She's Only Seventeen: A Novel of Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll (14 page)

We were trying to hold practice but my mind was elsewhere.

James sat in the corner, waiting, and smart enough not to put his two cents in.

“I… I could, but what’s the fun in that?” I said

James laughed

I glared at him. He shrugged and lit a cigarette.

Thomas pulled me aside, “We really need to do this, Kat, and can you keep it under control for a little bit longer?”

“I’m just so stressed.” I admitted. “I want him, but he doesn’t seem to want me.”

“Want me to talk to him?”

“No, that’s… that’s too personal, Tom. I can handle it. I mean, we can’t be falling apart again already.”

Thomas sighed, “Alright, Kat.”

“Were done here today guys,” Thomas said to the others.

Everyone started packing up and eventually left the room. I sat in the in the corner where James had been sitting.

Maybe I should
. I thought.
Take matters into my own hands…

Before I could think on the after any further, James came back through the door, his grey eyes blazing. He walked right up to where I was sitting and bent down, holding his hand out for me to take. “Come with me”, he said.

I took his hand as he stood up. We were the same height and his eyes bore into me. His lips melted to mine. He moved away a little and opened his eyes, glanced at me and smiled. I pulled him back in, firmly planting a kiss on him. He pressed me back against the wall, unbuttoning my jeans and pulling them down. Wordlessly, he did the same for himself. Taking both my legs in his arms, he lifted me up and sat my body down on him.

My whole body shook; it became a blur, his lips on mine, his body thrusting up into me. I felt myself let go with him, he must have felt it to, with his release came a guttural growl from his throat.

We stayed in that position, holding onto each other tightly. I opened my eyes and looked over his shoulder. There stood Thomas. He said nothing as he turned around and left the room, without James seeing him.

I felt a pit form in my stomach, like a little girl who had just been caught stealing a cookie from the jar.

James let me down and began dressing. “Thanks, Kat,” he said smiling, “It’s been a while, I’ve missed this.” He kissed my cheek.

I was shaking, but tried to stay calm. I smiled back, kissing him again. “Anytime,” I said as I finished dressing.

He laughed, “I’ll take you up on that,” he stated before leaving the room.

“Fuck,”
I said to myself.

I heard heavy footsteps coming towards where I was. I watched Thomas walk into the room and come right up into my face. He was inches away.

“What the FUCK do you think you were doing” he whispered loudly

“It’s really none of your business,” I shot back.

“Like hell it’s not my business, you’re a fucking slut, Kat.”

“No I’m not”

“Yeah you are. You just FUCKED James! James! I should tell Shane…” he spun around

“No!” I cried grabbing his arm, twisting him back around so he faced me.

“Why not? Don’t want him to know the true you?”

“I…”

“You keep cheating on him!”

I broke down in tears. “I did with you too!”

“Don’t turn this on me. I don’t want any of your fucking crocodile tears. Fucking shape up, Kat before you ruin everything, and I don’t just mean your relationship.” He shouted, his eyes blaring into my soul, full of ice.

He was breathing heavy with one hand on his forehead, just staring at me.

“Are you jealous, Tom?” I purred, coming closer to him.

He froze, “Kat, stop,” he said softly, the hurt showing through in his voice.

“It could have been you,” I said slowly.

“I know it could have been,” he breathed out. “Is this the way it’s always going to be, Kat? Coz I don’t know if I can handle it.”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly, “I really don’t.”

I could see tears forming in his eyes. “You just don’t get it do you?”

“I think I do.”

“God, I’m such an idiot,” he said, frustrated.

I wrapped my arms around him, tears falling down my cheeks now.

“No, you’re not Tom. It’s me, not you. I’m fucked, it’s in my blood. You’re right. You’ve always been right.”

“No, you’re not fucked, Kat.” He took a deep breath, “I love you, you know it; I always have, but please just… just go.”

I held him tighter, afraid of what might happen if I let go.

“I love you too, Tom. I just… I love Shane to and I have to make it work with him. You’re right.”

I pulled away from him; he had seemed to regain some composure, understanding the reality of the situation, possibly choosing to accept it.

“Kat… I…”

“Shush,” I said putting a finger to his lips. “We speak nothing of it. It’s between both of us. You’re my best friend Tom; let’s keep it that way, for real this time.”

