Surviving Love (Surviving #2) (28 page)

“I’ll just go,” I said, because collecting my stuff from her room was impossible, I couldn't face seeing a place where she had given me her love when she was breaking my heart.

I pressed a kiss to her forehead and cried. I couldn't fight the emotion breaking through. She was ripping my heart out with her fucking fist.

“The first woman I ever loved was my mom, and I never got over losing her. I sure as hell won’t get over losing you, Lou. I love you, and shadows or not, it will never change.”

I turned and headed for the door.

“Goodbye Johan,” she said softly.

I nodded because this time it really was goodbye. I thought I’d experienced pain, but this, this was fucking unbearable.

C
hapter 16

Louise

Three weeks! That’s how long it’s been since Johan walked out of my house, three weeks since I last saw his beautiful dimples and three weeks since my heart shattered. Three weeks of kicking myself for making the most stupid decision of my life. I’d like to say I stood strong and held to my belief that he needed to resolve his past issues, but I didn’t. I lasted maybe an hour before I raced out of the house to follow him to his flat, and called him relentlessly. But his overly arsy neighbour informed me Johan was no longer there and she had seen him and two other blokes taking a case and holdall out to their waiting car. I wanted to call her a nosey cow, but in truth I was too fractured to do anything but nod and walk away. I had even gone as far as to beg Emily to give me his next of kin contact information from work, but the girl has an impenetrable work ethic. She refused but held me when I collapsed at her feet in an embarrassing sob fest.

So in three weeks I’ve lost the man I’ve fallen arse over tit for, and gained a new best friend. Because each night Emily knocked on my door with two blokes, different most nights, except for Saturdays when we went back to an old favourite of cookie dough. So my life consisted of sappy romantic comedies,
Ben & Jerry’s,
and Emily feeding me hilarious stories about Alex and his failed chat up attempts. A knock sounded at the door and I hefted myself from the sofa knowing it was my ice cream buddy, Em.

“Hey.” I smiled as I opened the door and she held up our usual.

She tilted her head and regarded me. “You look tired, babe, you okay?”

I smiled weakly and nodded. She followed me into the house. I rubbed my back as another achy sensation made me pause.

“You okay?” Em said, tugging at my elbow.

“Yeah, just tired. I think I slept funny or something because my back is killing me today.”

“Go sit down and I’ll go make us a cuppa, I had the day from hell too.” I could hear her talking in the kitchen as she collected cups and sorted through her bags of goodies. “Eve’s replacement is the most irritating piece of work I’ve ever had to work with. She’s like the bitch demon from hell.”

When I laughed Emily shook her head and pursed her lips.

“Seriously, today she had Alexander-the-world’s-most-unflappable-man in such a foul mood Jas, his wife, had to take him out for an extended lunch.” She winked. “When they came back he wasn’t so grumpy.” She waggled her eyebrows at me.

I made a face at her. “Isn’t he like ninety? That’s gross, Em.”

She laughed loudly. “Hardly. I’m not entirely sure how old he is, but he’s not
old
, old.” She plopped down on the sofa beside me and handed me a spoon. “This weekend the old gang is going out and you, my dear, are coming with us. I refuse to accept any argument that doesn’t involve death as an excuse. In fact I’m not even allowing that, I may just dig your grave and make you come with us anyway.”

I turned to look at her, completely baffled by what comes out of her mouth sometimes.

“What?”

“Emily, you are seriously disturbed.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “When you have a family like mine you need an outlet.”

I nodded, completely understanding; Emily had serious family issues. They were tight knit, but a little too tight. She felt suffocated by them.

“So who’s the
gang
that’s going out?”

“Usual,” she said around a mouthful of ice cream. “I think my brothers are coming too, I’m hoping Rhea doesn’t come, but usually where the twins go she goes. She takes the whole siblings playing together nicely a little too fucking far.” She huffed and stabbed the spoon into the defenceless ice cream.

