Sledge: The Hockey Player's Secret Baby (7 page)

8

Warmth surrounded me, drawing out the cold that had seeped into my bones. I gasped. I was soaking wet and something was shoved down my throat. Hands gripped me hard holding me in the water.

“Dammit, Bobbi. Throw them up.”

Astrid held me in the shower. Hot water fell on the both of us as she tried to keep me on my feet. Her fingers were shoved down my throat. I started to gag. She pulled her fingers out of my mouth and I vomited the pills into the shower. I watch the sickness wash down the drain as Astrid held me.

“Good girl,” she said, petting my hair. She turned off the water and helped me out of my wet pajamas. She wrapped a big towel around me and took me to bed.

The look on her face made me feel shame unlike any I’d experienced before. I could tell she was deeply disturbed, not to mention scared for me. I couldn’t look her in the eye.

“Why?” she asked quietly. “Why did you take all those pills?”

“I’m going home.” My voice was raw from throwing up. I could barely speak. Astrid looked at me like I was crazy.

“What do you mean?” she patiently asked.

I looked up into her dark eyes. I saw no malice there, no judgment. She was a friend. I started to cry. Everything came out. I told her about Sledge, the baby, being forced to give him up for adoption, my father confronting me in the stairwell and telling me I was going home at the end of the semester. Once I was finished relief washed over me. I still felt terrible, but a little bit of the weight on my shoulders had been lifted.

Astrid’s eyes narrowed. “That motherfucker.”

Her anger took me by surprise. At first I thought she was referring to Sledge. “Sledge didn’t know anything. I was forced to keep it a secret.”

“I meant your dad. Fuck him.”

I smiled weakly. It was nice to know I wasn’t the only person who though my dad was an asshole. Back home, everyone worshipped him. He was the coach who led the team to victory year after year. He was known for shaping talented players into formidable athletes. Many of the hockey players he coached went on to the pros. Everyone revered him. Everyone except me.

“Don’t you see though, Bobbi? You’re free.”

“How am I free?”

“You’re eighteen. You don’t have to be held hostage by your dad. You can do what you want.”

“I can’t afford college on my own.”

“No one can. Look, we’ll figure it out together. You’ll get a student loan and a part time job. The school can help you find job placement. It won’t be easy, but you can do it on your own. And whatever stress comes from trying to work and go to school at the same time will be nothing compared to the hell of being forced to live under your parents’ roof.”

She had a point, but I couldn’t help feeling defeated. No one defied my father. I had been raised to believe that his word was golden. I was supposed to be a good girl and live the life he wanted me to live. My virginity was supposed to be something precious I presented to my husband on my wedding night like a gift.

I’d disappointed my parents in every way possible. A part of me still very much wanted to please them. More than that, I wanted their approval. Just once I wanted to hear, ‘I love you,’ or ‘We’re proud of you.’

“I don’t know,” I said pathetically.

“You have a life here, and where there’s life there’s hope. Leaving would be the worst thing you could do.”

My cell phone started to ring. We both jumped. Astrid and I looked at each other and started to laugh. It felt good to laugh about something. I already felt foolish taking all those pills. Astrid would never look at me the same way again. She picked up my cell phone and hit Ignore.

“Who was it?” I asked.

“No one. Probably a wrong number. The caller ID said Unknown.”

I didn’t believe her, but I didn’t feel like arguing.

“Lay down,” she said.

I let her tuck me into bed and tend to me like a sick child. Astrid usually went to yoga class on Sunday but she stayed by my side all day babying me. I didn’t mind too much. We ordered pizza and spent the day watching eighties movies like Heathers and Some Kind of Wonderful. Around bedtime, I reached for my cell and was surprised to see it was missing.

“Where’s my phone?”

Astrid slid it out of her pocket. “I didn’t want it to distract you.” She handed it back to me.

“Why would it distract me?”

I looked at the screen. I had thirteen missed calls. They were mostly from my aunt, but two of them were from Sledge. I got out of bed.

“Where are you going?” Astrid asked.

“To call my aunt. She’s probably worried sick.” Astrid jumped up and snatched my phone out of my hand. “What are you doing?”

“Your dad ordered you to go to your aunt’s house every weekend didn’t he?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s finished. You’re not going there anymore.”

I laughed. “Easier said than done.”

“You’re an adult. You don’t have to do what your parents say anymore. If you want to be free, then it has to start now.”

The future opened up before me in a terrifying way. My parents were awful to me, but they were a known quantity. There were no surprises from them. Astrid wanted me to take the road untraveled. It was fraught with danger but ultimately it would lead to my freedom.

“You’re right,” I said. “I have to stand up for myself.”

I dialed my aunt’s number. She picked up on the first ring. “Bobbi! Thank God. I was so worried. What’s going on? Your father said-”

“I don’t care what he said. I’m not speaking to him anymore. I’m not coming to your house on the weekends either. You’ve always been nice to me and I’m grateful, but it’s time for me to move on.”

There was a crash in the background as if something had been dropped. My aunt sighed with frustration. “Your father won’t like this.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m eighteen.” I looked to Astrid for support. She nodded her head, encouraging me on. “I’m going to find my own way. I’ll pay for college myself and figure it out.”

“Mm-hmm,” she said skeptically.

There was another sound of something falling to the floor. Then I heard my aunt’s muffled voice say: “Stop that.”

“Who’s there?”

My aunt rarely had visitors and when she did, she didn’t speak to them in such stern tones.

“What? No one. Why?”

