Take Me With You (16 page)

I push back on the chair but before I can stand, he reaches out, putting his hand on top of mine and I’m pretty sure the minute it makes contact my heart stops beating.

“You don’t get to deflect. Tell me why you’re upset.”

“It’s nothing.”

“I call bullshit.”

“Well that’s horseshit.”

His lips part and lift into a smile and despite the overwhelming urge I have to kick myself for opening my mouth at all, I smile back. It’s impossible not to do it when I see it because it’s not something that happens all that often. At least it didn’t until a few days ago.

“Well, now that we’ve got the shit talking out of the way, tell me what you’re trying to say but I’m not getting.”

Eric, he’s admitted to me that social situations aren’t easy for him. Maybe that’s the reason he’s not understanding what I’m trying to say. If I focus on everything he told me about himself and also what I’ve been reading about every night before bed, learning as much as I can about what he has to live with, then there’s only one way I can say this that I can be sure he’ll understand.

It’s just going to make me sound like a seven year old when I do.

“Eric, I really like you. As in like-like you. A whole lot of like actually.”

His eyes go wide, but his hand doesn’t move off of mine. If it’s possible I think the way he’s resting it, it’s heavier. Maybe saying it the way I did, no matter how weird it sounded was the right thing after all.

“R—really?”

“Really, Really.”

“Nice one Shrek.”

“That’ll do, Donkey. That’ll do.”

For the first time in weeks, he breaks out into the loudest burst of laughter I’ve ever heard him do and it stuns me into silence. Doing this, the same way we did with Curious George the first time, it’s just so unbelievably easy, natural and I never want it to end. I want to hear him laughing like this all the time. It’s perfect.

“Amelia, I really like-like you too.”

No stammer, stutter or anything else. Just him clearly admitting that the way I feel about him, it’s not just me. It’s mutual.

Holy shit.

Eric Carmen likes me.

Eric

What could have easily been a problem, worked itself out nicely.

It made no sense, her telling me that she liked me. She told me that before and it made no sense why she felt the need to repeat it. I mean, I liked hearing her tell me that she liked me because I feel the same way about her, we are friends, but it just didn’t make sense.

Going a step further and telling me she really liked me, well it was sweet but I still didn’t get it. I don’t get a lot of things when we’re together. I just usually fly by the seat of my pants and hope I don’t make an ass out of myself.  With the way she pulled back though, her shoulders dropping, the frown coming across her face even though I’m not sure she realized she did it, I knew I was missing something.

Her attempt at deflecting, blowing it off like nothing, I wasn’t gonna let her do that. I need to understand things. It’s the same thing as my drawing for me. I can’t walk away until I finish it completely and when I don’t get something, I can’t walk away until I get it. So when she tries to stand, I have to stop her.

This is what I warned her about. Not understanding normal communication. I almost hurt her because she thought that the way she was feeling, I didn’t feel the same when the complete opposite is true.

I’ve known how I felt about her for a few days now. It just gets progressively worse with each passing day. Well, not worse exactly, but more pronounced. I find more things about her that I like and want to get to know and when we’re together, I don’t like when we’ve got to separate.

All of this is new to me. I mean, I’ve only had feelings for one girl before and they weren’t anything like this. I think with Cadence, it’s what Thompson would call a crush, but with Amy, it’s something bigger. I really do like her. Every single thing she has buried behind closed doors for everyone else, I know about and like.

She’s one of the strongest people I know and not in the physical way. She’s strong inside, it’s just not something she sees, but the more time we spend together, the more I want to show her. She might have asked me to teach her how to be a friend but from where I’m sitting, she already knows.

Amelia is the one teaching me.

It’s subtle and something I never would have expected from her in a million years, at least not the version of her I knew before, but there’s no denying it. She knows how to be a friend because she’s learned acceptance and understanding and without even knowing it, she’s teaching me at the same time.

I’ve wanted those things for so long, desperate for someone to understand and accept me the way I am, but I never gave a whole lot of thought to giving it back in return. I was tolerant of people, respectful, but I judged people too, Amy and her friends most and worst of all.

We’re learning a different way to be. Together.

“Do you mean that?”

“Mean what?”

“What you just said.”

I know what she’s getting at but for some reason, I want to play with her some more. The Shrek joke, even though it was probably the worst time in the world to say it, she just got and added to. I want to continue being playful with her because I like the way it feels.

Even if this time it’s at her expense.

“I said a few things.”

“Really Eric?”

Her lips pucker and pout and I can’t help but laugh. I might be inept socially but I can tell what she’s trying to do. She’s going to pout at me because I’m picking on her. It’s just another thing about her that I like.

She has no filter either. She doesn’t care what she does, she just does it.

