Six Degrees of Lust (23 page)

“Fine! I agreed to see you again because I had a taste of you

and it wasn’t going away, and I wanted you out of my system in

the worst way!” He spat out the words like they were rotten food.

“And I have news for you, sweetheart. I am a total stranger.”

“If you give me somethin’ of you to take with me you won’t

be.”

“What?” Sam sneered, refusing to let this man move him in

any way. He’d broken enough of his own rules as it was. “You

mean four loads of my cum tonight alone isn’t enough?”

Shit.

He regretted the words as soon as he uttered them, knowing

he’d gone too far.

He wasn’t surprised when Mac let go of his arm, turned his

head to the side, and took several steps back, making it easier for

Sam to get out of his SUV now that Mac wasn’t blocking the

door with his massive physique.

He opened his mouth to apologize, but nothing came out.

He just stood there and watched Mac’s face turn to stone. Sam

rubbed his eyes, then raked his fingers through his hair, trying

not to squirm under that emerald heat now that Mac was looking

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at him again.

No. Studying him was more like it, as if trying to decide what

it was that he’d seen in Sam to begin with. Or at least that’s the

conclusion Sam reached, based on the fact that he was feeling

lower than scum at the moment. He was so ashamed he could’ve

crawled under his damn SUV and hid there forever, but Mac

deserved better than that. So he stood his ground and held that

green gaze with his own.

“Did it work?” Mac asked. “Did you get me out of your

system?”

“I’ll make sure I do by the time you gotta get out of here.”

A sad smile appeared on Mac’s face. Then he shrugged, like it

wasn’t a big deal. “This certainly has been an interestin’ evening,

but I’d very much appreciate it if you took me back to my hotel,

please.”

Sam could tell it killed the other man a little to have to ask for

a ride back.

Or maybe he didn’t want to be in the same car with Sam.

“I was out of line,” Sam managed to say. “I’m sorry for…”

He swallowed the rest of his apology.

Mac had moved closer, and his fingers were now covering

Sam’s slightly trembling lips. He wanted to close his eyes. He

wanted to kiss those long, calloused fingers. He wanted to hug

Mac and bury his face in his strong neck.

He did nothing.

“The backpack you left in my room,” Mac said moving his

hand from Sam’s lips to his hair. “What’s in it?”

“A change of clothes.” Sam frowned, confused by the random

question. “My tooth brush…”

“Nothin’ that you’ll miss, then. Nothin’ that can’t be easily

replaced.”

“Why would I have to replace it?” he asked, distracted by

Mac’s hand. He almost closed his eyes.

160 Taylor V. Donovan

“I’m ready to go back now,” Mac whispered right before

removing his hand.

Sam didn’t notice Mac walk away and climb in the SUV.

Realization had just hit and he was trying to figure out how to

deal with it.

He wasn’t going back to the room; not even to get his stuff.

Mac was done with him. He wasn’t going to let Sam back into

his room… that same room they’d occupied just a week ago and

where so much pleasure had been exchanged.

Mac wasn’t going to let Sam inside him again.

Time was up. Their final night was over. Their time together…

It was over.

Sam was fine with it.

He didn’t give a flying fuck about not being able to fuck

someone again. Matter of fact, that’s how he liked it. How he

needed it. Mac wasn’t any different than the other hundred men

or women he’d been with throughout his life.

Right?

He bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut.

So Mac had changed his mind and didn’t want to get fucked

again. Fine. Sam didn’t give a shit. Granted he wouldn’t have said

no to having his cock sucked a few more times before the Texan’s

visit came to an end, but he wasn’t about to exchange personal

information for the pleasure of it. Not his fault if Mac had bit

off more than he could chew and was now feeling squeamish

about having sex with a guy he didn’t know.

Matter of fact, it was in Sam’s best interest to get the hell away

from him as soon as he could, and before he managed to break

any more of his own rules.

Points to Mac for facilitating his exit.

He got in and started the SUV, not once looking at his

passenger during the drive to the hotel; not giving a shit that

Mac remained silent and looked out his window the entire time.

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Not concerned at all that this late at night they’d reach their

destination in no time.

Until they got to their exit, that is, from which point they had

about three more minutes before he pulled in front of the hotel.

Sam gripped the steering wheel and slowed his SUV down

to a crawl. He cleared his throat, brushed his fingers through

his hair, tapped them on his knee, and cleared his throat again.

Mac sat still, his chest moving a little every time he breathed,

completely unaware of Sam’s fidgeting.

Sam reached over and opened the SUV’s glove box, hoping to

find a long forgotten pack of cigarettes in it. No such luck.

Mac still didn’t move, not even when Sam retrieved his hand

and accidentally grazed his thigh in the process, and there was no

way in hell he hadn’t felt that.

“This is bullshit,” Sam finally said. “Didn’t you say I had to

feed you before getting another go at your ass?” Jesus, what was

he doing? “Not that I want it, mind you,” he clarified. “But I do

want to state for the record that I fucking fed you!”

Sam felt like screaming when he didn’t get a reaction, so he bit

his lip until he could taste blood.

Then he was pulling in front of the hotel and Mac was

unbuckling his seatbelt and Sam couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

“Mac, wait…” His voice was low, his hand hesitant when he

grabbed Mac’s muscular forearm, and he hated knowing that in

all reality, he had no right to touch him. “Don’t go like this,

please.” He saw Mac pause and take a deep breath. “Will you

look at me?” Mac shook his head a little and grabbed the door

handle, but eventually he looked at him with dull, empty eyes.

