Taking Chances (23 page)

“I would have liked that too. There will be plenty of time for that this weekend. But for now, why don’t you go get some rest? And I’ll see you tomorrow. Stu said something about meeting you and Roz for a late lunch when we get in town. You’re coming, right?”

“Of course, I can’t wait.”

“Me either. Okay. Go get some sleep and take some medicine. I’ll see you soon.”

“Yes sir, doctor!” she teased. “Be careful driving… I love you.”

Her words caught him off guard. He knew she loved him, but hearing it from her mouth, unattached to any anger or sexual experience she’d been feeling, like when she last said it, were unlike any words he’d heard before. “I love you too, baby… and Clair?”

“Yeah?”

“Happy birthday.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Clair

Clair woke with a jolt. The sun shone bright in her room as she lay there, trying to think back to what her schedule was today. She
’d worked so much the last few weeks, she forgot she had the weekend off. Looking at the clock, she rubbed her eyes, realizing she’d slept longer than she intended. Her body must have needed the rest since she’d been so exhausted lately.

Grabbing her crackers from the kitchen, Clair nibbled on them, fighting off the nausea that seemed to plague her at any given time. She sat on the couch and pulled her legs underneath her. Finding her father had been bothering her all week. She was ready to confront him; ready to find out why he abandoned her. Clair needed answers, and the only one who knew where he
could be was her mother.

She flipped open her cell phone and dialed the number that had been burned into her memory for so many years. She hoped that it was the right number, and that her mother hadn’t moved since the last conversation they had six months ago, which lasted less than five minutes. As soon as her mother started asking questions about where she was and pretending to play the caring parent role, Clair had hung up on her.

She dialed the number and listened, each ring making Clair more nervous. Not because she was about to talk to her mother, but because she hoped she were closer to finding something out about her father. Just as she was about to hang up, a woman’s voice she didn’t recognize answered.

“I’m sorry, I have the wrong number,” Clair said, disappointed. “I was looking for Michelle.” What would she do now? How would she track down the information she needed?

“Marie? Marie, baby is that you?” the woman asked urgently.

Clair felt relieved and sick at the same time; relieved that her mother hadn’t moved, and sick that she was acting like Clair
was her long-lost daughter.  “I’m not a baby anymore, and you know I haven’t gone by ‘Marie’ since Dad left. Don’t call me that.”

“Yes, yes, whatever you want. I’m just so glad to hear from you after all this time. Are you okay? Is everything all right? Where are you?”

“Cut the BS, Mom. We both know that you don’t give a shit about me. You haven’t since I was thirteen, don’t start acting like it now.” Clair didn’t expect to get fired up so quickly but her mother’s tone and false concern were pissing her off.

“You know I love you, Marie-Clair. Stop acting like a child and watch your language, please.”

“Are you kidding me? You haven’t acted like my mother in a really long time, so you don’t get to tell me what to do. You lost those privileges a long time ago, Mom.”

“Well, what do you want then? Did you just call to tell me how much you hate me and how I screwed your life up? I’m well aware of the mistakes I’ve made; but please, feel free to remind me. Now go ahead, hang up and call me again in another six months.”

Clair was stunned. It was the first time her mom ever admitted to screwing up anything. Something was up; she wanted something because this was not how her mother operated. “Why the sudden change of heart, Mom? Why do you care about me all of sudden? Shouldn’t you be less worried about me and more worried about what dear Stepfather is doing? You know, drinking, parties, exotic trips; the kind of things you’re used to.”

Her mom sighed and paused before she said, “No. He’s not here. He hasn’t been for a few months now; he left not long after we last talked. It’s just me now.”

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Her mom never lasted five minutes without having a man around. Sure, she stayed depressed a few months after her dad left, but once she got the alcohol flowing through her veins, she was always with someone new… always.

“Why? Did you leave him or did he leave you? No, on second thought, don’t tell me.” Clair didn’t want to know what was happening in her mother’s life; she honestly didn’t care. She had her own agenda now. “I called for a reason. Tell me about
my father. Where is he?”

Heavy breathing was all Clair could hear.
“Mom? Mom? Are you there? You better not have hung…”

“I’m here,” she said in a small voice.

