Sinfully (19 page)

“McKenna, Ryder.  Ryder, this is McKenna.  You got everything you need from the car, babe?”

“Nice to meet you, McKenna.  What?  I figured we’d take separate cars.”  I was given a look by both women that told me it wasn’t something I could argue about and headed back to the car to grab my phone and wallet.  “Sure is a nice ride, McKenna.  Girls in good looking trucks are sexy.  Tristen is going to love you.” 

“That’s sweet of you.  It’s my second baby, right after Bailey.  You can call me Kenna by the way.  Ready for a day at the zoo, everyone?”  Bailey let out a holler and as soon as her mom started backing out of the driveway, Bailey started asking for the dirty talking tummy song. 

I gave a questioning glance over to Kylie who shrugged her shoulders, letting me know she was as clueless as I was.  Soon enough, though, we heard
Talk Dirty
by Jason Derulo come on and the little girl started jamming out.  She was shimmying, bouncing her head, closing her eyes and just going with the music.  When the ‘talk dirty to me’ lyric began, she opened her eyes and put her hands on her belly.  We could hear her saying ‘talk dirty tummy’ as if she was commanding the body part to start talking.  I covered my mouth to cover my laugh as she started dancing around in the back of the truck when the saxophones followed.  Throughout the song, she talked about her passport having kissies on it and told her dolly to sit comfortably on her lap in first class, but the best was her demanding that her tummy talk dirty to her.  She was in her own little bubble and nothing could distract her when that song was on.  By the time the song was over, Kylie was hunched over in hysterics and I had tears running down my cheeks in laughter. 

“You might just have the coolest daughter ever, Kenna!”  I looked over at Bailey and she nodded in confirmation.

“Pound it.”  Bailey held her fist out toward me and waited for me to clue in on what the four-year-old was asking. 

“Uhh.”  Kylie slid over and fist pumped Bailey and the little girl squealed in delight.  “Ohh, I gotcha.”  I held my hand out for Bailey but she gave me a mean glare and I wondered what I had done wrong.  Not more than a few seconds later, though, did her smile come back right along with her fist. 

“Just kiddin’.  Are you and Kylie married?  Do you kiss and have babies?”  Did four-year-olds normally ask those types of questions?  I didn’t have a clue how to answer the kissing question. 

“We aren’t married and don’t have any babies, Bailey.  What’s your favorite animal at the zoo?”  Distractions.  It worked with women so it had to work on girls.  It was science.

“The dolphins!”

“Baby, you know they don’t have dolphins there.  They live in the ocean, where mommy goes to surf and where you build sandy castles.”

“Aww, fine.  I wanna see the alligators and snakes!”

I was excited to hang out with the little girl.  She would break some hearts one day.  I knew for a fact that Tristen would take to her quickly.

“Louder please!  And momma?  You never answered my question yesterday.  Why do they want the dirty tummy to talk?  Mine never does and I dunno how to make it.”  Bailey’s forehead was scrunched up as she tried to figure out the anomaly.

We drove the rest of the way listening to Katy Perry, Pitbull, and more Jason Derulo.  Bailey may not have known or understood all the words, but she sure knew how to move to the beat and sing the chorus, albeit butchering the actual words.  Once we parked and got out of the car, Kylie pulled her chapstick out of her purse and slid some over Bailey’s tiny lips after she was done.  “Beautiful, sweetie.  You are now officially ready for a day out at the zoo!  Let’s go!”

The weather outside was perfect.  The breeze was light and the sun was shining down to provide us just the right amount of warmth.  That was one of the things I loved about San Diego—the amazing weather. 

Bailey led the way to her favorite exhibits while the three of us strolled behind her and I was able to get to know McKenna a lot better.  She loved teaching and surfing.  Bailey apparently already had the surfing itch, so Kenna was contemplating how soon was
too
soon for Bailey to start practicing and if she was being a bad mom by letting her baby surf so young.  Tristen and I both learned at a very early age and that comforted her.  At the mention of Tristen’s name, her eyes widened and I knew that Kylie had spoken to her about him.  She was curious about him and didn’t seem like she dated much.

