Sinfully (21 page)

“You changed me, Payton.  I don’t want one night stands anymore.  I want to see where this can go between us.  I haven’t felt this way with any of my other girlfriends and that’s gotta be something.  I need to know how you feel, though.  I need to know you’re going to be with me, trying a hundred percent.  It’s not going to be easy, and I know we’re going to fuck up here and there, but I promise to fight for this.” 

“Whenever I’m with you, I want to let you in deeper.  I want to tell you things I don’t tell anyone besides Chloe.  I still get flighty, but when I’m not with you, my heart aches.  I’ve gone on dates and tried writing to get my mind off you but you’re always there.  I wake up smiling because I dream of you, and then frown when I realize I’m in bed alone.  I don’t want to have meaningless hookups anymore.  I want something steady and more permanent than what I’ve had in the past.  You help me and I’ll help you?”

Chapter 12

Payton

Holy fuck.
  I was disappointed at myself over how quickly I let my anger dissipate.  I had a plan!  Sort of.  When he told me it wasn’t him who sent the letters, I could see in his eyes that he was telling the truth.  The fact that he got angry and protective when I talked about them made me feel giddy.  I probably should have been more worried that I still had no clue who sent them, but I liked the idea that he was wanting to keep me safe.  I missed his smell, so clean and masculine. 

“Ryder?  This isn’t fair for you.  It had become second nature to not let people get close to me.  I get urges to push you away to protect myself but I want to work on fighting those urges.”  I knew I would mess it up somehow.  I knew distance.  I knew how to walk away.  What I didn’t know, was how to stay.

He needed to know what he was getting himself into but I wasn’t ready to divulge my past.  The look of pity I received after people found out my story was one I’d seen all too often and didn’t feel like seeing it again anytime soon.  I didn’t really think about my birth parents anymore, but that look was enough to bring back the flood of emotions of my tragic history. 

“You can take time, get used to the idea of trying things with me.  Are you planning on staying in Los Angeles for a while?  You could come home with me and stay the night, in my arms, safe from harm.”  I gave him a look, letting him know it was too soon for that, and his face turned into a slight frown as he sighed and nodded.

“I’ll stay a few days at a hotel.  I won’t run from you, but I have to get used to this idea of having someone to confide in and tell everything to.  I can write anywhere so it’s not like I have to be in San Diego for my job.  I think LA could be my new Vegas.”

His angry expression told me I had said something wrong.  “No!  No!  No!  I meant to get away and have some ‘me’ time.  Not for being with other guys!  I just need to get away from San Diego on occasion.  Don’t worry; I’ll come to
you
when I need my fix.”  I couldn’t help but giggle at his cheesy grin he gave me at that.

“Damn right you will.  I promise to always give you your fix my little sex junkie.  So if I don’t get to take you home, do I get to see you tomorrow?  Maybe lunch?” 

I sat up and straightened my clothes, leaning against his arm for support.  The last hour was not planned and I needed to process.  “Sure, just call me.  I should get going, though.  Thank you for not being the douche that I had made you out to be.”  At that, I stood to walk away.  I was starting to freak out at what I had just agreed to and was determined to get out of his building before I broke down. 

Just as I turned the handle, I felt strong hands surround my waist and pull me into him.  “Thank you, Payton.  Whatever hell you’ve been through to make yourself scared to let people in, I’m determined to help you through it.  Have faith in me, and us.”

Ryder

She was back.  I just needed to figure out how to make her stay.  Once she got in that pretty little head of hers, she’d begin over-analyzing the day.  Feeling her lips wrapped around my cock was a thought I kept playing over and over in my mind.  Sitting at my desk, I was positive that I would be useless for the rest of the day.  I never expected to see Payton walk into my office, nor did I really ever expect to see her again.  What wracked my brain more so were those letters.  I felt a twinge of anger that she would think it was me, but with the wax ‘R’, I could see where she’d come up with that conclusion.  We needed to get back to San Diego so I could figure out who the asshole was and kick his ass.  Payton said she planned on staying in town a few days, but I hoped she’d be alright with heading back early, with me in tow.

I texted her at nine that night, hoping she was awake and bored in her hotel room. 

