Sweet Obsession (27 page)

I started walking past my room and down the corridor to the glass doors. I pulled them open and stepped outside. The fresh air hit my face, and I took a deep breath, swallowing the fresh air as it traveled down my lungs. I walked to the rose garden, knowing that my mother would meet me here in a few minutes.

I looked at all the beautiful roses, and a lump formed in my throat. I saw the roses for the first time through the eyes of Loula. She always spoke of their beauty. I saw the bright colors, and I smelled their perfume. I felt awful that I had never taken the time to appreciate them before this.

I bet the commoners took the time to smell the roses. They planted them in their backyards with their own two hands, and they took special care of them. I was always on the run, too busy for such pleasures. I never once took the time to smell them. I walked up to one of the rose bushes, grabbed a single rose, pulled it gently to my nose, and inhaled.

At that moment, I heard my mother walk up to me and sigh. She bent forward and smelled the roses too. Then she turned to me. “I’m so sorry things turned out this way for you, Son. I wish things were different. I know how much you care for Loula. I too want you to be with her, but your father insists you do the lawful thing,” she said regretfully. “You know your father always abides by the rules, and there are no exceptions. Not even for you, Nidal,” she said sadly.

“Mother, I will not marry Shaeena! I don’t care what Father wants! I am going to marry Loula. She is the one I love.” I hoped she would understand me. I paused for a minute, allowing her to grasp what I had just said to her.

“Mother, you have lived a loveless life your whole existence.” Before she even had the chance to reply, I told her, “Don’t even try denying it. I am a man in love, and I know what love is. You never had that with Father! Your whole life has been empty. Father is not in love with you, and I know you are not in love with him! Is that what you want for me, to live a life without love?” I looked straight into her eyes.

I could feel her pain. Maybe I had gone too far. But I needed to get my point across, and I did not know any other way. “I am not saying this to hurt you. I love you, Mother, but I know it is the truth when I say you do not love Father.”

“Nidal, you are wrong. I do love your father, and he loves me back!” she argued, but she wasn’t convincing enough.

“Yes, Mother, I believe you and Father love each other, but you are not in love with each other. There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. You and Father love each other as friends, spouses, and a family unit. But you are not in love with each other. Your eyes don’t shine when Father walks in the room. Your heart doesn’t beat faster when he looks at you, and you don’t even sleep in the same room as he does! You have not had a sex life with Father in years!” I yelled.

My mother’s eyes were wide open with disbelief. Now I knew I had gone too far and I had hit a nerve. She opened her mouth to say something but closed it shut, unable to say a thing. Tears were in her eyes. I hoped she understood my feelings for Loula now.

“Mother, when Loula walks in the room, I feel butterflies dancing in the pit of my stomach. My heart rate doubles, and I lose my thoughts. I know without a doubt that there is no life for me without Loula. She is my whole life. When I make love to her, our bodies unite and become one. I love her, Mother. She is my soul mate, and I will not choose another.” I hoped I was getting through to her.

My mother’s head lowered as she stared at the ground. When her head came up, she had fresh tears in her eyes, and she reached inside her pocket and pulled out something. “My dear son, you and Loula are truly soul mates. I know her heart. I do believe she is the one for you. Therefore, you have my blessings.” She stretched out her arm and placed something in my hand. I looked down and saw the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. It was my grandmother’s, which had been passed down to my mother.

I looked at her, questioning her actions.

“I want you to give it to Loula. She must wear this ring, not Shaeena. She must be the wife you choose. I want you to live a life filled with passion, not cold and empty like mine is!” She allowed the tears to roll down her face.

My heart went out to her. I took my mother in my arms and hugged her tightly. I loved her so much, and I knew I had said too much and it was very selfish of me, but I had to make her see the truth. I needed her to side with me.

