Stone Walls (29 page)

Farley lets out a heavy sigh. “The only other option is to bait Politto.”

“No!” I say more forcibly.

“Ben,” she says firmly.

“NO Ella!”

“We’ll give you time to discuss. Either option means immediate action.” Farley stands, and Rob follows.

“Ella, listen to Ben. He’s much closer to this than you think.”

Rob nods when I understand his meaning. I need to tell her everything about my past. It’s time she knew. Once they leave the room, I turn to face her.

“Ella, I will not allow him to put you in the direct path of that lunatic.”

“I am not leaving.” We stare at each other, neither bending in any way. “I lived that life once before. Even unknowingly being oblivious and ignorant of my true identity, it was not a life I would have chosen for myself. Sheltered, stuck in a mediocre existence. It couldn’t have been easy for my mother, constantly worrying, constantly wondering not
if
but
when
they would find her. I can’t consciously go into a life of hiding while knowing all I know and loving who I love.”

Tears spill from her eyes. I gently wipe them away, while shaking my head. “It would mean you’re alive. I’d much rather you be alive somewhere than dead.”

“I’d rather be dead if I can’t be with you,” she admits, just barely above a whisper.

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do.”

“I won’t allow it.” I stubbornly shake my head, and she pulls her hand from mine. “My father killed my mother because of Victor Politto Sr.”

She looks at me in shock.

“He tried to make a buck and got involved with peddling Politto’s drugs on the street. The result was the murder of my mother and his suicide. He left me one scrap of paper, two or three sentences long. He traded their lives for Jonathan and me. I have no idea why, since he left me no information. I couldn’t very well knock on Politto’s door, demanding answers. I know first hand what that man is capable of. He’s the spawn of the devil himself. He’s pure evil and will stop at nothing to get what he wants.”

“I understand the heartbreak you faced. I understand those men ruined our lives. In a mind-blowing way, you can argue they also brought us together. I get it, Ben. I know what you’re feeling.” She takes my hand again, tugging until I meet her eye. “But it’s my decision.”

“Just don’t make any rash decisions. Farley said you had two choices. You don’t just have two. You have another. Baby, maybe it won’t be forever. Maybe things will change, and once they do you can come back. But at least going away will give you time to think. Due to the enormity of this situation, you shouldn’t rush into choosing one or the other when you just found out your true identity. Going away will give you time to absorb it all.”

“I can’t leave you.”

“I’ll come with you. I’ll leave everything for you. We’ll start over, together.”

“No. I can’t let you do that. I have to stay.”

“Ella, staying won’t solve it. They will never go away. This will never end. Even if the result is Politto dead and cold in the ground while his soul burns in hell, it will never go away.”

She averts her gaze as she fights the tears that continue to fill her eyes. I hold her shoulders firmly, forcing her to look at me. “Ella, please. Don’t do this.”

“Ben, I love you, but I have to do this.”

“No, you don’t. You don’t have to fight him. That’s our job. That’s Farley’s job, not yours. Please, Ella. Let us do this, not you.”

I’m fighting the urge to cave, to give in to his pleas.

I’m scared.

I’m terrified that I’ll make the wrong choice.

Selfishly I’d like nothing more than to run out that door with Ben, just the two of us, and never look back. My conscience counters that I can’t do that to him. I can’t make him give up his life just to save mine. Who’s to say in a few years, or even many years, he won’t grow to resent me?

I have to stay.

I wait a few long minutes, allowing him to regain his composure. The more he sits across from me, the more he calms. When I see my Ben is back, the Ben who loves me and wants me to be happy and safe, I finally ask, “Ben, I need to hear that you support me.” He hesitates as he stares into my eyes.

“I can’t agree with this.”

“Please, Ben. I need you.”

“You have me, Ella. I’ll protect you with my life.”

His words cause something to click in my mind.

“No,” I say breathlessly, shaking my head. “No, don’t say that. Please don’t say that.”

Ben looks at me bewildered as my eyes dart around the room and my breathing becomes labored.

