Surrender to Fate (Fate's Path Part One: A New Adult Romance Series) (27 page)

“The only thing that scares me is that you’ll never love me, the way you loved him.”

Sarah’s heart dropped into her stomach and her throat seized with Adley’s words. She knew that she could not say goodbye to him and send him to war believing that he would never to compare to Will. “You’re right, Adley, I won’t.”

Adley opened his mouth to speak, but did not. He clenched his teeth together and Sarah watched his jaw flex with her admission.

She waited until he fixed his eyes onto hers and softly continued. “I love you, more.”

His expression lifted and the astonishment on his face was tangible. She smiled at how such simple words could convey the most formidable message. “Yes, Adley. I love you more. My love for Wi…for him, was a childhood crush. We were young, and couldn’t possibly understand what loving someone for a lifetime meant. But this,” she motioned back and forth to the two of them, “this is real. I am
yours
.”

Adley pulled her in hard for a long and commanding kiss. When they pulled apart from each other, they both had to catch their breath, and lean against each other.

“I promise you, Sarah. I will come back. I will come back to you, and make you mine. I will marry you, and spend my life pleasing you. I will take you as my own, and I will never let you go. And...I will make love to you like you’ve never imagined. I swear to God, Sarah. I will come back for you.”

Sarah knew Adley was a man of his word, and she wholly believed the vow that he had just made. She hugged him tightly, making her own vow that he would never know the half-truth she just told him. She very well may spend the rest of her life loving Adley, but it would only be because she learned what loving someone for a lifetime meant, the day she told Will goodbye.

The whirlwind engagement to Margaret, finally had a couple of weeks to settle in on William. By now, the entire town knew, and Margaret was wasting no time in making plans for a spring wedding. The people in town kept telling him that this would be a beautiful occasion, a time to celebrate, and how happy his mother would have been to see him get married and find joy in his life. But every time someone would mention his mother, it only brought his grief back to the surface, even though it was never very far away anyway. He was sure that there would never be a day where he would not wake with the guilt of his mother’s accident.

His father and Tommy were not quite as enthusiastic about the upcoming union as the rest of the town. Tommy was taking it especially hard, knowing that William would soon be leaving home, to make a new home with Margaret. In fact, Vernon had already begun looking for a house to buy for them, and once again, William felt his independence sliding down the very slippery slope of being Vernon’s son-in-law. While Henry was supportive of his son’s decision, William knew that it would be nearly impossible for his father to be enthusiastic about anything for the rest of his life. William hadn’t shared all of the details of the marriage arrangement with his father. The last thing he wanted his father to feel was that he was a burden on his son and would need to be taken care of. William knew he would be able to supplement his father’s bank account without too much inquisition. It would be his mission to get their farm functioning again, and hope that his father would find a way to function without his mother.

He had faith in Tommy that he would rise to the occasion and take a leading role in the farm’s resurrection. Up until now, Tommy had always been treated like the baby of the family even though he was becoming a young man. He still had the wild streak he was known for, ever since he was a baby, but the death of his mother had stifled it somewhat. William knew that Tommy was mostly a good kid, but he would also need to watch him closely to keep him on the straight and narrow through the new stresses that faced them all.

William found the best way to navigate through it all was to bury himself in work. The lumberyard was a continuous flood of customers, all looking to improve their homes and farms where they could. He also had the newly vested interest in the business’ success now that he was going to be part owner. Even Margaret wasn’t as demanding of his attention now that she had the new project of their wedding. Knowing Margaret, she would have the utmost attention put into every detail, and Vernon would have a hell of time trying to say no to anything that she wanted. But then again, he was certain that he would be finding himself in the exact same predicament.

William had gotten to work early that morning. It actually was his favorite time to be at the lumberyard. Everything was quiet, he wasn’t being pulled in ten different directions, and he was able to get more accomplished in the hour before opening than in the eight hours of the regular work day. One of their biggest loads of logs of the season was being delivered from Denver, and he would be hard pressed to get everything done in time for that.

