The Beat of Safiri Bay (27 page)

I open my eyes and the strong smell of cleaning liquids make me sit up quickly. I am on the mat in my studio with the oil cloth still in my hand. I get up and walk to my dad’s room. I take a shower there and get dressed in some of the clean clothes Thandi has in the washing room. Then I go straight back to my room and finish with the studio. The main bedroom is the only room left and I hope I will be done by the end of this Sunday. My body aches and my head is spinning but I cannot stop now, I have to keep going. The sooner I get this done the sooner I can get back to life. My old life, the one I was in charge of. Matt knocks on the door again but this time I don’t open it. “I’m busy,” I shout at the door.

“It’s your dad Lany,” I run to the door and open it quickly. Matt has his hand over the speaker and holds the phone out to me. I shake my head and he takes it away again. “Peter, she is in the shower, I’ll ask her to call you when she is done... Yes everything is okay... Okay then I’ll see you on Tuesday.” He slides the phone into his pocket and lifts his eyebrow at me. “Why don’t you want to talk to him?” he asks. “Because he will know that there is something wrong and I don’t have the strength to talk about it to him or you or anyone.”

“Lany you have to get it out of your system. Keeping it all to yourself is not a good idea.” I shake my head at him,

“I am getting it out of my system,” I say, “What else do you want me to do or say? You probably know more about this than I do. I cannot dwell on something like that Matt. I have to just get myself sorted out here,” I say and nod my head to my room, “then I will be okay again. I know how to handle myself,” I say and but he doesn’t look convinced. “Yeah I am sure you do and that is the reason you have bloody knees, black rings around your eyes and no skin on your fingers.” I look down at my knees but I don’t really care about the bit of skin that is gone. To me it is a good thing, a little less skin I will have to try and scrub off later this week. “I have to go,” I say and close the door but he grabs it with one hand and my arm with his other hand. “Not before you at least have breakfast,” he says and drags me with him to the kitchen. I struggle and fight and free myself from his grip. “I said don’t touch me,” I shout but he ignores me and pulls out my chair for me. Then he gets me a dish and some Otees and milk and a spoon. “Eat,” he says firmly and I prepare myself a little cereal. I eat a bit and then push the bowl away. I get up and walk straight back to my room to clean the bed, couches, bookshelves, desk and all the other things I keep in my too big room. By eight o’clock that night I am done with the cleaning and polishing of my entire room. I pull the door closed behind me and push the trolley back to the storeroom. I take another shower in my dad’s room and dress in another set of clothes. Then when I am satisfied that I am clean enough to enter my room I go to fetch the whitest set of bedding, pillows and cushions Thandi keeps in a cupboard for me and I carefully make my bed to perfection, scatter the cushions on the couch and hang the soft towels in the bathroom. The room smells clean and fresh and I am satisfied with the work I did this weekend. From now on it would be easy to keep it in the state that it is. I walk to my own bathroom to face another hot scrubbing down. I throw away that set of gloves also and fold my clothes and the used towel and place it in the washing basket then I put the lid on tightly so I would not have to smell it. My body and mind are tired and I dress slowly in my pyjamas. Then I slip on my clean slippers and before I leave my room I press the button on the air sanitizer. Matt is in his room lying on the bed with his arms folded above his head. I knock and wait for him to invite me in even though the door is open and I can see him. “Lany,” he says and sits up quickly. I walk over to the chair and sit down carefully. My body feels beaten up and heavy. No training with Lin has ever made me feel this tired and I am secretly grateful. “Are you done with your spring cleaning?” he asks probably because he doesn’t know what else to say. “Yes, I am done,” I say and fold my hands. I am very self-conscious about the cuts on my hands. “But you are not done with scraping your skin,” he says and looks at my very red neck and arms. “It’s going to take a while,” I say and he nods. “Have you eaten yet?” I ask just so we can change the subject. “Yeah, I did about three hours ago,” he says and laughs. “Are you hungry?”

“A little,” I lie. He gets up and we walk to the kitchen. I open the fridge and get out some cold meat and the loaf of bread. “Can I make you one?” I ask and he nods with a smile.

“You know I always have space for more,” he jokes and rubs his tummy. I make us sandwiches and he makes us tea. It is a quiet Sunday night and I don’t mind the silence. We sit down at the table and he eats all his sandwiches. I take a bite or two of mine and sip on my tea. Now that I am done with cleaning and feeling more in control I take the chance to find out something that has been in the back of my mind all this time. “Is he at your house?” Matthew puts down his tea slowly and looks up at me. “No Lany, he’s gone back,”

“Back to England?” I ask a bit shocked.

“Yes. Wait, didn’t he tell you why...”

“I really don’t want to know,” I say and pick up my tea again. He picks up his as well and we drink our tea in silence. “Do you know where Thandi keeps those sleeping pills? I am very tired but I don’t think I will be able to fall asleep on my own, not yet.” He takes out a key and waves it in front of my eyes. “She had me promise I would only give you what you needed. Is there any reason for that?” he asks.