I opened my mouth to say something but paused when strong pains shot down the backs of my thighs. I closed my eyes and shifted on the sofa.

“Lou?”

I held up my hand trying to get my breath back.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not.” She nodded to my bump.

I shook my head and smiled. “Don’t panic, bean isn’t due for another four weeks. The midwife said I may start experiencing Braxton hicks. The baby is bedding down, getting ready to come into the world.”

She eyed me as if not quite believing me. “Your parents still on holiday?”

I nodded. They had taken Ellie to Disneyland as an uber treat, I think they felt after everything that had happened with Eve that they’d been neglecting my little sister. So they pulled her from school for the week, yes naughty, naughty—but the kid had been pushed from pillar to post whilst my parents were at the hospital with Eve.

I stuffed another pillow behind my back.

“What you smiling about?”

“Huh? Oh, I was just thinking about Eve shacked up at Dominic’s.”

Emily sighed. “Now there is a man I wouldn’t kick out of bed for farting.”

I laughed. “Has anyone ever told you, you have a way with words. And that is my future brother in-law.” I made a grimace.

“Pulease, you’re pregnant not dead in the vagina, he is seriously sexy. All tall dark and brooding, although lately he’s all smiley. But tall, dark and...smiley doesn’t have the same ring to it.”

“That’s possibly because after waiting twenty-three years he finally got his head out of his arse and admitted he had a crush on his best friend.” A warmth spread through my chest at the thought of those two together. Then a chill set in when I thought of my own happiness being flushed down the drain.

“He will come back, he hasn’t quit. He’s on holiday so he’s coming back,” Emily said.

I nodded, willing the stupid tears to go away.

“I want to be someone’s Lou one day.”

“What?”

“Or Eve, I don’t mind.”

I took the tub of ice cream out of her hands. “You on a dairy high again?”

“Buggar off.” She laughed. “I mean it. I want a man to look at me the way Johan looks at you, and the way Dominic looks at Eve. Like you both hung the moon.”

I started shaking my head.

“I refuse to let you give up hope, Johan loves you. He’s sorting his shit out and he will come back.

“It hurts to think about it.”

“It hurts because you don’t believe you’re worth the fight to him. But you are, and he will come back. If he doesn’t I’ll kick his puny little backside.”

“He’s sexy though right?”

Her lip curled in a frown.

“What?” I asked.

“I suppose you could call him...cute.”

“Cute!”

“Yeah, he isn’t...okay, so when he smiles his dimples are kind of sexy, and his dark eyelashes are a little...okay, he’s sexy. But he’s a bit short for my taste.”

“Short? He’s a bloody giant compared to us two.”

“Hobbits are giants compared to us two.”

“I’m not short, I am vertically challenged. And have you never heard the saying good things come in small packages?”

“Yeah, a bloke created that saying for his small pecker and tight purse strings with jewellery.” She puckered her lips in a disgusted pout.

I laughed loudly and hugged my sides.

“No, what I need is a tall, like really, really tall, brooding man. Who has biceps thicker than my thighs.”

I laughed again and shook my head. “You just described Johan’s brothers.” I didn't want to explain Ryan wasn’t technically his brother. “Both are giants and built like brick shithouses.”

She turned her head to look at me, a sparkle of interest in her eyes. “Really?”

I nodded but gave her a sympathetic smile. “Unfortunately one is getting married pretty soon, totally in love with his high school sweetheart and Ryan is, I believe, in the military.”

She made a disgruntled noise. “All the good ones are either taken, gay, or...or...on another fucking continent.”

I patted her leg in consolation. “You will find your prince one day.”

“I don’t want a prince. I want someone who’s going to want to re-invent the Kama Sutra. I don’t want tea and bloody scones with a nice prince charming.”

I chuckled and nudged her with my shoulder. “You’re bad.”

“I just need to get him past my brothers and my slapper of a sister and I’m all set.” She winked but I saw the flash of pain in her eyes as she said it.

