Sexy Love (Sexy Series Book 4) (4 page)

“Are you okay?” he asks with an unexpected gentleness, resting his hand on my shoulder.

“Yes, I’m fine. I’m just a little dizzy. Please, Sebastian,” I say holding my hand, palm away, in front of my face, “please put something on?” His penis is right there… and I mean
right there
in front of my face as he comforts me. It’s all too familiar and I’m worried that if I have to look at that thing any longer, I’m going to remember every last thing I did to it. I just couldn’t cope with that right now.

“Sure, no problem,” he says softly and understandingly.

As he moves around the room, collecting a sock from here, a shoe from there, I remain seated. There’s really little else I can do at the moment, I may even have to go back to bed. I feel horrendous and am suffering from the most hideous ‘day after’ anxiety. I know I’m going to remember what I did and said soon enough, but I’m petrified of it.
Just how close did I let this man get?

When he is dressed, he sits next to me on the bed, saying nothing for a few moments before playfully and gently bumping his shoulder into mine. “Hey,” he whispers, “don’t freak out. Okay? I think you’re an amazing woman, Lex, and you really don’t have anything to worry about, about last night. You didn’t do or say anything embarrassing, and everything we did together was…”

I groan and drop my face into my hands. This is just so mortifying; I’ve never had to sit on my bed and have this ‘morning after’ chat before. “Hey, really, it’s all cool. Are you sure you want me to go? I could just lie with you for a while, you can fall asleep on me and we’ll watch the snow together. I promise I’ll keep my clothes on,” he says with a chuckle and I’m warming to this sensitive side of him, but as much as I’d love to lie down with a testosterone heavy gentleman to soothe away my angst and headache, I really want him to just go. The sooner I’m away from him and back to my normal feelings about this guy, the better.

“Thank you, Sebastian, but I think it’ll be best all round if you leave. I’m sorry to have done whatever I did last night, I shouldn’t have led you to believe anything like that might happen again… not that I know what actually happened. I’d really appreciate it if we could just go back to the way we were before this.”

He nods silently and I watch his face as he forces a smile. It’s almost disappointment that I’m seeing, but definitely not from a guy like Sebastian, surely? He’s a cock-sure manipulator of women who will be congratulating himself on yet another conquest; he’s most certainly not feeling disappointed at my asking him to leave. “Sure, that’s fine Alexia. I’m going to continue to ask you out again, though, okay?”

I smile. “Okay. I’ll continue to say no, though, okay?”

“Okay.”

He stands up and collects his cell from the table. “Before I leave, Alexia, I don’t suppose you’d have a spare toothbrush?” I can sympathise, I’m feeling much the same way and am thoroughly excited at the prospect of brushing the alcohol and sleep from my teeth and gums.

“Sure, in the drawer next to the sink you’ll find a supply of spares.”

“Thank you, Lex.”

He strolls to the bathroom and I leave him to it, I’ll clean mine once he’s gone; I’m not really in the mood to be role playing husband and wife at the sink. I look at my oh-so-tempting pillows and decide that I don’t need to wait for him to leave, I’m curling up right now and he can slip out when he’s done with his teeth.

I know it’s not exactly the most appropriate behaviour for the hostess to be asleep when a guest leaves, but I think appropriateness has gone out of the window given my decorum, or lack thereof, over the past twelve hours.