“Look. You can either tell me or I’ll track him down myself. I have a lot of questions to ask him.”

“I just… Maybe you should come home and we can sit down and talk.”

“What!?” Clair half screamed. “The hell I will. When have we ever sat down and talked about anything? From what I remember, you loved to run my life over the phone, or have you forgotten? Oh wait, you were probably too drunk to remember…”

“That’s enough, Marie! I don’t need your reminders and I’m still your mother.”

Clair laughed smugly, “Just tell me what I want to know because I’m not stepping one foot inside West Virginia!”

“Oh, might as well,” Clair’s mom said with a sigh. “You’ll never speak to me again after this anyway.”

“What do you mean? What are you not telling me? He’s dead, isn’t he? He died and you didn’t even tell me!” She could feel her eyes welling up with tears. No matter how much she hated her dad, the thought of him actually being dead broke her heart.

“Calm down, Marie, he’s not dead. At least, the last I heard he wasn’t.”

Clair sniffed, trying to keep her voice from shaking when she spoke again. “Well, where is he? You have to tell me.”

“I don’t know. All I know is he started a construction company after he moved out of state, but I don’t even know what state he moved to. I’m sorry. When he left me… us… I was so heartbroken. I ignored every phone call, every letter he sent, I sent them back unopened. Except the money and the gifts, I did keep those. I was selfish.”

Her eyes brimmed with tears as she realized what her mother was telling her. “You mean he wrote me, tried to talk to me, and you ignored him? You made me think he didn’t care this whole time because—why?”

“Because he hurt me, and I held on to it for far too long, trying to pretend I didn’t care. I kept the money he sent. I’m sure
you know what I spent it on. I’m not proud of all the drinking I did.”

Clair stood and paced the length of the couch. “You mean he actually thought about me? On my birthdays, at Christmas… and you did what with my gifts?”

“I gave them away,” she said, sounding ashamed. “I didn’t want you to have anything from him, that’s how much I hated your father. I let what he did to me affect your life. Even when I moved past what he did, I couldn’t tell you that I lied. But when you turned eighteen, everything stopped. You were an adult, and by then, I think he figured you probably didn’t want to have anything to do with him.”

Clair was dazed; how could her own mother do that to her? “But it was my birthday. He sent me presents. He really did love me. After all this time…” Tears gushed down her face. A gasp filled her lungs with air as she tried to hold back a sob. “How could you?” she yelled. “He was my father. You had no right!”

“Marie, please, calm down. Let’s talk about this.”

“Calm down? You expect me to talk about this? There is
no reason you can give that would make me feel the slightest bit sorry for you. You’ve destroyed my life! When Dad left, you made damn sure that if you weren’t happy, I couldn’t be either. Now I’ll never see my father again.”

“No, Marie. Please don’t…”

“I hate you,” she seethed.

“I know you’re upset, but I’m your mother, I’ll always…”

“You are not my mother! You haven’t been a mother to me in years. I hate you and I will never speak to you again,” Clair screamed.

She threw her phone across the room, hitting the wall, before falling to the floor and breaking into pieces. Going down on her knees, she bent over and sobbed, covering her face with her hands. Nausea crawled up her throat and she grabbed the small wastebasket next to the couch to vomit in. She heaved over and over until nothing was left in her stomach. Once it passed, Clair walked to the bathroom and rinsed her mouth out over the sink. Her eyes were puffy and red in the mirror, and she wondered how her mother could have gotten away with lying to
her for the past nine years? Why didn’t she question things sooner?

If she couldn’t talk to her father right now, she wanted to at least see him. She went to her room, pulled out a small box from the bottom of her closet, and sat in the middle of her bed, studying the pictures from it. Her mother burned most of his pictures after the divorce but she was able to save some for herself. Seeing the image of her dad made her weep again. Clair had a feeling she would never see him now. Flipping through the pictures, she found one of her dad holding her on the day she was born, and another picture of the two of them at her fifth birthday party. There were others of her at the zoo, playing in the swimming pool in their backyard, and building sand castles in her sandbox.

