Surviving Him (10 page)

Logan opens the passenger side door for me to climb in. Kayleigh and Amy are begrudgingly all ready to go and strapped in the back seats.

“I’m totally gutted, Logan. I wish we could stay a bit longer,” I say staring at the ground.

“Mum, we should just stay. We really don’t want to leave. It’s so unfair.”

I know everyone feels as torn by this as I am, and I tell Kayleigh and Amy.

“I know, but we can’t. We have to go back down to the refuge. It won’t be forever, I promise.”

“Dana, baby, this is killing me just as it is you and the girls. Mum and Dad both think you guys should stay, but they totally understand why you can’t.”

His eyes burn intensely into mine, as if searching for a way around things, but we’ve been through all this countless times before. We both know there isn’t a solution.

“This is not forever I promise I know I have said that before. It’s crap, I know. And I’m sorry,” I reassure him, though it does little to strengthen my own resolve.

I pull my phone out of my handbag and scroll through my contacts trying not to show Logan, Kayleigh and Amy my true feelings about leaving.

I call my Mum and tell her that we are just leaving Jedburgh.

“We will be back in Manchester in a few hours, Mum,” I tell her, trying not to let the miserable ache in my chest seep into my voice.

“Ok, Dana, my lovely. Give my love to Kayleigh, Amy and Logan, and have a safe journey home.”

“Will do. Bye, Mum. See you soon. We love you.”

I kill the call. Next, I text Katy and Rose, telling them we had an amazing time, and are all still alive, in one piece and just setting off home. I promise to talk to them when I get back.

Katy replies quickly.

Her reply makes me smile. By details, she no doubt means she wants to know how things went with Logan. Katy knows that my sex life with him was knock-my-socks-off awesome, and she always wants to hear about the smoking hot bits. She has never in her life had an orgasm during sex, so I suppose she kind of lives vicariously through my stories, though they are too few and far between. I feel bad for her as this was a big part of mine and Logan’s relationship. Apparently lots of women go through their whole lives without ever having one orgasm, ever. That seems tragic to me.

I receive a text from Rose.

The car journey back home is just awful, hardly any of us speak to one another; the atmosphere is full of sorrow and utter sadness. All I can hear is the sound of the car droning along the motorway and the sound of the traffic zooming all around us.

“I can’t stand the silence. Come on, cheer up! This is not gonna be forever.”

I switch on the radio to drown out the awful lull. ‘Missing you’ by P. Diddy pulses through the car.

“We have all had an amazing time.
We’ve had some fabulous weather and that’s a bonus for Scotland. We will all be together again soon. Thanks for coming to get us, Logan.”

“Anytime. I will come and pick you up as soon as you need me.”

He smiles that beautiful, white-toothy smile that is one hundred per cent Logan, that always makes my core heat and my knickers threaten to combust.

“How about a holiday in Spain or somewhere? What do you think ladies?”

“Oh my god, Logan! Are you serious?”

“Sure am, beautiful. The English school summer holidays start soon so there’s nothing to stop us, if you’re up for it.”

Before I can properly respond to that delightful idea, my phone starts to ring. I look down to see that it’s from an unidentified caller. Someone has been calling several times over the last few weeks, but never leaves a voice message or sends a text.

“That unknown number is calling me again. I wonder who it is. Well, I won’t be answering them. It could be anyone,” I say, but I know in my heart it is Ian.

“Maybe it’s the person behind the phantom text messages you keep getting, babe. Just ignore it, they will soon get bored.”

“The last one just said
RIP.
I thought it might have been Ian but the number is different.”

This shit gets to me so much, but I don’t want anyone else to know how much.

“If it carries on, go back to the police and don’t leave until they help you.”

“They are useless. They never help until something really bad happens.”

“If anything happens, Dana, you can get me on my mobile anytime, day or night. I will drive straight down and bring you three back up here. Don’t worry if it’s in the middle of the night, I don’t care. I want you all safe.”

Logan hates not being able to help me. I know he feels almost helpless, and he realises just how dangerous Ian is.

Saying goodbye to Logan feels so painful, like tearing a limb from my body. I hang onto his warm, toned body, like I am trying to squeeze every last touch from him before we have to be separated again.

“Hey, baby, don’t cry. I will see you all soon I swear.”

I can’t hold back the despair; it is tearing me apart.

“It just feels like I will never see you again. It’s all so wrong. I love you so much. We should be together.”

“I love you too, and miss you and the girls when you’re away. I will check out Spain and see where the best places for families are.”

He kisses me so sweetly then rests his lips on my forehead before letting out a sharp breath. Gently he locks his firm but soft lips onto mine again, devouring my mouth like his life depends on it. I don’t want him to stop. I know in my heart we have to go and there is nothing I can do about it. I pull out of the kiss reluctantly. He kisses the girls goodbye. Then he’s gone.

He had dropped us off near the shopping mall. It isn’t far to walk home and I need to stock up on supplies before we head home. The shopping centre is packed full of shoppers, and it takes me a bit longer than I thought because I keep getting distracted by all the stunning shoes on sale.

I eye up a pair of killer pillar box red heels with a five-inch heel in the window of River Island. When I see movement in the reflection in the glass of a man coming up behind where the girls and I are standing, I spin around on my heel.

“Oh my fucking god. Lee Young. How the bloody hell are you?”

My childhood friend, Lee, doesn’t look a day older since the last time I’d seen him. I am so surprised, and I can’t believe I haven’t seen or heard from him in years. Now here he is, and he is as sexy as ever.

He’s tall at about six-foot-two, and his beautiful, light brown skin is flawless. He still wears his black hair in his short curly Afro. His chocolate brown eyes smile back at me like sunshine.