Me:
 
I picked up some brownies and chocolate covered strawberries at the bakery down the street.  If only I had someone to share with ;)

Payton:
 
You’re crazy.  You picking up sweets doesn’t sound like your normal routine.  Your body is way too perfect for brownies.  Address?

Me:
 
Maybe I’m learning to change my ways too.  Not that I plan on becoming a fat ass though.  Maybe I just planned on working off those calories later tonight Miss Davenport

Twenty minutes later, I had her pinned against the wall in my foyer.  She brought out something carnal in me that made me want to mark her and make her mine.  With her legs wrapped around my hips, I lifted her arms above her head and ground myself against her core.  God bless sundresses.  And those cowboy boots?  Staying on for a while.  The image of those boots being jostled in the air as I fucked her was a fantasy that I planned on playing out. 

Her hands were all over my back and my ass, attempting to pull me closer to her.  With need in her eyes, I grinned when I slipped my hand into her panties and found her clit.  Those beautiful eyes fluttered closed, her head tossed back against the wall.  I increased the pressure and speed of my fingers as they massaged between her legs.  Her moans weren’t held back as she came against me.

“Hey, stranger.  If you greet all your guests this way, we might have a problem.”  Her smile was evident as she laid her head against my shoulder.  That was just a warm-up, though, so she better just have been saving her energy. 

“Only ones I have wet dreams about every night.  Do you know how nice it is to go to bed and dream about having sex with a beautiful woman each night?  I catch myself trying to make myself tired just so I can see you in my dreams again.  It’s sad really.”  She shook with laughter but still hadn’t raised her head to meet me.  I missed that carefree laugh of hers.  Leisurely, I lowered her back down to the ground and led the way to the kitchen. 

“I’d be a bad host if I didn’t offer you a strawberry.  After all, you came here for the brownies and chocolate covered strawberries, right?”  She took a strawberry out of the box and sucked slightly before taking a bite.  My eyes were focused on her juicy lips as she licked her bottom lip, tasting the leftover juices. 

“Mhmm.  But since your greeting back there, I have other ideas.  Vegas feels like forever ago.  I’ve been such a good girl since then, too.  Every date I went on sucked ass and I had to go home by myself to get my fix.  It’s not the same, though, Ryder.  You may have had Malibu Barbie to keep you satisfied but I never found my Ken.”  Damn, her pout was cute.  She gave me those sad eyes and all I wanted to do was make her feel better.  I pulled her into my bedroom and she stopped as soon as she hit the threshold.

Looking back, I asked “Everything okay, babe?  I thought this was what you were not so subtly hinting at.”  Her eyes spanned the entire area but landed on my photo on the wall near the bathroom.  Once I realized why she’d stopped, I knew I needed to explain.

“I love books and women.  This photo encompasses them both in a seductive manner and I fell in love with the piece.”  It was of a nude woman laying on a chaise lounge with books surrounding her.  Her hair was fanned out and her intimate areas were vaguely hidden.  I bought it after my first author hit the New York Bestsellers list when I was seventeen.

“It’s magnificent, Ryder.  You can see how captivated she is by the story and her love of reading.  Her body is perfection but doesn’t feel erotic; it’s almost…romantic.”

I couldn’t help but smile as I saw the same passion in her eyes for books that I had.  I could envision the woman in the photo being Payton. 

“I love that you enjoy it as much as I do.”  I encased her in my arms, hands meeting at her lower stomach as I began kissing her left shoulder.  Her head tilted involuntarily to the right side, granting me permission.  My lips met her spot just behind her ear, followed by nipping her ear, eliciting a whimper from her mouth.  My erection was already pressing firmly against her lower back and I could feel her slight swaying movement.  I ached to be inside her but wanted to cherish her being in my arms.  I couldn’t help the feeling that I would lose her at a moment’s notice.

Guiding her closer to the bed, I felt her nervous presence and hoped I could make her feel comfortable enough with me to let it go.  Pulling at the hem of her dress, I slid it over her head and bit my lip when I saw the deep purple lacy push-up bra and matching thong.  She looked at me as if memorizing every fine detail of my face.  We were both scared of losing one another.  My need for her was growing and it was getting harder to hold back.  Kneeling slightly, I showered her stomach in kisses, moving lower ever so slowly.