I pull the covers back and crawl into my warm and welcoming bed, covering myself and nuzzling my deliciously cosy pillows. I’m really not one of those people who loves to relax in bed or sleep during the day, but today I’m feeling sorry for myself and can’t think of any other way to remedy this.

~~~~~~~

So I’m showered, dressed and making my bed some three hours later, stomach rumbling and mind racing. I now remember that I definitely sucked him off, and he definitely returned the favour – waking me up in the process, much to my delight at the time. I lost my mind, temporarily.  I hate being woken up in the night, especially by sex pests… and Sebastian Love no less!

I’m also now wondering what my friends and brother know of last night. Did they stay over here? Do they know he came to my bedroom? 
Oh good Lord,
were we loud? Oh my, today is going to be tough, I’m not in any kind of mood for teasing or rehashing, mainly because Alexia Berkeley
never
has to rehash ‘last night’. I feel particularly vile that I might have to start now, mid thirties, a well established person of professionalism and integrity with an exceptional reputation… a Berkeley! My mother did not raise me to get drunk and flaunt my sexual pursuits in front of friends and family. I am supposed to be a lady!

I open my curtains, running my hands down the thick, rich fabric to tie them back, trying to recall closing them. I definitely didn’t do it while Sebastian was here and I’m sure I haven’t woken and closed them since I fell asleep as he cleaned his teeth. Maybe he did it? No, Marsha must have crept in as I slept – I can’t see Sebastian thinking of anything other than his penis for more that thirty seconds.

And so yes… that; the penis. I had a good, long suck on that thing. And from what I remember, I
really
enjoyed it. I don’t usually get so invested in cock, but last night, I can remember feeling well and truly at one with it; ‘it’ and I were having a full on, passionate affair and I thought it was the best damn cock that ever walked the earth. Or hung between the legs of the person that walked the earth… or whatever. Good to know pedantry lives on in my mind, even during extreme anxiety.

And then there was the other – now let’s forget for five minutes that it was Se… ‘
That man’
that was doing it to me - for some reason just using his name when discussing those activities seems so wrong. But forgetting it was him, I will say that it was absolutely the best oral sex that I’ve ever experienced, and it really does pain me to admit that.

Oral sex is usually one of those things one does to give the other person a sense of accomplishment…
‘Oh yes, you’re so good at using your tongue to inadequately lick at my vagina, using it like it’s a melting popsicle; and it’s just so good that I’m attempting to make my groan of absolute, thorough boredom sound sexy so you feel great about yourself, as I lie here with my head and shoulders above the sheets, filing my nails, waiting for it to be over so we can just fuck.’

But last night; reshaping my nails couldn’t have been further from my mind. And those moans? They were legitimate, uncontrollable wails. I mean, if that were someone else, I’d be begging for him to do it again and again until either his tongue or my ‘lala’ no longer had any feeling left in it. Damn, why does it have to be
him
?

Shaking those thoughts of his tongue and fingers playing me like his most prized musical instrument, I open my bedroom door and prepare for what is about to occur. I am a strong, respected woman, the Chief Marketing Officer at the huge, worldwide corporation that I partially own for heavens sake. I head make-or-break meetings with some of our most valued and respected clients. I hire people, fire people, give inspiration to so many of the women who work with and for me to become exactly the women they want to be. Yet I’m afraid of a little teasing from my brother and friends about my rare, drunken behaviour last night. I need to get on top of this.

As I make the slow journey down the stairs, I take a deep breath and rest a hand on my stomach, forcing that calm smile on my face that always sees me through a stressful moment at work. I can do this.

Taking that final step and landing in the living room, all I hear is the gentle classical music that always flows through this floor of the house, the crackles and pops of the logs on the fire, and the pots and pans making distant noise in the kitchen.

I take a long look around the room to find nothing but scented Christmas candles flickering away; there’s nobody here. My body relaxes in relief, so much so that I practically collapse on the floor. No teasing for now, thank God.

Walking over to the fire, I lower myself onto one of my couches and rest back with a long, deep and soothing sigh. How I can feel exhausted having spent all day in bed, I don’t know, but I can’t seem to wake up today.

Maybe it’s all the worrying, maybe the alcohol. Yes, that’ll be what it is, I don’t know why I suddenly feel so compelled to drink so much when I’m out with these people; Sebastian in particular. I know before I set out that I mustn’t drink much when he’s involved, yet every time, I go overboard and do the exact opposite, becoming so intoxicated that I do and say things to completely betray my respectable self. I need to find out where the point of no return is and remember never to go that far again.

“Good afternoon, Miss Berkeley,” Marsha’s soft voice stirs me from my thoughts.

“Oh, good afternoon, Marsha, and I don’t know how many times I have to tell you – call me Alexia, please?”

She walks towards me with a small tray of something steamy, and smiles, resting the tray on the coffee table. “Oh, I know, I’m sorry, Alexia, it just comes naturally to call you Miss Berkeley. I thought you’d like something to eat so I made soup. I know you don’t eat much bread, but I made a batch of fresh granary buns just in case you were feeling tired.”