“Yes, Amelia. I meant what I said.
I like you, like really really, really like you.”

She blushes and I grin. I never thought I would enjoy this kind of thing, making someone react this way, but I do. It makes me feel really good knowing that I can make her do this. Be a way that she’s never been.

You wanna go to that movie now?”

“Sure.”

“I’ve got a favor to ask first though.” I ask as she stands up from her chair and makes her way out around the table.

“Alright. What’s the favor?”

“Will you…”

“Will I what?” she asks the minute I cut off, second guessing what I’m about to ask her to do. I know what we just admitted, but is it too soon to want to take things a step further?

“Never mind.”

“Oh no you don’t! You made me tell you what I was thinking when I did that. There’s no way I’m letting you get away with it!” she laughs as I finally get to my feet and find myself standing beside her, our hands dangling at our sides, so close, but still not close enough.

Not as close as I want them to be.

“Um…Will you—hold my hand?”

She smiles and my heart, I’m pretty sure it expands so far in my chest that she’s gonna be able to see it through my clothes. The nervousness I feel, the stutter, the whole moment as awkward as it gets, there’s no reason for any of it. Her smile proves it.

“I’ll do you one better.” She whisp
ers, her body turning until her face is directly in front of mine.

“How so?”

I barely get the words out before she lifts her feet off the ground and leans her body into me, sighing lightly before pressing her lips gently to mine.

Reacting to her move, I back up, breaking the connection, my heart beating so fast it’s physically starting to hurt. It’s only when I gather up the nerve to look at her, forgoing the pain it causes me making eye contact this way that I see what I’ve done.

What she did might be new for me, might even be causing me physical pain but what I did backing away from her, it’s ten times worse. I just did the one thing that would hurt her most, especially with the way she thinks of herself.

It looks like I just broke her heart.

“Amelia—”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”  She says, the words coming faster and faster the more she says.

Damnit. I need to fix this.

“I’ve never kissed anyone before. I don’t know how. I didn’t expect it and I didn’t want to suck.”

How pathetic am I right now? Admitting that kissing me was my first time. I’m gonna suck without kissing even playing a part in it. She’s gonna realize just how much of a waste of time I am and bail on me. There’s no way she won’t.

“It’s impossible for you to suck.”

What? Did I just hear her right?

“Do you want to kiss me?” she mumbles, her hands now picking at her sweater the way they did the first day I talked to her, obviously a lot more affected by what I did then I thought. She hasn’t done this for a while, so going back to it now, it’s reminding her somehow of everything that she’s been through, which is the last thing I want.

“More than anything.”

“You mean that?”

“More than anything, Amelia. Will you kiss me again?”

Where I’m expecting her to respond, either tell me no, that I ruined the whole moment and it was over now, or say yes so I could prepare myself mentally for when she would do it again, she does neither. Instead of using words the way I expect, she moves closer to me again and this time, seeing her coming, I do my best to prepare for what’s gonna happen the minute her lips come into contact with mine.

The shock that I’m going to feel the minute we touch, the one that’s gonna linger on my lips before travelling straight through my body. The shock that pulled me away from her the first time because of how surprising it was.

I need to do it first. Now that she’s about to put her lips to mine again, even though I don’t have the first clue what I’m doing or even if I’m gonna do it right, this time it’s gotta me that does it first.

Reaching out to her, bridging the gap between us, I pull her into me and press my lips to hers, harder than before, but not so hard that it feels wrong or that I’m hurting her. I feel the shock again the minute I do it and this time, instead of being freaked by it, I just accept it for what it is.

A connection. Another lifeline. One that I never want to break.

Chapter Seventeen

Amelia

“I’m going to teach you something today, my sweet Amelia. Sadly, your mother never learned it, but I’m gonna make sure you do.”

He’s always teaching me things that he wants me to be better than Mom at. One time he even said that teaching me all of this was gonna make my future husband a very happy man. I’m twelve. The last thing I care about is a husband.

Boys are as gross as he is.

Sliding my shirt off before making quick work of the buttons of my jeans, laying me back on the bed and sliding them off, he motions to the floor.

“Get on your knees, baby girl and do exactly as I say.”

Seeing the look of steel in his eyes, cold, ready to lash out at any moment, I do as he says and slide from the bed until I’m exactly as he wants me. Knees on the floor, my body in direct proportion to the crotch of his pants.

“Undo my belt.” He mutters, his voice husky, obviously turned on already. I’m ready to be sick all over the floor in front of me and he’s enjoying himself. This is all wrong. I need to stop this, it’s not the way things are supposed to be.

“Amelia, focus baby. Undo my belt.”

