Sinfully (22 page)

“Umm, sure?”  She seemed hesitant and I wasn’t positive I’d get an answer from her but it kept popping up in my mind.

“What made you not want to get attached to anyone?  You seem like you want to connect with people but then you put a barrier up and walk away.  What happened?”

She stiffened in my arms and her breathing quickened.  I knew something had caused her to be that way but had no idea what it could have been.  She never talked about her past.

Massaging her sides, I whispered into her ear, “There’s no rush, baby.  It’s okay to let your guard down with me.”  

“My parents.” 

“Did they hurt you?”  I wasn’t sure what she meant but I had a feeling I wasn’t prepared for whatever she had to tell me. 

“No, nothing like that.  They died.  So did the next set.  I’m jinxed.”  I could hear her sniffling but was still confused.  I wrapped my arms a little tighter and kissed her shoulder.

“I’m so sorry.  What do you mean next set?”  Twisting to face me, the pain and loneliness was evident in her eyes.  I wanted nothing but to console her and make the pain go away but I had a feeling it was something she never talked about.  Letting it out may help her so I waited, giving her a kiss of reassurance.  A single tear dropped onto my arm, soon followed by a steady flow.  I felt the urge to kiss her tears away but stayed still, willing her to keep going.

“My-my mom caught my dad cheating on her and killed him and the girl.  She took her own life shortly after while she was holding me in her arms.  I was just a few weeks old and a neighbor heard my crying and called the police.  It was all over the news so it wasn’t hard for me to research when I got older.  I was in a foster home until I was seven and my adoptive parents took me in.  They were sweet and I saw them as my true family.”

 She pivoted her head so it was hidden in my arm and she really let it out.  I caressed her back, listening to her quietly weep, her body shaking as she cried.  She was a fighter.  I couldn’t fathom the idea of my mother killing my father and then killing herself.  Not to mention, being in foster care for that many years had to be cruel.  Seeing child after child find a new family while you’re left there, unwanted?  It made sense why she didn’t want to grow attached to others. 

“No one should have to go through that.  I know that your past shapes you into who you are today but you’re such a strong woman, Payton.  You don’t have to be scared of getting close to me, I’m here for you.” 

I wasn’t the best with consoling and hoped my words along with my actions were sufficient to make her feel better.

“They died in a car accident when I was thirteen.  After that, the only person I really let in was Chloe.  She’s been there since I was seven and she’s my rock.  Everyone else was short term.  It’s become instinct to walk away when I started feeling things for a guy.  This is why Vegas worked for me.  I had a natural reason to walk away and it didn’t make me feel like I was doing something wrong.”

I wasn’t quite sure what to say to her last admission.  The hand she’d been dealt was unfortunate and I was surprised she was still standing through it all.  I made a silent promise to make her feel safe and loved from that point on.  With that being said, I needed to figure out who was sending her those letters.

Chapter 13

Payton

I still couldn’t believe I told him about my past.  Chloe knew not to bring it up and those who
knew
me knew
nothing
about my fucked up family history.  A few friends had questioned me before but I was quick at making up fairytale stories of my happily married parents who lived on the East Coast and retired to travel around the world.  It was just enough for them to shut up and not ask again.  With Ryder, though, I openly gave him information and I
wanted
to.

He brought out such intense emotions in me that I was constantly reminding myself not to run.  My brain was hardwired to revolt when people got close and he was sounding off all the alarms.

I lay in his bed, his scent surrounding me, and I felt content and peaceful.  His steady breathing told me he was sound asleep, his arms still wrapped protectively around my waist, and his erection pressed firmly against my ass.  My mind was too busy to sleep but I didn’t mind staying enveloped by his arm, and now leg, that were draped over me. 

I awoke to feather-light touches down my arm and a warm, solid body behind me.  Grinning, I tried to feign sleep but I had been caught.  I wasn’t ready for him to get up yet.

“You’re pretty damn adorable when you sleep, Payton, even with your tiny snore.  How about we make breakfast together?  I can make a mean omelet.”  He maneuvered himself over me, biceps bulging as he hovered, planting sweet kisses over my neck and chest.

