Surrender To You (6 page)

“You think I could get my clothes off and washed?”

Pulling back in alarm, I gaped at his bold assumption. “What do you mean? You aren’t staying here!”

He arched one perfectly curved brow and let me go slowly. When my feet touched the floor, I shoved off of him and pivoted around, dropping onto the couch only a few feet away.

“Yeah, actually, I am. I figure if I stay at a hotel, you’ll find lots of ways not to see me.”

He was right, damn him!

“So? You can’t just invite yourself to stay. I…I like my privacy.”

It was the truth. I valued my secrecy now more than ever. Plus with him around, I feared nothing would ever get done and I wasn’t sure how long I could put up a defense against his effortless seduction. And if I were completely honest with myself, I didn’t want him to ever leave. If he stayed here with me, Stefan might just win.

I heard the door open and craned my neck to see what the heck he was doing.

My tiny hope that he’d left had been in vain, as he pulled a piece of luggage inside from the hallway. Sighing, I knew getting rid of him was going to be a pain in the ass unless I wanted to call the cops, but that would just be unforgivable.

I wanted him to leave, not to end up in a jail cell.

Instead, I’d just make his visit here a living hell. Maybe if I disturbed his sleep enough, he’d get fed up and leave.

“Fine,” I relented. “You can sleep on the couch. The washer and dryer are in the far corner of the kitchen.”

I heard him chuckle, deep and rumbling, as he walked away. I covered my eyes with one arm as I stretched out on the couch.

As I lay there and he rustled around in the kitchen, my mind wandered to his life.

Where had he been all these years? What had he been doing? Had he had other relationships? His phone number didn’t have the same area code as people in our hometown so did he even live there? If not, where the heck did he live?

At the sound of the washer lid closing, I scrambled into a sitting position, not wanting to give him the opportunity to catch me lying down. The way he had my body humming for him when I stood, I could only imagine what he’d do to me if he got me onto my back. Stefan rounded the corner and came straight toward me.

Being his usual predictable self, he took a seat right next to me and placed his arm along the back of the sofa. The semi-naughty grin on his face made my stomach flip and I crossed my arms over my chest defensively.

And, because I wasn’t wearing a bra. I knew he’d stare at my chest if given half a chance.

“Whaddya want?”

He repositioned himself slightly, making sure his body was aimed toward me, as he answered. “I wanna have sex.”

“What?” Screeching, I stood up. “No!”

He grabbed my hands firmly in his, pulling me back down to the seat as I studied his face. Not smiling and not frowning. My stomach dropped as I realized that he was serious.

“Listen to me, Ellie,” He requested softly. I stilled as he lifted his hand to push a piece of stray hair behind my ear. “We obviously still desire each other.”

I snickered at this. “Do we? What in the world makes you think I still want you?”

Not rising to the bait, he smiled and cupped my face in his hand. “I had you in my arms just last week. Your body betrayed you. I don’t know why you are fighting the truth so hard. Let’s see if that was a one time thing or if the spark truly is as strong as my need for you.”

I didn’t know whether to be excited at his words or insulted. “You just want my body then, is that it? You traveled all the way here to have sex with me?”

He leaned closer, pressing a kiss to my jaw. I tamped down a shiver of arousal as he lingered, caressing my cheek slowly with his thumb. The touch of his hand on my leg and the heat it emitted soaked through the soft fabric of my pajama pants, marking me.

“I want more than that, Ellie, but I am willing to take what you will give me,” he murmured with another kiss to the jaw as his lips traveled in the direction of my mouth. “If, right now, it’s one night of lusty and passionate sex with the hottest chick I’ve ever known, then I will take it.”

I could argue with that.

I should argue with his reasoning. But I didn’t want to. The hottest chick he’d ever known? Really?

He didn’t say anything more as he kept kissing me and caressing my cheek with one hand, while stroking my leg with the other.

“You…you don’t have anybody else?”

Freezing in place, he dragged his eyes to mine. “Would I be here if I did?”

How was I to answer that? It had been a long time, I didn’t know this man. Stefan from five years ago didn’t equal Stefan today…did it?

