Someone to Love (9 page)

“As if putting a ring on it after a month wasn’t proof enough of that fact.”

“They’re either very in love or very stupid.”

“Aren’t those one in the same?”

“So you’re okay with the fact that I’m not looking for love, marriage, and a couple of babies? You’re not secretly wishing to change my mind about those things?”

“I’m secretly wishing that we can keep whatever this is secret from Diane. If she found out she’d be overtly trying to get us down the aisle.” Her hand aimlessly wander over his muscles.

“That’s not something you want?”

She looked up at him. “You and I want the same thing. Or should I say we don’t want the same thing. Marriage and kids are all part of happily ever after. To me happily ever afters are like gifts from Santa Claus, if you don’t believe in him he won’t drop down your chimney with a gift. You have to believe happily ever afters exist to have one. I don’t believe they’re real.”

“And I thought I was cynical. Why don’t you believe in happy endings?”

She rested her head back on his chest. “I um, I have my reasons, but this is supposed to be fun and this conversation is heading into not fun territory. Discussing feelings is for relationships.”

He didn’t understand why the fact that she was so willing to rule out them having a relationship bothered him, but it did. This was someone he’d only just met, but there was a part of him that believed if he could make a relationship work with any woman it would be her. He immediately silenced that part of him.

He didn’t know Noli’s reasons, but he’d seen the dark side of love. He’d lived it. His mother’s love for his father ruined her. When his father left, he took a part of his mom with him. She was like a ghost of who she used to be. Her laugh wasn’t as hearty. Her smile always held a hint of pain. Her eyes had a look of longing for someone who could care less about her or their son.

His thoughts were interrupted when Noli climbed on top of him. He wasn’t quite ready to go a fourth time, but he just needed a few minutes of touching her to get him there. He didn’t have that opportunity to test that theory.

“I’m going to take a quick shower.” She brushed a kiss on his lips and scooted off him and the bed.

He sat up and swung his feet on the floor. “I’ll join you.”

“If you join me we’ll never get those errands done. I don’t want to make up excuses why we didn’t get to them. My cousin can see right through me.”

He laid back down, unashamed of his nudity, and watched her disappear into the bathroom.

***

Noli shut the bathroom door behind her and leaned against it. She rubbed her hands over her face. What had she gotten herself into? Feelings were swirling around inside like a tornado bent on obliterating the fortress she’d built around her heart.

She wanted to run. Out of sight, out of mind right? But she couldn’t do that. The wedding was still a couple of months away so she couldn’t run. A couple of months of Cooper might have her waiving the white flag and surrendering her heart. Who was she kidding, she was already running the flag up the pole.

She let the shower spray wash over her face so she could convince herself there were no tears, just water running down her face. She stayed in the shower long after the residue of love making was washed away because it took that long to wash away the feelings that were trying to take root.

She got out of the shower and found the clothes and put them back on. When she walked back into the bedroom Cooper was still sprawled across the bed with no clothes on. He took up most of the bed. Just looking at him tempted her to discard her clothes again and join him. She hadn’t expected him to be as giving and attentive as he was. When they were together she felt whole again. He was magnificent.

“Did you just call me magnificent?”

She hadn’t realized the word had escaped her mouth as she looked at him. She hated feeding his ego, regardless of how justified he was in much of his cockiness. “Your shower, I called your shower magnificent.”

“Did you save me any hot water?”

“Enough. You mind if I raid your fridge?”

“Go for it. If you hear me scream, don’t worry, it’s just my reaction to the cold water,” he teased.

“I know you’re trying to make me feel guilty, but I don’t,” she said as she left the room.

When she finished sweeping up his hair she opened his refrigerator. It was typical for a bachelor, lots of beer and various Styrofoam containers with leftover takeout. There were also a vegetable bin full of apples, pears, and other various fruits. She selected a pear and opened a bottle of water. She sat down on the bar stool at his counter and began to flip through a bridal magazine from her purse.

