Surviving Him (13 page)

“Fuck,” he hisses, “I’m coming, baby.”

I flick the tip of his cock with each thrust as his hands tighten around my hair. He shoots at the back of my throat and I take it all from him. I cup his balls in my hand as he comes down from his orgasm. I look up at his beautiful face and crawl back up the bed, laying my head on his chest and we both fall
asleep.

Logan pulls up outside the shopping centre.

“I can’t believe we are back here already.”

Our holiday is totally over.

“Gutted. My life just got fucking shit again.”

“Babe, it can only get better from here on in,” Logan says with a sincere look in his eyes, like he needs me to believe it. He leans into me and kisses me tenderly. His eyes close halfway as he smiles into my lips.

“I’m really going to miss waking up with you.”

I return a smile and whisper. “I’m going to miss you, too.”

My eyes reveal my feelings, as the agony of not being with him rips through my body and shoots straight to my eyes as they sting from my tears. I get the girls out of the car, holding all my pain inside and walk away.

Now we are back in the hellhole of magnolia walls; cold, stale boring, depressing. I have decorated them all inside my head with every colour under the sun. I think women’s’ prisons would have more personality than this shithole. Twenty-four-hour staff in the building pretty much remind us all of prison wardens. The only difference is our kids live with us and we are allowed to go out but have curfews.

All the girls that live here with us are cool and I’m so grateful for that; my best mate, Katy, the blonde one, and my friend, Mandy. She’s a clubber and a redhead, has blue eyes, and she is slim with big boobs, and ass, skin tight everything. Vicky is just Vicky; a quiet and shy brunette, also with big boobs, but she has stunning curves and green eyes.

And Rose, she’s a Rock chick; fearless, feisty, makes the best coffee and has gorgeous dark hair. She’s totally stunning, has big chocolate-brown eyes, big boobs, a bubbly personality, and a figure I would totally kill someone for. I love her to bits. Rose is also my best mate. She gets me.

Where is everyone? There is no one around in the shared kitchen, so I head straight upstairs to my room and dump my stuff on the bed. I run back down and start putting away the food before I start the dinner. I pour myself a much needed coffee.

I sit at the huge kitchen table with my coffee and pull my phone out of my bag to I text Logan.

I don’t expect him to reply straight away, because he should be back on the motorway by now heading back to Scotland.

I programme the number in my phone that Lee gave to me and sent him a quick text.

Not even a minute later my phone pings and vibrates on the kitchen table.

I text him back saying that would be awesome. I start to wonder what happened to him over the years; what job he had, if he had a wife and three kids in tow, when the front door beeps and I hear it creek open, followed by footsteps.

“Dee, your back,” Katy screeches at me while running towards us like she hasn’t seen us all in six years. She smiles her gorgeous smile. I return my own and run into her arms. I have missed my girls.

“Missed you all, chick,” I tell her while hugging her tightly.

“Now you got to spill. I want to hear all about Logan the sex god and, of course, San Antonio Bay. Did the girls like it? How many orgasms did you fit into that space of time?”

I throw my head back in stiches of laughter.

“A lot of them,” I tell her. Her eyes are as wide as the River Thames. I move to the kitchen counter and make more coffee. This could take a while to explain, I thought.

I completely missed my best friends.

“Where’s the rest of the girls, it’s so quiet in here?” I ask her. She opens the fridge and grabs the milk, then turns to face me saying, “they’ll be here. Don’t you worry about it, sweetie.”

And she beamed again.

“What are you grinning at lovely?”

I try to figure her out; she is amused by something.

“You. I’m grinning at you my gorgeous friend. You have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?”

At that my face heats up as red as a tomato with embarrassment, but warms me up inside.

“Shut up.” I say, and she grins even more. I totally love my friend.

“You really need to learn to take a compliment, girl.”

No sooner as she finishes that sentence the door beeps and creaks open. I hear a rush of people coming up the hallway. Rose, Vicky, and Mandy rush through the kitchen door and run over to us.

“Oh my god, your back,” they squeal at me in unison.

“Yep. I sure am, and however much I missed you lot I fucking wish I wasn’t.”

I totally love them all, but this is a total shit hole. I hate it with a passion, but it’s home. It has to be for now; it is safer for us, and it’s a lot better than being out on the streets.

Mandy leans across and rubs my forearm with her hand.

“I hear you honey, we all feel the same way. I’m so glad that we got each other.”

I put my hand on hers and squeeze it.

“Thanks Mandy, me too, chick. I don’t know what I would without you all.”

As I speak, I look at each of them and decide now would be a good time to make more coffee, before the lump in my throat leaps out and tries to strangle me.

“Great, I will have a coffee. My feet are killing me,” Rose shares. I look up at her and smile; she is wearing her biker boots and has been walking about all day in them.

“If there’s one going I wouldn’t mind one, Dee. Milk and two please.”

Vicky also reveals that she had had a crap day looking for somewhere decent to live, where her ex-husband can’t find her. She looks into my eyes as she speaks and I can see the pain and sadness in her beautiful, jade green eyes. How could anyone hurt Vicky? It makes me so angry thinking about it.

