Taking Chances (10 page)

Clair

With a flurry of customers since breakfast, it looked strange to see the diner empty. Since the next shift had come in at nine, they were able to clean up without interruption and leave earlier than expected. Clair sat at a booth next to the front window and waited for Roz to finish something in the back. Looking out the window, she could see her reflection as if she were looking in a mirror. She leaned closer to the window and inspected her shirt. Thoughtlessly, she rubbed at the stains, attempting to get the food off, but it was no use. The shirt was probably ruined.

Clair snorted at her appearance. Hairs stuck out in every direction, strays from the ponytail she’d put up earlier. Holding her face a few inches from the window, she pulled at the bags beneath her eyes, silent testaments of her exhaustion. She knew when her head hit the pillow, she’d fall fast asleep.

“I’m all done. You ready to go?” Roz asked, walking up behind her.

Clair stood, “Thank God. Yes, I just want a shower and
my bed.”

“
Me too, let’s go home.”

As they headed to the house, Clair pulled out her cell phone and tried to remember how to send a text message. Just like riding a bike, it was hard to forget once you knew how it worked. Clair typed out a short message to Alex.

Sorry, we didn’t leave as early as I’d hoped. Heading home now, I’m exhausted. Talk to you tomorrow?

“I see you’re using your new phone. How do you like it?” Roz asked.

“It’s nice. It’ll be better once I figure out how to use it.”

“It was nice of Alex to come see you,” she grinned, changing the subject.

“Yes, it was. I wasn’t expecting him to stop by though. It was great letting him see me have another meltdown,” she said sarcastically. “I’m just full of making great impressions.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say that’s a bad thing; he obviously likes what he sees,” Roz pointed out.

Clair turned, looking out the window, “Maybe. He seems to know how to calm me down.” And make me hot and lose my sense of composure with his touch, she thought. Clair touched her lips. She kept thinking about the night before. How his lips felt so soft on hers, and the way her skin prickled from his touch. She wanted more and could tell from the way he looked at her, he did too. But was there more to it than just the physical attraction? Did he really want to get more involved? Did she?

“Maybe?
He has a thing for you and there isn’t any maybe about it.”

“What makes you so sure?”

Roz laughed out loud. “I was standing right there watching you two talk. You make it so easy. The attraction you have for each other is written all over your faces.”

Clair was speechless. Am I really that transparent?

After Roz parked in the driveway, she turned in her seat to look at Clair. “So I’ve got you coming for the evening shift tomorrow. I figured I’d let you have the morning off since you just pulled a double. When I get a few more people hired, I’ll be able to post normal weekly schedules again.”

Clair shrugged her shoulders. “Yeah sure, whatever you need. Just let me know. I’ll take whatever hours you want to give
me. Just ignore my whining.”

“I’ve got an interview with a girl at ten-thirty in the morning. Hopefully she’ll be good and I can get her on the schedule soon.”

“Great. Then can I go back to my hole in the back instead of waitressing?” she asked, already knowing the dreaded answer.

“Are you kidding? No way, I want you to get the hang of it. You need to be well rounded.”

“Have a good night, Roz,” Clair said, getting out of the car, “I’m taking a shower and going straight to bed. My feet are killing me.”

Roz came around to the side of the car and crossed her arms, resting them on the hood. “Hold up, Clair. Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah sure, what is it?”

“Do you have feelings for him?”

“Excuse me?”

Roz arched her eyebrows knowingly, not bothering to repeat herself.

“You mean Alex?” As if there were anyone else. She was taken aback by Roz’s candor and wondered why she was bringing this up now.

“Yes, Alex. Unless you’re kissing another guy that I haven’t seen yet?” she teased.

“No—Wait, who said I was kissing anyone?” Clair thought about Roz seeing the grass in her hair and her flushed cheeks from last night. She was sure it was obvious to her what had happened. “Never mind, don’t answer that. No, I’m not kissing anyone else.” She looked down at the hood of the car and started drawing circles in the dust with her finger. It embarrassed her to discuss her feelings with Roz, especially when they were about Alex. It felt awkward. But she pushed her embarrassment aside since she was no good at lying. “Can I be completely honest with you?”

