Self Worth (June Hunt Hope for the Heart) (2 page)

“This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” (1 John 4:9–10)

In Dorie’s younger years, not one person valued her; no one found pleasure in her, and she found favor with no one. Since no one esteemed her, she had no sense of self-esteem. She could easily see which of the other children were treated with value and, as a result, felt valuable themselves. Her sister was one of these highly favored ones.
6

What makes you feel good about yourself? Do you consider your opinions worthy of consideration? Do you expect others to respect your boundaries, or do you hold yourself in such low esteem that you do not establish and maintain healthy boundaries—boundaries that line up with God’s purpose for your life? The Bible says ...

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)

• To esteem
  means “to set a high value on .”
  7
  
• “
  To esteem
  ” is a translation of the Hebrew
  hasab
  , which means “to consider, plan, reckon, or think over.”
  8
  
• To have self-esteem
  is to respect or have high regard for yourself.
  9
  

“He [Messiah] was despised, and we esteemed him not.” (Isaiah 53:3)

Q
UESTION: “Why do some people prefer not to focus on self-esteem—but only on self-worth?”

A
NSWER:
The word
self-esteem
actually has two different meanings that are opposite to each other.

• The first is an
  objective regard of your value
  which the Bible refers to as
  humility
  . This self-worth is rooted in the recognition of your sins and your need for the Savior, recognition of your need to live dependently on Him, and of the fact that Christ established your worth by dying for you.
  

  “This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word.”
  (Isaiah 66:2)
  

• The second kind of self-esteem is an
  exaggerated regard of your value
  which the Bible refers to as
  pride
  . This self-esteem is rooted in the idea that you are “good enough” within yourself to meet your own needs and therefore you do not need to live dependently on the Savior. Your worth is established by your “inherent goodness” and “personal accomplishments.” But the Bible says,
  “Do not be arrogant ... Do not be proud ... Do not be conceited.”
  (Romans 11:20; 12:16)
  

In the Bible, God presents these two types of “self-esteem” in sharp contrast to one another.

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” (1 Peter 5:5)

How could Dorie
not
feel inferior when for years she was continuously treated as inferior? Emblazoned in her memory are scenes of her mother tucking her sister into bed saying, “Marie is a pretty girl—she’s not like you.” Then after tenderly kissing Marie, she would callously walk past Dorie.
10

Repeated times of rejection are the building blocks of an inferiority complex. Someone with such low self-worth could easily think,
“Because of all my enemies, I am the utter contempt of my neighbors; I am a dread to my friends—those who see me on the street flee from me. I am forgotten by them as though I were dead; I have become like broken pottery”
(Psalm 31:11–12).

• An
  inferiority complex
  11
  is a painful, debilitating feeling of being less valuable than others.
  
  • Inferior
    means less valued than others.
    
  • A
    complex
    is a group of beliefs based on the past that has a powerful influence on present behavior.
    
• An
  inferiority complex
  is an acute sense of low self-worth, which has two very different results:
  
  • Fearfully timid
    attitudes and actions as a result of giving in to others or feeling rejected by others: “I’m nothing. I know I don’t matter.”
    
  • Overly aggressive
    attitudes and actions to compensate for feeling rejected: “Since people hate me, I’ll give them something to hate!”
    

In the orphanage, Dorie became the bitter bully who punched and pinched the other children just to make them cry. Openly hostile, Dorie used fear tactics to get her way—and get her way she did!
12
Although she was young, her life mirrored this Psalm:

“When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.” (Psalm 73:21–22)

Mephibosheth felt like the weakest link in the royal chain. Crippled in both feet at a young age, he never felt able to live up to the accomplishments of his family. His grandfather, King Saul, was a fierce warrior. His father, Jonathan, was an accomplished soldier.

But Mephibosheth was unable to stand on his own two feet, let alone to do battle. Following the deaths of both Saul and Jonathan, when David claimed the throne, Mephibosheth sank into financial and emotional quicksand. He lived in the land of Lo-Debar, which means “the House of No Bread.” While his family had ruled a nation and enjoyed substantial wealth, he ended up with nothing. From the palace to poverty, since he could not even afford his own lodging, he lived in another man’s home.

King David summons Mephibosheth to appear before his throne. Mephibosheth knows his life has no value. After a change in dynasty, the custom of the day was to execute the previous royal line. He knows King David can kill him on the spot to eliminate any competition for the throne.

Mephibosheth feels helpless and hopeless. He shuffles on his lame feet, crawling into the new king’s house to answer David’s summons. He throws himself on the ground before David declaring himself to be nothing more than a
“dead dog.”
David’s response shocked the young cripple who had known little kindness in his life.
“‘Don’t be afraid,’ David said to him, ‘for I will surely show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan. I will restore to you all the land that belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will always eat at my table’”
(2 Samuel 9:7).