All of us here are in the same boat; the same magnolia walls to mentally decorate every day, a shared kitchen and bathrooms, and only one room per family to live in. It is shit. I can’t wait to get the hell out of here and take everyone with me, hopefully to a hot country.

After dinner and hot chocolate, I get the girls settled into their beds. They are shattered and a bit upset to be back here. I put on the nightlight, switch on the small TV we have in our room, and watch Disney movies until they fall asleep.

I go to the kitchen to make myself a hot chocolate. I know I won’t sleep that much tonight, I never do here. I wonder if Logan has arrived back home safe and sound yet? I check my phone to see if I have any missed calls or messages from him. I’m so disappointed to find nothing.

Katy, Mandy, Rose and Vicky all pile into the kitchen with me. They haven’t slept much either. Katy makes more hot chocolate for herself, Rose, Mandy, and Vicky. We sit at the huge kitchen table in a huddle.

“I wonder what it’s going to be like when we finally get out of here?” Katy was thinking out loud.

“Well, it’s got to be better than living like we are now. It feels like a prison here, still on the run, still answering to someone else.” Rose points to where the staff rooms are.

“I guess they are just doing their jobs, trying to keep us safe, and they have to know where we are at all times, and not dead and buried six feet under one of those new builds in town. It’s shit, but that’s just the way it has to be, for now at least.”

Vicky has a very good point, but it doesn’t stop us all feeling shit; no homes, most of us have lost all of our belongings, and crazy ass ex-partners are searching for us.

The fear is with us always, that any one of us could be caught at any time. We make a decision to check in with each other by text, or call each other daily, every few hours, to advise where we are going and how long we think we might be.

We survive the only way we know how; running on nervous energy and an adrenaline that runs through our veins at every waking moment. We live in fear indoors and outdoors; entering or leaving a building, waiting at a bus stop, visiting friends or family, looking over our shoulders scanning the area where we’re at.

Trying to keep busy, as we had lost everything we owned our homes, jobs, and the towns we lived in our whole lives. Gone.

All because of that one person, that one control freak in our lives that violated us and beat us. It happened to all of us in different ways, controlled every aspect of our lives. The mental scars are still there. I don’t think they will ever fade.

Rose loves rock and roll. She talks about what her life was like living with her ex-husband, Mike. Rose never shares anything, ever.

“I… I want to say Mike sucked me right in. He is a drummer in a rock band, you see,” she starts, but then she pauses. It’s written all over her face, she is in so much pain, and is not sure whether to continue talking, but she needs to share this with us.

“Its ok, babe,” I prompt and reassure her it’s ok for her to proceed.

“He can play. That’s what I noticed about him at first; that and his face. He’s got a stunning face. He’s got light brown eyes and long, dark brown hair. That’s where Annie got her eyes.

He was amazing in the beginning when we first got together, but then I got pregnant with Annie really fast. After a while he started coming home totally off his face. Drugs and drink.”

I grab Rose’s hand and squeeze as I hear her words and read the pain in her eyes. I want to cry and take away all her pain. I can feel it crawling up my throat, but I swallow it right back down again. I know she needs to discuss this with all of us.

“The first night it happened, it was like it wasn’t him; he was someone else but in Mike’s body, do you get me?”

I totally get her, but I don’t say anything. I don’t want to stop her train of thought, so I just nod and she carries on.

“Annie was fast asleep in her cot in the next bedroom. I had just gotten her settled down. She was new-born at that time. I don’t know why, but I was standing at the edge of our bed. I’d just got my nighty on and that’s when I…” She pauses and I squeeze her hand to reassure her.

“It’s ok. He can’t hurt you now.”

“That’s when he tore my nighty off my body.”

I suck in a breath because I know what’s coming next.

“I tried to fight against him, but he was too strong. The more I fought him the more he punched me. He pinned me to the bed and he violently raped me over and over again. I thought I was going to die.

After he finished he got up and went downstairs and didn’t come back up into the bedroom. I was terrified. I couldn’t believe what had happened. I put it down to whatever drugs he’d taken and the drink, the stress of all the gigs.”

With that she bursts into tears and I do too. I do the only thing I can and wrap my arms around her trembling body. Mandy, Katy, and Vicky huddle into a group hug and we cry together.

“You know it’s not your fault, right? Him taking drugs and drink is no excuse for what he did to you, babe. He had no right to do that to you.”

“I know, but the worst thing is I loved him so much. I would have given it to him if he had asked me.”

Her head drops down to the floor. I pull her to me.

“We should have a pyjama night tomorrow with a bottle of wine, ladies. What do you think?” I ask looking at each of them wondering if that was the right thing to say., I want to fill everyone’s head with some good memories.

They all agree this is a good plan, and we bid each other goodnight.

“I’m off up to bed, and thanks for listening,” Rose says. It takes a lot for her to share, she was tough as old boots. I smiled and take her hand. “If you ever need me or need to talk, I’m here. Always.”

Rose nods her head, clasps my hand, and leaves. We follow and go to our rooms. Just as I hit the stairs my phone beeps. It’s a text from Logan.

I stare at the text, smiling to myself.

I type out,