He shook his head in understanding. I turned to walk away. I looked back at him, standing there so pitiful. I had made him this way, toyed with his heart and played with him for all these years. He looked up at me when he noticed I hadn’t left. He swiftly moved towards me, kissing me full on the mouth, hard, and a fistful of my hair in his hand. I responded with the same passion, my heart swelling.

He stopped as quickly as he started. “That was the last time,” he stated, “ever.”

I nodded in response.

We stood there facing each other for what seemed like ages, my heart beating out of my chest. I wanted to scream, shout out loud. I wanted to throw myself off of a cliff and never look back. No one except Thomas could understand what I was going through. I don’t think anyone would want to.

James

December 1986

I heard them shouting after I had left Kat alone. Tom screaming at her and her voice, shrilly, trying to reason with her. Anyone could have recognized the hurt seeping out of him. Sure, I had wanted Kat for a long time but now I had instantly regretted it. Not only had I pissed off Tom, I knew if Shane was to find out, it would be the end of our tour and the end of
Neptune
for all I knew.

I walked down the hall where I ran into Shane.
Fuck
I thought to myself.

“You seen Kat?” he asked

“No, we finished practicing like a half hour ago; she mentioned something about a cigarette run with Tom…” I lied for her.

He nodded, “Thanks,” he responded, turning back around.

I let out a small sigh, I might have prevented him from finding something out today, but I knew Kat could not keep her feelings hidden for long.

January 1987

Kat and Shane were having problems. I had half expected her to look my way; instead, she was all over her buddy Thomas. Not literally of course, but a fool could tell she loved him; you’d only have to look at her.

Nick

January 1987

“Look, I’m sorry Kat,” I told her.

She stood at the hotel bar in Paris as she lifted her eyes to me while stirring her drink. She raised her eyebrow slightly and walked away, her heels clicking on the marble floor.

“Kat!” I said after her as she exited the building and walked onto the screened terrace. Her arms were bare, but she made no notion she was cold. Everyone else was inside where it was warm, we were alone.

“I’m not angry with you,” she stated as she looked up through the screens at the dark sky.

“It’s my fault that you and Shane are fighting,” I said.

She glared at me, “no, it’s not,” she sighed, “okay it might be part of the problem, but we were having issues long before.”

I walked closer to her, “I’m sorry, I had a lot to drink that night and I was a mess I shouldn’t have…”

She shut her eyes and shook her head, walking past me. I followed her back inside where I watched her loop her arm around Thomas’ as he spun her onto the dance floor.

I sat back down at the bar. Glancing around the room, I met Shane’s cold stare. I feared he would never forgive me.

Shane

January 1987

I watched as Thomas wrapped his arm around at as their bodies moved in rhythm. I was jealous, jealous to see her with him, her smile, the way she tilted her head at him, told me more than I wanted to know. I walked up to her, “I’m heading to bed,” I said.

She gave me a small smile, “Okay, I’ll be up soon,” she responded, her breath smelling strongly of alcohol.

I moved away from her and went to go towards the elevator. When I looked back at her, she was laughing at something he had said.

She had never laughed that way with me.

Kat

January 1987

I fell backwards onto Tom’s bed in his hotel room. Tom lay on his stomach next to me.

“I don’t want to go to bed yet,” I told him.

He raised his eyebrow, “Shane told you he was going to bed like three hours ago, do you think he’s staying up for you?”

“Doubt it,” I responded, remembering earlier that night.

Tom’s face was close to me as I met his eyes, “Look, I understand he is still angry with you and you’re angry at Nick…whatever, Kat,” he paused, “but they were drunk, we all were. I know it’s not an excuse…”

“I wish Shane would forgive me,” I said sadly, “even if the decision was made stupidly in a drunken state, it won’t ever make Shane forget about it.”

I turned my head away, letting a single tear fall onto the pillow.

“Hey,” he said softly, his fingers brushing my cheek and turning my face towards him. Suddenly, his lips came close my quivering ones.

He stopped himself before they touched.

“You better get back to Shane,” he said, wiping his face.

I stood up and patted down my dress.

“Tom, I…”

He stood up, facing me.

“I really don’t want to go tonight,” I admitted.’

He swallowed, then went to the door and opened it, “I won’t be able to help myself if you stay, Kat,” he answered.

I walked past him and out of the room. When I turned to say goodbye, he had already shut the door.

Alex

January 1987

I walked out of my room just in time to see Kat walk out of Thomas’ room. She froze when she turned and spotted me. She started shaking her head ‘no’.

“I’m not going to say anything,” I told her in a low voice.