Roz walked to the front of the car to stand closer to Clair. “Sure you can, hon.
This stays between us. I promise.”

Clair readjusted herself, leaning her side up against the car and propped her elbow on the hood. “I don’t know what my feelings are for him. Can there really be that much after one date?” Yeah, more than I want to admit, she thought. “One
minute I’m telling myself I’m not going to do this, not going to get involved. The next minute, he’s kissing me and I don’t want him to stop. No one’s ever made me feel that way before. It scares me. Because the way I see it, anything too good to be true probably is. I learned that the hard way. Men never want just me. There’s always a hidden agenda.”

Roz hesitated for a moment before speaking. “I can understand what you’re saying. But you can’t judge every guy’s motives on your bad experiences. It’s not fair to the ones who want to be with you for the person you are. It’s okay if you don’t know what you feel for Alex right now. It takes time to figure that out. You definitely don’t want to rush things. But please do
me a favor? When you do figure it out, and if you decide you don’t want to be with him… please tell him. I’ve known Alex for a while now and when he gives himself to you, whether it’s his friendship or his love; he’s all-in and he doesn’t hold back. He loves with all his heart and because of that, he’s had his heart broken. Everyone he’s ever loved has left him and until you came, he’s never shown interest in anyone. Don’t keep him interested if you’re just going to walk away. He’s been through too much.”

Clair couldn’t speak. Did he have heartbreak too? Roz mentioned everyone Alex has ever loved. How many relationships had he been in? And why was she telling her all of this anyway? Did she think Clair was only going to use him and walk away when she was done?

Clair stood up straighter, feeling the need to defend herself. “I have no intentions of leading Alex on, or anyone else as far as that goes. I know exactly what it feels like to be used. I would never do that.”

“Oh no,
hon, I’m not trying to say that’s what your intentions are,” she said as she put her hand on Clair’s arm, reassuring her, “it’s just… Alex is like a son to me. He’s been through so much already and I don’t want to see him get hurt; that’s all.”

“Well, I don’t really think you have to worry about it anyway,” Clair said, taking a step toward the house. “I don’t think he likes me as much as you think he does. We kissed. That was it. I’m not about to get my hopes up when there’s no point in wanting what you’ll never have. I learned that a long time ago
too.”

Roz followed Clair to the house. “You know, I said the same thing once. After I found out I couldn’t have children, I gave up hope on a family altogether. What’s the point in wanting a family if you can’t have one, right? Then I told myself, what’s the point in being in a relationship if you know he’ll want a family of his own someday? Anyone who showed interest in me, I avoided... like the plague.” Roz laughed, “But you know what happened? I hired this stubborn man to remodel the diner after a small fire...”

Clair grinned, “A small fire huh? Wonder what happened,” she asked knowingly.

Roz glared at her with a sly smirk, “Anyway, like I was saying… he pestered me almost every day to go out to eat with him, but I always said no because I knew what would happen. I would like him, he would find out I couldn’t have children, and he would leave. Just like all the others. But you know what? I was wrong. I got to know him, took a chance and told him the truth. And it turned out that he was okay with it. He already had a family and didn’t want to feel like he was trying to replace
them.”

“And you were okay with that? That he didn’t want a family?” Clair asked.

“Yes. I had already accepted that fact that I wouldn’t have the traditional family most people have. It’s a hard subject to talk about when you’re too serious with the person you’re dating. But Stu was upfront enough to tell me he wouldn’t be against adoption if that were what the woman he married wanted. But, I’m older now and so is Stu. What was important to me then, isn’t anymore. I’m content with the family I have now.”

“Family?”
Clair asked, confused. “But I thought you couldn’t have children.”

“I can’t, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have a family. Alex is my family, I treat him as such…. and you; I consider you the same.”

“But… but you hardly even know me.” Clair stumbled over her words, touched that Roz would consider her part of her family.