On my knees, I placed a trail of kisses along her panty line, edging it lower to reveal her bare pussy.  She was breathtaking and it didn’t take long for me to fully undress her.  She allowed me to worship her body, as if sensing my need to relearn every inch of her.

While playing with my hair in her hands, she confessed, “I’m not leaving, Ryder.  You are acting like I’m going to disappear tomorrow.  I want to try this…this thing…with you, but you gotta stop acting like I’m dying.  Plus, I can’t bear another minute with you not being inside of me.  I love you worshipping my body but I need this.”  Pulling me to a standing position, she grabbed my bulging erection and began stroking firmly through my pants.  I didn’t need to be told again.  Reaching down to unbuckle my belt and pants, I watched as Payton bit her lip after chancing a glance toward my dick that was peeking out of my boxers.  After sliding both sets of material down and off my legs, I pulled her into an embrace and moaned as my rough lips collided with her silky smooth ones.  Our kisses told each other what we weren’t able to say out loud; I felt as if I was finally breaking down her wall.

Payton’s hands slid up my chest and when she reached the top of my shirt, she pulled, effectively popping the buttons off my shirt.  Gently laying her down on her side, I lay behind her, teasing her entrance with the tip of my dick.  I could feel her wetness coating me.  It was a turn on to know she wanted me as bad I did her.  Just as I was about to enter her, she scooted forward and turned around to face me.  “What’s wrong, baby?”  My face must have been etched with worry because right after she saw my expression, she smiled and caressed my cheek. 

“It’s nothing bad, Ryder, don’t worry.  I just…I have to ask you something, but I don’t really want to.” 

“Okay-y?  What is it, babe?”

“I want to feel you inside me, but I worry.  I know you weren’t exactly celibate while we were separated, and to be honest, we’ve never really talked about it before since you always used condoms.  I know I’m on the NuvaRing, but that doesn’t protect me from…from those women.”  She let out a loud sigh as she finished speaking.

“I’m clean, baby.  After the last girl I was with, I knew I was done messing around.  I was going to try to get you back; you just beat me to it.”  I smiled, hoping that was all that was on her mind and so we could get back to me making love to her. 

“Really?  I didn’t know that, babe.  I’m clean, too.  I went on a few dates since I was tested last, but I never did anything with them.  I’m so glad I came back and we sorted everything out, Ryder.”  She kissed me passionately but didn’t take long before she turned again so her back was facing me and she lifted her right leg, making room for me to slide into her. 

Her tight warmth welcomed my hard dick as I entered her slick core.  With her lying on her side, I was able to get unbelievably deep; her moans informed me she enjoyed the position as well. 

“Just like that.  You feel so good inside me.  My tight pussy missed you, baby.  Oh, harder, Ryder.”

“You can’t say those things to me, Payt.  You feel too good, look too delicious, and sound like an angel.  Mm, fuck, babe, get on your knees.”  She was turned over and I began taking her from behind.   I pulled her into me by gripping her hips but soon she was pushing back onto me and I was done.  Coming all over her sweet little ass, I felt like a jerk for not getting her off beforehand.  “I’m so sorry.  Give me a few minutes and I’ll make you feel real good.  You pushing into me was so hot, I couldn’t hold back.”

“So it’s my fault, huh?  Don’t worry.  I have full faith that you’ll bring me to bliss again.  Can we snuggle for a little while?  It’s new for me not to be wondering which one of us is going to say they have to leave first.  Normally, I’d be thinking of reasons to leave that sounded real enough.  If I know it’ll only be a one night type of deal, I set up that app to call me two hours after I get there and I usually pretend Chloe’s boyfriend broke up with her and I need to get to her.  They don’t ask too many questions and I can be out of there quick.  If the date’s going well, I just let them know it was a crazy ex-boyfriend trying to get me back. ”

“Seems like you had a good system going for you.  Hey, can I ask you something?  You don’t have to answer but I’ve been curious.”  I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close to me.  Payton wiggled her butt, getting comfortable and snug beside me.