“I know how to make crepes.  Or bacon?  Sorry, I don’t cook too much but I know the crepe recipe by heart.  Mom and I used to make it every Saturday.”  His glance went from curious to hopeful in an instant and it felt good to have him relish in my opening up to him, even if it was only about a childhood memory. 

“I would love nothing more than to have crepes, bacon,
and
an omelet, babe.  Hop up!”  He lifted himself off me and I missed the heat that radiated off his sexy body.  I decided to add licking the ridges of his abs to my bucket list that I had just created in my head.  With a swat to my ass, I was jolted from the bed, slid on a pair of shorts and tank top that I had packed, and followed behind him to the kitchen.  The view of his ass would never get old. 

He was at home in the kitchen.  I couldn’t help but watch as he got out prep bowls and cutting boards, along with fresh spinach, some kind of fancy cheese, peppers, onions, and ham out of the fridge.  If he were to look in my fridge, he would find take out boxes, deli meat, and leftover pasta.  Of the few dishes I knew how to prepare, I did them well and often.  Pasta with Vodka Sauce and Italian sausage was my favorite and I normally had some in my fridge from the last time I made up a batch.

He handed me a mixing bowl, showed me where the flour was, and I got to work.  “Hey, Ryder?  Would you by chance have Nutella here?  It’s the best thing to put on these, with a little bit of powdered sugar to top it off.”

“I actually do.  I sometimes watch my friend’s kid and she loves that stuff.  It’s the only thing I keep readily available that isn’t solely for me.  Middle shelf in the pantry; think eye level for a six year old.”

We went about cooking breakfast like we’d been together for years.  I wasn’t expecting such mundane tasks like making breakfast or getting ready for the day to be so intimate yet comforting.  I could get used to it. 

After setting all the food down at the table, he brought us each a glass of orange juice and settled in across from me.  “What are your plans for today?  I only have to run into work for a meeting at noon but it’ll be quick.  Want to head up to Palm Springs for the night?  We could also do a movie or walk around and do some shopping.”

“Actually, I want to write.  I was thinking about heading to Manhattan Beach, lying out on the sand with a notepad, and getting lost in the beauty before me.”

“If you wanted to look at beauty for inspiration, I totally would have posed nude for you, baby.  Is it another dirty book?”  I gave him the angriest look I could muster but failed miserably since my brain automatically started thinking of him posing on his bed naked.  The man made me constantly horny.

“Uhh, I’ll take my chances at the beach.  I’ll be home in the afternoon.  Go to work!”

As I finished off my orange juice, I felt his foot slide up in between my legs and I jumped in surprise, successfully spilling what was left of my drink over the table and on my plate. 

“Oops.  Guess you’re done with breakfast.  I think if my memory serves me right, I was a little selfish last night and need to repay you.”  Ryder stood, moved up beside me and cradled me in his arms with one arm under my back and the other under my knees.  I kicked and giggled but was perfectly accepting of what was to come.  He bent down when we came to a stop outside a door to a room never been in before and I was curious what was inside.

Upon twisting the handle, I was able to see an elaborate home gym that he’d never mentioned before.  One wall was all mirrors and the equipment was top of the line.  He had an elliptical, a weight machine, free weights, and a treadmill conveniently showcased around the room and each of the three other walls had mounted flat screen TV’s for his viewing pleasure.

“Why do you have all this if you go to a normal gym?”  I was impressed and had the urge to try out the elliptical later on while he was gone.  It’d been too long since I’d worked out and I could use the cardio.

“I like to come in here when I don’t have time to head to the gym.  I can knock out an hour in here before or after work and not have to spend the time driving to and from the gym.  Makes it easy.”

He walked a few more feet and sat me on a large red yoga ball.  Steadying myself, I looked up at him in wonder. 

“So are we…?” 

“Take your shorts off and spread your legs.  Turn toward the mirror, sweet girl.”  He watched my every movement and I could see him hardening under his boxers.

