Take Me With You (12 page)

There was this picture that Charlotte stupidly put on my Facebook wall a few months ago. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but after what Eric said to me last night, it’s making me remember it.

It was just a blank background picture with a quote on it, but it’s the quote that I’m thinking about now because for the first time since she did it, it makes sense and it’s got nothing at all to do with her.

It’s got to do with Eric.

A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.

I’m not saying that Eric loves me, I think that’s a little much and I’m not worthy of love even if he did, but it’s the rest of it that has to do with him. He knows everything about me and knowing it, he still wants to be around me, going so far as to make plans with me for a week from now.

I used to think that Tim
, Charlotte and Eve were real friends, but the more time I spend with Eric, the ease that comes with spending any amount of time with him, whether I’m laying my entire life story out or not, it’s showing me that they weren’t really my friends at all.

They’re just people that are too scared to stand up for themselves and go against me. They used to be that same way with Kayden and Dillon. I’m their leader, the person they look to in order to know what they’re supposed to do next and it doesn’t make them friends. It makes them victims, just like every person I’ve dragged into the bathroom and burned.

Eric Carmen, he’s a real friend. He’s not hanging out with me at our appointments or even like we did at the bluffs because he’s following along with me, needing me to guide him or because he’s afraid of me. He’s doing it because he genuinely wants to spend time with me.

What he has with Belle, the friendship. I want that. It’s why I asked him to teach me how to be a friend because I don’t think I’ve ever known how. It was never something I was taught. I just glided into this spot at school with people following my every move and labeled it as friendship, but now, I want more.

I want the real deal and I know he’s gonna be the one to give it to me.

Eric is going to be my first friend.

After leaving together and now being home again, I know that the peaceful feeling I’ve been experiencing since I told him everything is going to be shattered because no sooner do I get through the door than my mother stops me to talk.

I haven’t given her an answer about my next visit and because it would just be another black mark on her reputation, she’s not going to let it go until I do.

“Have you called your father back?”

“No and I’m not planning on it.”

“He has a legal right to see you.”

“No, Mom. He doesn’t. Not anymore. I’m legally an adult now. The custody agreement is over.”

“That may be so, but he still has a right to see you.”

No he doesn’t!!!
I scream at her, but it remains locked away inside my head so that I’m the only one that can hear it. I’m an adult now. The visits, they’re going to stop. The control I let him have with me, it’s time I took it back.

If I can control a bunch of mindless drones at school, then it shouldn’t be too hard to take control back from a pervert.

“I don’t owe him anything and considering how you feel about him, I thought you would agree.”

“My feelings for your father have nothing to do with your relationship.”

“They have everything to do with it, Mom. You hate him and I want nothing to do with him. Seems to me that we’re in agreement, so we don’t even need to bring him up.”

“Amy,” she sighs. “The way you’re acting; did something happen with you and your dad at the last visit?”

Fourteen years, things have been happening during my “visits” with my dad and it’s only now that the forced visitation is over that she’s asking me this question. Unbelievable.

“No. It’s the same as it’s always been.”

“Then call him. You’re right. I can’t make you see him anymore, but he’s your dad and the two of you, you’ve always been close. I would hate to see that change now. Every girl deserves to have her father in her life.”

The urge I had when I was at the bluffs with Eric, when I was telling him everything, it’s back again now. It started small the minute she asked me if I called him, but with what she’s just said, it’s worse now. I don’t think I’m gonna be able to hold it back for much longer.

I need to get out of here before I upchuck all over her brand new shoes.

“Well that’s where you’re wrong Mom, because I don’t.”

Turning from her and bolting for the stairs, feeling the acid rising in my throat, knowing it’s only a matter of seconds before I lose it all together, I take them two at a time until I’m safely locked away in the bathroom, my knees lined up with the bowl in front of me.

It’s only as I’m bending over and my lunch is spilling out that I realize I didn’t tell Eric everything after all. He doesn’t know about this. My other coping mechanism and why it’s just as important, if not more so than what I do with the cigarettes.

How doing it cleanses me, not only of the memories, but of the dirtiness and shame I feel too.

Chapter Twelve

Eric

“Hey Eric! You got a sec?”

The last thing I’m expecting when Ms. Taylor lets us out of class is for the two people that are leaning against the lockers to be there and wanting to talk to me.

Kayden being here makes sense since I know he’s here to pick up Belle, but standing with Dillon and him being the one to call out to me, it’s weird.

I’ve got nothing to say to Dillon. I don’t have a problem with him or anything, but after what happened at prom, it’s not like I’m actively gonna search the guy out.

“I guess. What’s up?”

Dillon shoots Kayden a look and if I didn’t know the both of them had changed, the look would scare me. It wasn’t all that long ago that the both of them teamed up to hurt me. With them hanging out again, it’s not a stretch of the imagination to see how easily they could fall back into old routines.

“Dillon saw something the other day that worried him and he brought it to me. He was going to come talk to you himself, but I figured it might be better if I was here.”

