Take Me With You (13 page)

Chapter Thirteen

Eric

There’s something different about her today.

I’m not sure why I think that, because really, she’s not doing anything strange or all that different from every other time we’ve hung out this way, but it’s smaller things, one’s most people probably don’t pay a lot of attention to that clinches it.

Like what happened when she got off the bus.

I got here before her. I was here when I texted her earlier, asking if she was showing up early. So when she stepped off the bus, I started making my way over to meet her. I’m not an outgoing person. I don’t go out of my way like this usually, but with her there’s this force pushing me toward her, so I just go along for the ride.

When we managed to meet in the middle, she hugged me.

If that wasn’t enough, when I passed her the coffee I grabbed while I was waiting, I swear her cheeks went bright red, but she shifted her face away from me before I could totally be sure of what I saw.

Sitting down on the bench, both of us silent as we sat and watched all of the cars speeding by, she shifted and I was hit with a scent I’m coming to see as uniquely hers. Bubble gum.

My sensory issues, I don’t get overwhelmed by different smells the way some people do. I mean if they’re strong enough, I’ll react, but for the most part it doesn’t happen, but with Amelia, all I can do is react. It’s powerful, but not overwhelming and the more of it I breathe in, the more it tickles my senses and makes me even more aware.

Her shifting, it was her way of leaning her body into mine. A move I have no experience with but one that I don’t mind. It feels nice having her close, which is so freaking weird to me because normally
, anyone being this close is too much. Even when I’m outside with Belle and the others, I’m always directly across from them so personal space doesn’t become an issue.

I like having Amelia in my personal space.

She’s not the only one that’s different today.

With how hyper aware I am of her and every single move she makes, even the small releases of breath she does, it’s obvious I’m different too. I want to stop focusing on this, say something to get the conversation going before we have to split apart again for me to head inside, but I don’t have the first clue where to start.

All of the things we’ve said to each other before, a lot of it heavy and serious, it’s hard to find a safe conversation starter. I could bring up the Curious George thing again, the way she did earlier mentioning the hat, but I don’t want to overplay the same thing.

“So, I’m coming back to Wexfield tomorrow.”

What?

I’ve been there every day she’s been out and people talk. It’s hard not to overhear things when I’m slinking my way down the hall, but nothing that I’ve heard has been about her coming back. When did this get decided and why is s
he waiting until now to tell me?

Because it
’s not of your business.

“Daniels is letting you come back?”

“No. Well, not yet anyway. I have to come back for a meeting first.”

“What kind of meeting?”

“I have to sit down with Hannah and her parents, Daniels and my mom. They want me to apologize to her.”

She seems upset by this. It’s in the way her body tenses and her voice, which is normally so strong, fades away. I have to know why this is a bad thing.

“That’s not so bad.”

“No, it’s not.”

“If that’s true why don’t I believe you?”

“Gee, I don’t know. Maybe because you know me?”

“Yeah I do.”

“I’m not against apologizing,” she starts, her eyes meeting mine, the look in them confusing. I want to say she looks sad about what I said, but I’m not sure that’s the right word. I’m not sure there is a right word for the way she looks like now. “I want to apologize because the way I was a couple of weeks ago, it’s not the same as it is now, but who’s to say that when I do, it makes any difference. They don’t have to believe me. I’m not even sure I’d believe me.”

“If it helps, I’d believe you.”

There she goes with the pink cheeks again. What am I saying that’s making her blush so much? I’m just telling her the truth, but the way she’s reacting it’s like it’s something more.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry, Eric.”

Well if I wasn’t confused by pretty much every move she’s made since she showed up here today, I am now. 

“For what?”

“Everything I did to you. It’s not exactly an excuse, but the things I said, what I did, it wasn’t because of you at all. It was all me. I took my shitty life and made other people pay for it.”

