Simply Complicated (37 page)

“If you feel that it will be too much going through the treatments again I’ll support your decision but I think we need to bring the kids in on the discussion. They are older now and I think they’ll understand whatever you decide.

“Just know that we are a family and we will stand together as a unit. Before you make your final decision can we both talk to the doctors?” he asked.

She agreed and they sat in silence, each lost in their own thoughts.

Lynn was discharged from the hospital later that day. She felt differently when she walked into her bedroom. She decided that she wanted to take a long bath to help her think.

Ted was very helpful. He fixed her something to eat and ran her bath for her. Once he made sure she was taken care of, he went to the office for a few hours to work and give her some space.

While he was gone she called her lover to talk about everything that happened.

“Hey, what’s going on? Do you have time to talk?” said Lynn.

“Sure. What’s going on? You sound worried. Is everything okay?” asked Don.

“I could be better. I was in the hospital last night,” she said.

“In the hospital—what was wrong?” he asked.

“I am too embarrassed to tell you. I tried to end my life,” she burst into tears.

Don was alarmed, “Oh no, baby! There’s nothing so bad that we can’t get through it together. I thought you understood that. Was it because of Ted?”

“No, not really. My cancer has come back and the doctors tell me that they’ll have to do a mastectomy. I don’t think I can handle living without my breasts,” she explained tearfully.

“Listen Lynn, we got through the cancer the first time and we can get through it again. You won’t be alone, I promise,” he tenderly vowed.

“I know, but this time will be different. This time they will take a part of what identifies me as a woman.”

“Baby, that’s not what makes you a woman. Sure, they accentuate your body, but breasts don’t identify a woman—especially you. You are beautiful, sexy, and loving now and you’ll continue to be sexy to me no matter what,” he said.

“Thank you for that, baby. It really means a lot coming from you. I miss talking to you and being with you. It’s been a long time since we’ve spent a Sunday together,” she responded, wiping away her tears.

“I know, baby; I’ve been busy but I promise to make time for us. I’m here but I can only be here if you allow me. I know it will be difficult since you’re married, but I would really appreciate it if you let me know what’s going on. Then I can support you every step of the way. Are you going to have chemotherapy and radiation again?” he asked.

“Yes, more than likely. I must admit I’m so scared. I wish you could be by my side through all of this but we both know why that’s impossible,” she said sadly.

He sighed—this was an old argument. “Don’t start that again. Both of us have responsibilities to our families. I want to leave but I can’t do that to my children. They would be destroyed.”

“I know and so would mine. Well, I need to get off the telephone in case Ted or one of the kids comes in the room looking for me. Take care and I love you,” she said.

“Okay, you take care too. Don’t forget what I said. Please keep me informed of your progress,” his voice sounded sincere as they hung up their phones.

The next several months were very difficult. After meeting with the oncologist and other doctors and getting her test results back, Lynn decided that she would go through with the surgery for the sake of her family. The doctors wanted her to remain in the hospital for twenty-four hours after having her mastectomy.

They were able to get all of the cancerous cells by removing her breast and it had not travelled to her lymph nodes. To be safe, they wanted her to have radiation again as well.

While she was home recuperating from the surgery, her psychiatrist came to the house to see her and to prescribe an anti-depressant medication.

She had to have additional surgeries to reconstruct her breast. The pain from the surgeries was difficult at times so she was prescribed pain pills.

Ted was there through the surgeries and radiation treatment. The doctors were not completely sure how long it would take for her to fully recuperate from everything.

After a year, Lynn started to heal from her mastectomy and the breast reconstruction. During that time her attitude had changed. She had become bitter and angry towards Ted and the children. They tried to be as helpful and understanding as possible but she made it very difficult. The anti-depression medication did not seem to be helping with her severe mood swings.

No matter how hard Ted tried to make her feel good, she would always start an argument. She was having a difficult time dealing with the loss of her breast and was growing tired of their marriage.

She was depressed but not only for the reasons he thought. She stopped caring for her appearance and did everything she could to make herself look unattractive so others would not look at her.

The constant bickering and complaining wore on Ted. He tried not to get Kristie involved in their relationship but he desperately needed someone to talk to. Out of guilt about Lynn’s condition, he avoided speaking to Kristie during the recuperation period, but after a year of Lynn’s increasing irritability, he longed for Kristie’s kindness and understanding.

To his surprise, before he could call her, she texted him and asked if he could be available for lunch that Saturday afternoon. Normally he was the one who initiated their lunch dates. He wondered what prompted her message.

That Saturday he and Kristie met at the hotel suite. As soon as he opened the door to let her in she immediately grabbed him and starting kissing him passionately.

“Well hello to you, too! What was all of that for? I must admit I didn’t expect that kind of greeting,” exclaimed Ted, pleasantly surprised.

“Hey baby, I’ve missed you so much. I didn’t mean to be so forward but it’s been a long time since we last saw each other. How long has it been—a year?” she asked as she leaned to kiss him again.

“If I knew you were going to be like this I would’ve waited a year to see you when we first reunited,” he said jokingly.

“Very funny, Ted. It’s good to see you haven’t lost your sense of humor. I’ve really missed you, baby. I miss being around you. I’ve been crazy this last year. I didn’t want to mention anything to you because I knew you had a lot going on with your family.

