Self Worth (June Hunt Hope for the Heart) (7 page)

The Lord says
: “I can forgive you.”

“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.”
(Isaiah 43:25)

The Lord says
: “Since before you were born, I’ve had plans for you.”

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.”
(Jeremiah 1:5)

The Lord says
: “I know the future I have for you.”

“‘I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the L
ORD
, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”
(Jeremiah 29:11)

At times, do you feel inadequate, fearful, insecure—even when others say you shouldn’t feel that way? If so, you’re certainly not alone. When God first spoke to him, Moses was a man filled with insecurity and fear. In the burning bush the Lord supernaturally appeared to Moses instructing him to confront Pharaoh.

However, Moses argued with God. He felt he was a nobody with no authority, no credentials, no skills, and no confidence. Bottom line, he felt totally inadequate for the job and terrified of failing. And on top of all that, because he felt he couldn’t speak well enough, he told God to send someone else! But God wouldn’t accept his excuses. He told Moses ...

“Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the L
ORD
? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” (Exodus 4:11–12)

Take comfort in this: God knows your limitations better than you do, and those limitations cannot impede the work the Lord has laid out for you. Just as God used Moses to lead an entire nation to freedom, God will work in and through you to accomplish His purposes for you. The Bible says you can be confident that ...

“He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6)

When Dorie went to school, since she didn’t have any lunch or money to buy lunch, during lunchtime she would say, “I’m going for a walk.” Dorie confessed that if she had stayed in the lunchroom, “The sight of food would have been too much.” The only clothes she owned were three tattered dresses and her scuffed shoes. To her, the thought that she was valuable was beyond comprehension. But oh, how wrong she was!

If you struggle with low self-worth, fully realize how
worthy
you are, and embrace these words as your personal goals:

“As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.” (Ephesians 4:1)

W
ork on eliminating negative attitudes and beliefs.

“I will not hide my feelings or refuse to face them.”

“I will not wallow in feelings of self-pity.”

“I will not project my feelings onto others and become critical.”

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
(Philippians 4:8)

O
btain a scriptural understanding of having love for yourself.

“I am not to love myself with conceited love (pride).”

“I am to love the truth that God loves me and has a purpose for me.”

• Agape love
  for myself: seeking God’s highest purpose for me
  
• Agape love
  for others: seeking the highest good of another
  

“The entire law is summed up in a single command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
(Galatians 5:14)

R
efuse to compare yourself with others.

“I will not measure myself by others.”

“I will thank God for what He has given me and what He is making of me.”

“We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves.”
(2 Corinthians 10:12)

T
hank God for His unconditional love for you.

“I will choose an attitude of thanksgiving even if I do not feel thankful.”

“I will spend personal time with God, thanking Him for His unfailing love.”

“We meditate on your unfailing love.”
(Psalm 48:9)

H
ope with full assurance in God’s promise to mold you to be more like Christ.

“I know that personal growth is a process.”

“I know that God is committed to my growth.”

“Those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son.”
(Romans 8:29)

Y
ield your talents and abilities to helping others.

“I will be generous with my God-given gifts.”

“I will realize my God-given worth as I focus on others.”

“Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.”
(1 Peter 4:10)

Dorie’s childhood rejection was a seemingly impossible obstacle to overcome, at least as most people would view her life. Even though she had overcome much of her childhood pain, when her father died, some of the painful feelings of rejection and worthlessness resurfaced.

Upon hearing of her father’s death, Dorie and her husband drove to Tulsa for his funeral. She signed the registry as his daughter and was stunned when the funeral director informed her that he had no children! The director insisted that her presence would upset the family, and she was turned away from the funeral home. Later, her aunt called and said the obituary had read “no children” and there would be discomfort for other family members if she appeared. Her father, even in death, had stung Dorie with yet another rejection—but this one delivered an even greater blow. She said, “My father’s death ended all earthly ties with my relatives.”
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However, Dorie did not lose her new sense of worth because of her father’s rejection. She knew the Lord would always love her. The Lord had compassion toward her. The Lord would always be faithful to her. This was His promise of hope.

“I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope. Because of the L
ORD
’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.” (Lamentations 3:19–22)

Your self-image has been greatly shaped predominantly by the messages you received and internalized from others, from your experiences, and from your own self-talk. When you were a child, you did not have control of those in authority over you, but since you are an adult, that is no longer the case. You are now able to choose those with whom you associate, and you can certainly control your self-talk. Therefore, you can take an active part in changing the distorted view you have of yourself.

• Accept yourself.
  
  • Stop striving for perfection or trying to be like someone else.
    
  • Realize the Lord made you for a purpose, and He designed your personality and gave you the gifts and abilities He wanted you to have in order to accomplish His purpose for you.
    

  “The L
  ORD
  will fulfill his purpose for me.”
  (Psalm 138:8)
  

• Thank God for encouraging you.
  