She’s apologizing to me for everything she’s put me through over the last year. Other than name calling and a little bit of shoving, most of the fault fell with the guys as far as the physical stuff went, but it means a lot that she’s lumping herself in with everything I’ve been through.

It’s life altering, not only for her, but for me because it’s just something I never expected to ever hear from her and just like I said a few minutes ago, I believe her apology. She means every word.

“It’s okay, Amelia. You’re forgiven.”

“Can I ask you for a favor?” she asks, not missing a beat.

“Sure.”

“Don’t ever stop calling me Amelia.”

Before I can say anything her cheeks flush again but this time, I’m not even going to question the reason for it. I’m just going to enjoy it. For whatever reason, this is her attempt at being a friend, being genuinely nice and the flushing in her cheeks, I’m pretty sure is happening because this is a way she’s never been before.

She’s awkward and has a terrible poker face.

“I won’t. Not ever.”

She leans her body into me more, until her head is resting level with my shoulder. Sliding my hand out from beside her, I wrap it around her until my hand rests around her own shoulder and she adapts to the change by curling into me even more.

This feels right.

I’ve never done anything like this before. Had my arms around a girl this way. I’ve never felt the need to, but with her, it’s like the most natural thing in the world.

She sighs and it’s so heavy that not only do I hear it but I can feel it as her arm rises and falls under mine. It’s only when she shifts her face away from my chest that I hear the reason for it.

“Why do you accept me so easily?”

She doesn’t know this but I’ve been asking myself that same question for two weeks now. Why of all people, she’s the one that I seem to gravitate toward and be completely unable to walk away from.

“Everyone deserves to be accepted.”

“Yeah, I’m starting to see that. But do you really think it’s possible for someone like me?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

Silence surrounds us again and I can’t help wondering what I said that caused it. I know I’ve got a habit of just speaking the first thing that comes to mind without really thinking of the consequences, but this time, I didn’t think I had to worry about that.

“Eric, I like you.”

“Wanna know a secret?” I say as I lean my head in closer to hers until my lips are practically resting on the side of her face.

“Sure.”

“I like you too.”

Amelia

I don’t know why the hell I said that but since it’s out there now, I can’t take it back.

Admitting how I feel, especially after finally ridding myself of the constant burning sensation in my cheeks, it’s bound to take a really great moment and twist it into something not so great. It’s what always happens. Nothing can ever stay beautiful all the time, at least it can’t when you’re me.

The strangest thing happens though. Instead of going completely silent or worse, pulling away, he leans in closer and says the four best words in the entire world.

“I like you too.”

There’s only one problem with them. They can mean multiple things.

Two days ago he said
we were friends, so him liking me, he could mean it in the friendship way and I suppose me saying it, I meant it that way too, but there’s more to it. The way I somehow managed to find myself curled into him and how desperately I want to stay this way for a really long time, it makes what I said mean something more than just friendship.

I think it’s been this way for a while now. A few days at least. It’s the reason I ended up telling him everything. Sure, it was also because he’s so open and honest with me, real even, but a lot of it has to do with the fact that even though it’s the craziest thing in the world, I really like him.

I want him to like me the same way.

“Can I ask you something?”

“No.”

“What?” I ask, raising my head off his shoulder, confused by his response.

“You can’t ask me anything because I need to say something first.”

“Okay…”

“It’s nothing bad, Amelia.”

“It doesn’t feel that way.”

Reaching his hand across, he lifts my head up and once my eyes meet his, I see why. He wanted me to see his smile. Sure, he couldn’t maintain the eye contact for more than a couple seconds, but the smile, I saw it on his lips and in his eyes before he looked down.

“We keep doing the same thing and I think we need to stop. We’re asking each other if we can ask each other things. With as much time as we spend talking, don’t you think we can stop asking that now?”

His words are like a riddle and it takes me a few seconds to catch on to what he means, but when I do, I can’t stop the smile that comes, or even the laugh the minute it escapes.

“Yeah, I think we can stop asking that now.”

“What was your question?”