“I don’t know, would you?”

His blue eyes darkened, deepening to near black as he brought his other hand up to my face and cupped it, holding me still.

“Do you have somebody else Ellie? If you do, tell me now and I’ll walk away.”

I didn’t. I’d only dated one other person in all these years and that was just last year, after years of therapy. Knowing I needed to answer his question, I shook my head.

“When is the last time we made love, honey?”

I knew he was aroused, holding me in place as he was. He’d always been in charge in the bedroom and I loved it. I couldn’t look away.

The question, however, made my chest tighten with anxiety. I licked my lips and his eyes dropped down, his grip tightening as if he was on the verge of losing control and trying to hold off. I wanted to scream ‘kiss me!’ so I wouldn’t have to answer any more questions.

“Before you left to go abroad.”

Yeah, he’d stuck around almost a complete year after returning from his trip. There had been no hiding the fact I’d been attacked as it had been in the news and he took me not wanting to be touched as just me being skittish. I’d fallen deeper and deeper into my depression and our relationship had ended with a gigantic explosion of frustration - sexual and otherwise.

“That’s right.” His eyes were blazing now. “It’s been six years and I still get aroused just thinking of you. Not even naked, just thinking of
you
Ellie. So, what am I supposed to do? Just go through life wanting you and being unable to have you? I can’t do that.”

Staring right back at him, I wondered how much he remembered.

Did he realize that he was touching me more now than I had let him since he’d returned from his trip? Did he recall how I would shy away from his touch and wince if he came up behind me unexpectedly? Had he never really considered why else I wouldn’t let him touch me?

I should’ve told him the truth that instant. Told him the secret I’d been - and still was - so ashamed of even though it hadn’t been my fault. Yet as he sat so close I could almost feel him breathing, completely focused on me, the words wouldn’t come.

I wanted him. I didn’t really see a reason to deny him or myself what we both desired.

Lying about how much I longed for his touch seemed ridiculous, especially when he knew. He read me like a book and I let him, because it gave me an excuse to give in. To have what I wanted without admitting it out loud.

And even though I knew that any attempt at a relationship would end up going down in flames, the question remaining was a simple one.

I just hoped I didn’t regret it.

“Only one night?”

CHAPTER SIX

At my reply, Stefan stood up and swooped me into his arms, using one arm to support my backside as I wrapped my legs around him.

“Which way to your bedroom?”

“Uh…” Never imagining that this would happen, I closed my eyes and sucked in a breath. Pointing toward the general direction of my bedroom, he chuckled.

“I’m sure it can’t be hard to find,” he declared as he carried me down the hall.

My own need shocked me. Living so far away for so many years had numbed the memories of our life together. I’d built a life in another city, got the help I’d desperately needed and had come out relatively unscathed considering.

It wasn’t that I hadn’t wondered through the years about what had become of him. I had but I’d also distanced myself from the feelings and buried them deep down. Apparently, I hadn’t buried them deep enough. I’d agreed to sex even though I knew the idea had the potential to backfire in my face. And he carried me in his arms, giving me a sense of fulfillment I hadn’t felt since before the attack.

Having reached the bedroom, I noticed only a sliver of light from the street lamps outside coming through the crack in the curtains. Dusk had fallen, leaving my room dancing with shadows. Stefan didn’t turn on the light. Laying me in the center of the bed, he eased down beside me and pulled me into his arms.

He’d never bothered to put another shirt on, so I rested my head against his bare chest. The light smattering of hair on his chest caught me by surprise. It used to be thicker, although not unbearably so. Tilting my head toward his head, I could only make out his chin.

“Please tell me you do
not
man-scape!”

“Okay, I don’t man-scape,” he whispered. Laughing, he slipped his hands under my tank and pushed it up. “Take it off.”

He released me just enough for me to yank it over my head. A moment later, I lay on my back as he hovered over me, my heart thundering in my chest. Feeling as if it were going to burst if he didn’t kiss me, I wrapped my arms around his neck and yanked his mouth down to mine.