Clair smiled at a funny picture of them sitting at a small table, having a tea party with her favorite dolls. The last picture in the bottom of the box was the only one that included her mother. It was their last family vacation together when she was thirteen. Seeing her mother’s face, Clair fought the urge to cut her out. She spread the pictures out on the bed, surrounding herself with all the special moments of her childhood. Lying on her pillow, exhausted, she replayed the conversation with her mother in her head and started to cry all over again. She wondered how long it would take before she ran out of tears, how long for her mother’s betrayal to stop hurting. All she wanted right then was Alex. He would soothe her, make her feel better. She felt bad that she couldn’t even call to tell them she wouldn’t be meeting them for lunch. Her phone was smashed to pieces on the floor. Maybe, he would come over later and she could apologize for skipping out on him. He’d understand.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Alex

Alex and Stu hadn
’t been waiting long at San Juan’s Mexican restaurant before Roz showed up. Alex was curious why Clair wasn’t with her, but he patiently waited until Roz and Stu got their hugging and kissing over with, since they’d been apart for two weeks. After she finished with Stu, she walked up to him, giving him a hug and kiss on the cheek.

“I’ve only been gone a week, remember? It’s Stu whom you haven’t seen for two weeks,” he teased as he sat back down.  He thought about how caring of a person Roz was, and that anyone would swear she was Alex’s mother from way she fussed over him sometimes.

When Roz took her seat next to Stu, she pointed her finger at Alex and scrunched up her face. “I can’t believe you. You came back last week but didn’t come see me. You stayed closed up in that apartment of yours with Clair the entire time.” Roz winked, “But I will say this, I’ve never seen that girl so happy. It’s like she was rejuvenated after you came.”

You have no idea! Alex thought to himself, stifling a laugh at just how right she was.

“Speaking of Clair, where is she?” Stu said. “I was looking forward to meeting this mystery girl of yours, Alex.”

“I don’t know,” Alex said. “I thought she was riding with Roz.”

“Oh, she was but I had some errands to run early this morning. I know Clair wasn’t feeling well last night, so I didn’t want to bother her this morning. I left her a message to meet us here, so she should be here anytime.” Roz turned around and eyed the entrance of the door as if looking might make her appear.

Alex pulled out his phone and tried to call her but it didn’t ring; instead, it went straight to voicemail. When the waiter came to take their orders, everyone decided to wait on Clair and just ordered drinks. After about fifteen minutes of waiting with Clair still not showing, Alex decided to call again. But all he could get was her voicemail.

“Something isn’t right. She would call or text me if she were going to be late,” Alex said, staring absently out the window, visibly worried.

“Why don’t you go to the house and see if she’s there? I’ll just ride home with Roz. We can have lunch another time,” Stu suggested.

“I was planning on coming over anyway. Alex. You’ll call me when you find out what’s going on, won’t you?” asked Roz.

Alex stood up, “Of course I will. It’s probably nothing, she probably overslept or something.” Alex looked over at Stu, “I’ll see you at the cookout tomorrow. Good luck… you know,
with getting everything set up.” Alex smiled when Stu’s face turned serious.

“Oh, don’t you worry about that,” Roz said, “I’m going to help him clean up and get everything ready.”

“Okay you two, see you later.” He pulled his keys out of his pocket and headed for Clair’s house.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw her car in the driveway and thought maybe she overslept or lost track of time. When he approached her door, he knocked and waited, but she didn’t answer. He knocked harder, and still, she didn’t come to the door. He tried turning the knob and it opened. As he walked into the living room, he heard something crunch beneath his foot. When he looked down, he saw pieces of glass and plastic scattered across the floor.  He yelled her name, but she didn’t answer. Half scared of what he might find, he moved through the house toward her bedroom. As he stepped into her doorway, relief washed over him to see her sitting on the bed.

“There you are,” he said, releasing the breath he’d been holding. “What you are doing?” he asked as he walked into her room.

Clair didn’t look at him. She sat with her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around her legs. Her chin rested on the top of her knees and she stared down at the pictures across her bed. From what he could tell, her eyes were puffy and red, her cheeks, tear-stained, and her hair was a mess. She looked like she was in another world, spaced out, as if she could see nothing but the pictures before her. Alex squatted down beside the bed and called her name again. He didn’t want to touch her, afraid he might scare her. When she looked up, he reached for her chin, and brushed his thumb across her cheek. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked. “What happened?”

