Shadow of Shame: Book 1 of the Shadow series (9 page)

“All I wanted was a little kiss.” Boyd waved his arms as if to keep himself from losing his balance. “That’s a lot less than you took from Minnie Kreider. You need to mind your own business, Jonas Armstrong.”

“Shut up, Boyd. You need to go home. Right now you’re in no shape to be around a lady,” Quinn said. “You’re making a fool of yourself.”

“At least I didn’t get a girl with child, and then treat her so badly she died,” Boyd shouted.

“Take your hands off me,” Boyd yelled at Quinn. He shrugged himself free. “I’m going.” He staggered over to his buggy, and drove around to the other side of the barn, and sped off down the road.

Ivy stood there in shock. What had just transpired? Was Boyd telling the truth about Jonas? Peggy
did
say he was married, and that his wife had died, and she’d mentioned a baby.

Jonas and Quinn turned their attention to Ivy. “Are you all right, Ivy?” Quinn said.

When Ivy nodded, Jonas asked, “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Ivy replied in a shaky voice. “I just want to go home.”

“I’ll take you,” Jonas offered.

“No!” she cried, quickly backing away from him. “I’m sorry. Quinn will take me.” She saw the hurt on Jonas’s face, but after what Boyd had said, she didn’t feel safe with anyone except Quinn.

“All right,” Quinn soothed. “Jonas, will you tell Peggy, and Mary Beth where I’ve gone, and that I’ll be right back?”

Jonas nodded.

Quinn led Ivy to his buggy. She was shaking, and Quinn wasn’t sure if she was scared or cold. He put his jacket over her shoulders, and pointed his buggy toward her house. “Are you sure you’re all right?” he asked as they neared the Jeffries’ home.

She nodded. “I think so.”

Quinn pulled up in front of Ivy’s house and touched her on the arm. “Ivy, will you let me explain what Boyd said about Jonas?”

“Is it true?” she asked, wide-eyed.

“Some of it, is,” Quinn said. “But he’s completely turned his life around since then. All three of us were wild five years ago. It all started when we began to hang around with Boyd. He was a bad influence on us, but we still should have known better. I behaved every bit as badly as Jonas and Boyd. We did a lot of womanizing, but after what happened to Jonas, I learned my lesson. So did Jonas. But, Boyd never stopped his drinking and womanizing.”

“How did Jonas end up married? And how did his wife die?” Ivy asked.

“She was pregnant—”

“Oh, no!” Ivy exclaimed. She started to get out of the buggy.

“Wait, Ivy.” Quinn gently grabbed her arm to keep her in the buggy. “Since I’ve told you this much, I have to tell you all of it. It isn’t fair to Jonas to give you only half of the story.”

“I’m not sure I want to hear it, Quinn.” She removed his jacket from around her shoulders and handed it to him.

“Peggy told me you had a crush of sorts on Jonas,” he said. “Tell me something, Ivy. Before tonight, how did you feel about him?”

“I thought he was the kindest and most generous man I’d ever met.”

“And now?”

“And now I have doubts. Who wouldn’t?”

“Yes, he married Minnie, and yes she was with child,” Quinn said. “He admitted that he
could
have been the baby’s father, but he also knew, as well as everyone else, that the baby could have been almost anyone’s. Minnie was a bit—shall we say, free with her charms? Yet despite her other lovers, she pointed her finger at Jonas. We think she heard he was building a new home, and thought he had money.”

“So he k-killed her?” Ivy asked.

“Good heavens, no!” Quinn said. “Jonas wouldn’t hurt anyone, even in his wildest days. Minnie died during childbirth. Jonas was never mean to her. He just ignored her because he felt she’d ruined his life. He had to marry Minnie when he was just eighteen. As it turned out, the baby wasn’t his after all.”

“How do you know that?”

“The baby is colored. She was probably Samson’s. He was an African man who worked at the blacksmith's shop. He left town shortly after Minnie got married. Personally, I think he really cared for her.”

“I’m telling you all this because I don’t want Jonas to get hurt again. I don’t want this story to get out all over the town, and I don’t want you thinking badly of him. Jonas has punished himself enough over the past five years. He was asked to leave Grace Church at a time when he probably needed it the most. He went over to Trinity Church, and gave his life to God. He hasn’t been with any women or had a drop to drink from the day he gave his life to God, but he still punishes himself.