“I don’t care if I hardly know you. You belong to my family now. Plus, who else is going to go shopping with me for
hours and try on every outfit I pick out?”

Clair burst out laughing but she was still shocked at Roz’s words. Even though she still had her mom, and her dad was out there somewhere, Clair hadn’t felt like she belonged to a family in a very long time. She wrapped her arms around Roz’s neck and hugged her. It was nice to know that someone cared about her, even though she was no relation.  “Thank you so much Roz. It really means a lot.”

She pulled away, grabbing her by the shoulders. “No thanks necessary. You belong here, for as long as you want to be here. Now go, get yourself comfy and rest your feet. You get to start all over again tomorrow.”

Clair scrunched up her face as she opened her door. “Ugh… Don’t remind me.”

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Clair

A good soaking was exactly what Clair needed before bed. She let the heat of the water seep into her bones, rejuvenating her body as well as relaxing her, if only for a short time. She knew she
’d feel like crap all over again tomorrow. With her head laid back against the tub, she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

The banging she heard from the other room startled her awake and she sat up. The water still felt warm but not hot as before, which meant she’d fallen asleep in the tub for who knew how long. When she heard the noise again, Clair realized someone was knocking on her door. You got me a cell phone for a reason. Couldn’t you just call if you forgot to tell me
something, Roz? Clair grumbled to herself as she got out of the tub.

“I’m coming, just a minute,” she yelled, wrapping the towel around her. She started towards the door that led to Roz’s side of the house, but then she heard another knock, and this time it came from the door leading to the garage. Oh crap, that can’t be Roz. She stood behind the door, shielding herself, and opened it.

Oh, just great, she thought, seeing Alex. “Hi,” she said.

“Oops, bad time, I see,” he said. “How are you?” Alex stood on the side of the door with his hands shoved in his pockets. “You said you would call when you got off, and since I didn’t hear from you, I was worried about you walking home alone.”

“No, I didn’t call because it was getting late. I assumed the text message would have been good enough,” she said in an irritated tone. 

“It would have been, if I had actually gotten a text message.”

“Are you calling me a liar?” she asked. “If you were that worried about it, why didn’t you just call? Is it really that big a deal?” Why were they even arguing over a phone call in the first place? And what was with the smirk he suddenly had on his face?

“I did call. You didn’t answer. That’s why I got worried.” He leaned his shoulder into the doorframe comfortably. “Plus, I couldn’t wait to see you again.”

Oh, so he really wasn’t just running his mouth earlier at the diner, or was he? Clair thought, as she stood at the door.

“Are you going to let me in? Or would you like to chat here, while you stand there in a towel? I’m okay with either.”

Clair looked down at herself, standing in the center of the doorway in nothing but her towel. She gathered the towel more tightly in her hand.

“Fine,” she turned away, leaving the door open and walked back into the living room. “My phone is over there on the table. Look at it and see if you can tell me what I did wrong, because I know I sent you a text message and I never heard it ring. I’ll be right back.”

Shutting her bedroom door, Clair slipped on a pair of navy jogging pants along with a bra and white tank top. She walked into the living room to see Alex pressing buttons on her phone. He looked up and grinned.

“Hey, no need to change on my account.”

Clair glared, “I’m sure I didn’t. Do you want anything to drink?”

“No thanks.”

Clair grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with juice from the fridge. Taking a sip, she walked over to the couch where Alex was seated. He patted the cushion beside him, motioning for her to sit down.

“Sit. Let me show you the proper way to send a text message.”

“Give me that,” Clair said, taking the phone out of his hands. She tucked her leg beneath her as she sat down beside him.

“Your message was put in your ‘draft’ folder. You probably didn’t hit ‘send’ after you typed out the message. And if you took your phone off ‘silent’, you’d probably be able to hear it ring.”

“Thanks for ‘Cell Phone 101’,” Clair sneered, taking a sip from her glass. “Anyway, thanks for stopping by earlier. I really needed the break.”

“It was the highlight of my day. And seeing you spill that drink on Gavin was an added bonus.”

“Gavin? Was that his name? I didn’t know you knew him.”

