Surrender To You (11 page)

Entering the room, he must have realized my game as he didn’t turn the light on.

“Oh gee, I wonder where Ellie could possibly be,” he said in an exaggerated whisper. “Come out, come out, wherever you are!”

Nice try.
I wasn’t gonna laugh and give away my spot.

The slightest bit of light gave me an advantage and I couldn’t help but ogle him as he headed toward the closet. Stefan seriously had to be the sexiest man I’d ever seen. Even if he wasn’t overly muscled, you could still see the strength in his arms and back from the small amount of working out he did. The sight of him shirtless made my body burn with anticipation.

Seeing my chance to surprise him, I moved out from behind the door as he opened the closet ones and ambushed him.

“Got ya!” I whooped as I put my arms around his shoulders and he stiffened. “Now you are my prisoner!”

“Yeah?” His voice came out deep, silky. “And what are you going to do with me?”

I heard the smile in his voice, both of us knowing it wouldn’t take much for the tables to turn.
 
He could overpower me with ease. Yet he didn’t move a muscle, standing there in my arms. I’m sure he tried to anticipate my next move, so I decided to shock him.

Circling him in a slow, deliberate manner, I traced his shoulder with one finger, going down his arm as I stopped in front of him. Running the hand down his chest, I heard him suck in a breath as it stopped on the button to his jeans. Unsnapping the fly, I slid my hand in just enough to tease and laughed.

“Already excited, I see.”

“Told you the clothing wouldn’t put me off. You’re sexy in anything,” he ground out. I could only imagine how much self-control it took for him to just stand there, with my hand kept just out of reach to where he wanted my touch most.

I enjoyed every second we stood there, both still as stone, breathing heavily.

Then, I moved, placing a hand on each side of his face and went up on tiptoe. Our lips inches away from each other, I whispered.

“Bedtime.”

~*~

Within seconds, Stefan’s arms were around my waist, his mouth on mine.

I knew he wouldn’t let me escape. He’d caught me in his web, his strong, warm arms like a cocoon I never wanted to leave. As he tried to gain entrance to my mouth, his hands slid under the shirt to cup my breasts in his hand. I sighed and let him in.

This is why I didn’t like to let him touch me. Once he did, my heart screamed to stay while my brain yelled for me to get away. And my body, my body was the biggest betrayer of all. It was in cahoots with my heart and I wasn’t happy about that.

Not because he was untrustworthy or because he had walked away.

I’d done that to him. I was the one who couldn’t be trusted to act like an adult.

In my fear, I’d pushed away someone who loved me and had stopped loving myself.

The thoughts send a wave of nausea as my head began to spin. I knew what was happening. I was having a panic attack and I didn’t want him to witness it.

Yanking my lips away from his, I pushed on his shoulders. “Let me go! Right fucking now, let go!”

He backed away, his hands up even as I could see the concern on his face. “What’s wrong?”

Taking deep breaths, I bent over, feeling as if I’d just taken part in a marathon. Hoping the feeling would go away. But it kept hitting me and as my hand continued to spin as my stomach roiled, I turned and ran to the bathroom.

“Ellie! What the hell!”

I heard him yell even as I closed the bathroom door, locking it. Sliding down to the floor, I tried to calm down.

Why now? I hadn’t had one in several years. It was worse than I remember. But maybe it was because my past was on the opposite side of the door, voice full of worry. It seemed like all I did was cause him to worry.

I didn’t want to tell him the truth. I didn’t want him to look at me and think how disgusting I was for what I’d done. Maybe he wouldn’t have cared. Maybe he would have been believed me when I said I’d been raped. I couldn’t remember for sure though and that irritated me. I knew I had been while knocked out and I also knew I’d been blessed to have no memory of it. That didn’t calm me, however, and never had.
 

Feeling the tears stream down my face, I rocked back and forth as I sobbed.

He pounded and pounded on the door, but I just cried.

Cried for the girl who thought she’d done the right thing.

For woman who had chosen to deal with it on her own.