Imagine his astonishment! David—the feared warrior-king—had demonstrated compassion to a cripple. But why—why toward this weak invalid who was, in his own words
“a dead dog,”
one who could offer no service to the king, one who was a reminder of his grandfather’s murderous vengeance directed toward David? Because long before, David had entered into a covenant relationship with Jonathan, a covenant commitment, a covenant vow of loyalty that extends even to the family of Jonathan. And as David promised,
“Mephibosheth ate at David’s table like one of the king’s sons”
(2 Samuel 9:11). Picture the household of David gathering for an evening meal. The aristocratic and selfish yet powerful Amnon, the proud and handsome Absalom with his beautiful sister Tamar, the scholarly, withdrawn and poetic person of Solomon. Then shuffling along behind them and taking his place among the king’s sons and daughters at the finest table in the land is this
“dead dog”
Mephibosheth. He may have once felt worthless and utterly without value, but because of the king’s grace, he discovered his infinite worth.

If you suffer from feelings of inferiority—feeling like an emotional cripple—know that the King of Kings in His grace has reached out to you with care and compassion to
adopt you into His family
and take you as His own. As a member of the family of Christ, you have a place reserved at the King’s table forever. Make no mistake, you
are
no mistake. Not only are you wanted, but you also have immeasurable worth. The Bible even says ...

“In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.” (Ephesians 1:4–5)

Clearly, Dorie struggled with having no sense of self-worth. Some people would say she should not have self-worth—that’s prideful. Others say she should have more self-worth—that’s healthy. Which is right—especially from a Christian standpoint?

Is there a place in the life of a Christian for self-respect, self-worth, and self-love, or does the Bible exhort us to disrespect, devalue, and even hate ourselves? The Bible appears to support both self-love and self-hate, a seeming contradiction that has resulted in a very real controversy. Since the Bible cannot contradict itself, we need godly discernment to know how to think about ourselves accurately. We learn from Proverbs ...

“The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.” (Proverbs 16:21)

“It’s wrong for me to love my own life. Instead, I should hate myself.”

Biblical support:

“The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.”
(John 12:25)

“God tells me in His Word that it is appropriate to love myself.”

Biblical support:

“Love your neighbor as yourself.”
(Leviticus 19:18)

This commandment is found twice in Leviticus, then repeated in six other books of the Bible.

• Leviticus 19:18, 34
  
• Matthew 19:19; 22:39
  
• Mark 12:31, 33
  
• Luke 10:27
  
• Romans 13:9
  
• Galatians 5:14
  
• James 2:8
  

“Scripture is confusing about self-love, but I know I should have sacrificial love for others.”

Biblical support:

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.”
(1 John 3:16)

Q
UESTION #1: “In Luke 14:26, does the Bible really mean for me to hate my family and myself?”

A
NSWER:
To interpret any literary work correctly, a major principle of interpretation must be applied:
context
! Therefore, look at how “hatred” is used in context of the whole counsel of God’s Word.

• Moses states,
  “Do not hate your brother in your heart.”
  (Leviticus 19:17)
  
• The Ten Commandments state,
  “Honor your father and your mother”
  —not
  hate
  your father and mother! (Exodus 20:12)
  
• The apostle John states,
  “Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness.”
  (1 John 2:9)
  
• Jesus states, astonishing those who hear Him,
  “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
  (Matthew 5:43–44)
  

C
ONCLUSION:
Based on the
whole counsel of God
, we are
not
to carry hatred in our hearts. When referring to hating our father, mother, sister, brother—and even our own lives—Jesus was not promoting a lifestyle of personal hatred. Such a message is completely inconsistent with the heart of the Bible and the heart of the Lord.

Jesus instead appealed to His followers to hate anything—including anything in their own lives—that stood in the way of giving their relationship with Him absolute priority. If we are to be true disciples, Jesus must be preeminent—Jesus must occupy the place of highest priority. We should not let anyone take the place that He alone should have.

The apostle Paul builds a case for placing Christ in this priority:

“By him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy.” (Colossians 1:16–18)

Q
UESTION #2: “Since the Bible says,
‘Love your neighbor as yourself,’
am I actually supposed to love myself, or is that arrogance and pride?”

A
NSWER:
When we hear the word
love
, we usually assume it means
affectionate love
or
passionate love
, but
agape love
is the type of love referred to in this passage. The Greek word
agape
in the text means a “commitment to do what is best on behalf of others.” If you truly
“love your neighbor as yourself,”
you must comprehend the context of this love as well as understand its roots.

• Jesus presents the two most important commandments:
  “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
  (Mark 12:30–31)
  
• The apostle Paul states that love is the fulfillment of the law:
  “Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.”
  (Romans 13:10)
  
• We are to love with
  agape
  love, which is based not on feeling, but on commitment.
  “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. ... But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.”
  (Luke 6:32, 35)
  
• We are to love what God loves, that is, we are to value the truth that God loves us.
  “We love because he first loved us.”
  (1 John 4:19)