Someone to Love (20 page)

It’s difficult to heal a broken heart, that’s compounded when the handsome face you’re trying to forget is constantly on the screen. How is a woman supposed to move on when the voice that whispered sweet nothings is constantly coming from the speakers? Perhaps he wasn’t constantly on. Maybe it was more like she recorded some of his shows to watch when she missed him.

She had missed him to her core since they’d been separated. For a while there wasn’t a day that went by that she didn’t miss him deeply then hated herself for it. When she’d gotten to a place that he wasn’t on her mind and the prospect of rebuilding her career was real, the real test came, she was forced to see him face to face. Ryan wasn’t just her estranged husband, he was also the brother of her best friend Diane.

When Diane got married this spring, they were both there. He looked so handsome in his tux. He was charming, and laughed and smiled with ease, while she did all she could to keep the tears from flowing. If she started crying, she’d have to reveal to best friend that she was stupid enough to marry a jerk that was using her to advance his career. Then she’d have to tell her that said jerk was none other than her brother. The entire weekend he pursued her and she avoided him for fear of the tears. Or worse,  that she’d end up in with bed with him again. She needed Ryan rehab, or a twelve step program, but neither existed, she’d Googled it in a moment of desperation.

Then she had to see him again when Noli, who happens to be his cousin, unexpectedly became a mother. Seeing Ryan beaming over his cousin’s baby crushed her broken heart into a fine dust because she’d fantasized about him holding their child with that exact look of adoration on his face. She’d survived that.

Could she survive them living in the same house? She was about to find out the answer to that question because maybe it was time she take a page from Noli’s book and stop running.

Ryan stood from the couch when she came through the door. His hands were shoved deep in the jeans’ pockets. He looked at her for a moment then focused on something imaginary on the floor. If she didn’t know any better, she’d think he was nervous.

“You want some wine?” she asked as she walked by him towards the kitchen.

“That would be nice.”

She uncorked the bottle like a professional then poured a glass and pushed it towards him across the counter. Handing it to him took the risk of touching him and that’s a risk she didn’t want to take.

“Aren’t you going to have some?”

He raised the glass to his lips, but didn’t take a sip. He was watching as Amara wrapped her lips around the bottle and drank. When she lowered it there was a third left.  “This is mine,” she said wiping wine from her mouth with her index finger. “So is that,” she said pointing to bag from the liquor store. “But you can have what’s left in that bottle.”

“I don’t think you should drink that much.”

“I don’t think you should advise me what to do.” She raised the bottle back to her lips.

“No person should drink that much.”

“Ryan, why did you buy this house?”

“Drastic times call for drastic measures.” He stepped closer. “I’ve missed you Amara.”

“None of that explains why you’ve bought a house in Indy when your job is in DC last I heard.”

“When I found out you were moving here, I convinced the network to take a different spin on the show and base me here.”

“So this isn’t temporary?” He shook his head. “Then I’ll move back in with my cousin. Or find a refrigerator box and set up camp down by the White River.”

“Amara, why do you keep running from me? Running away from us?”

“What ‘us’ is there to run from?”

“The husband and wife us.”

“Ryan, you  married me to get information, to advance your career.”

“I  married you because I love you. I’ve been trying to tell you for months that I got the information from someone else.”

“If not me, then who?”

He looked at the floor. “I can’t tell you that.”

She chuckled. “Protecting them is more important than us, more important than me.” The pain had finally began to dull so she could discuss this without tears threatening to fall.

“Nothing’s more important than you,” he said bringing his eyes back to hers.

“My name is mud because of you. I barely have a career. I’m working for scraps on a long shot US senate campaign. I can barely afford rent. Which is the only thing that’s keeping me from going upstairs and packing right now. If I were important to you, you’d clear my name.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Then prove you didn’t manipulate me and tell me who your source was.”

“Is that what it’ll take for you to forgive me?”

“Ryan, I’ve forgiven you. The problem is I don’t trust you. Love without trust is just lust, and I want more than that in a marriage.”

***

Look for
The Nearness of You
on Amazon Kindle this Winter to read what happens next.