She pulled away from me and quietly walked toward the palace without saying another word. I heard her sniffles, and it broke my heart. My mother deserved a better life, but instead, all she got was misery. I looked down at the ring, and it sparkled so elegantly. The pink diamond must be at least a total of ten karats. It felt very heavy in my hand. My mother wished for me to give it to Loula, and I would do just that. The ring belonged to the woman I loved. It belonged to Loula. I closed my hand and dropped the ring in my pocket. I had to find Loula alone and give the ring to her. She would be my wife. My heart sang with happiness at the thought of Loula and me getting married.

I stayed in the garden for the next half hour, just dreaming of the day when Loula and I would get married. It would be a joyous day. I would make it a national holiday. My heart swelled with joy. I was overwhelmed with delight. Walking back to the palace, I knew the king would stand in the way of my happiness, but I would overcome all the obstacles, and I would prevail in the end.

As I walked down the long hallway, I remembered when Loula and I were running on this marble floor, trying to get to our rooms hastily to make sweet, passionate love. I could almost hear her laughter echoing around the walls. I closed my eyes, and for a brief second, I swear I thought I felt her fingers caressing me. I opened my eyes, and I was standing alone, aroused and full of lust because that was what the thought of my love did to me. I quickly ran to my room and headed straight for the bathroom. Thankful that Shaeena was not there, I slammed the door shut, locked it, and pulled the strings to my pantaloons. They dropped to the floor, and I reached inside my underwear and grabbed my shaft. I enjoyed the sensation that it brought me. My eyes were closed as I thought of her. Every cell in my body was responding to her memory. I pulled hard and fast. I thought of her kissing me and playing with my shaft. I thought of her silky skin touching mine; her breasts, round and soft; and her legs, long and slender. I thought of my shaft entering her and Loula moving to the rhythm with me. I could hear her moans as she called out my name. I bent down and kissed her lips, and she screamed in sweet ecstasy as I pumped my seed into her. Wild now with memories of her, my body reached its peak, and the spasms I was feeling electrified my whole being. A moan escaped my lips as I called out her name just as I climaxed.

Exhausted and spent, I still felt the tingling sensation up and down my body as I tried to slow down my heart rate. I washed up and ran my fingers through my hair. As I looked into the mirror, the face looking back at me looked at peace with himself. After tying the strings to my pantaloons, I reached inside my pocket and pulled out the ring. It sparkled in all its glory. I had to find Loula today and give this ring to her. I needed to find her alone. I would pour my heart out to her and present her with this ring. I would ask her to marry me, and when she accepted my proposal, I would announce my feelings for her to the whole world.

I happily exited the bathroom and stopped immediately in my tracks. Sitting in the chair by the window, staring at me with a menacing look on her face, was Shaeena. She was tightly clutching both sides of the arms of the chair that she was sitting in. Her piercing gaze alarmed me.
Had she heard my moans in the bathroom? Did she know I was masturbating? Had I called out Loula’s name in the heat of the moment? If the answer to all these questions is yes, then too bad!
She knew from the beginning that my heart belonged to Loula. And up until my last dying breath, that would not change.

I walked right past her, opened the door, and stepped out. She could pant and rave all she wanted. Nothing was going to change. My feelings for Loula would always remain the same. I would find her and stake my claim on her. I would ask her to marry me, promising her my undying love. My hand tightened around the ring. This was not an ordinary ring. This ring held a promise of a bright future, a future between Loula and me.

A smile was on my face. There was always a smile on my face when I thought of her. I felt complete and whole knowing she loved me too. The servants were staring at me as I walked right past them. I knew they didn’t understand me. No one understood me. Only Loula knew the deep feelings in my heart. I whistled a happy tune, a love song. The echo bounced off the walls and got louder. I heard the servants whispering behind my back. I whistled even louder.

My father’s voice interrupted my thoughts. His loud roar scared the servants as they scrambled hastily to their tasks. I looked at the king, and for the life of me, I couldn’t remember the last time I had seen him smile.
He was, is, and will always be a miserable man
.

“Son, where have you been hiding? I have been looking for you!” he roared. “You keep running away from your responsibilities. Lately, I am wondering if you are worthy of the throne or if I should have to pass you up and hand it to Billal! I think he would make a better king than you. He would never abandon his responsibilities like you have!” He spat angrily.