Well, if it wasn’t freaky before, it definitely is now. Kayden’s doing the same thing he’s been doing for months, attempting to protect me, but I have no idea this time what from.

“I’m lost.”

“Were you at the bluffs a couple days ago?” Dillon asks and that’s when everything becomes clear. Someone must have seen Amelia and me and told him about it. Another reason people hate small towns. Nothing is private.

“Yeah. I found some caterpillars there and brought them home. Why?”

“You were alone?” Dillon asks again and I feel sick.

Yep, someone definitely saw us together and while she’s been a completely different person when we’re together, I’m not sure how she’s gonna react to knowing that we’ve been spotted together. I’m still a freak to a lot of these people and I’m pretty sure that’s the last thing she wants to be attached to.

“What is this about? Why do either of you care what I do after school?”

Kayden steps forward and reacting purely on instinct, I take a step back toward the classroom door. A move he catches because it stops him in his tracks.

“Eric, we care because of who you were with.”

I’m not gonna give these guys a thing. It’s obvious they know everything anyway. I promised her I would keep her secrets and I’m gonna do that and protect her in the process. I know how these two feel about her, how I felt about her up until a few days ago, so I know how they’re gonna react and it’s not good.

“Can you just spit it out? I still gotta grab my lunch from my locker.”

“Did Amy do something to you?” Kayden asks and I shake my head. She didn’t do anything in the way he means so I’m not exactly lying.

“What were you doing with her?” Dillon chimes in and same as I did with Kayden, I use my body to respond as I shrug.

“Eric, you can tell us. If she threatened you or did anything, we can deal with it. I know she’s not here anymore, but we can send a message through Tim so that she stays away from you.”

No. I can’t let them do that. If she’s gonna find out that someone saw us at the bluffs, I need to be the one to tell her. We’ve got appointments with Thompson after school so as long as I can head these two off, I’ll be able to let her know instead of having her find out through a threat to Tim or the other girls.

“She didn’t do anything.”

“You sure?”

Kayden’s worried. He knows how I deal with this stuff. I keep it inside and don’t make a big deal out of it. The only time I’ve ever said anything was when I went to Ms. Taylor a few months ago because I was worried about what was happening with her daughter. Up until that point, I kept my mouth shut and still planned on doing it.

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Eric, I know you don’t exactly trust me yet, but I’m gonna level with you. I’ve been with Amy, hell, so has Kayden. We know how she operates. How her mind works. She might not have said or done anything to you this time, but she will. She can’t be trusted.”

“You couldn’t be trusted either.”

I wasn’t planning on saying anything, but now that it’s out there, I’m not taking it back. It’s the truth. There was a time not all that long ago where Dillon was the one calling the shots and the one I had to fear. Sure, he might know her better than me but that doesn’t mean I have to listen to him.

“You’re right. I’m a first class asshole. It’s not exactly a secret, but I’m not right now.”

“Is this where you tell me that you care about what happens to me and you don’t wanna see me get hurt?” I laugh before rolling my eyes. This is a joke. Kayden saying that to me, I would believe it, it would be authentic but with Dillon, I don’t feel that way at all even if he has changed since prom.

He’s got a lot of work to do with me before I can completely trust him.

“Eric, he’s telling you the truth. He saw you with Amy at the bluffs because he was there with Cadence. We’re just looking out for you. There’s always an ulterior motive with her and with her gone, the last thing any of us want is you being her next target, especially outside of school where we can’t protect you.”

Now that I can believe. Kayden is sincere even though him and Dillon are a lot alike. He’s proven himself to me since the stuff last fall. It doesn’t change anything though. They don’t know the same person that I do.

“I don’t need protecting.”

Dillon runs his hands through his hair, frustration evident before throwing another look at Kayden.

“Man, we give a shit about you. We don’t want you hurt but if you don’t want our help, I don’t know what else to do. Maybe Kayden will have better luck talking sense into you.” He says to me before turning back to Kayden. “I’ll meet you out front.”

When he walks away far enough that anything said next won’t be overheard, Kayden turns to me, the confusion on his face obvious.

“He’s right. We do give a shit about you, but I get the feeling there’s something else going on here. You wanna tell me?”

“Not really.”

“Ever since that stuff with Tim the other day, you’ve been acting different. Something’s going on. I just wish you’d tell someone what the fuck it is so we can help you.”

“I don’t need your help, there’s nothing going on.”

“Alright. Go ahead and keep your secrets. Just remember something would you?”

“What?”

“The girl that you were at the bluffs with, she’s the one that burned my girlfriend. Belle is going to have a reminder of that moment forever and so will Cadence. Two people that you care about and who care about you even more. I have no idea what the hell is going on, but don’t forget that.”

Amelia

Not answering Tim back the other day when he sent me the picture of Eric, I knew it was only a matter of time before he showed up here again. So when he makes his way through the gate as I’m coming through the front door, more than a little eager to get to my appointment even though I’m early, it’s no surprise.