By the time the log truck had pulled into the lumberyard two hours later than expected, Vernon had already stomped around and yelled at any employee that was in his cross-hairs. William had tried to buffer Vernon’s ignorant interactions with the other employees, but not to much avail. Jake had taken the brunt of Vernon’s rage, receiving a slap up the side of his head when Vernon caught him giving incorrect change to a customer. Witnessing that, stung William almost as much as it did Jake. Jake was not much older than Tommy and William looked out for him, just as he would a little brother.

William caught Jake in the back storeroom getting his coat and gloves to go out and help unload the truck. Will patted his back, before pulling on his coat. “You alright, Jake?”

Jake looked at William, but quickly looked back to the closet and slammed it closed. “I’m sick of it, William. He treats me like I’m an idiot. He doesn’t think I can do anything right. I’m sick of it, and I’m sick of him!”

“Hey, you’ve got to just shrug it off, Jake. Don’t let him get to you like that.” William tried to sway his temperament, but in all honesty, he didn’t blame Jake. Vernon had no concerns of keeping his employees happy. He knew there were plenty of people willing to take the place of any of his employees who decided to be disgruntled.

Jake looked at William, his eyes blazing showing anything but composure after he had once again been humiliated by Vernon. “Yea, I’ve been
shrugging it off
for a long time. One of these days,” he paused and clenched his jaw, “I’m not going to anymore. I don’t know how you’re going to do it. Being in his family, I mean. I know I couldn’t. I don’t care who his daughter is.” The loud blast of a horn signaled that the log truck was ready for unloading, and Jake stopped himself from voicing any more of his tirade, but William could sense that it was still brewing inside of him. If Jake wasn’t careful, he’d find himself out of a job by the end of the day, or worse. William was going to make certain that Jake and Vernon didn’t cross paths for the rest of the day. It undoubtedly wouldn’t end up good for either one of them.

William took stock of the load of logs waiting on the idling log truck from Sand Mountain Logging Co. The most impressive log was at least three feet in diameter, under at least fifteen other logs ranging in size, but most measuring at least two feet across. The fresh timber lay stretched out the length of the twenty-foot bed of the faded blue truck, with several of the logs hanging over the edge by a couple of feet and marked with a tattered red bandana. Three large chains were cinched over the top and dug into the bark of the outer logs. Inventory was low, and William felt this would at least meet the demand for lumber for now. The unmistakable fragrance of the pine trees tugged at William’s memory like a child pulling on his mother’s pant leg. In an instant, he was back in the pines with Tommy, Matthew and Sarah, when life was simple. The smell was haunting, and as if he had just gone back in time, he could smell the tree he would help chop down when the four of them would go with their fathers on the yearly trek through the pines to find the perfect Christmas tree. They would all trudge through the thick snow, dragging the tree behind them, and bring them home to Anne and Catherine, who would be waiting in the warm house with the decorations ready to be hung.

William had become so entranced with the bittersweet memory that he hadn’t noticed Jake starting to loosen the ratchet straps and free the chains from the load. Jake, still hell bent on proving himself under the watchful eye of Vernon, intentionally started to unload without William. In a few sloppy jerks of his arms, Jake had freed two of the chains and they slid off the mountain of logs, landing in a pile of tangled links. The sound of the chains clanking to the ground snapped William back from his childhood memory just as he watched Jake loosen the third ratchet strap and let the chain slither off the load. As if in slow motion, William watched the top logs begin to teeter without the restraint of the chain. Jake had already bent down to gather up the chains on the ground, completely oblivious to the avalanche of logs that were hovering above his head.

William had told Jake a hundred times that unloading logs was at least a two person job. More importantly, that there needed to be a safety harness over the load prior to unleashing the chains, to make certain the load was stable and everyone was clear before letting the logs roll, or in some cases, before the logs were pushed off the side of the truck. But Jake hadn’t heeded any of the safety precautions, and William could see that he was about to pay for it with his life.