I looked at my father calmly and sighed. He ran this country with a fierce passion, without mercy, ruthlessly, and with great superiority. He was a good king for this country, but he just needed to soften up a bit. He ran his marriage the same way.
Poor Mother
.

“I really don’t care, Father, if I do not become king. I do not want to become like you, a miserable old man, a man without a life of his own and all the responsibilities of the world on his shoulders. No time to be a husband to my wife and a father to my children! So, Father, please do pass the crown to Billal. He is ruthless, just like you!” I knew he would rip my head off in less than thirty seconds.

But the king threw his head back and laughed so hard that the echo from his laughter rumbled through the walls of the palace. I stared at him, speechless. A few minutes later, the king, sober now, looked at me and, in a cool voice that was sharp as crystal, said, “Tomorrow I am throwing a ball with you and Princess Shaeena as the guests of honor. I will announce your marriage to her, which will take place in two weeks,” he said as if he were daring me to disagree with him. There was a shuddering tension about him, as if he was a hairbreadth from exploding, as he continued in a deadly whisper, “And Nidal, if I were you, I would shape up and not do a single thing to agitate your king, for he has had enough of your bullshit to last a lifetime!” The king walked away arrogantly without a care in the world, and I stood there speechless.

A ball? Marriage to Shaeena?
Pain tugged at my heart as I leaned against the stone wall for support. It was the first time in my lifetime that I did not know what to do. Father had control of my life. He had me by the balls. My happiness was in his hands, and he did not care if he destroyed it. I could not breathe. I felt as if I were suffocating. The walls were closing in on me. I quickly ran down the hall and back to the glass doors that led to the gardens. I opened them and quickly stepped outside. The fresh air hit my face, and I swallowed the welcoming air. I ran as fast as I could down the stairs and through the gardens to the spot I went to when I was a child. I fell to the ground in a fetal position and sobbed.

I cried and cried until I had no more tears to spill. The ache in my heart was painful. I knew not what to do. The world around me went still as I thought of Loula. I reached in my pocket for the ring. I felt it as I tightened my hold around it. This ring belonged to Loula. And Loula belonged to me. I felt powerless, knowing that, when the king made up his mind, no one could change it.

Suddenly, my mother appeared out of nowhere. She sat herself down and took me in her arms, just like she had when I was a little boy. She caressed my back, trying to soothe my pain. My mother’s comfort saved me from going crazy.

The sun was going down, and soon it would be time to go back to my room. My mother and I had already missed dinner, and everyone in the palace was probably looking for us. I did not want to go to my room. I had no desire to look upon Shaeena’s face. I wanted to stay here all night in my mother’s arms. She was the only one who knew how to comfort me, but I knew that the king was fuming by now, and I did not want my mother to get punished because of me.

I straightened up. With a fake smile, I looked at my mother. “Just like old times, thank you. I needed your hugs. I feel much better now.” I stood up now and gently pulled my mother to her feet. “We need to get back now. We do not want to make Father angrier than he already is,” I said sarcastically.

My mother gracefully stood up and gave me another quick hug. “Nidal, I pray that everything will work out the way you want it to. I want to see you happy. Please don’t blame your father. He is just trying to follow the law. Being king is not an easy thing. He has a duty to his crown. He is a slave to it. He wants you to be happy too, but the law requires you to marry the princess because she claims to be pregnant with your child. It is out of his hands. We have no choice in this matter. We must do what is the right thing for this country. Otherwise, the people will question our judgment. They will say, if the prince doesn’t follow the law, then we too don’t have to. Imagine what that will do to our beloved country! Nidal, being the royal family, we have certain responsibilities. We have to set examples. Along with all the glory, we are obligated to serve the crown. It is the law. You must marry Princess Shaeena to keep the peace in this country. Maybe we can talk to your father to allow you to take Loula as your second wife,” she said hopefully.

It was hard for me to be angry at my mother, but I could not understand how she had changed her mind so fast. “Mother, why have you turned against me? What lies has Father fed you? I am loyal only to Loula. I will not marry Shaeena!”