Seized by Love (Love in Bloom: The Ryders, Book 1): Blue Ryder (25 page)

“Vernon,” their mother said in a harsh whisper. Margaret Barber watched her husband walk upstairs; then she picked up her fork and, without looking at Lizzie or Maddy, said, “Shall we finish our meal?”

Maddy gave Lizzie a stern look that clearly said,
I told you so!

“Mom, I want to talk about this. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you and Dad sooner.” Lizzie’s stomach ached, but it wasn’t sadness that had her pushing her mother to talk. It was anger. Anger at feeling like she’d needed to keep the whole damn thing a secret in the first place, anger for putting herself in this position. Anger at her father for walking away.

When her mother didn’t respond, she pushed harder. “Talk to me, please?” Lizzie pleaded.

Her mother placed her fork beside her plate and folded her hands in her lap. Her eyes were sad and confused at once, but there was no mistaking the sheen of love hovering above the other emotions. “Elizabeth, I know you did this for your sister. And before that, for yourself, but that doesn’t make it right.”

“It doesn’t make it wrong, either,” Madison said, surprising them all.

Their mother exhaled a long breath. “This will take your father some time to get over.”

“And you?” Lizzie asked, bracing herself with the table to keep from running from the room.

“You’re my daughter, and I love you.” Her mother reached for Lizzie’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “We all make mistakes. Some are just bigger than others.”

They finished dinner in silence, and when Lizzie and Madison left, their mother embraced them both and said, “This will just take some time,” to Lizzie.

When Lizzie dropped Maddy off at her dorm, Maddy hugged her tightly and said, “You’re the best sister I could ever have, and I love you and appreciate your ability to be a ho in private.”

Maddy had always been able to cheer Lizzie up, and after their tense dinner with their mother and being shunned by their father, she needed to remember why she was doing the show in the first place. And when it came to Maddy, she still felt like no concession was too big.

BLUE WORRIED ALL evening about Lizzie telling her family about the webcast. As proud as he was of Lizzie for wanting to finally tell her family the truth, the more he thought about it, the more concerned he became. He’d had hours to be introspective about Lizzie’s webcast, and among other things, he realized that while complete honesty was vital to him, that didn’t mean it was right for everyone else. He didn’t want her to come home to an empty house if the evening didn’t go well, so he’d driven to her house a half hour ago and had been waiting for her on her porch ever since.

When his cell phone rang, he hoped it was Lizzie, but wasn’t surprised to see Sky’s name on the screen. He answered the call knowing he hadn’t been fair to Sky either. “I’m sorry I didn’t return your calls.”

“I hope you have redeemed yourself. What the hell, Blue?”

“Don’t you think this whole thing was a freaking blow to me?” He paced the yard. “First, she completely steals my heart, then she reveals that she walks around in an apron and heels for strangers. It’s not like she’s on
Rachael Ray
, fully dressed.”

“She’s not naked, Blue. I watched a video. I think she looks hot as a blonde.”

“She’d look hot bald.” He smiled, thinking about how true that was. “That’s not the point. She owns me, Sky. Heart and soul, and now…”

“She owns you? And this is the first I’m hearing of that? Now who’s blown who away?”

He smiled. If anyone knew how much it meant for Blue to fall for a woman, it was Sky. She’d been there every step of the way over the past few years, and she knew he rarely dated, much less opened up to anyone but family.

“I should have been in touch. I’m sorry. It’s been a crazy week, and now we’ve got this to deal with. But, Sky, make no mistake about it. I love her, and I admire her—I just have to learn to deal with this other shit.”

“Oh, Blue.” Sky sighed, and her voice turned stern again. “When I first met Sawyer and had a hard time with his boxing, you told me that boxing wasn’t who he was; it was what he did. So where do you come off holding this over Lizzie’s head?”

He pictured the scowl on her face as she challenged him. “That’s just it. I’m
not
holding it over her head. I’m trying to deal with my own jealousy—and you know me, Sky. I don’t get jealous. Besides, this is different. You opposed
what
he did, not…”

He walked around to the side yard and headed out back, away from the lights of the porch, which made him feel exposed. His gut burned as he bit back what he really wanted to say.
I love her so damn much it hurts, and I can’t protect Lizzie and her reputation from all the shit they say about her online.

