Stone Walls (27 page)

“Why wasn’t I told?”

“It’s not pertinent to your involvement of the case.”

“Fuck this! We are talking about my girlfriend. Fuck the case and all its protocol. You should have told me!”

“What’s the plan?” Rob interrupts, no doubt trying to calm me down. He has been so quiet that I forgot he’s in the room.

The slight hesitation from Farley could only mean that they don’t have one. “You have a plan, right?” I bark out.

“Yes. You aren’t going to like it, but it’s necessary.”

“Does it guarantee her safety?”

“Yes.” When I continue to glare at him, he says, “She’s an adult. She needs to know her true identity. We also need to put measures in place to put her back into the witness protection program.”

His words sucker punch me, completely stealing the air from my lungs.

It’s been hours since he left. I don’t want to bother him, but I need to know he’s okay. I debate whether to text him or not. When I do, and no response comes, I wish I never did. Sitting here wondering why he hasn’t responded is wreaking havoc on my insides. After another hour passes, I call Andrea.

“I know you’re worried. Me, too,” she answers without a hello.

“You haven’t heard from Rob?”

“No. We were in the movies, he looked at his phone, whispered he had to go, and flew out of there.”

“Where are you now?”

“It just ended. I was just about to call you. I don’t want to drive home. Can I come over?”

“Please. I was hoping you would. I’m driving myself nuts.”

“I’ll be there soon.”

I spend the next thirty minutes pacing, waiting for Andrea to arrive. I open the door the minute I hear her knock.

“Rob and I have a rule. If he can’t call, he just sends me a text with xo. That means he’s fine, and he just can’t talk. I just got the xo, Ella. They’re fine.”

Relief floods, temporarily. It’s quickly replaced with unease. “Something happened tonight.” Andrea sits, concern etched in the furrows of her forehead. “I accidentally saw that Ben missed a call and voicemail from Mr. McGill.”

Andrea scans her brain before asking, “The guy investigating your mom’s murder?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“He’s been communicating with him over the case.”

“Okay, so?” Andrea’s reaction is opposite from what mine was.

“He never told me.”

She shrugs. “He probably couldn’t.”

Well duh
.

It’s clear Andrea is much more comfortable with the dynamics that come from dating a cop. Her matter of fact attitude is exactly what I’m lacking. In my defense, my feelings are tied to emotions because of the sensitivity of the case. In all fairness, our reactions are both appropriate, but this time I want her to agree with me.

“I’m not going to tell anyone, he could have confided in me. It involves me. He should have told me.”

“Ella, you need to cut him some slack. Look at it from his standpoint. His girlfriend was involved in a heinous crime. As a cop, he’s probably raving mad trying to figure out who did it. As your boyfriend, he’s probably raving mad trying to figure out who did it. Do you understand my point?”

With a sigh, I concede, “Yeah.”

“Now add Ben’s Superman complex. The situation is severely fucked up to him.”

I move toward her to give her a hug. “Thank you. You’re right. I’m only thinking about it from my perspective.”

“See, sometimes I’m good for something. So, it’s Friday, it’s usually nerd night for you. What do you want to torture me with on TV? Before you do, I need wine.” I know she’s trying to distract me, and I allow her to…for now.

Getting us both some wine and finding a sappy romance to watch will hopefully keep my mind off my anxiety. I find
The Proposal
on a cable station, grab a blanket, and get cozy on the couch. Andrea doesn’t moan or comment, so my choice must be okay with her. Within minutes, I fall asleep.

The heat that comes from a ray of sunshine hitting my face wakes me. Disoriented, I blink trying to remember where I am. The blinds are open, and it’s morning. I grab my phone in a panic, realizing I still haven’t heard from Ben. As I search my phone for any missed calls or texts, I find Andrea in my room sleeping fitfully. It’s really early, and I know she’ll kill me for waking her up, but I need to know if she heard from Rob.

When I gently shake her, she mumbles but otherwise doesn’t wake.

“Andrea.”

“Hmm?”

“Have you heard from Rob?”

She turns over, mumbles something, and adds, “XO.”

I make a mental note to devise a similar system with Ben. I need that assurance that he’s okay. Hearing Rob is and that he checked in, even in their silly little way, is enough to get me through another hour or so until I hear from him.

I decide to have mercy on my friend, shutting the door to let her sleep. I debate on going for a run. That would most definitely clear my head. Instead, I brew a pot of coffee and settle on the couch to once again wait.

A few hours later, I’ve argued every possible concern I have over and over. I know he’s safe. Rob’s little texts have been arriving sporadically. I know we left things tense. I know if he could call me, he would. All these arguments are valid and should make me feel better. I think what has me the most upset is the
need
to hear his voice. If I could just hear his voice, I’ll be better. Yet, I can’t shake the feeling of trepidation I have deep in my gut.