I grin. “Is that your way of saying ‘just in case I’m hung-over’?”

She bows her head slightly and smiles. “Well, I would never assume that of you, but I saw your brother and Miss Hart, and your other friends this morning - they were all a little worse for wear, so…”

I laugh. “I bet they were. Thank you, that’s thoughtful of you. And thank you so much for cleaning all of the mess up, I was fully prepared to do that myself.”

“Oh, no, that wasn’t me, your friends wouldn’t let me. They cleaned it all. I ran the vacuum cleaner over as I would any day, but last night’s fun was all taken care of.”

“Oh, really?” I look at her in question, surprised.

“Uh huh, Mr Love and Mr Winters came down a few hours ago at about the same time Mr B. and Miss Hart woke up. They did everything in here and then I made them all something to eat before they left. Mr Love even did the washing up! I told him we have a perfectly adequate dishwasher but as the champagne flutes needed to be hand-washed, he insisted on hand-washing everything else for me, too.”

Sebastian washed up? Well that’s something I would never have expected of him! I giggle at the thought. “Wow.”

“I know,” she says in agreement with a cheeky grin on her face. “Now that you’re up, I’ll go and strip the linens on the beds that they used.”

Oh God
. “Oh, um… it’ll just be the one bed that needs changing, thank you.”

“They slept in the same bed? I didn’t realise they were a cou… oh gosh, I’m sorry,” she says, and I see her face straighten as she realises she’s being nosy. “I’ll go and change their bed now.”

I can’t believe I’m about to admit this, but it’s coming out and I can’t stop it. “Oh no, they’re not gay. Cole slept on his own.”

She frowns in confusion and simply nods. I look up at her face and smile as she finishes unloading the tray, and then – it clicks. She looks at me with her eyebrows raised and a grin slowly grows on her face. “Oh...”

“Uh huh.” I say, quickly, focusing on the food on the table, hoping to avoid further talk on the subject, and Marsha clearly takes the hint, simply scurrying away to make a start on the bed.

Thank goodness she’s not one for soliciting gossip, she could have made that a lot more awkward than it was. At least from that, I can gather that the subject wasn’t openly discussed at breakfast. Hopefully everyone thinks that we all slept in different bedrooms, just like Marsha did.

CHAPTER FOUR

FRIDAY 20
TH
DECEMBER

This morning I wake feeling a whole lot better. It’s a respectable 7:45 and my body is fully recovered. Although I’m still embarrassed by my actions with Sebastian - and I think I pretty much remember it all now, except maybe some of the conversation; I’m not feeling quite as anxious about the whole thing, now that the exhaustion has passed.

I recall kissing him in ‘Escobar’, which is particularly mortifying, but I also remember brushing it off as if it were nothing, which was the best thing I could possibly have done, to make it easier for myself now. I can continue to brush it off and act nonchalantly, as if it was just a fun moment of public madness that most people have experienced many a time in their lives; just maybe not in their mid-thirties.

I have my shower and get ready for a ski day with the family. I worked from my couch for most of the evening last night and am looking forward to a day away from it all, enjoying one of my favourite parts of Aspen; the Highlands.

I’m excited to see everyone again, too; I do enjoy my alone time, but I have so much of that in my life that sometimes knowing my friends and family are just around the corner - but not actually with me, can make me feel quite lonely.

I’m not one to feel sorry for myself, don’t get me wrong, but I am human, and I
do
sometimes want to be held at night by someone I would feel connected to enough to call my best friend and my lover. But that’s enough of that; I’m a fortunate, strong and powerful woman who doesn’t
need
anything from anyone. I’d just like it sometimes, is all.

Today I’m particularly looking forward to my time up in the Highland Bowl with Daniel, Luke and our friends, Queenie and Matt. It’s an exciting place to spend a couple of hours and I try to go up there at least twice during my stays here. I know Tilly had wanted to visit the Bowl, too, having accompanied Luke up here last year when she was pregnant with little Emily, and sitting out in the restaurant, ‘Merry-Go-Round’, until they had finished their hike to the top and the ski back down. I know she really enjoyed herself, but she has since expressed her determination to try it out for herself. Hopefully she’ll be able to join us up there today.

As I hear Luke’s car beep outside, I take my gloves and hat from the side table and head outside to collect my skis and boots from the porch area. I make my way down the snowy steps carefully and notice that Tilly is sitting in the front seat. Luke opens his door to come out and put my skis on the roof.

“Hey Lex, ready for it?”

“Bring it on!” I cry, excitedly, and climb into the car, noticing that Daniel isn’t here as I’d expected. “Hey, Til, you made it! I’m so excited that you get to join us. Isn’t Daniel coming?”

“Yeah, he’s coming with Bea in another car, I think everyone is coming today. You okay?” she asks, reaching back to squeeze my hand in greeting.

“I’m great thank you, I got some work done last night so I’m ready to enjoy a day out in the snow. Is Emily with Pam?”

“Yep. I’m not going to stay out all day, I want to go back and spend the afternoon with her, but I’m super excited to give the Bowl a go! I’m going to be knackered aren’t I?”

I giggle, “It’s tiring, for sure, but you’ll be good. So… everyone?”

“Oh you know, the parents, Daniel and Bea…”

“Fantastic! I didn’t think the parents were joining us until later.”

“Yeah, they said they’ll stay at ‘Merry-Go-Round’ until we’re done so we can all have lunch together before you move on to the normal slopes.”

“Oh okay, that’s great.”