Without taking even a second to think, William began to sprint across the short distance of ground separating him and Jake. He knew he only had one chance to get Jake’s attention before he had to watch another tragedy unfold in front of him. “Jake! Move!” he screamed just as the top log began its decent from the pile.

Jake looked up, wide-eyed at William, still holding the chains in his hand. Running at full speed, William reached out to push Jake clear of the mass of logs, all beginning to topple with their new-found freedom. William felt his hands land on Jake’s chest. Jake flew backward, as if he were a rag doll, from the sheer force of William’s strength and speed. But William didn’t see that. As soon as his hands left Jake’s body, the first log came crushing down, knocking him to the ground. He put his hands on the gravel to push himself up and out of the way, but the other logs had him beat. Log after log pelted his body, pinning him into the dirt. As he closed his eyes, a vision of his mother next to a beautiful Christmas tree came to him, and then as if ink were poured over him, everything went black and quiet.

It was a cruel trick that the sun and moon played on Sarah. She had begged for time to stop before the day came that Matty and Adley had to leave for Fort MacArthur. Now, she would awake in the morning, and beg for the day to go by so quickly that she would once again be asleep and not have to feel the squeeze on her heart every second that they were gone. But the sun had no interest in stopping time before they left, and now the sun seemed to crawl through the sky so slowly, that Sarah felt the resentment building with each passing hour, that by the time the sun finally set, she had cursed it so many times that she had lost count.

She grappled all throughout the day with her raw emotions. In all the times of her life that she thought she felt afraid, she realized that she had never truly felt fear. She remembered when she was face to face with the mother bear at King’s Creek. At the time, she felt terrified. But nothing compared to the fear she now felt every second. It was hard to explain in words the extent of fear that would breed inside of her knowing that there were people out there now trying to kill her baby brother, and the man she loved and planned to marry. She, of course, had to wonder about Will as well. Where did he get sent to? No matter what she had ever told Adley, or tried to tell herself, both her love for Will and her fear for him, were very real. They were now soldiers in a war. Soldiers that had enemies--enemies that would kill them in a heartbeat if given the chance--who could take them away from her forever.

For her parents, and Oscar and Ellie, it was the same. All of them seemed to walk around the farm in some sort of trance. Not knowing what they were going to do, or forgetting what they were going to do. Basic functioning throughout the day had become nearly an impossible expectation for all of them. And even when sleep would mercifully come, the night terrors that filled her mind were so punishing and brutal, that Sarah felt that she must surely be in hell, night and day. It was a painful existence, compounded by knowing that whatever Matty, Adley and Will were going through was infinitely worse. She found the only way she could get through the day was to pray and replay the feeling of hugging her brother, and kissing Adley right before they left. She prayed for their safety, and for God to never let her forget how it felt when she last held the people that were her entire world.

Both Adley and Matty had promised her that they would come back to her. Matty promised her that no matter what, they would always be together. Adley promised her that he would come home and marry her. She had tried her best to stay strong for them. She managed to keep the tears at bay, until she was holding them for what she felt was the last time. At least she prayed that it wasn’t the last time, just the last time for a long while.

It had been a month since they had left, and despite the constant presence of fear, it had not dulled for any of them. Even Riley was not immune to the horrible absence of Matty, as he had become despondent and lethargic. Sarah realized that the half-hearted attempts to pay him some attention were unacceptable. Matty asked them all to take care of him, and the three of them promised him they would. She knew she couldn’t let him down, and it was the very least she could do for her brother. She swore to herself that she would make spending time with Riley more of a priority, knowing that was the only thing within her control to still feel like she was with Matty, and helping him in some way.

As she walked to the back of the little house looking for Riley, she found that her father had beaten her to him. It was a heartbreaking scene of her father that Sarah had never witnessed before. Kneeling down next to Riley, Edward had draped his arm around Riley’s neck, and sat with his head bent down. Even though Sarah could not see her father’s face, she knew he was crying. His back curved forward and his shoulders shook as he could no longer suppress his emotions. Riley sat on his haunches, patiently letting Edward shed as many tears as he needed to.