  • Acknowledge and praise God for the abilities He has given you and the things He has accomplished through you.
    
  • Engage in biblically-based, encouraging self-talk and mute the condemning critic inside your head.
    

  “May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.”
  (2 Thessalonians 2:16–17)
  

• Accept the compliments of others.
  
  • To discount the positive comments of those who have heartfelt appreciation for you is to discount their opinions and their desire to express their gratitude to you.
    
  • Practice graciously accepting compliments and turning them into praise to God for the affirmation that He is at work in you and producing good “fruit” through you.
    

  “This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”
  (John 15:8)
  

• Release the negative past and focus on a positive future.
  
  • Refuse to dwell on negative things said or done to you in the past and release them to God.
    
  • Embrace the work God is doing in your life now and cooperate with him by focusing on Him and on His character. Trust in His promise to fulfill His purposes in you.
    

  “It is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.”
  (Philippians 2:13)
  

• Live in God’s forgiveness.
  
  • God has extended forgiveness to you for all of your sins (past, present, and future). Confess and repent of anything offensive to God. Do not set yourself up as a higher judge than God by refusing to forgive yourself.
    
  • Lay harsh judgment of yourself aside and accept that you will not be made “fully perfect” and totally without sin until you stand in the presence of Christ and are fully conformed to His image.
    

  “We are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure.”
  (1 John 3:2–3)
  

• Benefit from your mistakes.
  
  • Realize that you can learn from your mistakes, as well as from the mistakes of others, and decide to view your mistakes as opportunities to learn needed lessons.
    
  • Ask God what He wants to teach you from your mistakes, listen to Him, and learn from Him. Then move forward with a positive attitude and practice actions based on the insights you have gained.
    

  “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
  (Romans 8:28)
  

• Form supportive, positive relationships.
  
  • Realize that critical people are hurt people who project their own feelings of inadequacy onto others in an attempt to ease their own emotional pain.
    
  • Minimize the time you spend with negative, critical people, whether family, friends, or coworkers, and seek out those who encourage and support you both emotionally and spiritually.
    

  “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”
  (Proverbs 13:20)
  

• Formulate realistic goals and plans.
  
  • Elicit the help of others to identify your strengths/weaknesses and the gifts God has given you, as well as the things that you are persuaded God has called you to do.
    
  • Prayerfully set some reasonable, achievable goals that capitalize on your strengths, and make a plan as to how you will set about to accomplish those goals.
    

  “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.”
  (1 Corinthians 9:24)
  

• Identify your heart’s desires.
  
  • Make a list of the things you have dreamed of doing but have never attempted because of a fear of failure or a lack of self-assurance.
    
  • Share each desire with the Lord, asking Him to confirm to you which ones are from Him. Then lay out the steps you need to take in order to move toward fulfilling them.
    

  “Delight yourself in the L
  ORD
  and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
  (Psalm 37:4)
  

• Plan for success.
  
  • Anticipate any obstacles to accomplishing your goals and desires and plan strategies for overcoming them.
    
  • Think of yourself as achieving each goal and doing the things God has put on your heart to do.
    

  “May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.”
  (Psalm 20:4)
  

• Celebrate each accomplishment.
  
  • Your feeling of self-worth and self-confidence will grow with the acknowledgement of each accomplishment.
    
  • Rejoice with the Lord and other significant people over the things God and you have done together. Affirm and celebrate your success.
    

  “There, in the presence of the L
  ORD
  your God, you and your families shall eat and shall rejoice in everything you have put your hand to, because the L
  ORD
  your God has blessed you.”
  (Deuteronomy 12:7)
  

At some point Dorie wrote, “I heard the voice of God—the voice that had whispered to me during those many years of loneliness, sorrow, and heartache: ‘Dorie, your end is going to be so much better than your beginning.’”
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And how true! Not only did Christ accept Dorie just as she was, but He also elevated her to be His representative, His voice, His ambassador. To her amazement, Dorie now has experienced firsthand these precious words from the Psalms:

“He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes, with the princes of their people.” (Psalm 113:7–8)

Mistreatment is no stranger to any of us. Why then, in the face of misfortune, do some victims see themselves as having little value, while others live victoriously in light of their true value? What makes the difference? The victorious Christian learns priceless lessons through mistreatment.

• Allow
  your mistreatment to be the making of your ministry.
  

  “The Father of compassion and the God of all comfort ... comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”
  (2 Corinthians 1:3–4)
  

• Don’t be consumed with the negatives
  you have received from others.
  

  “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”
  (Isaiah 43:18–19)
  

• Be consumed with the positives
  you have received from God—positives He will lead you to pass on to others.
  

  The blessing comes when you focus not on what you are getting, but on what you are giving. Jesus suffered immense mistreatment, yet He was not burdened with low self-worth. His ministry of compassion models for us the truth that truly,
  “It is more blessed to give than to receive”
  (Acts 20:35).