Surrender to Fate (Fate's Path Part One: A New Adult Romance Series) (26 page)

Sarah knew that saying goodbye to Adley would bring its own set of heart wrenching challenges. Not only had it just begun to settle quite nicely that she and Adley were going to be married, but Sarah felt the pangs of regret in time wasted. She knew it couldn’t have been helped, but now that she was with Adley for only one more time before he too, fulfilled his duty to his country, she couldn’t help but feel annoyed with herself and her lack of ability to make a decision. All those months that she and Adley could’ve been falling more and more in love, were gone and couldn’t be recovered. She had to remind herself of one of her father’s favorite expressions, and she hated that she now understood it perfectly.
Hindsight is 20/20.

Adley was unusually quiet as he drove them down the road in the farm truck. After she had spent the emotional day with Matty and trying to keep herself together for his sake, she felt exhausted. She was so filled with anxiety for needing to do the same with Adley that it felt as if the weight of a thousand bricks were stacked on her shoulders.

She slid to the center of the seat and wrapped her arm under his and put her head on his shoulder. He moved his hand from the steering wheel and placed it on her thigh. The weight of his hand on her was heavy, and different. His touch was unusual tonight. There hadn’t been a time that his touch didn’t send shivers up and down her spine, until now. His touch felt forlorn and to Sarah, that could only feel heartbreaking.

He pulled into the orchard and turned the ignition off. Sarah shifted to face him and placed her hand on his cheek, trying her best to smile.

He pulled her hand down to his lips and kissed it gingerly. “I’m leaving you tomorrow, Sarah. I never thought I would have to say that to you. I never planned on saying that to you.”

“I know,” Sarah whispered. “I never thought it either.”

Sarah looked out through the window, “Well, you’ll get to see the world, right?” She knew it was no more lessening of the pain than when Matty had said it to her, but she felt lost for what to say to him.

He turned her face to his, his green eyes skirted with anguish. “I’m looking at my world, Sarah.”

Sarah’s lip trembled and her eyes stung once again with fresh tears. “Adley, I would do anything if it meant you didn’t have to go.”

“I know,” he whispered. “I would too. I had far too many things here to ever need to leave. I just can’t believe that--” He tried to continue but his words got caught in his throat.

“What, Adley?” she coaxed.

“That just when I finally get to have you, after all of this time waiting, and wondering how you felt, I finally know. But, it doesn’t matter because I still can’t have you.”

Now Sarah turned his face to hers. “Adley, you do have me. And when you come home, you’ll still have me. I’ll be here, Adley, I will.” Sarah tried to sound as convincing as she felt in her heart.

Adley looked at her hopefully. “I don’t know, Sarah. I’m afraid that you won’t feel the same about me after I’ve been gone awhile.”

“Adley, please don’t say that.”

“I just know that with enough time, you finally forgot about,
him
.”

Sarah was completely caught off guard and crushed that Adley had managed to bring Will into their conversation. “That’s not fair, Adley. I can’t believe you just said that.”

Adley closed his eyes put his hands around her face. He hung his head down and then looked back to her. “Shit, Sarah, that was stupid. I don’t know why I said that. Please, just forget that I said that, okay?”

Sarah might not have so easily let that comment slide any other time. But, there was no way she was going to start a fight knowing that tomorrow, she would kiss Adley goodbye, uncertain of the next time she might get to do so. She leaned in and kissed him. “It’s forgotten.” She smiled and kissed him again.

The relief on Adley’s face was clear and he pulled her in to a long and deep kiss. “I don’t know what I’ll do without these lips every day, Sarah.” He pulled her on top of him so she was straddling his waist and able to run her hands through his hair.

“I don’t know either. You’ve spoiled me rotten with every kiss, and every touch. I won’t be the same without you, Adley.”

Adley’s hands moved under her shirt and moved along her back in slow strokes. She felt him move around her rib cage until his hands were in front, immediately finding her breasts. He pressed and massaged them and Sarah could feel his fingers rolling the hardening buds of her nipples between his fingers. His kisses became even more urgent, along with cupping his hands over her breasts and squeezing them until Sarah began to squirm.