It nearly crumpled Sarah to the ground to see her father like that. There were many things that Sarah felt she could handle, but seeing her father so distraught was not one of them. She walked up behind him and put her arms around his neck. She leaned on his broad shoulders and could feel her father attempt to hide what she saw.

“It’s okay, Dad. It’s okay to cry.” Sarah wept into his shoulder and tried to bring her arms around him. The man who was the rock of the family eventually had to crack, and Sarah was grateful she was there to try and keep him from disintegrating.

Sarah sniffed and willed her tears to stop. After everything this man had done for them, the least she could try to do was provide some semblance of strength and comfort for him. “Matty will be okay. He promised me that he would come back.” Hearing her words gave her no comfort, knowing that so much of what Matty was going through was no longer in his control. She couldn’t bear to think it, but she knew that Matty coming home to them was a promise that he could make, but very well may not be able to keep. Her father knew it too, and she knew there were no words to change that reality.

Edward shook his head and squeezed his eyes closed. “How can I ever forgive myself, Sarah?”

Sarah released her embrace and moved to face her father. “What are you talking about? Forgive yourself for what?”

Edward shook his head again in disgust. “The watermelon. He was just a little boy. It was a meaningless watermelon...and I treated him like he had committed a felony. All he wanted to do was to show me how big and strong he was. And all I could see was that he wasn’t, and that he broke a worthless watermelon. I wouldn’t even let him apologize! What kind of father does that to his son?” Edward searched Sarah’s eyes, but it wouldn’t have mattered what she said or did. She knew there would be no rescuing her father from the pit of guilt that was swallowing him whole.

It wasn’t difficult to bring her thoughts back to that day; it unfortunately wasn’t a memory of her childhood that had faded with time. She cringed at the memory of Matty’s face, as he had stared at the smashed watermelon on the ground. She thought that horrible memory would never resurface again, at least that’s what she had hoped. Remembering it now was the last thing she imagined to be discussing with her father. It stung even more that her father had carried it with him all of these years, with every passing day as an opportunity to reconcile with Matty. Chances to right a wrong were not a guaranteed commodity. A lesson learned only too late for her father.

“Oh Dad, don’t…”

Edward stopped her before she could continue. “No, Sarah. There’s nothing you can say that will make me feel okay about that. He’s such a good boy, always has been, and,” Edward’s chin trembled as the terrible memory would not leave his mind, “and I never told him that I was wrong that day. My damned pride wouldn’t let me. I guess I always thought that someday, I would tell him--that I would ask him to forgive me—that I was the one who had wronged him. But I didn’t.” Edward shook his head slowly. “And now my boy is gone to war, and I never told him.”

Sarah put her hand on his shoulder, “He’ll be home soon, and you can tell him then.”

Edward looked up at her, his face aging before her very eyes. “Do you think he knows? How much I love him? Even though I treated him like that?”

Now Sarah could not hide her emotion as she pursed her lips and tried to smile though she had never seen such pain on her father’s face. “Yes, Daddy,” she whispered.

“How? How does he know, Sarah?” Edward closed his eyes, pressing the tears free to fall to the ground.

Sarah swallowed hard, and let her own tears roll down her face. Riley moved from under Edward’s arm and whined before licking her hand. Sarah looked up at him, his brown eyes, calm and knowing, under his rising and falling eyebrows. She rubbed the soft red hair on the top of his head and down his ears. He sniffed and rubbed his cold nose into her hand and moved even closer to her. Sarah stopped petting and stared at Riley, who gave another whimper as he pawed at her leg.

“Riley, Daddy. Riley.”

Edward creased his brow and looked at her, then to Riley. “What about him?” he asked as he laid his hand on Riley’s back.

“Matty knows, because of Riley.”

Edward looked at her, still unsure of what she was trying to tell him.

“Matty knows how much you love him,” she stopped to control her shaking voice before continuing, “because of the day you let him bring Riley with us, to California.”

Edward slowly nodded, and ran his hand down Riley’s back. “I hope you’re right, Sarah. I hope to God to you’re right.”