My hands shaky, I lift them until they’re wrapped around the loops in his jeans and I’m doing as he said, backing up once the belt has been undone. Reaching down, undoing his zipper, sliding his pants down, until they’re hanging around his knees, he follows it up by pulling down his boxers, motioning toward me when he’s done.

“Come closer.”

Sliding my knees across the floor, the shaking now a full tremble through my entire body, I stop the minute his hand comes out, holding my head in place.

“Now wrap your mouth around me. Start by taking a little, but then take more. Take all of me.”

No.

I can’t do this. I know what he wants me to do, we learned about it in school. I can’t do it. This is supposed to mean something, a private moment between two people that love each other. My teacher told me so. It’s not supposed to be like this.

There’s nothing romantic or sweet about this.

“Amelia, do as I say. Put your mouth on me now.”

His voice is angry even though the desire, the husky sound is still there. It’s only after a few minutes of me making no movement toward him that he changes it. Bringing his hands out until they’re both hard on the back of my head, he pushes me forward.

Shoving my mouth on him, pushing until all of his is in my throat, choking me, I scream. It’s muffled but I keep going until he backs away and pushes me away from him.

“You stupid bitch. You’re gonna pay for that.”

Before he can reach out to hit me, it happens, stopping time completely.

I throw up all over him.

~*~*~

Of course this is happening now.

A dark theatre, my body pressed into Eric’s, his arm around me, his head resting comfortably on top of mine. Of course this is going to happen when I’m at peace for the first time in years.

“Are you alright?” I hear him whisper and I shake my head. I’m not going to lie to him, not about this.

“Is this too much for you? Us being this close?”

We’ve been like this for the last thirty minutes so if it was the closeness, I would have been bothered long before now, so again I shake my head. It’s not him at all. It’s me. It’s always me.

It’s made even worse because the stupid flashback, it’s not only in my head. My body reacted too. I’ve never been so disgusted with myself. I’m ruining it already, exactly the way I told Dr. Thompson I would.

“What is it?”

“Memory.”

He removes his arm from around me, bringing it all the way around and back down into his lap and despite knowing that it’s probably not personal, it still hurts anyway. I’m never going to be normal and this kind of thing is going to keep on happening. What Eric deserves, I can’t give him. I’m too defective.

“We’re leaving.”

“Why?”

“Y
ou just told me you’re having flashbacks to something that happened with your dad. I think being here is causing it. We need to go.”

“No.”

‘No?”

“It’s not the place. It’s not you or anything you were doing. It’s just me. This happens a lot. I could be doing absolutely nothing and it can happen. I don’t wanna leave. Please don’t make me leave.”

I’m crying now. I can feel the wetness on my cheeks and I’ve never been so thankful for the lighting than I am right now. He can’t see it, which means at least for a little bit I can keep it from him. I don’t want to make him pity me even more. It’s already hard enough as it is.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

His arm comes back up and before I know it, I’m being pulled back into him, but not as close as before. This time his face is resting against mine and as he turns, I realize why he did it this way. His lips, they graze softly against my cheek. It’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me and it feels so good that the tears fall even more until I can’t keep it a secret anymore.

“Amelia…”

My name, it’s like music every time he says it. Right now it’s quiet because he’s whispering it, keeping everything private because he’s as aware as I am of all the people around us, but it doesn’t change anything. I like when he calls me Amelia. The more he says it, the more he erases the memory of the last person to call me it.

“I want to make it stop.”

“What?”

“The flashbacks. I want to take it all away.”

I’m not going to admit it because I think it’s putting too much pressure on him, but I want him to take it all away too. If there’s anyone that could do it, I know it’s him. He might not think he’s capable of much because he’s not like every other guy on the planet, but he’s wrong. It’s because he’s different that I know if anyone could take the pain away, he could.

“Me too.”

“Wolverine or Gambit?”

“What?”

“You like X-Men right? So if you could choose only one, who would you choose?”

“Are those my only choices?” I play along, picking up on what he’s trying to do and liking him even more for it.  “Neither?”

“Really? You don’t like a guy with a mean set of claws?”

“Claws don’t really do it for me.”

“What about magical cards?”

“Those are kind of sexy, but it’s not as good as controlling the weather.”

“Storm? If you have to choose one, you choose her?”

The surprise in his voice makes me laugh and just like that, the sick feeling I had, it starts breaking away. He’s breaking through just the way he wanted to. The way only he can.

“She’s badass! And her hair is sick.”

“I like Rogue’s better.”

“Of course you do. You a fan of Sookie Stackhouse too?”

“What’s a Sookie?”

If he wasn’t dead serious right now I would laugh and up until a few seconds ago, there wasn’t really anything to laugh about. He really has no idea that his precious Rogue is actually a vampire lover.