“Who were you talking to?” There was a sharp cry in the background. The sound only lasted a second, but I was sure it was a baby. “Is there a baby there with you?”

“No. Why would I have a baby? It’s that damned television. I can’t find the remote and the volume is… well, you know.”

“No, I don’t. Maybe I should come over tonight.”

“No,” she said quickly. “You’ve made your decision. You have to stick to it now.”

My aunt was being very odd. I never would have expected her to support my decision. My father, her brother, supported her. He bought her a house and paid the bills. She would never defy him.

“I’ll call you tomorrow after you’ve had a night to sleep on this decision. I suspect you’ll feel differently in the morning than you do right now. I won’t tell your father about this. You need time to think. Once you come to the right conclusion, you’ll understand how foolish you’re being.”

“I’m not-”

“I’ll see you next weekend, dear. Goodbye.”

She hung before I could argue further.

“What did she say?” Astrid asked.

“She doesn’t believe me. She thinks I’ll see the error of my ways and return to her house every weekend like my father ordered me to.”

“Shows how much she knows. You’re not going to back down.”

There was an edge to Astrid’s voice, as if what she was really saying was
you’d better not back down because I’ll kick your ass if you do
.

“Right,” I said distantly.

“Bobbi, you can’t be having second thoughts already?”

“No, it’s just that when I was on the phone with my aunt, I thought I heard…”

“Heard, what?”

“Nothing. I guess it was her TV, or maybe it was just my imagination. I thought I heard a baby crying.”

Astrid frowned and tilted her head to the side like she was dealing with a truly pathetic person. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight.

“You’ve had a long day. You need to get some sleep.”

“Yes, mother,” I said jokingly.

“No arguments.”

I let her tuck me into bed and take my cell phone away.

“Sledge called too,” I said.

She perked up. “Yeah? Are you going to all him back?”

I shrugged. “I don’t think so. I know you think I’m a fool for ignoring him, but do you see why? Carrying this secret is killing me. Every time I’m around him I feel like a villain. He doesn’t know about the baby and I can’t tell him. He would never forgive me. And I can’t blame him for that.”

“There’s nothing you could do. They stole your baby and gave him away. They’re the bad guys here. Not you. They forced you to carry this lie.”

“I should have done something to stop my father from taking the baby away. I should have fought, or gone to Sledge. I wasn’t thinking clearly. What my father said made sense to me at the time. He was right about Sledge. He would have given up his future to be with me and take care of our baby. Hockey is his passion. He’s never happier than when he’s on the ice. If he’d quit because of me, I would never forgive myself. Besides, what kind of future would we have had? There are no jobs in our hometown. We would have lived in poverty. Sledge would have to give up his hockey dreams to work as a mechanic or something like that. He would resent me and I would hate myself for costing him his dreams.”

“Your life is a mess. There’s no doubt about it. But you’re wrong about one thing: I do understand. I get it. I probably wouldn’t want to see Sledge again if I was you either. He’s a reminder of everything that was taken away and everything that could have been.”

“So, why are you trying to talk me into seeing him?”

“I think he’s good for you. I know you still have feelings for him. I saw how upset you were when he got hurt at the game. And…”

“Don’t even say it.”

“…he’s rich. He cares a lot about you, Bobbi.”

“No.”

“He’ll help you out financially. You just have to ask.”

“I can’t ask him for money, not after what I’ve done to him.”

“You may not have a choice. I won’t lie to you. Supporting yourself while in school is going to be hard. Sledge’s money could really help you.”

“I can’t ask him for money. I would feel terrible.”

“At least let him take you out.”

“I’m cutting off all contact with him. I have to move on. We’ll never get our baby back. The only way either of us will move on with our lives is if we stop seeing each other.”

There was a loud knock at the door.

“I’ll get it,” Astrid said. She ran to the door and said: “Oh.”

Who could it be? Probably one of Astrid’s conquests. It wouldn’t surprise me if Harley decided to come back and spend the night with Astrid. I hoped she’d get rid of him.

“Bobbi?” Astrid called.

I got out of bed and walked to the door. Sledge stood in the hallway. He looked huge in the narrow doorframe. His face lit up when he saw me. I looked terrible. I wore old, wrinkled plaid pajamas and a sweatshirt with no bra. My hair was a rat’s nest and I wasn’t wearing a hint of makeup.

“Bobbi, I hope this okay. I tried calling, but you didn’t answer,” he said.

Astrid looked at me from the corner of her eye.

“It’s fine,” I lied.

It had been a horrible day. I just wanted to go to sleep and start fresh tomorrow. Hopefully, I could put this day behind me and move on with my life.

“I, uh, have to talk to the Resident Advisor about something,” Astrid said. “I’ll leave you two alone.”

She slipped out the door and walked down the hall. I invited Sledge inside. He took in my tiny dorm with a meaningful glance. The place wasn’t much to look at. Astrid had attempted to bring some life into the room by covering the cement walls with posters, but it hadn’t done much good. Svetlana was right. The dorm looked like a prison.

“Sorry for the mess,” I said.

I felt embarrassed by how much mess I’d managed to create in such a small space. Damp towels were all over the floor and my class notes were scattered around my desk. I kicked the towels under my bed. I didn’t want to think about the events of earlier today.

“Is something wrong?” Sledge asked.

“Why?”

“You just look… tired.”

“I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“You were at the hospital late. I shouldn’t have kept you waiting.”

“It’s fine. I was worried about you.”

“Were you?”

“Of course. I don’t want you to get hurt. Besides, what if you’re unable to play again? I know how passionate you are about the game. It would break your heart.”