And for the man on the opposite side of the door who had no clue what I’d gone through. Who I’d pushed away because I hadn’t known how to deal with my own feelings about the situation.

Who still loved me, even after the way I’d treated him.

And as the knocking continued, I cried harder.

“Please Ellie, let me in,” he begged. “I don’t know why you’re crying and you don’t have to tell me. Just come out and let me hold you.”

Was that all it would take?

“Come out honey. I’ll even watch
Dirty Dancing
with you if you want.”

I laughed through my tears, which only fell harder.

I hated that I needed him right that moment, that he could make me laugh through my tears and even after he’d walked away from me, he was the one I dreamed about. The only man I’d ever loved.

“I’m not going anywhere, so you might as well just come out.”

I knew his words were true. He’d come this far, he certainly wouldn’t give up now. I gave in.

Standing up, I went over and blew my nose, running cool water over my face as I examined my swollen eyes in the mirror. Walking over to the door, I swung it open and there he stood, waiting for me.

No smile, no frown.

He opened his arms to comfort me if I desired it, watching me intently with eyes full of concern.

So I stepped into them and as his arms enveloped me, I said the one thing I should have said when I first saw him again in that airport.

“I’m sorry, Stefan. I’m so, so sorry.”

As the tears fell from my eyes once more, I felt him relax, knowing he knew what I meant.

Stroking my hair with one hand, he kissed my cheek. “I know honey. No need to be sorry. I always knew you’d come back to me one day.”

In that moment, I was glad he’d had faith all these years because I’d so obviously lost mine in that alley six years ago.

CHAPTER TWELVE

We didn’t end up gambling the next morning. I wasn’t really up for it and Stefan made it clear that we could do it another time.

After staying up cuddling a while and watching some television, we’d gone to bed. Snuggled up against each other, I tried to find the resolve to admit to him what had happened all those years ago. Deciding I would tell him once we were back in town, I slept better than I had in a long time.

I made my goal for the rest of the drive into a simple one - enjoy our time together. We left the hotel by eleven a.m. and headed out. The sun was shining brightly and we were both in a cheerful mood.

“So, what are your plans when you get back?” He winked at me. “I hope I’m one of them.”

“I don’t really have plans other than getting settled in. Oh, except to go see Grace and her daughter Lyndsey.”

He looked over at me, brows furrowed with confusion. “You still talk to Grace?”

“Heck yeah. I mean, we went for a little while without talking but she’s always been there for me.”

Concentrating on the road, he just nodded at my answer.

“She lives in town. Don’t you ever see her?”

“Yeah, I guess you could say I do. It’s not like her and I were ever close so it’s not like we’re buddy-buddy.”

True. Even though she’d been my roomie, we hadn’t really hung out in a group setting.

“Her daughter is so pretty! I’ve seen tons of pics of her over the years. I can’t believe how time flies.”

I felt his hand on mine seconds before he turned it over, interlocking our fingers and squeezing. “She is a cutie,” he agreed.

The silence, for the first time since I’d seen him, didn’t bother me. It was a companionable one. The kind of moment you hope for in your later years of life with a partner who just got you.

That was us. We just got each other.

Even though he didn’t know the secret, he still understood me. In my grief, I had forgotten that.

The scenery flew by and the peace that had been building inside my chest was still growing. I was excited to go home. I wasn’t so thrilled to face my past, but it was time I stopped running from it.

Hopefully, I’d tell Stefan and he would understand. Then we could move on with our lives.

We both jumped when my phone rang. Seeing it was my mother, I didn’t answer at first. When it rang again just moments later, I sighed.

“Hi, mom.”

“Elizabeth! Where have you been?”

She sounded panicked and I answered before thinking. “Uhm, well, I’m kinda in a car on my way there. Why?”

“I’ve been calling but it just went straight to voice-mail. What do you mean you’re on your way here?”

“It means I’m coming home.”

I had told her I’d lost my job and might end up moving back home. Guess I’d forgotten to mention to her that was absolutely going to do so. Not shocking since telling her my every move had ended once I’d left home at eighteen.

“Oh, I see. When will you be here? And why are you driving?”