I was too aroused to protest and quickly stood to slide my shorts off and sat back down on the firm yoga ball.  Looking to him for more instructions, I imagined him taking me right there on the ball.  That would be fun. 

“Touch yourself, Payton.  Put two fingers in your pussy and bring them back up to coat yourself with your wetness.”  I did as asked and was getting wildly turned on by his demands.  “Good girl, now use your other hand to rub your clit in slow circles.”  He had freed his erection from his boxers and was now touching himself as he watched.

We watched each other, never taking our eyes off the show before us.  Every moan, every grunt, every sigh turned us on more and I was close to climaxing. 

“Taste yourself, sweet girl.  Bring your fingers up and see how tangy and sweet you are.”  Hesitantly obliging, I brought my fingers up and licked one finger to try it but soon found myself sucking each finger clean.  His groans showed his appreciation, and if I was being honest, it didn’t taste so bad.  Sure, it was tangy like he said but it had a hint of sweetness to it also. 

Before I could slide my fingers back inside myself, Ryder was hovering over me and grabbing hold of my ankles. 

“I’ve got you.  Don’t fight the swaying of the ball.”  He lifted my legs high in the air and moved me so that I was lying down on the ball with my head toward the ground.   He thrust his cock inside me and the ball swayed back before swinging forward.  I lifted forward to watch him plunge into me over and over again but quickly lay back down to enjoy the feeling of his hardness filling me to the hilt, propelling himself as far as he could.  He fucked me with little abandon as the deep penetration brought us both to a quick orgasm. 

Breathing heavily, he murmured, “Does that help make up for last night?”

I couldn’t move but quietly replied, “I think so.  Holy shit, that was unreal.  How have you not mentioned how amazing yoga ball sex was before?”

Ryder languorously placed a kiss on my lips before sliding out of me and helping me upright.  My legs were wobbly and it felt weird being on solid ground again.  Sex was always exciting with Ryder and I hoped to never grow tired of it.

*****

The next two weeks were similar.  We’d wake up together, make some sort of smoothie or light breakfast, and head our separate ways.  After a few days at the beach, I moved my work inside to his living room where he had the fluffiest, most comfortable recliner that could easily fit both of us side by side.  I would set a goal of how many words I wanted to get written that day but usually went over that number since I was so enraptured with the story. 

I decided to write about a guy whose sister passed away from a skiing accident and found solace with her former roommate and sorority sister.  The male character had stopped by to start going through his sister’s belongings and the roommate was home, going through the same pain.  They formed a special bond that turned into love but not before dealing with the anger and pain that they dealt with daily.  I had the first six chapters written and kept thinking of new twists that I could write into the storyline. 

Getting those pained emotions on paper was a stress reliever for me and I saw just how similar I was to the character I had written.  I felt alone and left behind.  Having someone show you that you’re not alone, that they truly care about you, can change a person.  Seeing that change was what inspired me to keep writing.  As the chapters progressed, you saw a lost soul find his way to happiness again and the path he took was full of new experiences with a person who wants to be with him.  Of course, there was lots of flirting and sex.  It was what I knew.

Every afternoon I’d come back to Ryder’s place, usually an hour or two before he got home.  Sometimes I would take a nap or shower, while other days I would run to the market and grab food for us to make for dinner.  He was slowly helping me learn my way around the kitchen and he seemed to enjoy the teacher role.

As we ate our steak au poivre and talked about our day, I couldn’t help but think how lucky I was for Ryder to give me a chance.  He truly was too good for me.  He was a kind-hearted and determined man who worked hard for what he wanted. 

“I love that you’re becoming all domesticated.  You didn’t even get scared when you flambéed the sauce tonight.  I’d definitely call that progress.”  Ryder leaned over the table and placed a loving, delectable kiss on my lips, followed by an adorable wink.  

“Does that mean I get a reward?  Oh, can I pick?  Please?!”  We were still in the honeymoon phase and Ryder had made it his mission to have his way with me in the most random of locations.  I felt like it was more of a scavenger hunt of places to fuck and it got me hot just thinking about it.