“It’s silly now.”

“If it’s silly now it means it was silly before, so I wanna hear it even more.”

“Did you have bananas today?”

He laughs and I lean my head back down on his shoulder, enjoying the sound, but also enjoying the way his entire body seems to shake with the simple action.

“Yeah. It was a yogurt drink my mom packed me for lunch.”

“So, I’ve got another favor.”

“Shoot.”

“Don’t ever stop smelling like food.”

He laughs again but this time I join him. I can’t believe that I said that, but it’s true. I don’t want him to ever stop smelling like random foods because it’s starting to become familiar and I don’t want to get used to it only to lose it again.

“I’ll do you one better. I’ll make sure Summer dumps her food on me at least once a day.”

My laughter, it’s stronger now. So strong that I can feel the tears falling from my eyes, completely unable to stop them. It’s just further proof that I like him. No one’s been able to get me to do this in years.

“Do you remember what I told you the first day we were out here?”

“Depends.” I say. “You said a bunch of stuff.”

“Your laugh.”

“I remember that. I also remember you blushing really deep after you said it too!”

“Well, now it’s your turn to do me a favor.”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t ever stop laughing.”

Chapter Fourteen

Eric

When Amelia told me that she had a meeting today, she didn’t tell me what time, so the first thing I did when I got off the bus was head to the office, hoping that I would be able to catch Principal Daniels before he started making his rounds.

Greeted as usual by Ms. Owens and her warm smile, I motion toward his office and before I can ask her if he’s in, she pushes a button on the phone in front of her and the room is filled with the nasal sound of his voice.

“Yes, Barbara?”

“There’s a student here to see you. Eric Carmen. Do you think you can spare a few minutes?”

“Of course. S
end him back.”

I hate believing this because it seems wrong, but having special needs, especially in a school like this, it has its benefits. The principal because of what happened last fall and then
again in the spring with Dillon, has an open door policy for me and the others in my class.

It’s sort of like being a movie star and having access to the best parties, only in our case, it’s having access to the people that run everything and I don’t mean the popular kids.

Making my way back to his office, I go over what I’m about to do. It seemed like the only thing to do last night when I came up with it, but now, I’m wondering if maybe I’m stepping into something that I shouldn’t be. I want to make things easier for Amelia so she can come back to school, but at the same time I worry that maybe doing that will only bring about my own destruction in the end.

Trying to rewrite history is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

“Have a seat, Eric.” Daniels says the minute I knock on the door and slip inside.

Closing the door behind me, I do as he says and when he seats himself, leaning across the desk the way he has the other times I’ve been in here with him, I know it’s do or die time.

“What brings you here this early?”

“I need to talk to you about something. Well, it’s not really something
. More like someone.”

I’m nervous right now, I can feel my foot starting to tap and it’s only going to be a few seconds before I start shaking all over, but for some reason I’m not stuttering the way I expect to. Maybe it’s because I’m doing the right thing by someone that lessens the nervousness that way, but it’s definitely a surprise.

“Does this have something to do with Dillon or the others?”

“No—yes. Maybe a little.”

“Well son, I’m all ears. Why don’t you tell me how I can help?”

“It’s about Amelia Evans.”

“Who?”

Crap. I forgot that she doesn’t go by her given name. I’m pretty sure he knows it, but just like Dr. Thompson, he’s called her Amy for so long that it’s become second nature.

“Amy.”

“What about her?”

“I know you’re supposed to be meeting with her mom and Hannah today.”

“How do you know that?”

Do I admit how I know this? Come right out and tell my principal that I’ve been spending time with her before we see the doctor we share in common or do I just play it off some other way? I didn’t really give this as much thought as I should have obviously if I’ve even gotta question this.

“She told me. I’ve been spending time with her lately.”

“Alright. Well, I don’t see how the meeting is any of your concern, Eric.”

