Sweet Obsession (32 page)

I decided to let my hair down. I knew it was daring, but I felt audacious. Tonight, I would dance with my Prince Charming. I would dance the night away in his arms and show the world how much we cared for one another. I slipped into my glass slippers and took one last look into the mirror.

Billal walked in the room looking dashing, just like the handsome prince that he was. He smiled from ear to ear as he stood staring at me. I could tell he was pleased with what he saw. His eyes were blazing with lust as his gaze swept me from head to toe. I smiled bashfully at him.

Billal gave me his arm, and I placed my arm inside his. We exited the room. We walked slowly down the stairs, and I was a little nervous. The guards at the door were staring at me. Their appreciating gaze swept me from head to toe. One of them winked at me, and I quickly looked away, embarrassed. I let go of Billal’s arm and entered the ballroom. All eyes fell on me. I lifted my head up high and walked into the ballroom. Everyone moved aside and made a pathway for me to walk through.

I glanced around the room and spotted Nidal. He liked what he saw. I could tell by the expression on his face. Shaeena was next to him, and she looked angry. Nidal took a step toward me, and I walked right to him.

The whole night was full of surprises. When I saw the ring on Shaeena’s finger, I lost all sense of reality. The universe was playing tricks on me. I could not believe it. Nidal had excuses for everything. When we danced and I was in his arms, I felt like a lost little sheep who had found its way home. I belonged in his arms, but Nidal messed everything up again.

Later when Nidal and I were alone, it was electrifying. I melted in his arms. I gave him my heart and soul. I thought that he too loved me the same way, only to find out later that it was all a lie. It was a horrible nightmare.

The only person who never lied, cheated, or disrespected me was Billal. He treasured every moment he spent with me. He made me feel truly loved. He did everything he could to win my affection, without betraying me, not once. I loved him dearly, but it was a different kind of love. I never gave him the love that he deserved. He did warn me, but love blinded me. Never once did it cross my mind that Nidal would betray me. Billal knew Nidal was deceptive, and I did not—could not—believe it.

Billal convinced me that Nidal was cheating on me. I was so stupid and did not believe him. I laughed in his face, saying that Nidal would never ever do that to me. Billal took me by the hand and dragged me down the flight of stairs, and we walked down the hall to Nidal’s door. Billal opened it and gently pushed me inside. I could not believe what I saw. My Nidal was making love to Princess Shaeena!

My nightmare had come to a reality. My Prince Charming was all a lie. He had never loved me. He had never fought for our love. He gave in to lust. All my dreams came crashing down. Billal was there to help me pick up the pieces. He took me in his arms and carried me to our room, placing me on the bed and comforting me in my time of despair. He was gentle and caring. He was kind and understanding, even though I did not deserve his love. He was there for me. Because of him, I got through all of this. I owed him my loyalty and devotion. I owed him my life.

I did not sleep all night. How could I? Billal had me in his arms. I cried and cried until there were no more tears to shed. Billal whispered sweet nothings in my ear until he saw a smile on my face. I smiled because he was so sweet. He was my hero.

I did not know what I would do from here on. I had had other plans for my life’s direction, but now things had changed. I had to accept what had happened and deal with it. I knew it would not be easy to just stop loving Nidal. I didn’t know how to do that or even if that were an option. But I had to at least try or face a life of suffering.

I tipped my head back and looked up at Billal’s face. He was so handsome. He cast a curious sideways glance at me and smiled. He stared at me in silence for several long moments before he took my hand in his and kissed it. His body was warm next to mine. Each night I spent in his bed, Billal, out of respect for me, wore his pajamas. Last night, however, even though I was under distress, I remembered him taking off his clothes, but I was in so much pain that I did not comment on the fact that he wore only his underpants. I felt his bare legs rub against mine, and I did not feel the need to move away. I just lay there in his arms and enjoyed the moment.

I did not miss the glint in Billal’s eyes as he bent down and put his mouth on mine. His lips felt warm. I kissed him. It seemed like the right thing to do. I lost myself in the heat of the moment. He was a good kisser. I could honestly say that I enjoyed it. Billal sensed my thoughts, leaned down, and kissed me again. This time, the kiss was more passionate. I kissed him back too, feeling a stirring inside me.