I did go out for my run. As I pounded the pavement along Hudson City Park, I tried to focus on Ben’s last real question to me. He’s asked me before, and the first few times he did I always assumed he was joking. By using any excuse he could guarantee more sex, he’d throw out the suggestion of moving in together. The question has been coming more frequently. The thought of living with him thrills me.

So why have I been so flip in responding? What am I afraid of? What if something were to happen to him? Every day is a precious gift. I don’t want to waste one day.

As I run until my legs feel the strain, I decide I will be answering yes next time he asks. I want to be tied to him in every way.

It’s a no-brainer.

Excitement mixes with my anxiety as I enter my apartment. Andrea sits having breakfast and looks half asleep. “You just got up?”

She glances up from her coffee in a daze. “I would have slept later. I like sleeping in on Saturdays.”

“What woke you?”

She holds up her phone, and a text from Rob says,
be home soon.

“
Ben, too?”

She shrugs, but doesn’t respond. I don’t take Andrea’s morning grumpiness personally. “I’m taking a shower.”

While still staring into space, she gives me a thumbs up.

The steady stream of the shower loosens my tightened muscles. I turn the valve until practically scalding. The heat of the water distracts from the chills that continue to course over my skin. When I close my eyes, I can see his handsome face. Ben smirking, smiling, even when he’s serious just as he’s about to come inside of me. The many faces of Ben flip through my mind over and over.

“We need a bigger shower.”

My first thought is that I imagined him saying that. When I drag open the curtain, he stands with his arms folded, leaning against my door.

“Ben!”

I snatch a towel and leave the water running to get to him faster. He opens his arms and accepts me as I crush my body to his.

“I was so worried.”

“I know, baby. I’m here.”

His voice sounds so defeated. I pull back to look into his eyes. Dark circles spread beneath them. I run my fingertips along his jaw. “You look so tired.”

“I am.”

“Ben, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

He frowns and skims his thumb across my bottom lip. “What for?”

“For last night. I understand why you couldn’t tell me.”

His brow furrows as if he’s in pain. “No need to apologize,” he says and places a soft kiss on my lips. He opens his mouth to speak and then shakes his head.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” After another kiss, he says, “I need coffee. I’ll be on the couch.”

“Okay.”

Something is wrong. I can see it. He’s holding something back. I resume my shower, rinsing any residual shampoo, dry off, and dress as quickly as I can. As I walk out into my apartment, I can hear muffled voices. My apartment isn’t large. The fact I can’t hear what is being said means they are purposefully whispering to stop me from hearing what is being said.

“Hey.” All three sets of eyes focus on me as I stand in the doorway.

Ben smiles and pats his lap. I accept his invite, and as I settle on it, he grips my waist with his free hand.

“Who died?” I ask, trying to make light of the long faces sitting in my living room.

Rob and Ben exchange a look. Andrea is still focused on my face. Ben tightens his hold on my waist. “Babe, I need to talk to you.”

“What?”

“Rob and I need to take you downtown. There is some stuff you need to know.”

“Ben, you’re scaring me.”

He shakes his head with a small smile. “Don’t be scared. I meant it when I said I would never let anything happen to you.”

“Smyth?”

“Yes.” From the look on his face, I know there’s more, but he stops at that.

“Okay. I’ll go get dressed.” The pounding in my chest makes my voice sound winded. He nods with another smile but doesn’t stand to join me. Normally, Ben would follow me to my room if I announced I was getting dressed.

When I emerge a few minutes later, the scene in my living room hasn’t changed much. He said there was “stuff” I needed to know. My mind races with possible circumstances that force the need to take me to headquarters. I’m not educated in detective work. It might just be protocol. Something tells me its more than that. The look on his face, the tone of his voice, both indicate there is so much more.

“Ready?” he asks.

I nod, not trusting my voice. He takes my hand, kisses it, and attempts another smile. “Let’s go, beautiful.”

“I have no idea what’s happening, but they both love you, and so do I.” Andrea hugs me. “I’m going back to my apartment. Call me later.”

“Okay.”

Rob and she exchange a quick kiss, and he winks on his way out.

When we stand outside my building, two men who are casually dressed walk toward us. Wordlessly, Ben nods, and they lead us to a dark SUV that sits idling at the curb.

“Who are they?”

“Your FBI protection detail.” He gauges my reaction.

“They’ve been
following me
?” I ask incredulously.

He nods solemnly. “Yeah, baby.”

Again I have a million questions running through my mind. What does Smyth want that would have the FBI protecting me? This doesn’t make sense…none of it makes sense.

Rob gets in the front with the driver. Ben helps me in and sits close beside me in the back. He never releases my hand. Every so often he lifts it to place a sweet kiss before settling our clasped hands back on his lap. He’s so quiet. He stares blankly out his window, a permanent frown on his face. Only when I look up at him does he quickly flash a small smile. My thoughts confusingly jumble in my head. His behavior is making me wonder if what I’m about to learn is going to change things between us. I feel hollowness inside my chest, a void that wasn’t there a few minutes ago.