“Yeah, that’s his name. But I want you to stay far away from him, okay?” he frowned. “He’s bad news and I know he’ll be back to see you.”

Clair laughed, “I thought he was really sweet. Especially considering what I did to him. He may come back to the diner but I’m sure it won’t be to see me.”

Alex sat forward on the edge of the couch, “Yes he will, Clair. I saw the way he was watching you. He’s got his eye on you and I don’t like it.”

Clair arched her eyebrows. Hmm… he couldn’t be jealous of Gavin, could he? Nah, Clair thought as she brushed the idea off. “Ahhh, that’s sweet of you Alex, but really, you don’t have to be so protective. I’m sure Gavin’s harmless.”

“I’m not being protective. I just don’t want to see you get hurt. He’s anything but harmless,” Alex replied, his voice sterner. “It’s just best if you stay away from him.”

“Speaking of being protective, Roz seems to be pretty protective over you,” Clair said, changing the subject.

“I guess so. She’s always looking out for me. Wait. What do you mean?” he asked curiously, “Did she say something to you?”

Clair didn’t respond right away. “She just mentioned that she didn’t want you to get hurt… specifically, by me. She didn’t want me to hurt you.” Clair looked down at her lap, picking at the lint on her jogging pants. She was too shy to look at the expression on his face.

“Roz really said that? Wow,” he said, stunned. “Why in the world would she think you’d hurt me? Maybe she was saying that because of what I went through with Mia.”

Clair didn’t say anything. Who is Mia? He’d never mentioned her before. She skipped over the mention of her name just to agree with him. “Yeah… No… I don’t know. Roz didn’t say why. But it’s not like that with us. I mean, you don’t even like me like that. I think Roz just reads into things. It’s not like we’re even dating or anything.”

“Oh, so you don’t want to date me?”

“I don’t know. I never said I didn’t want to.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” he said, aimlessly drawing circles on the top of her hand.

Clair looked away; ignoring the hypnotic feeling that seemed to overwhelm her from a simple touch. My God, why does he have to touch me like that? He doesn’t even realize what it’s doing to me.

Clair pulled her hand away. She wasn’t ready to answer his question. How could she, when she wasn’t sure of the answer herself? So she asked him a question instead. “So, who’s Mia?”

Alex looked at her wisely, well aware that she had just dodged his question. But he didn’t ask her again. He inhaled deeply, as if he were pulling enough energy from the air to force out an explanation. Rubbing the palm of his hands up and down his thighs, he settled back into the couch. “Mia was...” he hesitated.

“You know what? Just forget I asked. If it’s too personal,
you don’t have to tell me. It’s okay.”

“No, I want to tell you. I met Mia in high school my junior year. We did everything together.” Alex laughed, “I still don’t know why she wanted to be my friend. She was popular and beautiful. I was scrawny; tall and lanky. I had barely hit puberty, and by high school standards, I didn’t measure up in all the ‘cool’ kids’ eyes. I’m not sure why she even wanted to be seen with me.”

Clair repositioned herself on the couch, crossing her legs underneath, her knees lightly pressed against his hip. She tried to picture him the way he described himself back then but couldn’t. He was incredibly good looking, and she wondered what Mia thought about him now.

“Our senior year, Mia started making really bad choices with the guys she dated. They treated her like shit.”

“What did they do?”

“Talked down to her, smacked her around.
The usual domestic abuse. Then when they didn’t want her anymore, she’d come crying to me about it.”

Clair tried to keep her face neutral but she couldn’t
believe he was being so flippant about it. “Didn’t you do anything to help her? Why would she even let someone treat her that way?”

“I told her to stay away from guys like that, but she refused to listen. There was only so much I could do. She always dated older guys, and I hardly knew them. Instead, I did what friends were supposed to do; I was there for her, every time. She’d cry in my arms, get over it, and move on to the next asshole. I hated it. If I were smart, I would have just cut our friendship off. It would have been less painful that way in the end.”

“But you didn’t, did you? You don’t seem like the type to give up on your friends.”

