Secret Shopper (16 page)

             
“Honey, you’re home.” His pitiful tone was awkward. He sounded like a desperate househusband. I stood at the entryway of our kitchen and my arms crossed automatically.

             
“Expecting someone? Oh, wait, is Jem coming over, should I leave?” Bradley wore an apron and gloves and was ready to remove the salmon from the oven. It did smell wonderful, but that was beside the point.

             
“No, just waiting for my wife!” Bradley’s voice boomed. His nervous laughter grated in my ears.

             
“Oh, really?” I bit my lip, willing myself to stay calm. “I’ll take my dinner to the office. Thanks for cooking.” I turned to walk away, but within a blink of an eye, Bradley had removed his gloves and was by my side.

             
“Nix, please. I’m trying to salvage our marriage. I know I was a prick, but tell me what I need to do to fix this. To fix us.

             
I spoke softly without turning to look at him, “You can’t fix this. I can’t fix this. You set the wheels in motion and our marriage is over. And, besides. I’m not broken.”

             
“Please, no.” He pleaded. “I’ll go to counseling, whatever you want, please, Nix.” How
about getting a scarlet A tattooed on your chest.
“And, I’m not with Jem anymore. I ended it with her.”
For the second time
, I thought.
             

“Did you talk to your parents or what?” I was exhausted from the pendulum of feelings of today, swinging from hate for Bradley to lust for Thomas. I craved normalcy, but Bradley and me again—that was not normal anymore. I made the fatal error of looking at his face. I surrendered in the name of food and headed to the dining table. I would be civil and give Bradley a sit down dinner with me, his last supper.

I learned that he hadn’t called his family. He barely touched the food he prepared. I wondered if he poisoned it for a second, and sniffed the pink flaky salmon at the end of my fork. I waited until he took a bite, and then ate. I kept conversation to a minimum. I didn’t engage in small talk about Rachel or Uncle Joaquin’s funeral or my job despite the many attempts Bradley made to find out about the new me. I left the gift bag on the table, only acknowledging it with a small shrug.

“With the amount of weight you lost, I figured I owed you more than the wallet.” Bradley stated sounding dumber to me than ever.

              I enjoyed every bite of my dinner, and I wanted to take a long hot bath so badly. I even offered to do the dishes to get this supper over with. After my third glass of white wine, I excused myself. Bradley said he had it under control and like a lost child, he watched me head upstairs. Good, let him enjoy the sight of my butt as I walk away.
Single Ladies
…played in my head.

             
I rested my head back on a rolled towel. The warm water was beginning to cool when I heard a light tap on the door. “Nix, honey, I know I’m in the dog house, but could I sleep in the bed with you?”

“
I’ll
take the couch.
You
take the bed.” I turned up my shower radio and the classical music drowned out the rest of his babble. I felt bad that Bradley did not sleep on a proper bed in awhile, but I wasn’t about to be horizontal with the man. When I opened the bathroom door, Bradley was perched on the bed, waiting and watching for me. When did his eyes get so big? A flash of his sophomore class photo, the one that made me fall for him blazed before my eyes. I blinked twice and looked at the floor. Before he could speak, I grabbed two pillows and my blanket and escaped to my sanctuary.

I caught my breath on the bottom of the stairs. I looked up and it was quiet. He didn’t follow.

I snuggled into my blanket and built a small fort with my pillows. I grabbed the T.V. remote and without needing to see the buttons, navigated my television to a flick. I caught the middle of the movie
Dogfight
. I realized it was River Phoenix’s death anniversary this month. I loved the flick to no end, but sleep beckoned me. The last image I captured was of Eddie dancing with Rose before I drifted off.

             
I had left my Blackberry on my nightstand upstairs as usual and should have plugged it in next to me. But, I had my single habits to blame for that. An hour into my slumber, Thomas sent another picture and text to my phone. I was the second one to see it that night, since Bradley was in the bedroom when it arrived. I guess my little green monster hopped out of my body and entered Bradley’s. And, he rode a jealous wave downstairs.