“As his best friend, I’m begging you to not mention this to anyone, including my sister. I’m thinking most people have forgotten that incident, and I’ve been trying to get him out to enjoy life again. He’s been almost like a recluse all these years. He hasn’t been anywhere socially, but he came to the dance tonight because he was worried about
you
.”

Ivy bit her lip. “I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”

“And,” Quinn continued, “he needs friends like you and me.”

“Oh, I don’t know, Quinn. If my father should hear—”

“Exactly. Your father doesn’t need to know. Unless…well, for now at least, he doesn’t need to know.”

Ivy rubbed her face with her hands, “Oh, Quinn, I think I hurt Jonas tonight when I refused to let him take me home. He looked so stunned and hurt by my rejection.”

“Don’t worry about it. You can make it up to him. Be his friend, Ivy. It would really help him out. Take my word for it—Jonas is not the same man as he was five years ago. He’s turned his life completely around. Not only does he go to church every Sunday, but he's also the music director there. He leads the choir, picks the Sunday music,
and
plays the piano for the services. He feels that he owes God, and has to make up for what he did wrong.”

“So he isn’t a
complete
recluse, then?” she asked.

“Church is about the only place he ever goes, except to town for supplies. I visit him often, and he has a brother who lives nearby, and a father. We're all trying to get him to live again.

“You can believe me when I tell you—he’d be the last man to take advantage of a woman, now.” Quinn smiled. “So, you’ll still be his friend?”

“I think so. I trust your word. Until tonight I thought Jonas…well, I thought he was the most wonderful man I’ve ever met, present company excluded,” she added quickly.

Jonas rode home from the barn dance right after giving Peggy and Mary Beth the message from Quinn. All the way home all he could focus on was the look on Ivy’s face when he’d offered to take her home. The look of fear on her face made him break out in sweat, as if he were about to have an anxiety attack. To remain calm, he kept telling himself it was for the best. He knew she was too good for him, anyway. His reputation would only wind up pulling her down.

When Jonas came down for breakfast the next morning, Zoe was sitting on the kitchen floor near where Thelma was mixing pancake batter.

“How soon will Ingrid be coming?” Thelma said. “I’m afraid I’ll turn and step on the little elf.” Her voice held a touch of humor.

“Any minute,” he said. “You can tell the child wants to be near people.” As he said that, Zoe stood, walked over to him, grabbed hold of his leg, and hugged it.

He didn’t want to get too attached, but how could he resist this display of affection?

“Hey,” he said. He reached down, picked her up, and sat her on a kitchen chair. “Are you hungry?”

Zoe nodded.

“I knew it!” he said. “Can you open your mouth?” She obeyed without question. “Oh, yes,” he said, peering into her gaping mouth. “You
are
hungry! Your tummy is empty!”

Zoe gave him the first smile he’d seen from her. He thought her an adorable child. All bathed, she looked like a different little girl from the one he’d found in the Kreider house. He’d have to guard his heart—he might have to give her up soon, and he didn't want to risk becoming too attached.

Jonas leaned down to her level. “Can you talk, Zoe?”

She looked at him and said in almost a whisper, “Yeth.”

“Excellent!” He won himself another smile from her. Despite her slight lisp, her voice was a cute, hoarse whisper.

Just then, Ingrid came in and greeted them. She knelt down and gave Zoe a hug. “Hello, Zoe.”

Ingrid straightened and looked at Jonas. “Would you prefer I take her upstairs for meals?”

Jonas knew he’d told her he wanted to distance himself, but he just didn’t have the heart to banish her from dining with family. “No, it’s fine.” He bent down and said to Zoe, “I’m going to eat your pancakes if you don’t eat them all.” Again, Zoe smiled.

Ingrid placed Zoe at the table, and they were all surprised that she had fairly good table manners. Jonas was relieved, because it meant that the condition in which he’d found her had not been a long-standing one. He wondered what happened to her grandmother, who’d evidently treated the girl well while she was in her charge. Was she dead or alive? If she were alive, why would she leave her granddaughter like that?

Jonas said the blessing, and they all then enjoyed the pancakes Thelma had made.

Zoe ate almost two whole pancakes, and when she saw she'd left few pieces of the second pancake, she handed her plate to Jonas.

Jonas looked at her. “What’s this?” he said.

She gave him a mischievous smile.

Jonas threw his head back, laughing. He ruffled her curly head. “Thank you, Zoe!”