Poor guy.

“You don’t wanna know, trust me.”

“If you say so.”

Leaning my head back so I can see him, even though with how dark it is in here, it’s impossible to see him exactly the way I want, I smile weakly the minute I see that he had the same idea.

The way he’s looking at me, his eyes so dark I can barely make them out, but his expression soft, I want him to kiss me again. It’s probably the last thing I should be thinking about right now, especially with how awkward it was the first time it happened, but I can’t help it.

Right when I’m about to ask him to do it, he sighs and the moment is lost.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“If that’s true, why are you sighing?”

Running his hand across my cheek, feeling it shake against my skin, his nervousness in the moment sweeter than I expect it to be, he leans down and stops himself before he gives me exactly what I wanted before.

“Will you teach me how to kiss you?”

Nodding my head slowly, he moves closer until he presses his lips into mine. The rest of the world, the people in the theatre, my dad and even the movie fades completely into nothingness as I close my eyes and just allow myself to enjoy the way this feels.

How right it is.

Pulling away a little, looking at me, I smile before parting my lips, lifting my finger up and motioning for him to come back, to put his lips to mine again, but this time, in a different way.

“Part your lips like me and then press them to mine and don’t overthink it.”

Doing as I say, his lips part and the smallest burst of breath escapes, which just makes me want to kiss him even more. Even the small exhale of breath coming from this guy is perfect. Leaning up, I press my lips to his and before he can react, I slide my tongue out just slightly and run it across his bottom lip, a whispered moan escaping the minute my tongue makes contact.

“Wow.” He says, his voice lower now, breathless, shattering me.

“Yeah…wow.”

“Do me a favor?” he asks, his voice still quiet, reactive after our kiss, the move I did with my tongue and the sound turning my insides to liquid.

“Anything.”

“Don’t ever stop kissing me.”

Eric

If we’re holding hands, sitting together with her body pressed tightly into mine, kissing and we like each other, does it mean that she’s my girlfriend?

That’s all I’m thinking about after she kisses me, doing that little trick with her tongue, running it painstakingly slow across my bottom lip until my entire body goes numb. The only reaction a tingle from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.

I’ve never felt anything like it and even though it seems selfish and wrong, I want more. I never want to stop feeling the way I do when I’m with her. It doesn’t matter if we’re connecting through kissing or touching at all. We could just be talking and the way she is with me, the way her voice sounds when she answers me, especially when she laughs. I want to hold onto it forever.

I also want to go out after the movies over and buy every package of gum I can find because the bubble gum scent that she has, it’s another thing I never want to lose.

Amelia Evans has no clue what she’s doing to me. What she’s changing me into. I’m so caught up in her right now that I can barely put two thoughts together that make sense, my mind running back and forth between the way she smells, the way she looked when I got off the escalator earlier and the way she fits so perfectly in my arms.

Really liking this girl is an understatement. I’m not sure what the heck this is, but it seems like a whole lot more than like.

As soon as the credits start rolling, she finally moves and stretches out, completely separated from me and I swear the minute she does, it feels like something’s missing. I feel like she took parts of me with her, which just makes me wanna pull her back so I can put myself back together.

“Thank you.” She says the minute we’re back out into the hall and just like every other time she says it to me, it stumps me. She doesn’t seem to get that she has nothing to thank me for. I feel like I’m the one that should be thanking her.

“For what?”

“Doing this with me. It was nice.”

“Yeah. You’re welcome.”

I want to ask her what this means, everything that’s happened since we got to the mall tonight, but before I can even form the words, stringing them together into a complete sentence in my mind, she beats me to the punch.

“Can we do it again soon?”

Her asking that is like music to my ears. I want to do it all over again right now. “Yeah. Anytime you want.”

Flashing me the smile I like so much, we start walking down the hall toward the exit. After walking about halfway, her arm brushes up against mine and looking down I see why. Her hand, she’s slipped it around mine, our fingers now locked together. Seeing it, the way it looks to me, just makes me wonder even more if this means what I want it to mean.

Is this her way of telling me that she’s mine?

I can’t do this. Sit here all night questioning what all of this means because I’m such a social virgin that I don’t have the first clue how to read the most basic cue from a girl. I have to ask her, I won’t be able to settle until I do.

When we’re safely out of the theatre, standing on the curb, waiting for the cars to pass so that we can cross across the parking lot and back into the mall, I squeeze her hand and when she looks up, I motion backward to the wall.

“What’s up?”

“I’m confused.”

“About what? The movie?”

I know she’s serious asking me that, but I can’t help it. I laugh. The very last thing I’m confused about is anything remotely related to the X-Men. If anything, that’s about the only thing that makes sense.