We stopped at the meerkats upon Kylie’s request and the koalas upon Kenna’s.  Bailey kept dragging me over to the glass separating the people from the animals to tell me everything she knew about them.  It was cute how much random information a child so small knew.  She was so full of life and confidence.  The fact that she loved the alligators and snakes was amusing, too. 

I found Kylie sneaking her arm around me and interlocking our fingers as we walked along, and while I wanted to pull away, I made an effort not to show it.  I knew dragging it out and letting her think we were good together would only make things worse later but the day was about Bailey and not about our non-existent relationship.

As we made our way to the elephants and giraffes, I tried to focus more so on the little girl in front of us, making sure she had the time of her life.  I could overhear her singing as she walked along the path but wasn’t quite sure if I was hearing her right.  I kept hearing her repeat, “They have it, they want it, they give it away” and assumed that she had no idea what she was talking about actually giving away. 

“Hey, Kenna?  What’s she singing up there?”

“Ugh,
Lost Kitten
by Metric.  I was playing it in the car when I thought she was playing on my kindle but she caught on to the lyrics.”

“Has she ever asked what the words meant?  Bailey sings about giving it away like she knows.”

“A slice of cake.  I told her that the girl singing has a slice of cake that she shares with people who want some.  Don’t give me that look, Ryder.  It was the best I could come up with at the time and now she’s thinks it’s a sweet song about sharing dessert when it’s really a sex song.”  As Kenna explained, I tried and failed at holding in my laughter.  Bailey was getting even more awesome as the day wore on. 

I snuck up behind her and made the best elephant noise I could come up with, using my extended arm as the elephant’s trunk.  She burst out laughing and told me I needed to work on my animal noises, but that she would teach me.  I tried to give my best monkey and lion impression but her giggles made me start laughing right along with her.  I hunched down in front of her and held my arms behind me to hold her effectively as she jumped on my back.  I twirled her around and around, eliciting more fits of giggles from Bailey, the smile on my face making my cheeks actually hurt.  On one of the turns, I thought I noticed a familiar face but couldn’t shake the feeling in my stomach at the thought that it was her.  I missed her smile and her spunk. 

I slowed down the spinning and was able to get a better look.  She was walking to a secluded area with some guy and I was instantly livid.  I was never anything to her.  She wasn’t one to settle down and only looked for the short-term.  I didn’t want her to know I had seen her so as I slowed to a stop, faced away from Payton, and grabbed Bailey’s hand as we headed over to see the pandas before heading home.  I was done with Payton.  The only problem was that I felt like I was done with Kylie, too.  I needed to get back to LA and away from both women. 

Chapter 11

Payton

It was sad how just seeing him again tore me apart.  I felt like I was in a good place and was now back to square one.  Going out on dates with the men Chloe set me up with was only a temporary distraction and Ryder was still on my mind every day.

Chloe and a few friends repeatedly asked me to go out with them throughout the week but I wasn’t up for it.  I stayed at home, in shorts and a tank top, caught up on
America’s Next Top Model
,
The Originals
, and reruns of
Gossip Girl
to fill my time.  Each night, after I couldn’t stand to watch any more TV, I would pull out my laptop and begin writing whatever came to mind.  I wasn’t writing for a purpose, but it felt good to get my thoughts out.  I wasn’t a pen and paper type of girl and it was kind of like an online diary. 

After a week of writing like that, I had thirty-two pages of thoughts.  I missed the feeling of writing and creating your own world for your characters and began thinking of what I could write that wasn’t about my life or geared toward pre-teens.  I liked dark romances with hit men, mafia, and cold-blooded killers but wasn’t sure how much I knew about actually writing that genre.  I would probably get the jargon all sorts of wrong and didn’t want to piss those types of people off.

I could have a girl who’s on the run from her abusive CEO of a husband who had the resources to find her no matter how far away she traveled.  The alpha male character could be an accused murderer of his fiancée that flew somewhere exotic to get away from being prosecuted.  I wasn’t sure where they would meet but he could make her feel safe, then break the news that he really
did
kill his soon-to-be-bride and he would give a random explanation that somehow made sense.  They would learn to be on the run together but have close run-ins here and there. 