Wasting no time, he moved his hands along her thighs and pushed her skirt up until it began to bunch around her waist. He rubbed his hand along her thighs and down to the wetness of her panties and moaned into her mouth. “Yes, baby. I knew you would be.”

He pulled them to the side and let his fingers rub back and forth over her. Sarah closed her eyes, relishing the feel of him against her skin, and the feel of him so close to entering her body. She only had a moment to consider his closeness as the next breath she took was cut short as he thrust two of his fingers deep inside of her. She tilted her head back and softly moaned.

“Yes, Sarah, feel me. Feel me, baby.”

He pressed even further into her and began moving his fingers so eagerly inside of her that she knew she couldn’t possibly delay the inevitable.

Her breaths were coming in short gasps now and she could barely manage to say his name between them.

“Let me feel you move, Sarah.” With his other hand, he grasped her hip and moved it back and forth, showing her what he wanted. Sarah slowly began to follow his lead, and could feel his fingers stiffen against her softness. “Keep going, Sarah,” he smiled slightly, watching her intently.

Sarah closed her eyes, no longer in control of her of body that was now pulsing against Adley’s fingers with an urgency that couldn’t be explained in words. Her hips moved faster, and holding Adley’s shoulders for support, felt herself begin the beautiful descent into the place where the world falls away, leaving only splintering pleasure coursing through her body.

She tilted her head back, moaning, “Oh, Adley, yes! Yes!” Her body squeezed and constricted around his fingers until she could only feel herself throbbing against him.

She fell against Adley’s chest, trying to regain her breath. He gently pulled his fingers from her and wrapped her in his arms. “Oh, Sarah. That was so unbelievably amazing. You are so beautiful, do you know that?”

Sarah kissed him, hoping it would stop the flood of tears that she could feel welling inside. The emotions that Adley could bring out of her were more than she could handle knowing that in a few short hours, he would be leaving her.

Adley responded with intense and urgent strokes of his tongue against hers. “I’m not done, baby.”

Sarah leaned back as he raised his hips and unbuttoned his pants. They locked eyes, and he pulled his pants down, reaching behind her to slide them even further until Sarah could feel the warmth of his legs against the inside of her thighs. Satisfied, Adley reached behind her and pulled her tightly into him. She could feel every inch of him, pressing against her. Her mind began to race, but she had no time to fully assess what was happening as Adley once again pulled her down to his lips.

“I want you, Sarah,” he whispered into her mouth. “I’ve always wanted you; from the first moment I saw you, I’ve wanted you.” He pulled her up off his lap to a straddling position over him. She looked down into his face, as she felt him once again move the cotton of her panties to the side, fully exposing her. He took his rod in his hand and positioned it directly under her. Looking at her with raging lust in his eyes, he whispered, “Come to me, Sarah.”

Sarah was frozen in place, if she was breathing, she didn’t know it. After everything that she and Adley had done, none of it had ever come to this moment. She knew what he wanted from her. She no longer had the luxury of time to decide what she would do if presented with these circumstances.

He nodded his head reassuringly to her, and she finally took in a breath. She could feel herself begin to shiver, “Adley, wait. I’m not sure.”

He furrowed his brow, in obvious confusion. “Sure of what?”

“I’m scared. I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“It’s okay. There’s nothing to be scared of. I won’t hurt you, I promise, Sarah. Trust me.”

Sarah was completely torn. She did trust him. But she also knew that this decision was one that could be made only once, and then it would be gone. “I do trust you.”

Adley smiled, “Good, now please, don’t make me wait any longer to have you.”

Sarah implored his eyes as she searched for the answer. She didn’t know how to rein in her emotions or logic but felt herself slowly sink down lower to Adley anyway. Almost immediately she felt him against her, and she froze in place. The pressure of his tip against her soft opening was dizzying. He was warm against her, and her body responded with a gush of warmth of its own. Adley looked up at her, breathing in short gasps, still holding himself in position under her.

He moaned, and closed his eyes. “Oh Sarah, yes. Come on, baby.”