“Hey, Dee! How the hell have you been? I thought you’d fallen off the face of the earth. Why haven’t you stayed in touch?” he asks as he scoops me up in his huge arms and plants a kiss on my cheek. He gives me the biggest smile ever.

“Really long story.” And it is. I wasn’t sure I wanted to share it. Pretty embarrassing telling one of your oldest friends you let some guy kick the shit out of you for years and couldn’t seem to have the balls to get your ass out of there and come back home.

“Give me your phone number, sweet.”

So I exchange phone numbers with him and get myself out of there before I’m tempted to shop-lift those fantastic red shoes that are way beyond my budget.

“Hey, Lee, so great to see you again!” It is, because I never thought this would happen.

“Keep in touch, sweet. We’ll speak soon.”

With that, he is gone as quick as he appeared.

Back in the refuge, all the kids have gone to bed. I cuddle up on the sofa in the living room next to my bedroom, so I can hear the girls if they wake up. I’m watching EastEnders with Rose and Katy, getting our weekly dose of the London soap. It’s so nice to be back here with them. I don’t like having to live here in shared accommodation, but Rose and Katy make it that little bit more bearable.

I spend all week with my best friends looking for a place to live; a house or something more permanent, but none of us come up with anything half decent. We spend a lot of time with the kids in the local park and library when they’re not in school. The weeks quickly pass and and the school holidays
are upon us. We can
be with Logan again.

Before I know it, it’s time for us to go to Spain. Logan managed to get us a fantastic deal for all of us, including his parents. Sitting in the airport bar, Logan orders us some drinks.

“Two vodka and cokes, one diet, and two Fantas please, hen,” Logan asks the barmaid, while I’m sitting here, terrified.

“Thanks. I need some Dutch courage before getting on that plane.”

I hate flying with a passion. I am nearly shitting bricks right now.

“It’s only a two and half hour flight, it will be over before you know it, babe. Chill. We will soon be by the pool, knocking back cocktails, chilling the fuck out.”

“I need to check out the perfumes. I want some more of my favourite. Love that stuff.”

“You can get whatever you want, sweetheart. I want to give you the world. I hope you packed your bikinis.”

I feel my cheeks heat. I’ve brought like nine bikinis with me.

Logan is in such a playful and cheeky mood, I love it when he’s like this. He looks so happy and stress free.

“Where’s your mum and dad? Shouldn’t they be here by now?”

“They should be here by now. Let me give them a call.”

Logan pulls out his phone and dials his parents.

“Where are you? You’re cutting it a bit fine, are you not? No bother, see you soon.”

He ends the call and looks up at me.

“They’re on their way, got stuck in traffic.”

Newcastle airport is so busy. I sit at the bar drinking my vodka, feeling very anxious about the flight. I take to watching people to distract myself. There’s an old couple sitting a few tables away from us. I watch them laughing and chatting away with each other, so in love and content together.

“I hope that’s us in years to come, Logan. They look so happy together. Imagine still being so in love like that after fifty years.”

“That’s us, now and always. I’m never letting you go. You will never get rid of me so easily even though you keep trying to push me away.”

He cups my cheeks in his hands and strokes my face with his thumbs. He kisses my lips softly. I feel the love he has for me, it rolls off of him in waves. The passion fires up between us. Kayleigh and Amy are giggling at us, everything seems to tickle them today. They are so excited to get on that plane.

The closer we get to boarding time, the more all the noise and commotion around us starts to agitate me; people chatting, laughing, crying, the sounds of announcements over the loud speakers, they bounce off my eardrums.

My anxiety is growing.

“I need a cig.”

“Let’s go then. T
here's a smoking cage at the back of the bar.”

“I think I might just have a few cigs while I’m there.”

“Come here, baby. I’m here with you every step of the way, ok? You don’t need to be scared.”

He gathers me up off my feet wrapping his gorgeous self around me and holds onto me tightly.

“I want you in my life forever. You and the girls are my world. My everything. You know that, right baby?”

My mouth goes dry so I lick my lips to try and get some moisture going. My heartbeat is pulsating rapidly in my chest at a million miles per hour as we step onto the plane.

“Oh my god, Logan. I hate flying.”

“Hey, it’s cool, hen. I’m with you all the way. It will be over in no time at all.”

I know he is talking sense but my anxiety is increasing as he helps us get settled in our seats. I catch him watching me from a few seats away across the aisle. We hadn’t been able to sit together because the girls both wanted to swap seats.

I surprise myself; I am absolutely fine as the plane takes off. I begin to relax and feel so happy and excited about the next couple of weeks.

The sun beats down on us as soon as we step off the plane. The heat hits us we have never felt anything like it before. We’re on holiday, far from looming danger from my sadistic ghosts. I suddenly realise I can finally relax and unwind like I never can at home.

“I can’t wait to get into my bikini,” I say, more to myself than anyone else.

“Mum, can we get in the pool when we get to the hotel?”

“Ladies, you can do whatever you want to do.”

The girls jump up and down with excitement.

“What a beautiful country; so many palm trees and so much green.” I say to Logan.

So many flowers; purples, pinks; reds, and bright oranges.

“This is gorgeous.” Kayleigh giggles.

“Can we move here, Mum? We could get a house over here. We can have all those flowers in our garden. We wouldn’t need to worry about heating bills.”

I can’t help but smile at my girls.

“Great idea, but we would totally miss home.” I say.

The Spanish buildings along the Costa de Sol are beautiful.

“It’s so amazing how different things are over here. Thank you for bringing us here, Logan.”

The architecture here really is spectacular. The village consists mostly of white buildings. As we approach the village from some distance they look like stacked sugar cubes, topped with burnt orange roofs. Then there is the beach, and the breathtaking blue of the Mediterranean Sea, a shimmering blue only rivalled by the brilliance of Logan’s eyes.