“No I didn’t. I couldn’t. I was in love with her. Do you know how hard it is to be in love with someone you know will never love you back?”

Clair nodded. “Yes, I do.” He looked at her, surprised, as if he expected her to say no. “Did she know how you really felt about her?”

“Eventually, yes,” he said, draping his arm over her knee.
“After graduation, my life started going downhill. My grandmother died that summer, and Mia started dating Eddie after that. I met him a few times and thought he was a decent guy.” Alex shrugged his shoulders, “I figured if she wouldn’t love me like I wanted, at least she’d finally have someone who treated her like she deserved. But looks can be deceiving and I should have known better.” The crease on both corners of his mouth turned down, replacing his even smile with a sad one, “Mia never picked the right guys and Eddie turned out to be no exception.”

  Alex found her hand again, continuing with the same familiar pattern on the back of her palm. Clair wondered if this was something he did as a means to calm himself. She didn’t pull away, doing the best she could to ignore his touch, she asked another question.  “What did Eddie do?”

“She came over one night after getting beaten up. The beating wasn’t as bad as I’d seen in the past, but the bruises on her neck told me he had tried to choke her.”

Clair instinctively reached for her neck, remembering what it felt like when Paul tried to choke the life out of her.
She’d never been more scared and she couldn’t fathom why Mia would willingly let someone treat her that way. “Did you take her to the hospital?”

“I tried, just to make sure there wasn’t any serious internal damage, but she wouldn’t let me. I couldn’t even call the police. And I never forced the issue.”

“What made Eddie hit her in the first place?”

“All she said was that someone told him she was cheating. He was the kind of guy who believed anything he heard. His motto was, beat her now and ask questions later. Eddie told her he needed to teach her a lesson.”

“You’re kidding me?” Clair groaned, “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Why’d she put up with that?”

“I honestly don’t know. She wasn’t like that when I met her. Once she started dating the wrong guys, it was like she thought she didn’t deserve any better. And telling her otherwise did nothing.”

“So what happened when she came over that night?”

“I finally told her how I felt; that I was in love with her. I begged her not to go back to him. But she just kept shaking her
head, like she couldn’t believe what I was saying. She stayed the night and I held her in my arms, trying to comfort her. Then one thing led to another, and we ended up sleeping together. It was a mistake. I knew it was wrong before it happened. She was vulnerable. Mia needed to feel wanted and loved, and I was there, willing to give her those things. No matter how good of a person I was, it wasn’t me she wanted.

“Mia wasn’t there when I woke up that morning. She slipped out, leaving me a note. It said she was sorry for everything and she couldn’t love me the way I deserved. Even though deep down, I knew she wouldn’t love me like I loved her, I was heartbroken. Then she called me to let me know she got back with Eddie. She thought it was a good idea if we kept our distance from each other. I assumed that was actually Eddie’s idea. I’m sure he felt threatened by our relationship. She thought she was doing me a favor by staying away and only calling me a few times a month, but it would have been better if she’d left me alone altogether. So many times I should have just walked away from her and I didn’t.”

His hand stilled on Clair’s, as he stared across the room.

“One night, out of the blue, Mia called and wanted me to meet her at a coffee shop down the street from her apartment. She said she had something important to tell me. I went straight there. I hadn’t seen her since the night we slept together, and I just wanted to see with my own eyes that she was okay. You know what I mean? I had been with her nearly every day for two years and suddenly I wasn’t allowed to see her anymore.”

His eyes were moist, his shoulders rigid against the back of the couch. Clair could tell reliving a part of this must have been hard on him and it was starting to show. It was a different side of Alex she hadn’t seen. He was always happy and smiling, confident. Unlike any of those things she saw on his face now. It hurt to see him so sad.  “Alex, stop. Clearly this is hard for you. You don’t have…”

“Yes,” he interrupted. “Roz and Stu are the only ones I’ve told this story to. I want you to hear this.”

Clair sighed and waited for him to continue, and when he didn’t, she asked a question to nudge him forward again. “Why did Mia want to see you?”