Planning weddings were fun, but the actual marriage was hard work. She was glad that she got to have the fun and not put in any of the work that followed. If she ever decided to settle down, maybe she could be an event planner. It was something she’d often done for friends and family. She was pretty good at it, perhaps she could make it a career. Why was she thinking of a career? Careers imply some type of permanency. Much like relationships, permanency was something she didn’t do.

Before she could switch tracks on her train of thought, the doorbell rang. The shower was running up stairs so it wasn’t likely that Cooper could hear it. She didn’t want to be presumptuous and answer, but this far out in the middle of nowhere, perhaps she should. The door began to open before she could get to it. In walked Cooper’s mother, Daphne. When she saw Noli standing there she did a double take before smiling.

“Hello, sweetheart.”

“Hello, Daphne.”

“Is Cooper here?”

“He’s taking a shower.”

“Oh.”

Noli hadn’t spent much time with Daphne, so she didn’t know exactly how to interpret that one syllable word that could mean a multitude of things. Noli hated the silence. The seconds of silence seemed like minutes and made her nervous thoughts race like a fifty yard dash. Noli swore she smelled sex in the air or maybe it still on her even after that long shower. She hoped it was just her nervous conscious playing tricks on her nose.

Could his mother tell what they’d been doing less than an hour ago? What was the protocol for the non-girlfriend when the mother shows up unexpectedly? Did she go upstairs and tell Cooper? No, that would be admitting she knew where the bedroom was and had no qualms about possibly seeing Cooper naked. Does she offer her a drink like she was the host and his mother was a visitor? Noli just stood there, immobilized by her thoughts.

She hoped Daphne would put her out of her misery to no avail. “We had a mishap while painting and wanted to get cleaned up before we ran a couple of errands,” Noli finally said.

Daphne just smiled and nodded. Noli didn’t know how plausible the other woman found the partial truth she’d tried to feed her.

“I spilled some paint,” Noli added.

“That’s why Cooper’s in the shower?” Finally Daphne gave her a reprieve. “Is he being helpful?”

“Yes. He’s pretty handy.”

“If you don’t mind I’m going to have a seat and wait.”

“Oh, so sorry.” Noli noticed she was blocking Daphne from moving beyond the entryway.

Daphne just continued to smile without saying anything. Noli felt an overwhelming need for this woman to like her. If this woman didn’t like her it would mean doom for her relationship with Cooper and she could lose him. Wait a minute, what relationship with Cooper? What was there to lose? They were just having fun. He didn’t mean anything to her so it shouldn’t matter what his mother thought. But it did. That tornado of emotions picked up speed.

Noli felt her anxiety increasing and knew she needed to get it under control before she had another panic attack. She resumed her seat at the kitchen island and pretended to look at magazine pages while she concentrated on taking steady even breaths and singing ‘Winter Wonderland’ in her head. The carol calmed her, it made her feel at peace.

“How’s the wedding coming?” Daphne asked.

“Good.” She couldn’t manage more than the one word.

“I’ve heard you have some great ideas.”

She simply nodded. Her heart rate was slowing, but it was still elevated. The adrenaline build up hadn’t totally worked its way out of her system.

“Are you okay sweetheart?”

“Just feeling a bit faint, this pear is the only thing I’ve had to eat today.” She’d become pretty good at lying about her panic attacks in the months since they started. The first one she had landed her in an emergency room in Tampa. She had been enjoying beaches on the Gulf for about a week when she decided to drive the short distance to Orlando to enjoy the outlets there. She was on the highway when a semi-truck driving too close to the lane dividing line past her. She felt like she was going to die.

A couple of miles later she pulled over to the side of the road when her chest got tight. A kind family on their way to Disney World, pulled over to help her and called 911. That was the last time she drove. It was interesting explaining to the car rental agency that the car that was returned via tow truck was mechanically sound without saying she was the one broken.

“Well, that boy needs to hurry out of the shower and take you to get something to eat. I know it’s hard to tell from the way his fridge looks, but he’s quite the cook. Most of those containers are experiments he’s done at his bar and brought home. Maybe he could fix you a nice lunch.”

“I don’t know, we have a lot of errands to run.”

“He’s taking you where you need to go?”

“He is.”

“You can borrow my dad’s old car. I hardly ever use it and it runs great.”