“Not what?” Sky pushed.

“You were opposed to Sawyer’s fighting, but—and don’t you dare think for a second that
I
believe this—but it wasn’t like he was out doing something where people could think that he was slutty. Women weren’t watching him seduce the camera like a pro.”

“So what? So she’s good at seduction. That’s a feather in her cap. You’re being an ass. I hope you know that.”

“Didn’t you hear me? I told you that
I
don’t feel that way. I’ve read the shit people write online about the
Naked Baker
, and it makes me want to kill someone.” Renewed anger simmered inside him. He wished he had the answers and the wherewithal to be able to ignore the shit he’d read online about Lizzie, but it made him want to hurt the people who wrote it.

Sky sighed. “So, what are you going to do?”

“The very best I can. I’m trying to work through my own shit. That’s our biggest hurdle. And you know she’s doing this for Maddy, right? For her
sister
. She’s just so incredible. Who else would do that shit?”

***

“SOMEONE WHO PUTS family first.” The anger in Lizzie’s voice resonated through her with a vehemence she had no idea she possessed. “Of all people, I thought you’d get that.”

Blue spun around, and the phone dropped to his side. He hadn’t even heard her car pull up. “Lizzie!”

“Stupid me. I got your messages and rushed home after dropping Maddy off. I thought you really wanted to talk, but this—”

“It’s Sky!” He held the phone out toward her. “She called to give me hell.”

Lizzie stormed past him toward her kitchen door. She heard him tell Sky he had to go as she went inside and stalked into the living room. Seconds later he grabbed her arm from behind.

“Let go, Blue.” She was too mad to talk rationally. “I’m just
slutty
,
seducing the camera like a pro
.”

“Christ, Lizzie, you heard that out of context.” He reached for her, and she shrugged him off. “Damn it, Lizzie. You heard part of what was said, but it wasn’t meant the way you’re making it sound. Do you really think
I
think you’re slutty? If you heard that, then you heard me say I read the stuff online about you and I wanted to kill the people who wrote it. I’m defending you, Lizzie,
not
demeaning you.”

She sank down to the edge of the couch, unable to remain standing any longer. “I don’t know what to think. Or what to feel anymore.” She wiped angry tears from her eyes. She was so damn sick of crying she could scream.

Blue crouched in front of her and lowered his voice. “I would never call you that. I was telling Sky the difference between her not agreeing with Sawyer’s boxing and me having issues with your video stuff. I worry about what people might think about you.” He gasped a breath. “Shit. That sounds messed up, too.”

Lizzie scowled. She knew exactly what he was trying to say because that was one of the main reasons she hadn’t told people about it. But it still hurt to hear it from him.

He placed his hands on her thighs, and when she looked away, he touched her chin, bringing her gaze back to his. “Lizzie, sweetheart, what you heard was my own frustration. I care about you so much. How am I supposed to protect you from anonymous viewers posting lewd shit about you online? How can I protect your reputation?”

“I don’t need you to protect me or my reputation. Don’t you get that?” She’d spent years protecting it just fine by keeping it hidden.

“But I’m a guy, and I love you. It’s the same as not letting you go into a bad area alone at night, or keeping you warm when it’s cold.”

His voice was sincere, and the look in his eyes was so apologetic that it cut right to her heart.

“That’s not
too
sexist of a remark, is it?” She crossed her arms over her chest and turned away. He moved in closer and wrapped his arms around her waist, bringing them so close she could practically taste the mint on his breath.

“Don’t you see? That’s what I was trying to say to Sky. Not that
you
were slutty, but, Lizzie, you have to know that there’s shit all over message boards on the Internet about the Naked Baker and what guys want to do to her. And how am I supposed to feel about that? They say all this sex stuff, and I can’t pound the shit out of them because they’re hiding behind electronics. They’re anonymous trolls.”

“Anonymous trolls who are paying for Maddy’s college—and who paid for mine and for my flower shop. I don’t read that stuff. I made a decision when I first started this that I would never read any of that because it’s too upsetting.”