“Principal Daniels, I don’t mean any disrespect. I know the things she’s done and why you did what you did, but I thought that maybe coming here and talking to you about this, it might change things. The girl that did those things to Hannah, she’s not the same.”

“Would you like to tell me why you feel that way?”

“I can’t. It’s not my story to tell, Sir. I just think you need to know that there’s more to Amy than you know and I just want to make sure that
before you go into the meeting, you know it. When she does what you want her to do, she means it.”

“Why are you so invested in what happens to her?”

“I’ve gotten to know her. She’s my friend and I just want to make sure that she’s not judged for her mistakes when she’s doing everything she can to make it better.”

“Alright.” He says before leaning back in his chair, the conversation clearly over. “Thank you for bringing this to me. I appreciate your candor. I’ll take what you’ve told me under advisement.”

“Thanks. That’s all I want.”

When I’m out of the chair and a few steps from the door, I hear him clear his throat before calling out
my name.

“Yes?”

“I hope Ms. Evans realizes what a good friend she has in you and that your friendship and loyalty isn’t misplaced.”

Not having an answer for him, I slip myself back out of the office, giving Ms. Owens a small wave before exiting completely out into the hallway.

It’s only when I’m completely out that I think about his final words and I realize that the way he thinks, it’s the same as me. I really hope that my friendship isn’t misplaced either because the last thing I want is for all of this to come back and bite me in the ass.

For Amelia to turn back into Amy and break my heart.

Amelia

I worked on this all night. I erased a whole bunch of it, replacing it with better sounding words, before erasing those and trying again and I finally think I got it right.

This apology that I have to give to Hannah, I want it to be sincere, but because I’ve never had to do it before and the only real use of the word sorry came in the form of the curious boy that I apologized to the day before, I’m not so sure it will be. I suck at opening up, admitting to things even though I have no problem owning them in my own head.

Saying sorry to Eric was easier than I thought it would be, but I’m learning with each passing hour why that is. It’s because with him, everything is just easier. He’s such a good person that it’s impossible not to be good when I’m around him.

Being in Daniels office though, I’m not going to be around him at all. He’s only going to be up the stairs and down the hall from where I’ll be, but still not close enough for that goodness to completely engulf me. Maybe the smartest thing to do was ask to have him with me instead of my mom.

“Ms. Evans, Amy, please come in.”

He moves out of the way and allows us to go through and the minute I’m in the room, I see that we’re not alone. Sitting together, all three chairs damn near on top of each other are Hannah and her parents and none of them look at all excited to see me. In fact, they look like they don’t even wanna be here at all.

So much for making them believe I actually feel remorse.

Taking one of the two empty chairs on the other side of the room, I stretch out, attempting to get somewhat comfortable before doing what I’m here to do and I watch as Daniels shakes my mom’s hand before coming around to his desk and sitting in his seat.

“I am aware of how uncomfortable this situation is for all parties involved, so it is my hope that we can get right into the reason we’re here.”

The reason we’re here.

Me.

Sliding the paper out of my sweater and looking down at it, seeing all the scratch marks and indents in the paper from the incessant erasing I did the night before, I read over my words, taking one last chance to make sure they’re right before I repeat them in hopes of beginning to make things right.

“Amy, is there something you would like to say to Hannah?”

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

I notice her parents sit up in their seats, their posture even more rigid then it had been when I walked in a few seconds ago and I know they’ve taken my response wrong, which considering that I didn’t follow it up with anything, is understandable. Time to fix this too.

“I have something I want to say to Hannah
and
her parents.”

“Well, the floor is yours.”

With one last glance at the paper in front of me, I take a deep breath and start.

“I’ve been doing the things that I did to Hannah for so long that I didn’t even realize at the time just how sick it really is. Your daughter didn’t so much as look in my direction, let alone say anything to me and I chose to make her feel pain in order to give myself pleasure. I was wrong. I’ve been wrong every single time I’ve done it. I don’t want to say sorry bec
ause that word alone isn’t ever going to be enough to make up for the things I’ve done, but I am sorry. It never should have happened and there’s nothing I can say that will ever change the fact that it did.”