“There is nothing to say, nothing happened,” she responded.

She went to walk away.

“Wait!” I said suddenly, grabbing her arm.

She looked down where my hand was placed upon her, and then met my eyes.

I let go of her. She marched away from me, unlocking the door to Shane’s room without looking back.

Roy

February 1987

That little siren had put a spell on not only Shane, but half of
Arctic Circle.
Part of me even wanted her, the way she pranced around half naked in front of everyone; it would have given the pope wood. I had told myself I wouldn’t think of her in that way after last time. It had been wrong. She had been just a child at barely eighteen. I think she was ashamed of it also. She didn’t flirt with me ever, or make much eye contact even.

She had created a wedge between Drew and Shane which I resented her for. They used to be so close until she came and put herself between them. I had hoped she would calm down now that she was married to Shane, but the fact that she had slept with Nick, although unwillingly, had made things even worse. Why I had even let it happen was beyond me, I should have stopped the whole ordeal. Now Shane was a different person, she still had him by the balls, but I think a little bit of him was starting to realize the mess he had gotten himself into.

Gary

March 1987

“Kathryn!”

We hadn’t been on the best of terms since she had left that night before her eighteenth birthday. Seeing her brought a rush of feelings that I had tried to suppress.

Her mouth turned into that winning smile I remembered at the sight of me. She ran up, throwing her arms and legs around me. I caught her happily.

“Gare!” she cried.

“God look at you Kat,” I said placing her down, “a wife and mother!”

I motioned to Shane who was behind her.

“Gary,” he said shaking my hand firmly.

“Were only here for tonight, but Kat had to see you,” Shane explained

Kat blushed, “It’s been too long!”

The three of us had dinner together as I asked her about anything and everything. I could tell she was happy, but a tension was there between her and Shane. He watched her every move. She didn’t seem to notice the lust in his eyes. I recognized it completely. It had been the same look I had given her before she ran away from me.

Thomas

March 1987

“It wasn’t weird seeing Gary,” Kat confessed to me that next day.

She toyed with the pen in her hand as she stared at the blank lines on her notebook. She let out a sigh, “and now I can’t think of anything,” she said.

“What if I just start playing something?” I suggested, completely ignoring her comment about Gary.

“Fine,” she answered, shaking her head.

I started to strum my guitar as she hummed, matching my note.

“How about like this,” she said as she stopped me, her hand motioning to my guitar.

I handed it to her wordlessly as she started to sing and play.

“Unless you're gonna buy me a diamond ring, don't waste my time saying pretty things”

I watched her in amazement; everything just came so natural to her. When she glanced up at me, I didn’t have the right words to say, just a cheesy smile in place of those words I truly wanted to speak
I love you…

Shane

March 1987

Seeing Gary was great and all but it was just another reminder of yet another person in our personal circle Kat had been intimate with. Drew, Thomas, Gary, Nick… it drove me crazy. I hadn’t been with her since the incident with Nick and it didn’t seem to bother her anymore. We slept in the same bed still, I still kissed her before every show and before bed, but something had changed, something had hardened in her.

We were in the hotel room after the show that night. It was late and I was exhausted.

Kat came into the room. “Night, Tom”, I heard her say before shutting the door.

I was still slick with sweat from running around on stage, I could feel my pulse quicken at the sight of her. She seemed to feel it to. She melted into my arms, tears in her eyes.

“God, Shane, I want you so bad,” she murmured as we quickly shed our clothing. I was inside her and the whole thing was over within seconds.

“Sorry, Kat, it’s been a while.”

“No problem,” she mused and she began to rub herself in front of me. She glanced up at me, her lashes playfully framing her eyes.

“Arg, Kat,” I said, getting on top of her and taking my place once more.

This time she was satisfied. We fell asleep cuddling together and giggling like the newlyweds we were supposed to be.

For the first time in a long time, I felt like everything was going to be okay.

Kat

April 1987

It was like we had just discovered each other for the first time. Shane and I couldn’t get enough of each other. It was like he had forgotten entirely about everything that had happened between us. Each night, after every show, we would rush back to the hotel room and strip off our clothes. Sometimes we would do it in the dressing room, off stage, or even on the tour bus. I was introduced to the world of drugs; I embraced it fully, finding cocaine to be my new boost. I would have felt complete finally if it was not for Thomas, the way he looked at me, the way he acted around me… I couldn’t help the way my skin shivered when he was near. I couldn’t deny it, I wanted them both.