“Right. Exactly.”

“So? Can’t you just not read it?” She knew by the look in his eyes that it wasn’t even a fair question to ask.

“Seriously? It wouldn’t change the fact that I know what they’re saying. Anonymous or not. Just tell me this. Do you still
want
to be with me?” The hope and love in his eyes washed over her like a caress, drawing the truth she didn’t want to hold back.

“More than anything.” She breathed deeply, trying to get ahold of her emotions.

“Baby, then we’ll figure this out together. This all scares the crap out of me. I wish I could just tell you it’s sexy as hell and watch you tape your shows, and go on with life as it was. And I’m trying. Lord knows, I’m trying to get past my own issues. If this is what you want to do, then maybe we can come to a compromise that we both can live with, because I know I don’t want to live without you.”

“I can’t really compromise with Maddy’s future, and I’m not going to let
you
pay for her college.”

He laughed. “You saw me going there, huh?”

“Weren’t you?”

He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “Babe, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you, but if I’ve learned one thing in the time we’ve spent together, it’s that you have too much pride for me to step in and take over. This is
your
thing, your commitment. I just want to find a way to make it something we can both live with, and maybe that makes me selfish for not just accepting it for what it is, but my heart is too wrapped up in you to just blindly accept seeing you put yourself in a position where other people can write unsavory things about you.”

“I know. I get it, but I don’t know what the answer is.”

“I honestly don’t either. Maybe if I make sure I’m not around when you’re filming the shows. I can always set up an electric shock on my laptop to zap me when I try to surf the message boards to see what’s being written about you. Cash’s fiancée’s brother, Dex, is a computer guy. I bet he can rig something up.” The tease in his smile warmed her heart.

“Aw, you’d shock yourself for me? Now, that’s true love.” Lizzie bit her lower lip, mustering up the courage to tell him the rest of her news, so they would have no more secrets between them. “There’s more.”

“More?”

“Yes. My father isn’t speaking to me, and my mother is doing I have no idea what.” She tried to stave off tears at the realization of her father turning his back on her.

“My father said I’m not the girl he raised, like I’m some kind of delinquent.” She drew in a deep breath as Blue gathered her in his arms, holding her tight. “At least my mother ate dinner with us, even though she was clearly upset. But my dad…”

“It’s going to be okay. He’s your father
and
he’s a man, so you have a double whammy, but you also have the bonus of unconditional love on your side. He’ll come around.”

She scoffed. “I don’t think my father knows what unconditional love is.” She pulled back and wiped her eyes. “He wouldn’t even look at me.”

Blue’s eyes filled with remorse. “This is my fault. I shouldn’t have said any of those things about not telling your family. I’m so sorry, Lizzie. I wish I could take it back.”

“No. I’m still glad you said what you did. It’s hard to live a secret life, and even though this is hard right now, it somehow also feels a little better. At least Maddy doesn’t hate me for it. For a minute I thought I was going to lose everyone.” She drew in a sharp breath and blew it out slowly. “I have other news, but I don’t know if it’s good or not.”

“Lay it on me, because at this point, there isn’t much that we can’t handle.”

“The Food Channel Network wants to talk to me about the possibility of making the webcast into a cable show.” She bit her lower lip to keep pride from slipping out in a smile.

“The Food Channel Network? FCN? Really? That’s impressive. You must have something they think they can make a fortune off of.”

“Well, I’m up to more than half a million views per show, so I guess so.”

His eyes widened. “You have more than half a million views per show?”

She nodded. “Sometimes more, sometimes less.”

“That’s a lot of dudes looking at you.” The side of his mouth quirked up playfully. He must have noticed how the comment pierced her heart, because he followed it up with, “Baby, it was a bad joke. I’m sorry. I don’t know much about online statistics, but that number sounds pretty amazing. I guess the real question is, do you want to keep doing the show, or if there was a way to earn the same money but not do it, would you want to do that?”

She could see the gears of his mind churning. “That’s not even an option. Come with me.”

They went to the basement, where she retrieved the ledgers she kept for the webcast and tossed them onto the counter.