~~~~~~~

The Bowl was predictably fun, and introducing it to Bea and Tilly was wonderful; they were absolutely taken aback by the breath-taking beauty of it all. Luke and Tilly went missing for a short while, but none of us were particularly worried, knowing what the pair of them is like, and they had been extremely doe-eyed and romantic the entire journey so of course they’d have had to act on it. They have no ability to hold out and wait for later.

It’s naughty, but cute, really. Luke is also a regular and knows the place like the back of his hand, so if you’re going to separate from the group to have ‘relations’ in the Bowl – he’s who you’d want to be out there doing it with.

When we reach the bottom, everybody has huge, entirely satisfied smiles on their faces and cold, rosy cheeks. This is what I love so much about skiing, that fresh, cold air and the thrill of the fast paced energy on the slopes.

We chat excitedly about the trip to the top and back as we remove our skis and boards, and rack them up to make our way into the restaurant, back to the parents. I’m really looking forward to a long, talkative lunch before we head back outside to ski and board as an entire group.

Skiing with my parents is fun for me, it reminds me of my fortunate and warm childhood. I’ll never thank my parents enough for the opportunities they afforded my brother and I as we grew up.

Walking in to the warm restaurant, the guys and Queenie walk straight to the table to join the others. Bea and Tilly divert to the bathroom and I head to the counter to get our drinks.

It’s very busy today but that’s to be expected, I suppose, it is Christmas and it’s so popular up here at this time of year. I manage to wiggle through to the counter, and wait my turn.

“Sexy Lexie…” I hear, a familiar tone, which I’m initially comforted by, but that emotion is immediately backtracked when I realise how I recognise it; Sebastian. He’s directly behind me, pushed up against me in the crowd and his mouth is low and close to my ear.

I move my head slightly to address him, but I don’t turn around completely. I’m at the bar and won’t lose my place for the sake of sleazy small talk with Sebastian Love. “Sebastian, how are you?”

“I’m good, thank you. Are you feeling okay now?” His normal response surprises me somewhat; I was expecting him to come out with something sordid or perverted.

“Yes, I’m great, thank you.”

“Excellent. Can I get you a drink?”

“No, I’m good, thanks, I’m getting for everyone.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.”

“Yes, thank you. But as I’m here, what can I get you?”

“I’ll have a cappuccino, thanks.”

“What table are you at? I’ll bring it to you.”

“No need, I’m sitting with you guys.”

He says it like it’s nothing. Maybe it
is
nothing, but I need to pause for a moment to collect myself. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah, I was having a phone conference with Henry yesterday about some business and he invited me along to the ‘Berkeley ski day’ today, that’s okay, isn’t it?”

“Oh, er… sure it is, sure.”