“No, I mean I don’t think I would actually... but just keep it with you anyway.” I say. He leaves and comes back with the little green tablet. I swallow it quickly and sit and stare out the window. “That will take a while,” he says, “Would you like to watch some television until it kicks in?”

“Sure,” I say and walk with him to the entertainment room. I side step the sleeper-couch and sit down on a double sofa instead. He switches the channel to a motoring show and we watch the hosts of the show race different expensive cars around a track.

When I open my eyes I am safely in my big white bed. The sun is shining through the blinds and I sit up. My head aches again and I decide right then not to take another sleeping tablet. It cannot be good if it makes me feel like this. After my legs are shaved I dress in my running gear and sneak out the house. Matt’s car is still in the garage because it is still early. He will leave for school at about seven o ‘clock. I walk fast past Bessie’s house and then start my run to the beach. My body is sore but I push on. The further I run the more I think of him and all the running we did together. Everywhere I look I see him. I try to focus on the road but it doesn’t help. I turn my music louder until it hurts my ears and drowns out all other sounds and thoughts then I run faster and faster. I pass the beach and run to the village. At the sight of the first houses I turn around and move to the other side of the road. I didn’t hear the car and I am sure I looked first before I crossed the road but I guess if I did that I wouldn’t be lying on the top of its hood right now. I feel fine but then a sharp pain shoots through my foot. The driver of the car gets out and I recognise Jerry, the quiet boy from the other night. “Lane, Oh shit Lane I am so sorry,” He runs from this side of the car to that side.

“Just help me off,” I say and he helps me to get to the side of the road to sit down. The pain consumes me and I lie my head down on the tar. I hear him talk on the phone. Not even a minute has passed when Matt races down the road in his Dodge. He swears at Jerry and at himself then he picks me up and lies me down on the back seat. It is a twenty-five minute drive to the hospital but Matt does it in ten. He stops the car in the first parking and carries me through the emergency room doors.

Marshall’s is a small government hospital with all the basics. If they cannot help you, they transfer you by helicopter if it is necessary. He carries me to the counter and the nurse shows him to a room. The doctor is a tall man with broad shoulders and he has a tired look on his face even though it is only morning. “Miss or Mrs?” he asks and Matt tells him my name and surname. He examines my foot and asks the nurse to apply ice packs. Then he calls for x-rays and I get wheeled off into another room. “I will need details of the patient,” the nurse asks Matt and he takes the file to fill in the forms. They close the door of the x-ray room and two people pick me up and put me down on another table. They take the x-rays and replace the ice packs. My foot has turned blue and is about three times the size of my other one. The ice packs are supposed to take the swelling down but I wonder whether my foot is not blue because of the coldness of it. Matt makes a call to Jill to explain what happened and that he won’t be in today. Then he phones my dad. He explains only what he knows and is very calm about it. When he hangs up I want to find out what my dad said but the drip they have me on must contain some kind of pain medication because I feel very drowsy and my tongue feels heavy, unable to form the words. Matt talks to me then but I only look at him blankly and then I doze off. A nurse shakes my shoulders and I wake up confused about where I am. Matt is right there and reassures me that I am okay. My foot is sprained very badly but it should be okay in two to three weeks. He helps me off the bed and into a wheel chair. The nurse follows us with a pair of crutches. He lifts me into the car and takes the crutches from her. I put my head against the head rest and we drive back home slower this time. It is almost eleven o’clock when we get home and he carries me to my room. “I need to bath,” I say and he carries me to the bathroom chair. He runs me a bath and then he stands there looking at me. “Want me to help you with that?” he asks and I nod, but my hideous red face doesn’t agree.   

I take off all the clothes I can and he helps me out of the rest. Then he picks me up and puts me in the bath. Thank goodness I didn’t break my foot; bathing with a cast would not be an easy task. He leaves so I can wash and after about twenty minutes he comes to help me out again. It all seems like déjà vu to me. I cannot believe I am reliving this again, it feels like yesterday when Alex helped me into the bath at my aunt’s place. I hate being so dependent on someone else and Matt is trying to make it easier for me by not commenting but it is still very embarrassing.