After breakfast, Ingrid took Zoe’s hand and asked Jonas, “Would it be all right to take Zoe for a walk around the ranch? She needs to get some fresh air before winter comes and we’re all hunkered down inside.”

“Of course! Enjoy your walk,” he said.

Jonas left the house and made his way to the stable. He had a man coming to pick up a stallion, and he had to groom him first, and put him in the corral. After he finished with the horse, he walked him to the corral and was surprised to see Zoe break free from Ingrid’s hand and race to the fence.

“Horsey! Horsey!” she cried.

Jonas opened the corral gate and joined her at the fence. “Do you like horsey, Zoe?” he asked.

She nodded, without taking her eyes off the shiny, black stallion.

Jonas winked at Ingrid. “C’mon Zoe, I’ll show you some nice horseys.” He took her hand and walked her to the area where he held the more passive horses. He picked her up, and sat her on the wall of a pretty colt’s stall. Ingrid followed, standing off to the side, and watching them.

“Giddy up! Giddy up!” Zoe cried. Jonas laughed. He was seeing the stables through a child’s eyes, and was thrilled to be able to give her this experience.

The horse came over to the gate near Zoe, and she didn’t back up or show any fright. She reached for the horse, but the horse was too far for her to touch, so Jonas brought her closer. Zoe patted the horse and giggled.

“That is so precious,” a familiar voice said softly from behind. Both he and Zoe turned.

“Ivy!” Jonas exclaimed. He thought he’d never see her again.

“I told you I’d come to visit Zoe,” she said. She smiled at him, and then turned to the little girl who stared at her with wide, curious eyes. “Hello, Zoe.”

Zoe clung to Jonas’s shirt and laid her head on his shoulder, but kept her eyes on Ivy. She began to suck her thumb as she had on the way home in the carriage on the day he'd rescued her. It seemed she only did that when she was frightened.

“Zoe,” Jonas said softly. “This is my friend, Miss Ivy. She came here to meet you, and become your friend, too.” He gently removed the thumb from her mouth. “Is that all right?”

Zoe loosened her hold on Jonas, and nodded.

Ivy smiled at Zoe. “I like horses, too.” Ivy stroked the horse and then took Zoe’s hand and placed it on the horse’s nose. “I like to pet the nose, it’s so soft. Feel it?”

Zoe giggled. She completely dropped her hold on Jonas’s shirt, and touched the horse’s nose with both hands. She giggled again. It was a sound that thrilled Jonas to no end.

“Would you like to take a walk with me?” Ivy asked her.

Zoe nodded.

“Can you talk, Zoe?”

Zoe nodded and then said, “Yeth.”

Ivy turned to Jonas and whispered. “If you put her down on the ground and put her hand in mine she’ll know it’s all right to go with me. I’ll take her for a walk. We won’t be gone long.”

Jonas did as she'd told him, and the two of them trotted off. Zoe turned to look back at Jonas, as if to make sure he was okay with her leaving. Jonas waved. “I’ll be here when you come back, Zoe,” he called after them.

Jonas was grooming a horse when they returned. He thought Ivy looked especially beautiful in her red riding jacket with its white trim, and a black skirt. She wore her hair up in that style he’d seen her wear only once before. Not only did it make her look classy, but also it revealed the back of her beautiful neck, and he had to fight the urge to kiss it.

“Her nanny's waiting on the porch. Shall I return her to her nanny now, so we can talk?” Ivy asked.

“Sounds good,” he replied.

But when Ivy tried to move Zoe toward the porch, Zoe said clearly, “No,” and she ran to grab Jonas’s leg again.

Jonas smiled. He couldn’t help but be touched by her affection, as it had been a long time since anyone had shown him any. He bent down and picked her up. He hugged her, and kissed her forehead. “Zoe, you need to go with Ivy to Nanny, who will make you lunch.  Zoe looked back and forth between Ivy and Jonas as if trying to make up her mind what to do.

“Would you like me to come in and eat with you?” Jonas asked.

“Yeth.”

“All right. You go with Ivy and Nanny and I’ll be there in a few minutes.” He put her down, and put her hand into Ivy’s again.

When Ivy returned, he led her into a small, cluttered office at the back of the stable that he used for buying and selling horses. A scarred, cluttered, old desk, and two wooden chairs, were all the small room contained.

“My office in the house is neater,” he said, by way of apologizing for the mess.

Jonas waited for her to take a seat before sitting himself.