When Billal kissed me, it was different than when Nidal did. Billal’s kisses somehow seemed more genuine because Billal loved me and only me. When Nidal kissed me, Shaeena was always in the way of our happiness, making me feel like I was competing for his love. Billal, on the other hand, made me feel number one in his life, like no other woman existed in the world, like I was very special to him.

I gave into his passion and matched his kisses with my own. Billal’s body moved closer to mine, and he tried to pry my legs open by gently sliding his right leg in the middle of my legs. I felt his huge groin piercing my thigh. He was undeniably male. His breathing got heavier as his body now shifted on top of mine. I allowed Billal to touch me. His hands traveled up and down my body with expertise. I could tell that he was more experienced in the ways of a woman’s body than Nidal was. My body betrayed me. I was feeling the heat between my legs.

Billal lifted my nightgown over my head and exposed my breasts. Cupping my left breast in his hand, he brought his lips down and played with my nipples, making them hard as a rock. His other hand was caressing my body as it slipped downward to a place that only one other man had ever touched. My body betrayed me as lust overpowered my senses, and I found myself arching in total submission.

At that precise moment, I heard the door open to our room. I turned my head and saw Nidal standing there with his mouth open. He leaned back against the door frame for support. The sorrow I saw in his eyes made me want to hide under a rock and never crawl out of it. My body went rigid.

Billal stood frozen on top of me. He did not make a move to get off me. I was at a loss for words. Nothing I could say would get me out of this. I did what I did because I wanted to. It had felt right a few moments ago. But now I knew it was dreadfully wrong. I tried to push Billal off me, but he would not budge. I looked over at Nidal again, and he was still staring at me with such a sad expression. That was when I felt my heart break in two. I knew this was the end of his love for me. I knew he would not forgive me. It was written in his eyes, and the realization at this observation broke my heart. I could not blame him, but I could not forgive him either for what he had done to me. So I did nothing. I said nothing until Nidal stood up straight and quietly walked away, closing the door behind him.

I should have breathed a sigh of relief. I should have felt satisfaction that we were now even, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.
Isn’t that what people say?
I should have been singing with joy that I had gotten even with him. But I was not happy at this very moment. I did not feel triumph. I felt pain, like a knife twisting deep in my heart. This was a sad day for me. I felt empty, alone. I felt the blood drain from my face as this realization sunk in. There was no life for me without Nidal. I pushed Billal off me, and I jumped out of bed, feeling disgusted with myself.
What have I done? Oh my God! What have I done?

I knew deep in my heart that it was truly over this time. Nidal would never forgive me, just as I was not ready to forgive him. Billal called out my name, but I was not able to answer him as I ran over to the couch, threw myself on it, and cried my heart out. I cried a river until there were no more tears left to shed.

Billal sat on the edge of the bed, staring at me in silence. He had that knowing look in his eyes, as if he too were done with me. I felt all alone in a world made out of glass. My world had shattered into a million pieces that could never be put back together again. Life had given me many blows, but this was, by far, the worst.

In all reality, I had never really cheated on Nidal. I had not had sex with anyone but him. A kiss did not count in the same way. Nidal, on the other hand, had made love to Shaeena. That was the real betrayal. I suddenly had a pounding headache. I dropped my head in my hands. I heard Billal sigh. I could only imagine what was going through his mind. I had not been fair to him. He deserved better.

In two long strides, Billal was standing right beside me. Then he dropped to his knees and took my hands in his. The tingling sensation was there again. I felt confused.
Why is my body betraying me like this?

“Tell me what you want, Loula,” Billal asked in a husky voice.

My body trembled as his hands trailed down my legs. He pulled me to him, and we both fell back on the carpet. I landed on his bare chest. Billal’s eyes were blazing fire. He rolled me over gently and trailed kisses along my neck. With his knee, he parted my legs and sexually rubbed his rock-solid shaft between my thighs. His lips came crashing down on mine brutally as he kissed me passionately. I did not resist. The tingling sensation had now gone up and down my spine. I could feel my heart beat faster.