Noli couldn’t keep the panic out of her eyes. “Thanks for the offer, but I’d spend most of my time driving around lost. I have no sense of direction, even with GPS.” She’d become the mistress of excuses.

“You don’t drive do you?”

“Excuse me?”

“You don’t drive.” Daphne mimicked holding a steering wheel.

Noli shook her head to indicate she didn’t drive then thought maybe she should nod because Daphne was correct but thought that would confuse it more. “No, I don’t drive.”

Daphne came and stood in front of Noli, taking her hand into hers. “Jack’s mom told me about your parents. That’s why you don’t drive isn’t it?” Noli nodded. “You don’t really feel faint either do you? That was a panic attack starting wasn’t it? And you probably have them when you think about driving.”

Noli was shocked. No one had ever questioned her excuses. Or read her so easily. It surprised her that this woman, a practical stranger, recognized her for what she was, a mess. Tears welled in her eyes. “Driving is one of my triggers. How did you know?”

“I used to get them all the time back when Cooper’s dad cut out. Then of course it just fell under the big umbrella of ‘stress’. I was never quite as good at stopping them as you seem to be.”

“Winter Wonderland. I sing that song in my head and pace my breathing.” She couldn’t believe she was discussing this.

“Well, if Cooper is ever too busy to take you where you need to go, just give me a call.”

“Okay. Would you mind not sharing this with Cooper or anyone else?”

“No problem. Your secret’s safe with me.”

“What triggered the one just a moment ago?”

“I don’t know,” Noli lied, not wanting to reveal the emotions that freaked her out. “There are some things I know will set it off and then other times I’m blindsided.” It felt good to talk about any part of her disorder with someone that understood and not just pitied her. It was like a weight was lifted. “Thank you.”

“Anytime. You’re practically family.”

“Excuse me?” There was no longer any doubt as to whether or not Daphne knew what had happened upstairs. She knew, she most definitely knew.

“Jack and Cooper are like brothers, which makes Diane like a daughter to me and since you’re her family you’re just a couple of months away from being family too.”

“Oh,” Noli said only partially relieved.

“Since we’re family I can ask you something I’ve been pondering since I arrived. Where are your pants?”

The question was posed so sweetly she didn’t even know what hit her. This was a very clever woman. “Mine got messed up—”

“In the infamous paint spill.” Daphne nodded understanding.

Noli now understood that Cooper’s tenacity was a genetic trait. “He offered me some jeans, apparently a pair of yours, but I thought this was a cute dress.”

“I hope you’re not going au natural under there it’s kind of breezy out today. It’s pretty short on the sides, but if I was young and had those legs, my dresses would be barely there too. ”

Of course this was the part of the conversation Cooper joined them for. He smiled at his mother’s comment before placing a kiss on her cheek. “Mom are you giving her a hard time?”

“Not as hard a time as Cooper probably gives you.” Daphne smiled. “He can be quite difficult to get along with.”

Noli wanted to leave, but she couldn’t. So she did the next best thing and found a reason to leave the Smiths alone. “May I borrow your Wi-Fi? I can’t seem to get a signal out here.”

“Sure. Let me show you where the key code is.”

“Is it on the router?”

“It is, upstairs on the desk.”

***

Cooper watched Noli ascend the stairs. He turned back to his mother who was watching him watch Noli. She had that saccharin sweet smile on her face that let him know she was about to switch into meddling mother mode. “Why are you here, mom?”

“I didn’t know I needed a reason to visit my only child,” she said sounding wounded.

“Of course not. Just it’s the middle of the day in the middle of the week.”

“Am I interrupting something?” She looked up towards the loft where Noli was.

If she’d shown up an hour earlier she would have been interrupting the best love making, err sex, of his life. “Not interrupting anything.”

“I was supposed to be here to let in the washer repairman because you were going to be busy.”

“I’m sorry mom. They were able to come a couple of days ago. It’s already fixed. I forgot to call you.”

“That’s okay. You’re preoccupied so I wasn’t surprised to see your truck in the drive. I was however quite surprised to see Noli here. ”