She looked from Alex to her pictures on the bed, her bottom lip trembling. Clair waved her hands around, pointing to the pictures in front of her, “Everything. Everything my mother told me has been nothing but a lie, and now this is all I have of him.”

Alex sat beside Clair on the bed and pulled her into his embrace. Her body crumpled in his arms, and she pressed her face to his neck, crying hard against him. He rubbed her back, trying his best to comfort her as he looked down at the pictures that surrounded them. Alex closed his eyes in disbelief. The image of Stu was in every picture. Though Stu was younger in her pictures, he aged slowly and looked nearly the same. Now, though, he had a little less hair and wasn’t as thin as he used to be. Alex knew he had to tell her. Omitting the truth, especially when it was obvious, would be outright lying, and he couldn’t do that to Clair. He knew, with one simple phone call, Stu could come over and see for himself. There was no doubt in his mind now; Stu was Clair’s father.

Alex leaned over and picked up the same picture he remembered Stu holding the night before. After she had calmed down some, he asked, “Clair? This is your father?”

“Yes, his name was Stewart,” she said, “And my mother. It’s the only picture I have left of us as a family.”

He pushed her back so he could look into her eyes. He wanted Clair to see his eyes, to know how serious and determined he was when he told her what he knew. “I know him.”

“What?” she asked, pulling away from him, confused.
“How?” “

“I didn’t know he was your father until yesterday, and I wasn’t even sure I was right. Not until I saw these pictures.”

“What do you mean? That’s not possible.”

“It is possible.” Alex held up the picture of all of them on the beach, “He showed me this picture because he was thinking about your birthday yesterday and how much he missed you. This was your last family picture together, wasn’t it?”

Clair stared at him, shocked at what he was telling her. “Yes,” she whispered.

“You were thirteen years old, right… Marie?”

She slapped her hand over her mouth gasping. “How did you know my first name? I’ve never told anyone here that name?”

“That’s how he referred to you. I didn’t recognize you in the picture, not until I saw your mother. She’s beautiful and you look just like her now.” Alex swept the hair to the side and tucked the strands behind her ear. “He’s never stopped thinking about you. He told me he’s sent you letters and presents, but never heard from you or your mother. When you turned eighteen, he gave up and stopped sending you stuff. Now, he’s about to get engaged and wants you to be there to meet his wife. He thinks you’ll love her. But you already love her. I wasn’t one hundred percent certain at first, but you are his Marie.”

Clair shook her head in disbelief. “How can you be so sure? Who is this woman and how do I know her? And how in the world do you know my father?” Clair quoted with her fingers in the air.  “You were in Pittsburgh this whole time.” She scooted closer to Alex and reached for his hand. “Tell me, Alex.”

“Your father, Stewart, is my boss, Stu. His soon to-be
fiancée is Roz. I thought my uncertainty would be confirmed at lunch today. But you didn’t show up. Now, seeing your pictures, I know for sure. Stu’s your father.”

She looked at him with a dumbfounded expression and then suddenly started laughing hysterically. Her laughter turned to tears when she looked at Alex. “I’ve been here how long?
Months? All this time and he’s been here all along, right under my nose. It can’t be, Alex, it just can’t. I want to believe you, I really do, but it’s just too easy, too coincidental to be true. I mean, what are the freaking odds that my boyfriend works for my father and is about to marry the one person who helped me get my life back?” Clair shook her head, picking up the pictures on her bed. “It’s okay, I appreciate your concern and you wanting to help me find him, I just can’t believe it’s true. After everything… I can’t get my hopes up.” 

“No,” Alex said in a firm voice.  Clair stopped what she was doing. “I know I’m right about this Clair. I’ll prove it to you.” Alex pulled out his cell phone and dialed Stu’s number. When he answered, Alex told him he wanted Roz and him to
come over to Clair’s right away. When Stu asked what was wrong, Alex only told him that it was very important and they needed to come now.