“Because I need my car? There are movers that will pack up my house.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll see you then, right?”

“Yes mom, you will. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye.”

She hung up and I had never felt so awkward in my life. That was how our conversations always were. She wanted to know where I was and how I was doing, yet never seemed to have anything else to say. That was my fault though and I knew it. The talk with her about what happened long ago was going to be a difficult one.

“She cares about you, y’know.”

Looking over at Stefan, I grimaced. “I know, but she’s got a funny way of showing it.”

He shrugged. “I think we’ve all got our own funny ways of showing we care.”

Laughing, I pulled my hand from his. “Yeah, I suppose that’s true.” I leaned back against my seat and closed my eyes.

“Taking a nap already?”

“Nah, just relaxing my eyes,” I assured him. “So, tell me, what have you been doing all these years?”

“What do you mean? With work?”

“Sure. With work.”

I heard the amusement in his voice as he responded. “I worked at the company I was at when you left for about a year. Then, I decided to start my own company, which is quite the competitor in software engineering. I have three offices across the country now.”

Impressive. He’d been busy. “What’s it called?”

“Well, I went lofty just for giggles. So it’s called ‘Pierce & Pierce Enterprise’ which my mother found hilarious.”

“Hah, I’m sure she did! Why Pierce & Pierce when there is only one of you?”

“Nah, my brother Evan works there as well.”

“I see. So that’s how you could afford that room in the hotel, I take it.”

He threw me a grin, not saying anything before looking back at the road.

“And you’ve been single the whole time?”

“Ha! No way. I did some dating here and there, but nothing serious. I went a little crazy for a little while though,” he paused, his hesitation about continuing that line of thought more than evident.

“Go on. It’s not like we were dating.”

“Well, I tried to forget you. I also drank a lot. Neither was a good way to do that, I assure you.”

“So you were being a drunk man-slut is what you’re saying.”

“Uh…well, no. I didn’t sleep around like that, I just got really drunk and made an ass of myself.” He cleared his throat. “Did you date anybody else?”

I chuckled. “Yeah, one person last year. That was it. I spent a lot of years in therapy before attempting to date again.”

“Really? You should ask for your money back.”

“Funny.” I reached an arm out and blindly slapped at his arm. “It actually helped me a lot!”

He laughed and grabbed it, kissing the top of my hand before releasing it. “I’m sure it did. What was his name?”

“Geoffrey. He was okay. We slept together but it wasn’t very good.” Then I mentally slapped myself. Why had I offered up that information?

“That’s too bad,” he remarked, even as I knew he had to be smiling at the fact he was the only other man I’d ever slept with. “How did you two meet?”

“Not that its any of your business, but we met in my therapist’s office.”

“Romantic.”

With a laugh, I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me. “It didn’t last long anyway.”

He didn’t say anything and I was glad for the end of that conversation. My relationship with Geoffrey wasn’t really something I wanted to discuss with anybody really. Yet, I knew now that Stefan owned his own business and was obviously doing really well.

The silence stretched and with that, the combination of beautiful scenery and the peaceful quiet in the car had me drifting off as the radio played softly, Stefan humming along.

~*~

One more hotel stay - sans sex - and another long drive later, we arrived in our hometown.

As we passed the downtown area, my leg shook, giving away how nervous I was. It had been one thing to declare my intent to face my past; it was another to actually arrive here and see it for myself.

“You okay?”

I had driven away from the hotel that morning, wanting to give him a break from driving. I wasn’t really great with directions, but Stefan had been patient and we’d only got turned around once when I wasn’t paying attention. However, after lunch, he had gotten behind the wheel again and I’d taken a nap.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I replied, unable to see much outside the window because it was so dark. “Where are we going?”

“Well, I’m taking you to your new home. However, I’m hoping you’ll let me stay the night and drive me to my place in the morning. Otherwise I’m going to have to walk there.”

I smiled to myself, part of me liking the idea even though I’d never do that.

“Where is your car?”

“In my driveway. Evan drove me to the airport.”

“Oh I see. Then he knew you were coming to see me?”