Surviving Love (Surviving #2) (29 page)

“Hey love, so our baby wants to come early?”

I cringed at him saying
our baby
. It felt wrong, like he had no claim to this child. I started crying again, covering my face with my hands. I gasped as pain shot through me.

Warm, smooth hands slid around my wrists and pulled my hands away from my face. “Lou Lou, listen. I
want
to be here. I’ve been a dickhead, a total twat, call me whatever you like. But I want this, I want
us
to be a family. I promise I won’t leave again. I love you, I love you so much, baby.”

He pressed his lips against my forehead and I melted into him, the warm comfort of him. The familiar comfort from years of being together created a sense of peace. But my heart ached for the man I loved, I was desperate to be in the arms of another, but I needed to focus on bringing bean into the world safely.

“Have you phoned your parents?” he asked.

I shook my head and burst into tears.

“Do you need me to?”

“They’re on holiday in Paris. I can’t.” I bent over, clutching my stomach as a wave of nausea and pain struck me.

“Eve?”

“She isn’t...her phone is off.”

“Well, it’s just us then, love. I’m here.” He paused and from the pensive look on his face I knew something was coming that he didn't want to say. “What about...Johan?”

My lip trembled and he nodded as if understanding and I both hated and loved Darren at that moment for knowing me so well.

“Come on, let’s get you inside, the labour ward is waiting on you.”

***

“How are we doing?” asked a bubbly midwife.

I felt wrung out, the contractions had stopped over an hour ago, I’d been laying on the bed listening to the screams of women in full labour absolutely shitting myself that I would be going through that.

“The pains have stopped.” I turned to look at the monitor. I had a weird belt wrapped around my bump tracking bean’s progress.

She followed my gaze and smiled. “Baby is doing fine. There’s a strong healthy heartbeat and we have no worries. But we do have some concerns with regards to your blood pressure.”

I frowned and shifted on the bed. Darren came walking into the room holding two steaming cups of hot chocolate.

“Pre-eclampsia?” Darren questioned.

The midwife nodded. “You’re in slow labour, Lou, there is no doubt about that, baby wants out and ordinarily we would be happy for you to go home, and wait it out. However, the blood pressure is a problem. We cannot send you home, we would like for you to stay in, definitely overnight so we can monitor your blood pressure.”

I nodded.

“Are there any other children at home?”

I shook my head at the same time Darren answered. “No, this is our first child.”

I turned to look at him, shocked; he’d spoken as if there would be more.

He smiled at me and reached out to lace our fingers together. This was what I wanted from the beginning, him being here happy about our creation, but I felt empty and alone. I looked at him now and felt nothing but regret and sadness. I did love him, and a part of me always would love him for giving me baby bean, but I wasn’t
in
love with him and that saddened me.

Five hours later, I was ready to chew my arm off just for something interesting to do. I’d sat there, hooked up to a machine with an incessant
thump, thump, gurgle
as baby bean moved about. My bladder was about to explode if they didn't come and let me use the bathroom, either that or I would pee the bed for the first time in twenty-two years.

Darren had his head resting on his arms beside me, his styled blond hair all mussed-up from sleeping. I lifted my hand and ran my fingers through his hair, making him moan softly.

A pang hit my chest, remembering the soft moans Johan used to make when I ran my fingers through his hair. I recalled the way I would kiss his naked back as he snoozed on my bed after he’d made me scream his name and when I—

“You okay, you’re looking a little flushed again?”

I covered my cheeks with my clammy palms, blushing further at the thoughts running through my mind. I nodded and cleared my throat.

“Do you want me to go see if I can reach Eve yet? Surely her or Dominic will be answering their phones by now, what the hell could they be doing all this time.”

I smiled secretly, knowing full well what was likely happening between the lovebirds.

“It’s fine, I texted her earlier, she will be here as soon as she gets it.”

“If you’re sure.” He smiled gently at me and laced his fingers between mine, like he used to. I looked down at our joined hands and realised how foreign his hands felt. For one they were much smaller than Johan’s and so much smoother. Johan had a bronzed skin where as Darren was milk bottle white.

“You miss him...Johan, I mean?”

I snapped my attention up to his, startled by his question. Had I said something aloud?