Sarah lowered herself slightly more until she could feel herself widening against the size of him. She could already sense her body stretching to accommodate him, even though he was only a fraction inside of her. She slowly raised her hips and felt her lips drag over his tip until he had completely left her. She came down again, this time her body aware of what was entering, and was unmistakably more prepared, as his head easily pressed into her crevice again.

The look on her face must’ve conveyed her insecurity, as Adley whispered, “Don’t be scared, baby. You feel amazing. I can feel how much you want me, too. Don’t stop, Sarah.”

She pulled herself back up until his tip was just barely being kissed by her soft center and looked into his eyes. She wanted to remember how his eyes looked when he looked at her. She wanted to hold the memory of how he looked in this moment of his body so close to entering hers. Her mind swirled with questions and uncertainty. Could she actually do this?

Adley answered for her. “Yes, Sarah. Do it again, let me have you.”

She lowered herself again, this time surprised at how easily he could’ve slid even further inside of her. Her body ached against the magnitude of Adley’s body that was slowly penetrating her. She couldn’t be certain, but she felt herself close around his tip in its entirety, and she stopped. She couldn’t deny that feeling him was driving her body absolutely wild, and felt that if it weren’t for her mind impeding it, she could easily let herself go and fall into a million pieces as the delicious waves crashed through her body once again.

Adley leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes, the slightest hint of frustration creasing his brow. Had Sarah looked at him a moment sooner, or a moment later, she might’ve missed the minute expression. She closed her eyes and dropped her chin to her chest.

She raised her hips again, but this time, far enough away from Adley’s body that he opened his eyes and looked at her.

“I can’t do this, Adley. I’m so sorry…” Sarah’s bottom lip quivered and she felt the tears drip from her eyes.

Adley’s eyebrows came together. “What? What’s wrong, Sarah?”

Sarah closed her eyes again and squeezed her eyes, “I’m so sorry! I’m just not ready to…not like this.”

“What are you talking about? I love you, you love me, and I’m leaving for war tomorrow, for Christ’s sake.”

Sarah began to tremble as she attempted to halt the sobs that were threatening to take her voice. “I know! It’s just that this isn’t how I thought it would be. My first time I mean. I want to be with you, and it’s killing me that you have to leave me, but when we do...” she paused, trying to find her words but felt that no matter the explanation, this was unfolding into a tangled mess of words, and tears, and misunderstanding. She took a deep breath, “It’s just that when we do, for the first time, I don’t want it to be in an old farm truck. Please Adley, can you try to understand?”

Adley rubbed his fingers over his forehead and looked at her. “I understand just fine, Sarah. It’s him, isn’t it? You still aren’t over
him
, are you?” Adley’s expression was painted in hurt and anger, and Sarah couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“Adley! How could you say that? No! This has nothing to do with that! How am I going to ever convince you that I’ve chosen you? I just wanted our first time to be different, than this. I thought you would understand that I’m just not ready, I can’t believe you keep throwing this back in my face!” Sarah buried her face in her hands and could no longer control her tears. She shook her head, in disbelief that this was now the memory she had of Adley’s last night at home.

“Oh my God, Sarah. Oh no, what have I done?” Adley wrapped his arms behind her and pulled her in to his chest. He held her tightly as he cursed under his breath. “I don’t know why I did that, Sarah. Please…
please
forgive me?”

Sarah’s shoulders shook against him, but she let him hold her until she felt the tears subside. She lifted her tear streaked face from him and wiped her cheeks. After a few more deep breaths, she finally felt able to speak. “I do forgive you, Adley. I’m so sorry. But, I need you to stop doing that to me. You can’t keep saying that me.”

Adley closed his eyes, and Sarah watched as he fought his own tears. He gently kissed her lips and whispered, “I know, baby, I’m sorry. It’s just that I’m scared, Sarah. I’m scared to death.”

Sarah wrapped her hands around his face and kissed him back. She held onto his face, forcing him to look straight into her eyes. “You’ll be home soon, Adley. You are strong, and I just know that you will be alright.”

He swallowed hard and answered without blinking, “No, Sarah. That’s not what I’m scared of.”

She tilted her head, trying to understand. “What, then?”