What if deciding to stay costs Ben his life?

Where’s my guarantee?

There is no guarantee. My decision is as fickle as rolling the dice and letting luck decide.

Instantly, tears swell, and I can’t seem to pull enough air into my lungs. I feel a panic attack taking hold. He’s right. This will never go away. I’ll never know of the two awful choices I’m given which was the right choice. Sobs wrack my body.

I can’t win.

I begin to hyperventilate, and he instantly knows I’m in the throws of an attack.

“Ella?”

My heart races and there is nothing I can do about it. I feel his arms around me, but I can’t see his face. All I see are images flashing in my mind. My brain is a jumble of random thoughts arguing both choices. I can’t think clearly. Helplessly, I fight to form a coherent thought. I can’t speak. I try to open my mouth to tell him I’m scared. I fight to utter an intelligible word. All I can do is gasp for breath and cry.

When my breathing returns to normal, when my brain clears, when clarity finally returns, I wipe away my tears with purpose.

“Are you okay, now?” he asks, still holding me close to his body. He leans back to look into my eyes.

“How long was that one?”

“A few minutes.”

I flinch from the truth. That’s the longest one I’ve ever had. He sees my pain and tilts my head until I’m looking up at him.

“I love you, Ella. You aren’t in this alone. If you go, I go. If you stay, we fight them together. We’re in this together.”

I nod at his words.

He holds me to his chest. “We do this together.”

Ben gives me a few more minutes to calm down, forcing me to sit, drink, and breathe. When I give him my word that I’m okay, he goes out to find Farley. They both return with Rob and three other agents. All three are in suits and ties. One is much older, and the other two are probably thirty-something.

“Holt, Randall, and Diaz,” Farley introduces them in order. “Holt is the WITSEC specialist. Randall and Diaz are in charge of safe houses and protection detail. All three are here as witnesses as well.”

Upon closer inspection, the last two do look familiar. When I saw them earlier, they were in street clothes, outside my apartment. They look so different in suits.

“Ella, have you made a decision?”

I look at Ben for encouragement. Even though he nods, his eyes fail to hide the pain he’s feeling. I swallow audibly and nod. “I’m staying.”

Rob frowns and Ben meets his eye. The two have an unspoken conversation between them.

Farley nods. “Okay.” He pulls out a file and hands me paperwork. “This contract details the offer into the WITSEC program. Signing here confirms you are waiving that option.”

Ben places a hand on my knee as I sign on the dotted line.

Farley pushes another paper closer and explains, “This details what you will expect while you are sequestered in the safe house.”

My eyes fly over the page, but none of the printed words are registering.

As if knowing what I’m thinking, Farley adds, “You can take a few minutes to read it through. In the meantime, we will prepare necessary documents that will legally pull you from work.”

“I can’t go to work?”

Farley shakes his head. “No. You will remain in hiding until all plans are secured, and/or the operation ends. The only people who will know your location are in this room. Do you understand, Ella?”

I can’t see Andrea?

I remind myself this is all temporary. Once they draw Politto out, it will all be over. At least by staying, I get to be here with Ben. I get to be Ella Parker.

I pull in a shaky breath as it all begins to hit me. Ben scrutinizes my reaction. With a tilt of my chin, I confirm, “I understand.”

“Good.”

“Can Ben stay with…can Ben stay with me?” I ask nervously.

“I’m staying with you,” Ben responds for Farley.

This must have been a discussion already. The tension flies between them.

Farley nods. “You will be relocated to an apartment in Long Beach, not far from Officer Withers.” My eyes fly to Ben, and he continues to stare at Farley. “It’s a brand new building that is also a secured location. The other apartments on your floor are all unoccupied. With underground parking, doormen that are NYPD, an officer stationed at your apartment door, and video surveillance at all exits, you can feel safe there.”

“When do I leave?”

“Today. I also agreed that Ben could retrieve your personals. He can pack everything you need, and an agent will deliver them to your new location.”