Thomas

April 1987

I watched as Shane pushed her up on the table and she wrapped her legs around him. Her eyes met mine from over his shoulder as he entered her. She let out a gasp when he began moving. I pulled out my cock and pushed the woman in front of me down on her hands and knees, her face inches from the floor. Kats eyes never left mine as I plunged faster into the woman. She moved with Shane as I moved with the stranger. I pumped harder as Kat’s breath came quicker. She let out a moan as I finished with my partner. She held Shane close and her eyes were still on mine.

“Can I go now?” the woman beneath me said, breaking my concentration. Kat had turned her attention back to Shane.

“Yeah, whatever” I said as she left the dressing room.

Shane and Kat were making out now. I felt like an idiot, wanting her where she didn’t want me.

Later that night after Shane was in bed, she came and found me.

“Don’t talk about it,” she said.

We sat in silence by the hotel pool.

“Do you want me, Kat?”

“Yes” she responded.

It made my whole world.

Shane

May 1987

“Shane, where did I put that bottle?’ Kat shouted at me from the bathroom.

Our hotel room was a mess from a night of partying. It was eight in the morning and my wife was asking for the bottle of vodka she had last night. She had been drinking a lot lately. We both had to be honest, but Kat’s drug and alcohol use had become excessive. I had mentioned it to her and she just thought it silly I would think such a thing.

I was not the only one who noticed it.

“Kat’s been drinking a lot more lately,” Roy would say to me.

I had no answers for him. I knew he wasn’t the fondest of Kat. Her intensification of drug and alcohol use was affecting
Neptune
also. Thomas even asked me to help him try to control it.

“Can’t you limit her spending?”He asked

“I can’t take money away from her; she got so much from her father, even I don’t know where it all is.”

His face twisted in a frown, “Well she’s getting out of control, you saw her last night, and she could hardly stand on stage!”

I promised him I would try, like I did everyone else, but in truth, I liked Kat the way she was the past few months. Sure, the drugs and alcohol were a bad thing, but she had been more in love with me and more attentive to me than she had ever been.

I felt selfish.

Kat

June 1987

The tour ended in June of 1987. We would be celebrating Darla’s first birthday soon. I felt horrible that I had gone and didn’t get to spend a lot of time with my daughter for the first year of her life. It also hit me that I would be turning twenty one also. Being home was difficult to me.

Shane and I’s relationship developed over this time despite my secret wanting for Tom. As fall set in, we brought Darla out places and took long walks in the park. We could have been seen as the perfect family, if only I would let it happen in my heart. I felt Tom’s eyes on me whenever we went over to visit him. I felt him reach into my soul and steal a little bit more of myself. I couldn’t breathe around him. Every glance, every moment our eyes met, was like ecstasy to me.

It was hard for me to see Darla with Tammy at times. Tammy was a great mother and I felt like the failure because I had not been there for my daughter as much as Tammy had been there for her and her own daughter Theresa. I knew that as soon as Darla had a chance to warm up to me again, I would be back on tour. It hurt me to do so but I knew that it hurt Shane just as much to leave her side.
Arctic Circle
was nominated for many awards such as “Best Album of the Year” in 1987 so we decided to make a public appearance at the ceremony in the city. Shane wore a tux. Seeing him one excited me, the man hadn’t even worn a tux to our wedding! I couldn’t ever remember seeing him in one now that I thought of it. I wore a ball gown which cascaded to the floor but with a large cut on the side showing my full thigh. The corset pushed up my breasts to perfection while showing off my hourglass figure. The dress reminded me of Jessica Rabbit’s but in dark blue and without all the ridiculous shimmers. I wore my long, dark hair wavy down my back as I highlighted my hazel eyes with kohl. I wanted to look beautiful; I knew I had achieved this affect when Shane all but dropped his jaw when he saw me. Darla wouldn’t let me leave the house at first. She kept crying. I felt bad because once again I was putting her in the capable hands of Tammy. We took a limo to the event; I had been in limos before but not like this one. Everything seemed so advanced, so new. I found myself laughing at what fortune I had to be so lucky in life to experience the things that others would never in their lifetime. The only awkward part was the fact that many of the guys of
Arctic Circle
brought their girlfriends or wives. They didn’t like me and I could feel that dislike in their cold stares, the way they huddled together in their group, talking about me. I was never one for girlfriends, I had always been perfectly happy being “one of the guys” but at that moment I just wanted a girlfriend to talk too.