Clair sighed, “We don’t have to do this now. It’s a mistake and we will have interrupted their night for no reason and disappoint Stu when he finds out it’s a mix-up.”

Alex smiled and pulled her to him. He tipped her chin up and lightly kissed her on the lips. “Yes, we have to do this now. You’ve gone long enough without seeing your father and I know I’m right about this. Please trust me.”

While they waited for Stu and Roz to arrive, they laid across her bed in silence. Alex held her tightly against him. Her body was trembling, ridged with tension and she buried her face deep against his neck, pushing herself as close as she could get. She was like a child, scared, needing the embrace from someone who loved her. He pushed her hair to the side, and stroked her neck with the tips of his fingers, trying to calm her nerves. Caressing her skin seemed to soothe his own anxiety.

“Do you know how much I’ve missed you?” he murmured in her ear, breathing in the intoxicating smell of lavender that radiated from her skin. He kissed her tenderly on the neck.

“Yes,” she answered, pulling her head back to look at him. “I can tell by the way you look at me and how you’re holding me now. I’ve missed you as much.” Clair reached up and brushed the hair from his eyes, her hand sliding down to cup his cheek. “Thank you for doing this, even if I’m not convinced about it… thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I love you. I’ll do anything for you.” He kissed her mouth gently, as if she were too fragile for him kiss her like he really wanted. They both jumped away from each other when they heard a knock at the door.

“You might want to put some pants on unless you want to meet your dad wearing your pajamas,” Alex said. “I’m going to go out and explain this to Stu since he has no idea. Then I’ll come in and get you, okay?”

Clair stood up and nodded before going to her dresser. 

Alex opened the door to see Roz and Stu standing there. Roz looked worried as usual because she always thought the worst. Stu looked pissed.

“There better be a damn good reason why you interrupted my reunion, if you know what I mean,” Stu said, glaring at Alex.

Roz hit him on the arm, “Shut it, Stu! What’s wrong Alex? Where’s Clair? Is she okay?”

Alex came out in the garage and closed the door behind him. He paused as he looked from Roz to Stu, suddenly afraid that he could be wrong and the possible effect it could have on them all. “I had a hunch last night, but I didn’t know for sure—”

“What? Spit it out already,” Roz said impatiently.

He looked at Stu and the words flew out of his mouth. “It’s Clair; she’s Marie--your daughter.”

Stu stared at him. He stepped closer, getting only inches away from his face. He drilled his eyes into Alex, and for a
moment, he thought Stu might hit him. “That’s a pretty big assumption. You better not be fucking around with me, Alex.”

Alex stepped back, holding his hands up, “No sir, I’m not. I only thought it was possible last night, but knew if it were true, you’d notice each other today at lunch. Apparently, she had talked with her mother before lunch today, trying to get information on where she could find her father… I mean you, but her mother didn’t know where you were anymore. She told Clair that she purposefully kept all communication from you away from her. Clair thought up until now, that you never wanted her, but now she knows it was all a lie. She was too upset to come to lunch. When I came over, Clair had her old pictures out and you’re in every one of them.” Alex looked over at Roz. Her hand was over her mouth; her eyes were glassy, as if she would cry.

“Are you sure about this?” Roz asked.

Alex turned around and opened the door, “Yes, I am.”

“How can this be?” Stu asked, his eyes wide with shock. “Of all the places she could be and she’s here? I’m sure you mean well, Alex, but there must be a mistake. It does sound like Michelle would be that hateful, to me, yes, but not Marie. I just don’t know.”

“Fine.
Come inside and see for yourself. It’s about time you met Clair anyway, right?” Alex walked into the living room and turned to them, “Stay here and I’ll go get her.”

He walked into Clair’s bedroom and saw her sitting on the edge of the bed with her hands in her lap. She was nervously playing with her fingers and Alex knelt down in front of her, putting his hand over hers to still them. “He’s waiting in the living room. Are you ready?” She nodded, grasped his hands, and stood up.

“No wait, I can’t,” she said as she pulled her hands out of his. Clair covered her face with her hands and sat back down. She wiped the tears away and her hands were shaking uncontrollably. “What if it’s not him? I’ll look like an idiot.”