I thought about it and started coming up with an outline and thrived on the feeling of having the power to create a man any girl would fall in love with, one who left you wanting more of him.  I had the power to make him confident and masculine, with humor and sweetness mixed in.  The girl could be weak but grow stronger throughout the story.  They would get their happy ending but not before many trials and tribulations.

I woke up, realizing I had passed out with my laptop on my lap, screen still open to Microsoft Word, and realized I was all alone.  Not just in my home alone, but I had no one significant in my life besides Chloe, and even then, she had Grayson.  My thoughts went back to my childhood days when I was in the system, getting passed over for younger and cuter kids.  I had no one to rely on then and it was my norm.  After my adoptive parents died, I went back to that lonely place and felt like I deserved to be alone for whatever reason I chose that day.

Chloe taught me that everyone who entered my life wasn’t going to leave me, but I always wondered when and why friends and boyfriends were going to leave me.  I had hit the ‘bottom’ quite a few times over the years, where I wasn’t talking to any guys and my friends were more like acquaintances.  What I really wanted was a damn Whiskey and Coke cupcake, but Swizzlesticks was closed and I was still too scared and confused to confront Thomas.  My whole creeper situation was another ordeal that I didn’t want to have to deal with. 

The next morning, I felt refreshed and ready to deal with whatever life happened to bring me.  I went to my kickboxing class and got a massage shortly afterward.  It was too cold to head to the beach and I needed to relieve some of my tension.  It was sad, but I loved the feeling of being touched, and since I didn’t currently have a man to satisfy that need, I settled for frequent massages by attractive male masseuses.  They were professional, sadly.  I would have totally been open to a more thorough massage but I respected that they were skilled at their job and left customers feeling satisfied,
non
-sexually. 

The afternoon breezed by with errands I needed to run and I felt a sense of accomplishment as I headed back home.  I could be single, have friends to go out with, and not wallow at home.  As I was unpacking groceries, I thought out how I would spend the rest of the night.  Hopefully, Chloe would be up for getting drinks with me.  I was curious to know if Tucker ever asked about me, but figured my freak out might have steered him in the opposite direction.  Regardless, I wanted a night out to have fun and flirt with some hot guys.

After everything was put away, I slipped out of my jeans and put on a pair of workout shorts.  I settled into my recliner and started up my laptop on one knee and placed a stack of mail on the other.  I knew there would be a few bills I’d have to pay, so I figured why not take care of it now and be done?  I logged onto Facebook, went through messages, and caught up on the latest gossip and a book-turned-movie.  Thirty minutes later, I finally got to my mail.  I hated paying bills.  At the bottom of the stack, there was a letter with no return address but had all my information included. 

My heart skipped a beat.  I was terrified when I turned over and saw the wax ‘R’ on the seal.  I hadn’t received a letter or anything since Vegas and figured Ryder or whoever sent it had given up.  I mean, I hadn’t been to Vegas anymore, which I thought was what bothered him…them? 

The tips of my fingers moved uneasily over the hardened wax and I was suddenly enraged at whoever sent it.  Why couldn’t they just leave me the fuck alone?   I wasn’t interesting enough to earn me a stalker, damn it!

I ripped open the envelope, eager to find out what twisted and cryptic saying they had for me that time.  I was yet again confused by a simple, yet powerful, statement.

Watching from afar is getting harder...and harder…to do my sweet Payton.

You can’t hide from me

Why couldn’t my stalker just tell me in normal terms what I was doing wrong or what he wanted?  It’d make the whole process easier.  Just saying.  I wasn’t sure if Ryder had seen me at the zoo but the note pretty much confirmed it.  He hadn’t tried texting or calling me once since Vegas.  We probably could have worked things out if he had tried to talk with me.  The letters were too over the top, though, and I was tired of dealing with them.

I remembered from his emails to ‘Reece’ that he worked for Warrington Strom.  Typing it in the search box, I looked up the address and typed it into my phone.  He didn’t get to be secretive about shit anymore and I was ready for some confrontation.