Surrender To You (7 page)

When he didn’t move, I sat up and got onto my knees, making sure he watched as I lowered my panties. I didn’t think his eyes could get any wider but he just lay there, mouth agape.

Suddenly, I felt self-conscious and vulnerable. I was lost. We used to play around when together before and sometimes, I’d be in charge, but he always loved to tell me what to do anyway. I had loved it; hell I still loved it. I figured offering myself on a platter would rock his world.

Yet he just sat there, staring. I gulped, afraid I’d made a big mistake.

Stumbling over my words, I rolled toward the edge of the bed and sat up. “I-I don’t think this is such a good idea.”

“Wait.”

The command stopped me in my tracks, but I could no longer see him. It was silent for mere moments before I heard the zipper on his jeans. My heart stuttered, beating rapidly in my chest as he continued to undress. I didn’t dare move, waiting in anticipation for whatever came next.

Then, a firm touch on my shoulder as he came up behind me. Slowly wrapping his arms around my waist, the heat from his body chased away the sudden chill I’d gained in my fear of being rejected. His breath upon my neck thrilled as much as his touch. Our closeness aroused me to the point of pain and I wanted to turn in his arms, but I didn’t. I waited for him to speak and he didn’t disappoint.

“Don’t ever leave me tease me like that and then think you can just walk away,” he growled, grabbing my hair and tilting my head back toward him. “Shouldn’t you know by now that there is nothing you can do that will turn me off?”

“B-but I thought you—”

“You’re wrong,” he interjected with a chuckle. “You surprised me is all. We really need to work on your thoughts of what is surprise and what is rejection, Ellie.”

His other arm tightened around my middle and pulled me toward him. Placing me on my back in the center of the bed, he gently spread my legs. His hard body above mine once again, I cradled his nakedness with mine.

“You sure you don’t wanna play anymore?” His hand slipped between both of us and found me once more. Teasing me, taunting me enough that the answer to his question became lost in the surge of sensation.

I whimpered, the sound escaping against my will as he used two fingers to penetrate me again.

“God, you’re so wet,” he groaned, speeding up while using his thumb to stroke and give me pleasure on the outside. “You always were a hot little sex machine.”

I laughed. The raw desire in his voice also had tears prickling in my eyes.

Why had I ever let him get away? After all I’d done, even if he didn’t know, he was the one person who could get me hot in two seconds with just a look, a touch, a kiss. I’d been such a fool to push him away, but my pride wouldn’t let me admit it out loud.

I wanted this moment, this chance to be close. To feel a connection, passion, and maybe even hope that things between us would be okay. The anxiety in my throat wouldn’t let me examine my feelings any closer. Reaching down between us, I wrapped my hand around him.

“Oh god,” he hissed, closing his eyes with a moan. “You’re a naughty one.”

There was no need for me to reply. I reveled in the power I had in that moment, a control I relished having and one I loved to wield. Especially with Stefan. The sounds coming from him had my heart singing. I never thought I’d hear it again and yet here we were once more.

I needed him.

“Please,” I gasped as his fingers went deep again and my body clenched around them. “I don’t wanna wait anymore.”

The sound of him gritting his teeth had me smiling.

“You still take birth control?”

“Yeah, I do. Pill.”

Not that it had saved me when I had needed it to the most. I had, however, changed the kind I used a long time ago.

“Do you want…are you still…?”

Surprised that he remembered, I laughed. “Ha, yeah, most foreign objects still cause me to break out.” I was -and always had been - allergic to latex and spermicides, among other things. I hated it but that’s the way it always had been.

“I guess that rules out food play still.”

His words might have amused me had I not been so turned on I wanted to scream with frustration.

With a sigh, I wiggled, impatient. “Are we done talking now?”

“It’s your show, Ellie,” he teased me as he slowly removed his fingers. “Take me and put me into you, honey.”

Yes!
I put a hand on his neck, pulling his lips down to meet mine even as I guided his arousal to me. The instant our bodies touched, he surged in one smooth motion. Our moans of pleasure were almost synchronized, swallowed up in our deep kissing.