             
“Nix!” I was yanked to the surface of consciousness, but didn’t respond fast enough. Bradley knelt by me and held the glowing screen of the Blackberry two inches from my eyes. “Phoe-nix Farmer!” I thought I was in a nightmare as the glow of the television set and Bradley’s menacing glare greeted me. Once I focused my eyes, Thomas’s smile filled my vision. He posed with the Guam flag on his rearview mirror.

“Who the hell is
Toe-mas
?” He said it like we do on the island, “Toe-Mas,” and it irked me to full awakening. I realized that I wasn’t dreaming and sat up. I dove for my phone, and Bradley and his new military skills averted my attempt.

             
“He’s a friend. Why?” I asked.

             
“Why is he sending you pictures and texting you?” I hoped Bradley didn’t really analyze the picture and see the flag.

             
“Because. He’s. My. Friend. That’s what friends do sometime.” I explained. Bradley slammed my Blackberry on the coffee table and sat next to me. “Damn it, Bradley! You better not have broken my phone.” He muted the television set just as Eddie Birdlace was returning from the war to embrace the love of his life, Rose. That was my favorite part. I continued to watch the television screen reading their lips and savoring the romantic moment.

Bradley’s knees hopped up and down as he waited for further explanation. I didn’t owe him any, but I also didn’t want Bradley to jump out of our bedroom window from depression, so I gave him a minute. I reached for my phone and checked it for damage in the faint light.

              “Are you seeing this Thomas guy?”
Wow
. Friend must mean something different to Bradley. But, then again coworker meant sack buddy, didn’t it?

             
“No. He’s just a friend. I barely know the guy.” I grabbed the remote control and turned the T.V. off. We sat in the near darkness, the only light trickled in through the blinds. I pulled my legs up and tucked my Hello Kitty blanket tighter around me. Bradley’s hand lingered near my feet and he looked so dejected as he stared at my newly pedicured toes, a tiny hummingbird painted on my toenails. It looked like he wanted to touch me, and then he sobbed. His body convulsed. I had never seen him this emotional, even when his beloved grandfather died. I closed my eyes to block out his face and I nearly drifted back to sleep.

Bradley’s fingers tickled my toes and in a second his hand moved up my leg to my knee. I froze. The familiarity of his touch caught me by surprise. I didn’t want to enjoy it, but my body had only known his moves, his hands, his general mode of operation when we got intimate, so I did not reject him quickly enough. Bradley took this as an invitation to continue. I held his eager hand at my thigh firmly.

              “No, Bradley.” I whispered. Was I trying to convince him or me? I felt a pang of guilt, remembering Thomas’s picture. Bradley drew close and his hot breath was in my ear.

             
“Nix, please. I still love you.” He kissed my cheek, then my neck. I felt like I was sinking into quicksand. If I sunk any further, I might surrender to him. I hadn’t been touched in so long. I would have to grasp for the surface, a branch or something to pull me out of this gunk and I would be able to push Bradley away. I clutched my phone.

             
My self-control wavered again and Bradley’s hot mouth met mine. I let him kiss me for a few seconds and then shoved him away. He kept his face near mine and his hands started for my robe. He pushed the yellow silk off my shoulder and proceeded to indulge in my neck, my chest and my collarbone. I again made a misstep and groaned. As Bradley became stronger in his will, I became weaker. Before I knew it, he laid me on my back and opened my robe. His familiar hands traced over my bare breasts and his warm palms felt my abdomen. I suddenly became self-conscious like the old me. Bradley’s body tensed and his eyes soaked in my body. He seemed to realize my body transformed. He registered the changes, my sculpted abs, my smaller hips, my strong thighs. His dark smile drew me in. I made a useless effort to sit up, looking like a new born fawn.