“You have this
look
, every time I touch you.” He used the index finger of his free hand to trace a pattern over our joined hands. “It’s like my touch is alien to you, and you have this faraway look in your eyes. It’s him isn’t it?”

I turned to look out the window, I couldn't stand to look at him and admit what he was asking was true.

“Are you...are you in love with him?”

Emotion clogged my throat at the quiver in his voice. “Darren—”

“I know I have no right, and that I messed up really badly, but I still love you, Lou. You’re it for me, you always have been. I acted like an idiot, a spoilt-idiotic prick who was only thinking of himself. It’s amazing what we’ve created.” I flinched when his hand spread across my bare stomach. The monitor gurgled as bean moved about. “I want to be a dad, I want us to be a family, Lou.”

“Darren.”

“No listen, if he...this fella Johan, if he doesn’t come back...then can we try? All I’m asking is for another chance.”

I turned my head to look at him, taking in his hand spread across my stomach and the other firmly holding onto my hand.

“All I want is for you to be a good dad.”

“I will, I swear it.”

I held up my hand to silence him. “You hurt me so much, Darren, with the way you reacted. Your sister has been hell at work, everyone thinks I'm some two-bit tramp who spreads her legs for all and sundry.” I smiled when a midwife walked past and gasped at my words.

“I thought you were my forever, I thought we would grow old together.”

“I want that.” When I closed my eyes, I heard him swallow. “But you don’t anymore.” It wasn’t a question.

I slowly shook my head. “I love him, even if he doesn’t want me, or if I never see him again. Wherever he is, that is where my heart is. It just wasn’t our time to be together.”

“Why did he leave you?”

“I asked him to.” I cleared my throat as tears clogged it. “I was stupid, but I wish...” I sucked in a breath as tears welled in my eyes. Darren’s hold on my hand tightened.

“He’ll come back, love, there’s only room for one idiot in the world, and that title is firmly on my head for letting you go.” He smiled, but I could see the pain in his eyes. “I’ve really lost you, haven’t I?”

I cupped his face. Even though he had been a total arse, I still hated putting that broken look in his eyes.

“Can I...?” His chest heaved and he let out a shaky breath. He stood and before I could process what he was doing his lips pressed against mine. With gentle but firm pressure he kissed me; warm moisture ran down between our joined lips and I realised I was crying. He pulled back and wiped at his face. Those weren’t just my tears.

“I’ll go...make some phone calls and get you a drink.” He turned and walked out of the ward. I covered my face and silently sobbed for everything that was lost.

C
hapter 17

Louise

21 Hours Later

“Almost there, Louise, just one more push, when you feel the contraction give us a big push.”

“Come on, love, you’re doing great,” Darren whispered, kissing my sweaty brow.

Another wave of pain hit and I bared down. As instructed, I pushed, squeezed Darren’s hand, gritted my teeth, and pushed until the pain was unbearable. Then it all disappeared when a loud, annoyed, beautiful cry echoed through the room.

I sucked in breath after breath as I panted like a racehorse. I kept my death grip in Darren as I anxiously waited to see baby bean. Darren kissed the side of my head again and I looked up at him.

“You did great, love, I’m so proud of you.” He leaned forward and kissed my lips in a tender caress. I pressed my forehead against his, too exhausted to fight him. My body felt like a limp noodle. I sagged against the bed, still clinging to Darren.

He had stayed with me the entire time, never once leaving me. And I truly adored him for that; going thought this alone would have been unbearable.

“Congratulations, Mum and Dad, you have a baby boy.” The midwife held a white bundle towards me, and when she placed it gently on my chest my heart skipped a beat at the most amazingly beautiful, perfect baby boy I had ever seen.

“He’s...” I choked, tears rolled down along my jaw as I gently pulled the blanket away from his pink cheeks so I could see him better. “Hey beautiful, I’m your mummy.” I lifted him towards me so I could kiss his pink little head, which was covered in thick dark hair. He had a cute little button nose, and gorgeous pouty lips. His little hands balled into fists and his eyes were a dark blue, almost black, as he sleepily looked up at me.

“God, he’s perfect, Louise.” Darren leaned over to kiss his son, then he kissed me. He slid his finger into my little guys fist and laughed through his tears. “He’s perfect.”