“I was pissed to miss the Bowl but I had some stuff to do earlier so couldn’t make that part. I bet it was great out there today.”

“Um, yeah… it was.” I’m still trying to get over the fact that I’m spending the day with him. What is my folks’ obsession with this fucking guy? It’s like he has the same affect on them when they’re sober, as he does on me, when I’m drunk! Actually, good God, I hope not.

It takes a few more minutes but soon, I’m served, and I turn to make my way to the table as they prepare the drinks. Sebastian kept me company and in all honesty, apart from being slightly perturbed about his presence today, it was ‘okay’ to make small talk while I waited.

I’ve been quite relieved this morning that nobody has mentioned anything about Sebastian and I, other than a couple of subtle, mocking hints about the ‘Escobar’ kiss, from Tilly. I’m okay with that, I may be averse to making a fool out of myself in public, but never-the-less, I do still have a sense of humour, and provided I’m not made to look like a total ass-hat, I can laugh at myself occasionally.

The last to return to the table, Sebastian and I are forced to sit next to one another at the end.
And so what?
I’m okay with that. Yes, so our thighs are touching and I swear he is moving it in a slow and erotic manner on purpose, but I don’t react because it’s not bothering me whatsoever. Nope. No Siree Bob. I’m as cool as a cucumber, totally avoiding all thoughts of his cucumberesque member.
What? It’s nothing like a cucumber, Lex - it’s a penis. AND WHY THE FUCK AM I THINKING ABOUT HIS PENIS?

Oh God. Today is going to be long.

~~~~~~~

Well, to be honest, today really wasn’t anywhere near as ‘long’ as I thought it would be.

Lunch was very pleasant, as a matter of fact, once I got over the knee bumping and shoulder bouncing. I half expected a hand on my thigh every now and again but it never came which I’m pleased about. I think.

I’m starting to have a little faith that maybe Sebastian Love does have some self-control, after all. Or maybe he’s not really interested in me anymore, now that I’ve given up any airs of mystery that I might have had about me before the other night.
Yes, that’s right, Lex - he’s seen you naked
. It does keep coming right back to haunt me, but given I can recall every last detail of his manhood; I don’t know why I should feel so mortified. It’s not like we’re not even.

Skiing was actually as enjoyable as lunch. Even with his presence, I enjoyed myself just as much, if not more than I had anticipated. In fact, I might go as far as to say his company could have enhanced the day. Now I’m not saying that I am developing any feelings for the guy, I’m not. I just think in certain situations, he’s not as bad as I have thought he was, all these years.

We really did have a wonderful, energetic and invigorating day out there in the snow, and I am thoroughly exhausted when Luke drops me back at the house for a long and luxurious evening in, alone. I was invited to join the other parties for dinner and relaxing, but I declined in favour of a long, bubbly soak in my tub, a warming glass of red and to curl up in front of the fire with my secret weakness; a sickeningly sweet romance novel on my Kindle. I think I’ll go for a sexy, beach-set story tonight.

Given my single status, this is the perfect end to an exhausting, yet - fun, long day out in the cold. Of course, if I had a gentleman friend, my perfect evening would still involve the tub, the wine and the fire, but my novel would remain my own dirty little secret and the man would be an oh-so-welcome replacement, holding me in his arms, talking, kissing…
oh enough.

With my tub full, I remove my clothes and take my hair down ready to sink in, and just as I’m about to leave the bedroom, my cell indicates that I’ve received a text message, so I quickly check it. The name surprises me, instantly.

~

LOVE, SEBASTIAN

iMessage

Today 7:14

Fantastic day, Lexie, thank you for sharing. I really enjoyed skiing with you! We should do it more often. Your company is missed this evening. Enjoy, hope to see you soon. S x

~

How very unexpected, and my reaction, too. I’m a little shy to admit that it made me smile, somewhat. I didn’t feel a response was necessary, but that text did something strange to me, it stayed with me all evening and I’ve no idea why. It wasn’t suggestive, it wasn’t flirtatious, and what’s more to the point, it didn’t have ‘Sebastian Love’ written all over it – not that I’d find that attractive. So why do I feel strangely… smitten? I don’t want him.

Good God, woman, you need a man; this is simply unacceptable.