I stop, feeling my mom’s fake attempt at understanding as her hand comes across my shoulder and I resist the urge to shake it off.

“Hannah,” I start again, this time turning in my seat so that I’m facing her, really looking at her. “I’m sorry for what I did to you a little over two weeks ago. I didn’t understand at the time that you’re not all that different from me. I saw your diagnosis, the class you’re in and not the real you.”

The rigid posture that was obvious when I came in, it’s still there, but there’s no denying that it’s lessened
a little since. It means that while they might not believe a word I’m saying, it’s at least getting to them, which is a whole lot more than I deserve.

I meant what I said and it’s because of Eric that I’m able to say it at all. I picked her because of the class she was in, her obvious difficulties, her diagnosis in a way. I didn’t give a second thought to the person that is in there, the one that isn’t a title on a paper, but a real person, just like me. A person with real feelings.

I see it now and even though it’s probably too late to make a difference, at least in terms of me coming back to school, I want to change it. I want to see the real her, the way I see the real Eric.

The way he sees the real me.

Eric told me something before he went in for his appointment yesterday. Hannah, she doesn’t talk. She hasn’t spoken at all since she was 2. He said that sometimes, kids that start out hitting all their milestones will regress and they will lose all that they’ve learned. That’s what happened to Hannah, which makes me feel even worse for what I did.

I remember that day in the bathr
oom even though I don’t want to. She didn’t speak. She cried, she forced out a scream the same way Isabelle did before, but she never said a word to me, Charlotte and Eve the entire time we had her in there with us. I should have known she couldn’t speak but I was so hell bent on making someone else pay for my pain that I didn’t give a shit.

Dillon and Kayden may have been total assholes, but I was the queen bitch.

“Thank you.”

It’s quiet and completely unexpected, but I know I didn’t dream it. Hannah’s father, he’s looking at me now, searching me it feels like, trying to gauge whether or not I’m telling the truth. There must be something in my eyes that gives him what he needs because that simple thank you, it means that what I wanted to do today, it’s happening.

For the first time in four years, I’m making things right.

Eric

Ms. Taylor’s class. I love it, but right now it’s the last place I want to be.

Ever since Isabelle came into class, Kayden walking her to the door like usual, sitting down and telling me that she saw Amy and her mother walking through the front doors right after she did, I’ve wanted to ask to be let out of class so I can go down there.

Thankfully, my urge to get out of class isn’t noticeable to anyone else, especially Belle because if it was, I’m sure she would be warning me off the same way Kayden and Dillon tried to the other day. I’m just not in the mood for another go round.

Her being here now reminds me of what I didn’t talk to her about when I had her alone last night. I didn’t even bring it up when she texted me before bed. I don’t know why I let it slip my mind when my memory is better than most people, but I did and now that she’s here I feel like I need to warn her.

People have seen us together. Sure, it’s only her ex-boyfriend and the new addition to my social group, but it’s still someone other than us. We’ve never talked about whether or not she’s embarrassed to be around me so I have no idea how she’s gonna feel when she finds out people know.

I just know that I can’t keep it from her. Even if her keeping me a secret would pretty much rip me apart.

It’s only after I’ve spent the last twenty minutes fidgeting in my chair that I finally give up the fight. Sliding out of my chair and making my way to the front of the room, I do the one thing I’ve been dying to do since Isabelle told me Amelia was here. I come up with an excuse to get out of class.

Once I’ve gotten the okay, I slip myself quietly out of class and practically run for the stairs. I don’t know how long the meeting is supposed to go on for, but I’m hoping that she’s still here and I haven’t missed my chance.

It’s not just about finding her and telling her what Kayden and Dillon told me yesterday. I need to see her because I need to know if anything I said to Daniels worked and she’s going to be able to come back to school.