Matthew makes sure I am comfortable in my bed with my phone, television remote and water close by. He says he needs to go to school and he will be very quick. As soon as he leaves I grab the crutches, slide my phone into my pocket and hop to the kitchen. Thandi is not happy about me leaving my bed but takes my chair out for me and props my foot up on another chair. Then she serves me lunch. I sit there for a while and talk to Thandi. She tells me about her pregnant daughter and how excited she is about becoming a grandmother. I listen to her story and ask out about her family. Her husband died when she was still young and she raised her daughter and son on her own. Then she found a job at the mill and when my father took over he offered her the housekeeping job at our house. She says she has never been happier and I am so glad to hear that. Matt was gone for just over half an hour and carries two bags when he comes inside. “What are you doing here?” he asks and looks at Thandi. “No worries Matty, I kept her here so she can eat,” she says and he winks at her. Then he puts the bags on the table and unpacks the contents. He unpacks two silver handles that you can put anywhere in your house by just using the suckers and a knee stand from the one bag and lots of Sally Williams Nougat, Rascals and Mini Milk Bars from the other. Thandi packs the treats into the snack drawer and he shows me how to use the knee stand for when I want to shower. It is such an easy thing to use. You just set it to the height of your knee, bend your leg backwards and then put your knee on the stand. Then you can stand and use both your hands in the shower. “I also brought something else,” he says and leaves to go fetch it. He comes back with a dusty wheel chair. I laugh at him. “Do you really expect me to use that?” I ask.

“Lany, it will make getting around the house much easier for you and you don’t have to use it in town or anything. Thandi will clean it to your standards so please just don’t fight me on this.”

“Okay, I won’t, I mean I will use it,” he smiles.

“Let’s see where we need to put these for you, he says and I follow him on my crutches to my bathroom. He puts one sucker handle on the tiles by my toilet so I can pull myself up and the other one in my shower so I can hold on to it when I set up the knee stand. I thank him for his help and he scolds me for not resting my foot in an elevated position like the doctor ordered. “If Alex were here he would...”  He stops talking and I drop my head. “I am so sorry Lane. I didn’t mean to say that.”

“I know,” I say and hop to my bed. “This little incident brought back a lot of memories of our recent farm trip. I still can’t believe he is gone.” I sit and stare at nothing and he looks quite uncomfortable just standing there. “Well I have good news for you Lany,” My eyes light up at the hope of him having news of Alex. “Your dad will be home in about, well let’s just say very soon.” I am a little disappointed that it is not about Alex but not surprised. “Really, dad’s coming home today? I thought he said Tuesday.”

“He did say Tuesday but he is very worried about you and decided to come back earlier.”

Does that mean that you will go back to your house now?” I ask not sure how I feel about that. “Yes, I think it is time we all get back to our normal routine,” he says and turns to leave.

“Matt, thank you,” I say and he winks at me.

“You are very welcome Lany.”

Dad arrives shortly after Matt has packed his bags and we all have tea together outside. He is still on medication for the tick-bite fever but looks okay. I tell them in detail what I remember of my little accident and they both say that they will hang Jerry in a tree if they ever see him speed again. I think he has learnt his lesson so there is no worry of them getting blood on their hands. I feel a little tired mostly from the pain medication the doctor prescribed and hop back to my bed with Thandi by my side. My dad and Matt stay outside and I suspect that this is the time my dad will learn about my failed attempt at a relationship. After a while Matt comes to say goodbye and I promise I will see him in the morning for music but he laughs at me and says I should take it easy for a week at least. When he leaves I feel alone and switch on my television to try and keep my mind off things. After a while my dad knocks, comes in and sits on my couch. He asks whether I am okay and whether I am in any pain. I guess he meant physical pain so I answered no. But when he got up to leave he said something and it bothers me. He said “I hope that boy Alex gets his life sorted out. What he did was very hard but very wise.” Did he actually defend Alex? I am not so sure. My dad doesn’t like him at all and I thought he would say something like ‘thank goodness he is gone’. I pick up my phone and lie down. I need to tell Lin about being out of action for a while. I open BBM and click on my list of contacts and gasp when I see his face next to his name at the top of my list. My throat closes up instantly and I delete him from my contact list without hesitation. I scroll down to Lin’s name and type a short message telling her that I will probably take a week or so off training. Then I scroll down more to Matt’s name but I don’t open our chat. I think he needs time to process everything as well. I put my phone down and lie there staring at the ceiling. I wish there was some way that one could erase the past month of one’s life. I never thought that it would be possible to mess up an already messed up life. But that is not entirely what happened here. My messed up life was turned around and I started to do things I would never have done before. I felt alive and happy for the first time in years. I was not in control of anything and I didn’t care about that anymore. All I wanted was to be with him and love him the way he said he loved me. Maybe I was just too messed up for him. Maybe I am just too young. I am sure he wants more out of life than a girl who has only kissed a guy three times in her life and doesn’t even know when she is in love. A girl who doesn’t even know what she will do with the rest of her life. A girl who has feelings for both her best friend and his cousin. Well those feelings are gone now. I have managed to suppress them before and I will do that again now. I need to forget about everything that happened or at least store it away in an archive file in my brain until I have the guts to think about it again. It won’t be easy, like I saw today on my run, but it can be done. I am the best actress I know and until I have it sorted out in my head I will put on a brave face and I will make everyone believe that I am okay. I did it once before, I can do it again.