“I’ve been worried about you. I felt something was wrong with you. I know that sounds crazy but you were heavy on my mind and heart and I had to see you to make sure everything was okay. I kept getting this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach about you.

“I’m so glad you were available to see me. So is everything okay?” she asked, holding of both his hands in hers.

“Things could be a lot better. I’ve been under a lot of pressure with work and with my family. I had to assign the case involving Senator Sullivan to another attorney within my firm. Of course the senator was not happy about that; I promised that I would still work on the case but could no longer be lead counsel. My family seems to be falling apart. Lynn’s depression has gotten worse than before.

“She constantly argues and fights with me and the children. We are trying so hard to be supportive and understanding about everything she has gone through but she’s making it difficult for everyone.

“Ted Jr. is supposed to graduate from high school in three months and the stress of worrying about his mother seems to have affected his grades. I had to get all of us into counseling with Dr. Philips but Lynn refuses to go to the sessions regularly so just the kids and I go. She still sees him sometimes by herself.

“I try to make love to her but she refuses to let me touch her. I think she blames me and the kids for her having the surgery. I really think she feels she would have been better off dead. Every day I worry that she may try to kill herself again.

“That constant worrying makes it difficult for me to work late hours. I’m only glad that the kids never found out what happened that night. I sometimes feel as if I’m losing my mind. I’m so damn frustrated and I don’t know what to do. For the first time in twenty years I don’t know what to do to help my family,” he said as he started to cry.

“Oh baby, it will be okay. You and your family have gone through a lot. I know it’s not easy trying to keep your family together while maintaining your sanity. Most men would have abandoned their wife the moment she stopped having sex with him. You stuck with her and your family despite everything.

“You are a great man, Ted. It’s okay to be afraid sometimes. You’re human. Everyone gets scared at some point in their lives. So you don’t have all the answers now, don’t worry. They will come to you and when they do, you will know exactly what to do.

“Your children seem like they are strong. The best thing you could have done was get counseling for them and for you. See, you are doing something! I’m proud of you and I guarantee the children are too,” said Kristie as she held him close to her chest.

“This is why I needed to see you too, baby. I had nowhere else to go. You always make me feel better. I love you so much and I appreciate you giving me space and time to help my family without getting angry when we didn’t talk for months.

“I now know why you were placed back into my life. I don’t think I could have handled all of this without you being here. Thank you so much,” he said as he kissed her gently on the lips.

She took a long, deep breath.

“Baby, I need to talk to you about something. It was one of the reasons why I wanted to meet but I’m not sure how to tell you,” she whispered, holding her head down. “This past year has been a little difficult for me as well.

“Let me start off by saying that I love you too, baby, and I’m here for you always—for a lifetime. I really trust that you feel the same way about me,” she said, trying to hold back the tears.

“Kristie you know I love you and I too am here for a lifetime. Now what’s the matter?” he asked, getting worried.

“About two months after we made love I found out that I was pregnant. I knew it wasn’t Donald’s because it had been longer than two months since he and I last made love. At first I was happy knowing I was carrying our baby, but then I realized that it would be impossible to keep it,” she said as the tears poured down her face.

“Oh my God—did you abort our baby without talking to me about it first?” he asked, trying not to get angry.

“I honestly thought about an abortion and I had planned on talking to you about it but you were too busy dealing with Lynn and the children. I didn’t want to add anymore confusion to your life,” she said, wiping the tears from her eyes.

“So does that mean you didn’t have an abortion?” Ted looked confused.

“No I did not. I couldn’t bring myself to do it,” she said.

Ted stepped back to examine her, “So what happened to the baby? You obviously aren’t pregnant now and I hope you wouldn’t go through nine months of pregnancy without even mentioning anything to me.”

“I had a miscarriage,” she said, hiding her face in her hands.

“Baby, I am so sorry you had to go through that ordeal all alone. How long were you in the hospital? How many months were you when it happened? What did Donald say?” he asked.

“I was about four months along when it happened. I told Donald that I was three months pregnant so he wouldn’t know of our affair. I was in the hospital for only one day.

“Donald was very supportive. He and the children were sad about the loss. They were my champions and helped me get through everything. I wanted to call you so desperately but you had so much going on and you still do,” she explained, her eyes never leaving his face.

“I need you to promise me that if you ever go into the hospital again, you’ll call me despite what I may be going through with my family. You are a part of my life too and I care about what happens to you, okay? Can you promise me that?” he asked as he gently grabbed her and pulled her close to him.

“I promise and I apologize for not calling,” Kristie smiled at him, “Now enough of this sadness. Let’s get up and dance to some music. Is our song still here?”

“Yes, I have it,” he said as he walked over to the stereo system to put it on.

As the music played she took his hand.

“Come on baby, let’s dance.”

“Only if I can lead,” he said jokingly.

“You can lead me anywhere, baby,” she put her head on his shoulder while they danced to their song.

“This song will get you in some trouble, girl. You better watch out,” he murmured as he caressed her back.

“You’re the one who better watch out. You keep rubbing up against me like that and you’ll be in trouble. Here comes my favorite part:
Incredible, you bring out the woman in me with your style of love inseparable yes we are
,” she sang as she kissed his neck.

When the song ended they stood in the middle of the floor kissing passionately.

“You look as if you could really use a massage. I can see the tension all over you. Let’s go into the bedroom so I can take care of that tension. Why don’t you take a shower first and then lie across the bed. I’ll do the rest,” offered Kristie.