I kissed him back hungrily, as if he were the one who my heart ached for, as if he were the one that I loved. I knew I was headed the wrong direction, yet I did nothing to stop it until Billal gently pushed me away from him.

“Loula, you are not in your right state of mind. I only want you to kiss me if and when you really want me to be kissing you. I will not have you in this way,” he said in a tortured voice.

He pulled himself up and walked away with his head held up high. His pride would not let him enjoy my kisses because he knew he was second choice. My headache was still pounding, or else I would have told him that I chose him at this moment. At this moment, I was not faking it. I wanted him to kiss me, to touch me. I wanted to make love to him. But I kept silent. I knew my heart was hurting, so I was making desperate decisions. Because I was in love with Nidal, nothing and no one would ever be able to change that, not even me.

There were not many things for me to do under the circumstances. I could not have Nidal. He would never marry me. I would not have his firstborn child. Shaeena beat me to that. The king would never accept me in Nidal’s life. So my only other alternative was to be with Billal. I knew he loved and cherished me. I knew he worshipped the ground I walked on. I knew I was attracted to him, and I knew his kisses had the ability to turn me on. So I thought I would take that route. I might as well accept my fate starting now, for it would save me from a lot of heartache later.

I turned sideways and caught a glimpse of Billal as he dressed into his uniform. His muscles flexed with every movement. He was so sexy. I swallowed nervously. He had a beautiful physique.

Without realizing it, I called out, “Billal!”

He turned my way, and in two seconds, he was next to me, sweeping me up into his arms. His lips came crashing down on mine. His hands were holding me tight. I kissed him back hungrily. He tasted good. He smelled delicious, and I was lost as my body betrayed me once again.

It was a crazy, long-lasting kiss that was long anticipated. I was thirsty for his touch, and I held on to him tight as I melted into his embrace. Just at that moment, I heard a knock on the door. Someone announced that the king and queen requested our audience in the dining room for brunch. We were told to go immediately, not to waste any time.

Billal looked at me apologetically, with hungry eyes, as he withdrew from my arms and finished dressing. We both knew that we needed to go. We were summoned, and there were consequences if we were late. I slipped into a comfortable light green dress with yellow fringe trimmings on the bottom. I pulled my hair back in a ponytail, adding a green ribbon to spice up my appearance. As I looked around for my slippers, my heart started to beat faster, knowing that Nidal and Shaeena would join us for brunch. I did not know if I were in the right state of mind to see them today, but clearly I did not have a choice. I was summoned.

When we were both ready to leave our room, Billal reached out his hand, and I slipped mine inside his, lacing my fingers with his. I needed it for comfort. We walked silently down the stairs and through the hallway to the dining area. The guards pulled open the doors, and I held my breath as we both walked in together with plastered smiles on our faces.

The room was full. All the gentlemen stood until I was seated, and then they all sat down, including Billal, who had a seat next to mine. I looked over at Nidal and Shaeena, and I knew today would be an interesting day. Billal’s hand rested on mine. Nidal did not miss the gesture, and I saw him tense up. The princess was watching him like a hawk.

The conversation went smoothly for the first half of the brunch. Everyone was engaged in pleasant conversation. Nidal and I pretended we were happy with our mates. Shaeena and Billal acted as if all were normal, so we ate our meal and enjoyed our surroundings, or so I thought. There was no warning sign when the room started spinning. I held on tight to Billal’s hand. I feared I would fall off my chair. Billal noticed something was wrong.

“Loula, is something wrong?” Billal leaned close to my ear and whispered with great concern, “Your face looks ashen. What ails you?”

Nidal overheard Billal’s words and looked suspiciously at me. He was waiting for my reply.
As if he cared! As if he loved me and was concerned! I will not give him the satisfaction
. I whispered back in Billal’s ear and for his ears alone that I was fine and he need not worry about me. Then I threw him a smile, and he relaxed. But that was farthest from the truth. The room was still spinning, and I was about to throw up. I quickly jumped up from my seat and walked around the dining table hastily. I could hear the commotion behind me as I exited the room, but I had no time to react. I ran as fast as I could to the guest bathroom, thankful it was nearby. As soon as I closed the door behind me, I threw up in the toilet.