“You goin’ somewhere?”

“Yeah, gotta run errands for my mom while she’s at work. What’s up?”

Lying, after years of practice, I’ve become a master at it. It’s almost as easy as breathing to me, especially now.

“It’s been like a week since we hung out.”

“Yeah, and?”

“And I thought we could do it?”

“Sorry Timmy, I can’t today.” I say, heading down the final two steps and moving around him, hoping he’ll take the hint and follow me.

“Maybe I can run errands with you.”

“Nah, you don’t wanna do that. It’s just boring shit.”

“Boring shit is all I’ve been doing lately. Come on, Ames. I miss hanging out with you.”

It wasn’t supposed to be this hard to get out of here and away from him. He was just supposed to accept my explanation and screw off, not hang around and try and insert himself into things. The last thing I want is for him to find out where I’ve been going three times a week. What the real errand I’m running for my mom is.

I’m gonna have to come up with a better lie, one that will stop him so I can get out of here. I wanna meet up with Eric before we see Thompson and I can’t do that with Tim hanging around like a leech.

“Look, I’m gonna tell you something but it’s gotta stay between us.”

He nods his head and it’s not lost on me the way his lips lift up in a smile. He thinks he’s special now because I’m gonna give him some bullshit story and pretend its reality. God, why haven’t I seen how predictable and boring this is?

Because you never had a reason to see before.

“Wh
at happened at school, I got arrested. The errand I gotta run, it’s a meeting with CPS. Apparently Daniels called and got them on my mom’s ass so now I gotta do this in order to get them off.”

“Shit! That’s bullshit.”

“Yeah. Look, I’m not trying to be a bitch, but I gotta go. If I’m even a second late, it’s gonna cause shit.”

Understanding dawning in his eyes, I’m relieved. Maybe I can get out of here and meet up with Eric after all.

“I get it. Go, but uh, text me later okay? It’s been fucking forever since we hung out and I really mean it. I miss you.”

This is the second time now that it’s been weird with Tim. I tried not to read much into it the first time it happened but now, it’s harder to ignore. He’s acting strange. He’s never been like this with me and honestly, I’m not sure how I feel about it. If I didn’t know he had a thing for Eve even though they implo
ded after prom a few months ago, I’d think he liked me.

The last thing I want.

“Yeah sure. I promise. I won’t forget this time.”

Walking out through the gate with him, my phone buzzes in my pocket and pulling it out as I wave goodbye to Tim, I’m met with a text from the very person I’m on my way to see and it’s obvious he’s thinking the same thing as I am.

Are you coming early?

Walking toward the bus stop, I text him back, unable to wipe the smile that came when I saw it was him off my face.

Yeah. On my way there now. I forgot the yellow hat and had to go home.

When his response comes, it’s just three letters but seeing them, what they are, it’s everything.

LOL.

The
way I feel seeing texts he’s sent, him calming me after I told him everything two days ago, it’s not like anything I’ve ever been through before.

I can only compare it to the way things were when I was with Kayden and then Dillon after him, but it seems wrong putting Eric in a category with them. I mean I’m not dating him for one thing, and for the other, he’s nothing like either of them. I think that’s what I like so much about my time with Eric.

It’s not like any time I’ve ever spent with anyone before. It’s as different as he is.

The things Dillon said to me months ago, after I attacked Cadence and ran off, as much as I hate admitting it, he was right. I was being irrational, out of control but not for the reasons he accused me of.

My behavior, the up and down mood swings, attitude changes and everything else, it wasn’t because I was just some hormonal teenage girl that was jealous of the attention her boyfriend was getting from other girls. It was because just like I’ve never been taught how to be a real friend to someone, I’ve also never been taught how to handle my emotions. I have no idea how to shut off the things I think and feel and eventually I explode.

Dillon, like everyone else,
has no idea what I’ve been dealing with so I could never admit to him that the reason I turned out the way I am is because it’s the only way I know to cope with everything going on inside me. He also had no idea that I was burning myself either.

Being with him was easy because he didn’t care. Kayden didn’t care either. They were both so disconnected that me just doing things to them in the backseat of their car was enough. It never had to go fu
rther than that. There was no reason for them to see under my sweater. To see the real me.

It’
s not like that with Eric. For some reason, I want him to see the real me. The part of me that I haven’t even allowed myself to see since all of this started so long ago. With him I don’t have to fear his reaction because he’s always so blunt with how he thinks and feels. He would never sugarcoat things to my face and talk shit behind my back. I can’t say the same for the others.

I like the way I feel when I’m with him. The way he can smell like something as mundane as peanut butter and it’s the most natural thing in the world. The lopsided awkward grin he wears after he makes a joke. The way his eyes are when he’s telling me what he thinks. When he tells me the truth.

Nothing is fake with him, which really does make him different than both of the guys I’ve been with before. He’s different because this time, I genuinely like him and I don’t just want to use him in order to forget.

Holy fuck.

I like Eric Carmen.