Wrapping my legs around him, we became as close as two people could be. My nipples brushed against his chest, perking up instantly, almost painfully. He moved slowly, pulling almost to the edge before sinking deep again. I knew my nails were digging into his back but he didn’t seem to care. Our mouths were still fused and he moved a hand down to my ass, squeezing it with one hand as his rhythm sped up.

Sex between us remained everything I remembered and at the same time, became more than I could have imagined. Our bodies moved together as if they had never been apart, falling into a familiar rhythm I’d never forget for as long as I lived.

Stefan released my mouth and trailed kisses along my jaw and down to my neck. His other hand wrapped in my hair and as he brought his lips close to mine, he held my head still.

“Talk to me,” he demanded. “Tell me what you need right now.”

“Touch me. I need you to touch me.”

His hand snaked between us. So close to the edge, I could feel my release building, as the sweet pleasure radiated down my legs. Stefan’s movements were shallow now, faster. I tensed up as my mind blanked, focusing on the sensations he urged my body to feel.

Responses my body hadn’t been inclined to offer in so long and especially not with the only person I’d had sex with since then.

He must have seen my eyes squeezed shut because he brought his lips to mine and breathed, “Relax and let go, honey.”

The words, uttered in his deep sexy voice, pushed me over the edge. My release had me gasping, stronger than even the one I’d had in that room upstairs back at his mother’s house. It took me a moment to realize the sobs I heard were my own.

Stefan pulled his hand away even as he stiffened, releasing my hair and wrapping his arms around me. I heard him groan into my shoulder as he stroked deep one final time and stopped, shuddering.

“Oh god,” I cried. “What have we done?”

CHAPTER SEVEN

Rolling off me, Stefan cradled me in his arms and I hid my face in his chest as I cried.

The flood of emotions had caught me off guard. The feeling of him in my arms, in
me
, when I thought we’d never even speak again had touched a part of me I had long ago locked away.

At the stroke of his hand on my hair, I sobbed harder.

“Shhh, Ellie. It’ll be all right,” he soothed. “Don’t cry, honey.”

Pushing away from him, he let me go. Lying back on the pillows, he looked at ease, peaceful. And here I lay, a jumble of anxieties and confusion, crying my heart out. So I took it out on him, snapping.

“How many times do I have to tell you that I’m not your honey!”

Exiting the bed as quickly as possible, I stormed down the hall and into my bathroom, slamming the door behind me. Locking it, I stood in front of the mirror and placed my hands on the sink, lowering my head as I tried to call myself down.

Less than a minute had passed before he knocked lightly on the door.

“Ellie…please come out and talk to me.”

I hated the polite tone of voice, almost consoling. Like he cared about me.

He does care,
my heart chided me.
Nobody travels across the country to their ex-love for one night of sex.

Right.

I found it hard to convince myself that he cared about me. I had pushed him away, but he’d also walked without fighting back. What’s to say he wouldn’t do it again after he got tired of me this time around? Nothing, that’s what.

I felt silly standing there, looking into the mirror at the red and swollen dark brown eyes of a woman who had just had what probably qualified as the most amazing sex she’d ever had. In that second, I hated myself and I hated the insecurities that kept me from storming out there to tell him all my secrets and all my pain.

Jumping in front of a train wasn’t a smart idea and I had to keep reminding myself of that. Giving Stefan what he wanted and opening myself up like that would be like asking a power larger than myself to run over me. I would have to be insane to even consider such a thing.

In truth, I didn’t think he’d understand. I didn’t think anybody would ever understand. Only Liliana had and - barring her ex-husband - she’d taken my secret to the grave with her, even if she had threatened otherwise. I wondered if she knew that once Stefan saw me again, he’d be unwilling to let me go again. Perhaps that had been her plan all along - to say she’d tell, knowing he’d be nearby and unable to resist the lure of a secret, the thrill of chasing me.

“Stop running from me Ellie. I only want what is best for you,” he pleaded through the door. “Whatever it is, we can work through it.”

Damn it, why did he have to be so freaking perfect?