I turned my head, staring at our son until the very last minute, and smiled up at Darren. I could see the genuine love on his face and my heart swelled. Tears rolled down his face as he looked with rapture at his baby boy.

He leaned forward and kissed me full on the mouth, and in that moment I didn't dislike it. This was our moment, a precious, irreplaceable moment.

“Can I hold him?”

I smiled brightly and nodded.

He settled into the chair, holding our precious bundle and I watched, exhausted but completely and utterly in love with my boy.

“Have you thought of any names?”

I nodded as a wave of emotion slammed into me. It was a bittersweet feeling, but I wouldn’t change it. It was perfect just like him.

“Will you let him take my surname?” Darren asked quietly.

I smiled and nodded.

“Thank...” He cleared his throat. “Thank you.”

***

As I slowly opened my eyes I became aware of two things: my body was extremely sore, and a man was humming. I closed my eyes groggily and listened to the gentle tune.

Baby Mine.

I willed my eyes open, I felt so drained. But I wanted to see my son again, his perfect little face and hands.

I turned my head to the sound of the humming and my gaze landed on the small bundle being rocked in large arms. I closed my eyes again feeling myself drift back into sleep when I realised I was already asleep.

“Your momma is waking up,” said the sexiest voice in the world. I smiled in my sleep and willed my dream to let me see his handsome face.

Soft, full lips pressed against my brow and I lifted my face, chasing them with my own lips. A gentle chuckle sent shivers down my spine.

“Wake up, my little walrus, and I will kiss you. I need to see your beautiful eyes.”

It took a few seconds for the words to penetrate before my eyes snapped open. And standing there in all his handsome glory was my Johan, holding my son.

“There we go.” He smiled before his lips pressed against mine. I whimpered loudly as tears tingled at the backs of my eyes. I reached my hand out to touch him, to make sure he was real.

“I’m here, sunbeam. I’m no dream,” he whispered as if sensing my hesitancy. I let out a gentle sob and covered my mouth.  I stared into his sparkling blue eyes.

“How did you...”

“Darren called. I tried to get here before my little buddy was born.” He looked down at his arms, cradling my son.

“Darren?”

He nodded. “Guy said you needed me here.”

I swallowed and bit down on my lip to stop myself from dissolving into tears.

“I texted you.”

“I answered by coming home.”

“You did?”

“You are my home, Lou, I told you that before. You and my little buddy here.”

“Did...what happened...I mean when you...”

“I can’t say it was easy, in fact it was fu...really hard,” he corrected himself and I smiled. “But I did it for you, to prove I love you, and to prove I will do anything to keep you.”

“I missed you so much.”

“Not as much as I missed you, trust me. I love Will and Ryan, but they are no replacement for you, sunbeam.”

I smiled brightly. “Kiss me.”

Without hesitation he leaned forward and devoured my mouth until Alfie grumbled.

“Hey, buddy, I hope you’re not cock blocking.”

My mouth gaped open. Johan laughed loudly causing Alfie to grumble again.

“So are you going to tell me his name?”

“Alfie,” I said quietly.

“Hey Alfie,” he said, rocking him back and forth.

“Alfie
Jo
-Alan.”

Johan’s posture froze, his shoulders stiffened, and his movements stopped abruptly as he stared down at the baby in his hands.

“Johan.”

“Say it again,” he whispered.

I swallowed thinking maybe I’d made a mistake.

“Johan...”

“Please say it again.”

“Alfie Jo-Alan.”

“You named your son...after
me?”

I nodded, forcing the tears welling on my eyelids to fall down my cheeks. “I named him after the three men I admire and love the most. My granddad Alfred, my dad, and...you.”

He staggered slightly and gently lowered himself into the chair beside my bed. His chest rose and fell in dramatic fashion as he sucked in deep breaths staring down at Alfie.

“I love your momma, little buddy, and together we are going to make sure she’s never unhappy. We got a deal, buddy? Because you and I are a team, okay? You’re my little guy and I’m your...I’ll be whatever you want me to be. I’ll never leave you, I’ll never hurt you, and I will always protect you. I love you, little man. And I love your momma.” He turned to fix his gaze on me and my heart stuttered to a stop at the intense adoration in his eyes.

“I love you, Louise Beaumont. And no one is ever taking me away from you again.”