have made a lot of difference to us. I know Phillida loves you. And, Lucie … so do I.”

I was silent for I was not sure to what he was leading.

The fact that he mentioned Phillida’s love for me with his own suggested that they shared an affection for me like that of brothers and sisters. I was already aware of that. On the other hand … could he mean that he was in love with me?

He went on, “We have come to know each other very well over the last months. I know you have suffered a terrible tragedy, and you feel that your old way of life has been completely shattered. But you cannot go on living in the past, Lucie. You’ve got to break away. I know you are feeling a little uncertain. I understand you well. But I’m in love with you, Lucie. I have been thinking of you almost from the first day we met. …”

“You are asking me to marry you?”

“Yes. It is what I want more than anything on earth. And I think it would be a way for you to start a new life … to put the past behind you.”

I was silent thinking about it. I could not say I was in love with him. I liked him very much and I had been melancholy at the thought of his and Phillida’s going back to Yorkshire.

He was of course aware of my hesitation. “Lucie,” he said anxiously, “what are you thinking?”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You do like us … Phillida and me …”

“Of course. It has been wonderful knowing you.”

“I promise to make it more wonderful yet.”

He took my hand and held it firmly while he leaned toward me and kissed my cheek gently.

“Have you told Phillida you were going to ask me?” I said.

He nodded. “Phillida is very perceptive. She said to me, ‘I know you are in love with Lucie. Ask her to marry you. It is only right that you should.’ Phillida is hoping you will say yes. You know what she is. She said she would go away and leave us together. Married people should be alone together, she says. She is a wonderful person, Lucie. We’ve always been together … as I told you … and since our parents’ death … well, you know how that is. I don’t know what she would do but …”

“I would not dream of separating you.”

“Then we should all be together … the three of us. Oh, Lucie, it would be a good life.”

“You two,” I said, “you are so happy together… as for myself …”

“I should have waited,” he said. “But as I shall have to go to Yorkshire I felt I could not go without asking you.”

“How long will you be in Yorkshire?”

He lifted his shoulders. “I can never be sure. I am in London nowadays most of the time, but I do have to pay these occasional visits to the North and then I am not sure how long I shall be away. That’s why I felt I had to speak to you this morning.”

I thought of what it would be like when they had gone. Celeste was in London. I could go there but there were so many memories. Every morning I would have to pass the spot where my father had fallen. I would look out of my window and wonder if the man in the cape and the opera hat were there.

Or I could stay at Manorleigh. But that was different now. If Belinda had been here … but she had now become Lady Denver. And I was alone. But I need not be.

And yet … I was not in love with Roland. I liked him. In fact I was very fond of him. I enjoyed his company so much—and that of his sister. When I looked back over the last months I realized that they had been the ones who had made life tolerable for me. I did not forget how they had cut short their stay in France so that I need not travel back alone.

If I said I could not marry him, what would happen?

He would go to Yorkshire and I should not see him for a while. I would probably not see much of them again. The thought depressed me.

He was waiting for me to say something.

“I’m sorry, Roland.” I turned to him and it hurt me to see the expression of misery in his face. I knew then that I did care for him. I was very fond of both him and his sister. Her lively conversation, his calm strength, had meant a good deal to me during those days in France. I did not want to lose them. I went on, “You see, Roland, what happened was so devastating. It was so sudden.”

“I know. I understand perfectly.”

“I feel that I am still reeling from the blow.”

He nodded.

“It was not only my father. There was something else.”

“Please tell me, Lucie.”

“My engagement was going to be announced.”

“Your engagement!”

“Yes. It was to someone I had known for a long time. His people were great friends of my father’s. He was in politics. He went to Buganda … and was murdered.”

“Oh, my poor Lucie. I had no idea. I remember something … was it a group of MPs on some mission?”

“Yes. Joel and I were going to announce our engagement when he returned.”

“And you … were in love with him?”

“Yes.”

He put his arm round me and held me against him. I felt comforted.

“And you feel you could not love anyone else,” he said bleakly.

“I … don’t know.”

“You must have been very young …”

“Well, it was not so long ago, but I seem to have grown up a good deal since then.”

“I understand. You have not recovered from this blow. But you do like us … you like me and you like Phillida, don’t you?”

“Of course I do. I’m very fond of you both.”

“You have been so badly hurt. First your father … and then this young man … and in such a short time.”

“Life is like that, I believe. When misfortunes come it is not always singly.”

“I’m glad you told me. You were very much in love with him, weren’t you?”

“I … thought so.”

“But you were very young.”

“I know that I was very happy when he asked me to marry him; and now he is gone. He is dead … just as my father is.”

“I want to care for you. I want to bring you back to happiness. I want to show you that life can be good again.”

I just sat there with his arm about me while I stared at the graves and found myself wondering about the life and loves of those who were lying under the gravestones. They also would have had their tragedies to face; they would have been brought face-to-face with decisions which could shape their lives.

I knew that I wanted to stay there with him beside me. I did not want him to go away. I wanted a chance to forget the tragedies of the past and when I was with him and Phillida I could laugh and forget for a while.

He was right. I did need to start afresh, and even Rebecca could not help with that because she was too close to the tragedy.

Yet I hesitated. Thinking of Rebecca, I knew I must talk to her.

I said, “Roland, I have grown so fond of you and Phillida. But I am unsure. Marriage is not something which can be undertaken lightly.”

“By no means. You are going to say you need time to think about it. That is right, of course. You should think about it. That was what you were going to say, wasn’t it, Lucie?”

“Yes,” I answered.

He held me tightly to him. “Then I can continue to hope,” he said.

“I think that when you leave for Yorkshire I shall go down to my sister Rebecca in Cornwall.”

“That seems a good idea.”

“She has been like a mother to me.”

“She is a wonderful woman. Both Phillida and I said that of her. We loved her because we could see how much she cared for you.”

“Yes,” I said. “I shall go to Rebecca.”

“And when you come back I shall have my answer?”

I nodded.

He kissed my cheek again lightly. “Oh, Lucie,” he said. “You can’t know how important it is to me that you say yes.”

As we walked slowly back to our horses, he slipped his arm through mine. I felt a great urge to say yes; but something restrained me. I did want to talk to Rebecca first.

When we arrived back we were just in time for luncheon.

Phillida was waiting for us. She searched our faces eagerly. She had known Roland was going to ask me to marry him. I was not surprised at that. They were so close and she was the sort of person who would know exactly what was going on, so she would be aware of his feelings for me. I could see by the expectant look on her face that she very much wanted us to marry. I felt then how good it would be if the three of us were together. I could visualize a happy life with them.

“How was your morning?” she asked.

“Interesting,” Roland told her.

“The church is so ancient,” I said. “It is amazing how those Norman buildings stand up to time. How did the soufflé go?”

“You’ll be able to judge that for yourselves.”

I sensed that she was disappointed.

It was wonderful to be with Rebecca again. There was a warm welcome for me at High Tor. Alvina and Jake wanted to take me off to the nursery so that they might show me their toys and Pedrek said how nice it was to see me and that I did not come to Cornwall often enough.

Rebecca, who knew me so well, realized at once that there was something on my mind, and on the very first night after I had retired she came to my bedroom for the customary chat.