“She’s my daughter… Lindsey…”

Sam was stunned for a few seconds, incapable of believing

those words had just come from him. He’d had no intention of

saying them. That was private and sacred and what the fuck was

he doing, sharing it with Mac? He was well on his way to freaking

out when he noticed the other man’s tension and confusion while

he tried to figure out what Sam having a daughter exactly meant.

162 Taylor V. Donovan

“I’m not married. Not anymore, but I’m bisexual and…” He

looked down and gulped. “She’s dead. My baby… I don’t talk

about her.”

Sam’s stomach was hit hard with a pang of nausea that quickly

made its way up his throat the moment he got the words out.

He took several deep breaths, not stopping until he was sure he

could swallow without feeling like he might choke on his early

breakfast. Then he became aware of his racing heart and the

relentless buzz in his head, which felt as if he was about to have

an anxiety attack.

What kind of bullshit was that?

Long, callused fingers brushed first his hair, then his face. So

soft… so comforting…

The same fingers wrapped around his jaw and pushed his

face up, and soon he was prisoner of Mac’s sympathetic and

understanding green gaze.

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Sam,” Mac kissed him softly on his

head. “So sorry for your loss…”

To Sam’s absolute horror, he almost sobbed. Not many people

had expressed condolences to him after the death of his baby.

“I…” he gulped and covered Mac’s hand with his. “It was a

long time ago.”

“Still.” Their eyes connected and for a moment Sam thought

he was about to get kissed. He even moved forward a little, but

then Mac removed his hand and opened the door. “I’m going

back to my room now.”

“Mac…” He didn’t want this. He didn’t want for things to

end like this. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted for them to end

just yet.

“It’s time we both get back to our respective corners,” Mac

said, resolve ringing clear in his voice. “Take care of yourself.”

And just like that he was gone.

Sam watched him walk away. Watched him open the hotel

door and walk through the lobby towards the elevators. He

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watched him until he couldn’t see him anymore.

The doorman told him he had to move, that he was blocking

the driveway. So he moved, but not too far. He needed a few

minutes to compose himself before he could drive safely… or

maybe to decide what the hell it was that he really wanted.

He was still trying to figure it out when he saw Mac come

out of the hotel and climb into the backseat of a cab, looking

magnificent in jeans, t-shirt, and fashionable sunglasses that

protected his pretty eyes from the bright mid-morning sun. It

was only then that Sam finally drove away, no destination in mind

but somehow ending at the same place he always did whenever

he needed to think and put things into perspective.

He pushed the debris that lay across the angel engraved

headstone and sat down on the soft grass, his back against the

trunk of the oak tree that had grown massive over the years,

warm wind blowing around his shoulders and ruffling the top

of his hair.

Taking a deep breath, Sam looked around the well manicured,

forest green lawn of the cemetery and up to the full branches

that provided shade from the sun. Over the seasons, he had

watched as birds nested there, adding to the tranquility of the

place. Even in the dead of winter, with the snow glistening on

the tree’s bare branches, it had been somewhat secluded and

breathtakingly beautiful; extremely quiet and peaceful, which was

why he’d chosen this particular spot for her.

Deciding on a final resting place for his newborn baby girl

remained the most difficult thing Sam had done in his life, and

although he would have given anything to have her with him,

the reality was his precious Lindsey was gone forever. To know

she was surrounded by Mother Nature at her best and protected

from all the ugly he knew existed in the world helped him sleep

slightly better at night.

And maybe it was his imagination, or even wishful thinking,

but he could feel her presence whenever he came to see her. She’d

keep him company when he just sat in quiet reflection or listen

when he’d talk. At the moment he was having a hard time doing

164 Taylor V. Donovan

either. So much was going through his mind he was incapable of

sorting it out, and how could he put in words what didn’t even

make sense in his head?

He brought his denim clad legs up to his chest and rested

his head on his knees, keeping his eyes glued on the angel until

he was able to find his center. Then he closed them and let the

quietness surround him.

“Been a while since the last time I stopped by. Work’s been

crazier than usual, but that’s not the reason I’ve stayed away for

over a month…”

He rubbed his forehead back and forth across his knees in

an effort to stay the headache that threatened to explode. “You

see… to say things have turned upside down at home would be

a major understatement. My sister and her son have recently

moved in with me… You remember your cousin Nicky, don’t

you? I’ve told you about him. Anyway. So far it hasn’t been too

difficult to adapt to the new arrangement, but you know I’m a bit

of a loner, and I fear I may start resenting Sandy’s being there.

With Nicky I don’t have a problem. You better than anybody

else should know I have no experience whatsoever dealing with

kids on a daily basis, but I adore that boy and am willing to learn.

Now, your Aunt Sandy, that’s a different story. She’s driving me

crazy with her silence. I mean, how am I supposed to help her if

she continues to ignore me? Makes me want to shake some sense

into her even though I know that’s not the way to go…” Lifting

his head towards the sky, he blew out a long breath. “Doing the

best I can, you know. And there’s something else…”

He closed his eyes briefly, dug his fingers in the dirt, and

rushed the rest out before he could change his mind, because he

had a feeling it was important he said this out loud. He needed to

deal with it and move on.

“I kind of met someone a few weeks ago.” He gulped. “We

really haven’t talked much ’cause, well, I never do. He came to see

me last week and again yesterday, you know… all the way from