My frantic heartbeat calms just a touch. They did discuss this. I’ll be near Andrea. Even if I can’t see her, having comfort in knowing she’s close by will help me feel better. I’ll be on the beach. A stranger won’t be going through my things. He knew these little details would help me. In the event I decided to stay, by putting his angst aside, my boyfriend was negotiating all these little insignificant things to help me feel better.

When I look at him, he squeezes my hand as he watches Farley further explain conditions at the safe house.

If I had any lingering doubt, it’s now gone.

I love this man beside me…and beside him is where I belong.

We decided I’d stay at headquarters as Ben went back to our apartments. He first went to his, packing all he needed. His trip to mine resulted in a few phone calls. While he was gone, Farley brought in dinner for me, which I didn’t touch. I also met with a counselor who I’ll be having weekly phone sessions with. Farley explained that the reality of being Gabriella Volante has truly not hit me yet. He’s right. I am so far removed from her and from that life, it’s not realistic to grasp. It means nothing to me. He may as well have said I was really Minnie Mouse.

My phone was taken. It will be held here at headquarters. My new phone has one preprogrammed number, the direct line to the headquarters’ command room handling the Politto case. I can receive calls and texts from the command room, Ben, Farley, or the therapist. That’s it, no one else.

Farley explained it wasn’t as a punishment but for my safety. Outgoing calls can be traced. He said this was a serious situation, and I needed to constantly remind myself of that to avoid any slip-ups.

The more I sat with him, the more I wondered about him. No ring, gorgeous face, nice body, does he have a girl who means the world to him? He seems so insensitive, so emotionally removed. I guess he’d need to be in his profession. Still, I wondered if there were two Nicks, as I learned there were two Bens. Before I got to know Ben, he was no different than Farley. There is a world of difference between the Ben I first met and the Ben I now love.

“Okay, I think we’re done here. As soon as Stone, I mean Ben returns, you’ll be taken to your new home.”

He stands and gives me a hint of a smile. “I’m just a phone call away. I’m sorry we met under such awful circumstances, but I have a feeling we would have met eventually. You’re his priority.”

He gathers his files and leaves me alone in the room. Hearing Farley’s words just solidifies what I already know. I know I’m Ben’s priority. I may not have been a few weeks ago, but I am now. That is one of the few things I do know without a doubt, as well as my feelings for him. My friendship with Andrea and Rob, the person I am inside, the way Ben loves me are all my definite truths.

My run this morning seems like it was years ago. In six hours, my entire life flipped upside down. I had no warning. The woman who raised me was not who I thought she was, a mob boss’s wife? Farley left me my mother’s file, her true identity, and mine. I’m not ready to read any of it. I may never be ready. Knowing what’s on those pages should be meaningless to the person I am. Those people don’t exist anymore. That’s not my truth. He may have given me life, but that doesn’t mean I’m like him.

I’m actually sitting here arguing with myself or convincing myself that my reaction is normal.

My thoughts are so scattered. I’m bouncing around, unable to stay focused. Minutes ago I was wondering if Farley was attached.

With a sigh, I lower my head onto my folded arms succumbing to the exhaustion that is slowly taking over. I feel so tired.

“Hey,” Ben says from the door. I lift my head to see him leaning against the jam, arms folded, a sexy smirk on his face.

He slowly walks over and sits beside me. “You okay?”

“I am now.”

“You haven’t eaten.” He doesn’t look at all convinced. “Ella, don’t lie to me. I want you to be honest about everything you’re feeling.”

“I’m not lying. I’m tired, that’s all.”

“Ella.”

“It’s a lot to take in. Maybe it hasn’t hit me yet. Is it strange that I feel like we’re talking about someone else? I don’t feel any attachment to…” I fumble with the words I want to say. Instead, I motion toward the folder sitting on the table. “That’s not me,” I add, flustered with my thoughts again. “I only know one thing for sure. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He leans closer to kiss me. “I won’t ever let anything happen to you, Ella. I promise you.”