After a few hours of laughter, slating men and their deserting ways, and picking another romance apart she hugged me goodnight and went home. I hated the house at night. It was so lonely in the dark, no sounds, no warmth of a certain American wrapped around me. I was alone. It was at night I thought about him the most, missed him the most, and wanted him home the most. And it was at night I despised my strong will the most.

***

“Yeah.” Samantha’s laughter rang through the corridor as I approached the staff room. I had never craved coffee more than I did today. “Apparently he’s dumped her too. And it
isn’t
his kid either.”

I placed my hand against the partially open door and steadied my weakened knees. Now I’m all for sticking it to the bitch and calling her on her bullshit, but I didn't have it in me today. I felt like crap, I’d had a horrible ache in my back and I felt so tired I just wanted to curl up and sleep. But I’d done little of that last night because I felt so restless. After Emily went home I curled up in bed but ended up tossing and turning because whichever position I tried made me ache; bean was beginning to scare me a little too because he or she hadn’t moved much today.

“I thought the kid was your brother’s?”

“No! Absolutely not. She was cheating on him, obviously with
various
men if this latest one isn’t the father either.”

I pushed against the door and stood on the threshold of the room as conversation ground to a deafening halt. Normally I would have met each and every backstabbing bastard’s eyes, but today I simply lowered my gaze to the floor and headed to the kettle. I would get a hot drink and go out to my car like I had for the past few weeks. Like an idiot I hid away from the venom Samantha spouted.

“You okay, Lou?” asked a teacher’s aide who stood to the side of me, leaning against the counter cradling a mug. I flicked my eyes up to her and nodded. She frowned, concern etched in her face. She turned and cupped my elbow. “You look tired.”

“I...” I gasped and held onto the counter as a sharp pain stabbed at my abdomen.

“Lou.” She placed her mug down and slid closer to me.

“I’m fine,” I choked out. I offered a weak smile but I knew it came out as more of a grimace.

“Probably another late night with God knows who,” Samantha said snidely.

“Wind your neck in, Sam,” Gus snapped. “You’re sounding like a catty five-year-old.” Gus was one of the newer teachers who’d started in September.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re going too far with it, Sam, and you know it,” someone piped up from the back of me, but the pain screaming through my lower body incapacitated me. I closed my eyes and willed myself to move. I couldn't fall apart in front of the wicked bitch.

I pushed away from the counter and turned to leave but another stabbing pain had me grasping at air to steady myself. Brogan, the teaching assistant, held onto me.

“Gus.” Brogan glanced around the room. “Mark, you need to help me get her to Jayne.” I shook my head and tried to protest. Jayne was the school nurse. I cried out when another pain exploded.

“When are you due?”

“Not for another four weeks. I don’t start maternity leave for another week,” I cried. Sweat beaded on my brow. My hands were shaking as I watched the panicked look on Gus’s and Mark’s faces.

“I’m not...” I bent over holding onto my stomach as another wave of pain struck.

“I don’t drive, who can take her to the hospital?”

Silence and mumbling met my ears.

“Bloody hell, you don’t need to deliver the baby, just get her to the hospital,” Brogan snapped.

“I...”

“Sam?” she called, and I started shaking my head thinking I would rather give birth in the car park than let her take me to the hospital.

I looked up at her, too shocked to speak. She was on the phone.

“Darren, I think Lou is in labour.” She turned her scornful eyes to me. “He’ll meet you at the hospital.”

***

“
This is Dominic Layton, sorry I cannot come
—” I hung up and cursed. I dialled Eve’s phone again.

“
It has not been possible—”

Tears welled in my eyes as I stared at the screen on my phone. I let out a loud sob when I roamed over the one name I wished with all my heart was here in person.

I opened my text messages and started typing that bean was possibly making an appearance early, but simply wrote the words I was more desperate to say.

I miss you, come home.

I love you x

I closed my phone and tears rolled down my face. The car door opened and I looked up into the face of the one man I once thought I would spend the rest of my life with.