The wild swirling in my stomach at the touch of his lips against mine made me not want to think. I just wanted to feel. Feel the heat of his body against mine, his hands moving over every inch of my body, the passion for me he’d declared so openly. Mostly, I wanted to feel what I felt with him before.

Safe. Loved. Free.

He lifted his mouth off mine, moving positions to get more comfortable even as he covered one breast with a palm. Leaning down, his mouth covered the nipple and lightly bit it, instantly making me moan. His hand traced lightly over my skin, down to my stomach and back up, building anticipation. Then, on another trip down, it stopped at the waist of my pajama bottoms and stilled. He nipped me again before lifting his head.

“Did you miss me?” I could hear the need in his voice, roughened with desire. “Did you miss this, Ellie?”

“Yes,” I breathed, gasping as he slipped past my waistband at the answer. My mind muddled, I didn’t know which question I referred to and I didn’t care. I just wanted - no,
needed
- him to touch me. “More than you know.”

Climbing back on top of me with just the support of one arm, he hissed. “I’ve been waiting to hear that for a long time. Look at me.”

I looked up into his eyes as his hand slipped further, cupping me gently. I shifted my legs, surging up to try and get his hand to move but it stayed still.

“Tell me your secret Ellie. And you can have what you want.”

I couldn’t even be pleased at the revelation that the answers he’d spoken of when he’d first arrived included my secret. I didn’t want to talk about this, I wanted sex, dammit!

I moved my hips again, knowing the movement excited him.

“Bastard,” I spat and he lifted his body away even as he kept his hand in place. His finger lightly stroked me now, sending tingles to all the right places. “I won’t play this game with you.”

Parting me gently, he chuckled. “Oh you will.”

I didn’t like his arrogant attitude as he continued to explore with the finger and entered just enough to tease.

“Damn you!” I jerked my lower body up and toward him, succeeding in making the digit impale me deeper. I crowed with the victory. “Ah-ha!”

He surged forward and I cried out a mere second before he recaptured my lips, punishing me and my stubbornness with them. Tracing my lips with his tongue, he shoved another finger inside me. As I gasped with delighted shock at his roughness, he thrust his tongue into my mouth and dueled with mine. Again, I tasted mint on his breath and wondered how he always managed to have such fresh breath.

When he removed his hand, I moaned into his mouth and he laughed. Our tongues continued to wage war with one another as his hand drifted up my side, his blunt nails scratching ever so lightly on their trail. His other hand caught in my hair and held on as his wandering hand trailed down again and slipped my bottoms down, exposing my legs to the air.

Releasing my lips, he showered kisses all over my face before nibbling the tip of my ear, then whispered, “I always did love your hair. It’s not as long as it used to be, but it’s still long enough that I can grab and hold on to it.”

I smiled. It had been down to my hips the last time he had seen me but when I had moved, I’d chopped it all off. Now I kept it just above my shoulders, a cut I found much easier to take care of. As for him holding on to it…that had always been one of my favorite things, but I said nothing and brought my hands up to his shoulders.

Considering how passionate he’d been in the living room, his restraint surprised me. Gently kicking off my bottoms as his lips explored my neck, I lay there in nothing but my undies and had never felt so naked. We’d had sex before but this time, it felt different. I couldn’t place my reaction in any rational category. Maybe it was because we weren’t together; we were just two people who used to date and still wanted to have sex with the other. Or maybe, it’s because I knew he planned to make love to me and I wasn’t sure my feelings were on par with his.

Either way, I decided to stop over-thinking this moment and just enjoy it.

I slid my hands down his arms and back up, before moving up to his neck and into his hair. I loved the color - a shade of red so deep, it looked brown when wet - and always had. Cropped short, the small tickling sensation as I ran my hand across the tip of the haircut amused me, as usual.

“Ah!”

He’d nipped my neck and at my surprise, he pulled away. I studied him as he stared at me, the lack of light in the room making it near impossible to see much. He rolled off me and I leaned up on my elbows, deciding to take control of the situation. Impatient at the speed things were going, I rested my hand on his arm.

“You should take off your pants,” I suggested and he looked over at me, his eyes widened with amazement, no doubt at my boldness.