He’d use that line before, all those years ago and I’d doubted him. I didn’t believe he meant it. I considered my secret dark and him, the epitome of everything light.
 
Funny, smart and kind he could no doubt have anybody he desired. Always gainfully employed and someone that everybody liked. How could he even begin to understand the pain I’d went through?

He should’ve been married with kids by now, instead of practically obsessing over me. What had I done to deserve such devotion? Nothing in my mind.

Now I just feel as if I’ve prevented him from moving on with his life. Great!

Dabbing my eyes dry, I walked to the door and unlocked it, swinging the door open.

He stumbled back from the door before catching his footing and crossed his arms. The action brought my eyes to his chest, only to emphasize the fact he hadn’t bothered to put any clothing on yet. Still feeling vulnerable, I reached behind the door and grabbed the robe, using it to cover up physically even though it couldn’t hide the emotional impact of our coupling just moments ago.

“I’m going to bed,” I announced. “I have to work in the morning.”

Even he nodded, he approached me with a smile. “I know. I’ll just finish settling in tomorrow while you’re at work.”

I took a step back even as my hands itched to touch him. “How can you even afford to be away from work?”

He laughed, the sound deep and sexy.

Sexy? God, I had it bad.

“I brought my work with me. It’s all on this nifty device we call a laptop,” he joked.

I hated how…
happy
he seemed. Next to the way I felt - emotionally destroyed was an apt description - his cheerfulness only made me angrier. The sex had completely destroyed my illusions of there being no spark anymore.

He felt it and knew our attraction hadn’t waned at all.

A fool to believe otherwise, that’s what I was.

“Night,” I said curtly, turning on my heel and heading toward the bedroom.

“Night honey!” He replied with a chuckle.

Gritting my teeth at his endearment, I slammed the door shut.

The immense feeling of satisfaction at the sound didn’t last as long as I thought it would.

As I climbed into bed, I hoped now that he was here in person, he’d stop haunting my dreams.

~*~

The morning came before I wanted it to as my alarm blared from the top of my dresser.

I groaned.

Why had I decided that putting it across the room was a good idea?

Oh right, because it was supposed to get me out of bed. And it worked, since getting up was to get the thing to stop with the incessant beeping.

Throwing back the covers, I stumbled out of bed and over to the alarm, shutting it off with the button on the side. Throwing my robe on, I walked out to the living room, only to find no Stefan on my couch.

What the hell? Where had he gone?

Continuing into the kitchen, his luggage sitting by the washer confirmed that he was still here and left me utterly confused. It was just hitting six-thirty in the morning, where could he have gone to this early?

Then again, I didn’t need to care about what he was doing. At least he wasn’t here bothering me.

Filling up and turning on the electric kettle to make myself some tea, I was head deep in a cupboard looking for my frying pan when I heard the door slam.

Not expecting the noise, I brought my head up, only to hit it on the rim of the cupboard frame. “Son of a bitch!”

“Uh, Ellie? Are you okay?”

Standing up, I rubbed the back of my head as he came into view and stopped just inside the kitchen entryway.

I never thought it could happen to me, but the sight of him left me speechless.

He wore workout clothes - a tight gray shirt with matching shorts - that left his incredibly muscled legs bared. Gulping, I traveled the length of his body back up to his face, where I found him grinning at me
. His face glistened with sweat from this distance and I instantly knew what he’d been doing - out running at an hour I wouldn’t be caught awake at to save my life.

“Oh yeah, I always have men coming into my place at six-thirty in the morning and shocking the crap out of me.”

“How was I supposed to know you would have your head somewhere dangerous this early?” He retorted, the smile never leaving his face as he walked toward me. “Let me look.”

“Ugh, no!” Putting a hand out to stop his approach, I grimaced. “I need to hurry up and shower. I have to leave for work soon.”

He stopped his advance on me and leaned against the counter. “Do you want me to make you some breakfast?”

Again, I wondered who this man was as I shook my head. “No thanks. I don’t eat in the morning.”

“Tsk, tsk. That’s not healthy at all,” he chided me as I walked past.

“Gee, thanks for telling me that
honey
,” I mocked, entering the bathroom.