“Well, she can talk, but she's shy,” Ivy began. “Her speech is probably equivalent to a three year-old's. She has a slight lisp, but that's not uncommon for age three, so she’s had some setbacks. I wonder how long she was living under the conditions you described. That would definitely set anybody back.” Ivy asked, “Is she the baby your wife gave birth to?”

Jonas merely nodded. “So what’s the final verdict?”

“I don’t think she’s ready for Sunday School, but with your permission, I’d like a few more visits with her. I’d like to work with her, and try to improve her speech.

“She seems very attached to you already, Jonas. That surprises me. Were you seeing her regularly before the rescue?”

Jonas sighed. “How much did Quinn tell you when he brought you home last night?”

“Everything, I think.”

“I figured he would. He’s a true friend, and he worries about me.” Jonas gave a little chuckle. “He nags me like an old fishwife.”

“He really does care about you. And,” she hesitated, “so do I. I’m sorry about last night. I was confused and upset. I didn’t know what to think.”

“I would have done the same in your place.”

“I really felt horrible about it after Quinn explained your story to me.”

“All right,” he said with a sigh. “I'll tell you everything. I saw Zoe when she was first born. The day of Minnie’s funeral, her grandmother, Beulah Kreider, took her, and I haven’t seen her since, but I’ve been supporting her, all this time.”

“How?”

“My instructions were to put the money into Beulah’s shed. Everything was going along nicely until a few months ago. That was when letters from her kept arriving and demanding more money. The demands increased until I was paying four times the originally agreed upon sum. She just kept asking me for more, and telling me that if I didn’t pay, she’d tell everyone my story.”

“Quinn explained why you didn’t want
that
to happen,” she said.

Jonas nodded. “So after the last letter, raising the amount once more, I took a ride with Caleb and decided to talk to her. Beulah wasn’t there, but a former saloon woman in a dirty dress was supposedly minding Zoe, and had been for some time, or so it seemed. The house was dirty, and smelled worse than a pig farm, and probably should have been condemned. We found Zoe in a caged-in bed, naked, and standing in her own waste. I wrapped her in a comforter, and brought her home.”

“That explains a lot,” Ivy said, blinking away tears. “No wonder she's so shy and fearful. She was probably left in that cage-bed day after day, without any human interaction. Nevertheless, I think she's very bright. Her eyes seem to see everything, and she knows more than she can communicate.”

"She sees you as her rescuer, but I’m sure she’d love you regardless.” Ivy gave him one of her stellar smiles. “You’re very good with her.”

“I told her nanny to keep her away from me because I don’t want to become too fond of her, yet I find it impossible to resist her,” he said with a slight laugh.

“Why do you feel the need to distance yourself from her?”

“I was afraid of becoming too attached to her, but of course, it’s already too late.” He shook his head. “Her grandmother, or any other family member, could come and take her away from me at any time.”

“No, they can’t. Why would you think
that
?” Ivy asked.

“They did it before. Anyone can see she isn’t my real—”

“Hogwash!” Ivy interrupted forcefully.

Jonas was taken aback by her strong reaction. He’d never heard her utter a word that wasn’t sweet and soft-spoken.

“Hogwash,” she repeated softer. “She’s yours. You are legally her father. No one can take her from you. You were married to her mother when she was born. It doesn’t matter what she looks like—she’s
your
daughter.”

“Really? That’s how it works?” he asked.

“Yes. I'll bet her birth record even lists you as her father, and her name's probably Zoe Armstrong. You can check at the courthouse if you like. Besides, you’ve been supporting her the whole time. She’s yours. Grow as attached as you’d like. She needs it, the sweet little thing.”

Ivy stood. “I’ve kept you from your work long enough.”

Jonas stood, also. “I’ll walk you to your horse.”

He helped her up onto her horse. She looked down at him and said, “I never thanked you for coming to my rescue last night. Thank you. And again, I am
so
sorry.”

After a fun lunch with Zoe, Jonas rode to the courthouse and the clerk found Zoe’s birth record, composed of no more than a name on a long list of babies born that year. But her name was Zoe Armstrong, and the father of record was Jonas Armstrong. He smiled.

“Can I get a copy of this?” he asked the clerk.

“I’m afraid not,” he said. “But I can make you a certificate. It will cost you a dollar.”

Jonas paid the man, and waited for the documents. Now no one could take Zoe from him. She was his. He felt happier than he’d felt in a long time.