             
Bradley cradled my butt and pulled me closer to straddle him. I felt his solid intentions in between my legs as he pressed into me through his boxers. He wasn’t wearing his shirt and his chiseled chest was emphasized by the moonlight. I breathed deeply and yielded. My brain and my heart had an internal debate about whether giving in to Bradley tonight was right or not. I would still be laying with him as his wife, wouldn’t I? But, my heart was being whisked away in a vibrant blue chariot driven by Thomas. I wanted to be with him already, despite our agreement to remain friends.

             
“Bradley, please stop. I don’t want this.”

             
“Um, are you sure?” He kissed my belly and tugged at my flimsy expensive panty. How I missed my sturdy cotton panties right about then. His rough hands placed pressure on my hips and in one swift motion I was naked aside from my splayed robe. I closed my eyes and let Bradley’s mouth have his fill of me. I writhed with pleasure all the while thinking of the last four months alone. I felt the heat of his mouth warm me from within. His darting tongue was different, more expert and as I climaxed Jem’s glaring face appeared in my mind. Rachel’s voice invaded my moment of pleasure,
“You don’t know what he caught from that whore.”
Then, Thomas’s lingering touch on my hand from this afternoon brought me back to earth. I dove into the water from the crest of a wave. I pushed Bradley’s head away from between my legs and ungracefully fell off the couch. Bradley sat back and groaned unpleasantly, tugging on the bulge between his legs. His sneer made me think that he just got away with something.

I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. I sought refuge in the shower. I’m not sure how long I stood there rinsing the last few disgusting moments off of me, crying in the spiky hot water. I heard Bradley knock twi
ce, but ignored him. I couldn’t stay in this house anymore. Where would I go?

             
I cracked open the bathroom door. The room was clear. I heard the garbled sounds of the T.V. I looked at Thomas’s picture again. I knew what I wanted. I needed out of this house. I dressed silently and called my Uncle Tony, my dad’s first cousin. It was nearly midnight, but he invited me to stay without question. My clumsy fingers grabbed a stack of clean clothes and I shoved them in my gym bag. I grabbed my laptop and Blackberry and tiptoed downstairs. Bradley emerged from the office and begged me to stay. He didn’t follow when I told him I was going to my uncle’s. He knew better than that.

My uncle was a retired Marine who would pummel Bradley if given the chance. When I got to uncle’s house, he said he knew about my separation from my dad. He had been placed on defcon Phoenix 1 status, his obligation as my Chamorro uncle to not only protect me but to destroy the threat. That threat was Bradley.

I didn’t visit my dad’s cousin often. I didn’t really grow up with Uncle Tony’s kids either. His two sons were both in the service. David was currently in
Iraq and Ty would return soon. Uncle Tony’s wife died a few years prior from cancer. I had attended the funeral with Bradley. After seeing him again, I felt guilty that I didn’t make more of an effort to visit my uncle and vowed to do so from then on.

             
Uncle Tony gave me a tentative hug when I arrived, telling me that he liked my old hair better. He wasn’t a man to ever mince words. We shared a cup of decaf and I got him up to speed about my love life, the rated G version. He was extremely patient and surprisingly understanding. He reminded me so much of my dad and I decided to call my parents and Rachel after I bid uncle goodnight. He had offered me the guest bedroom after explaining the set up of the house. He welcomed me to whatever was in the fridge and I promised to do some grocery shopping with him in the morning.

             
As I lay in David’s old room—the designated guest room, my body was still humming from Bradley’s touch. I felt guilty for having that encounter with my own husband. I expelled the last of my energy with phone calls to Guam…dad and mom and Rachel.

             
I pulled my blanket over my head, the only light from my phone. I stared at Thomas’s picture and read his message.

You like me, you really, really like me. Goodnight, Phoenix. Thomas

No wonder Bradley was enraged. I lay my Blackberry near my face and drifted off to sleep.

The next few days, Uncle Tony gave me my space. He offered to take me to the military legal office to look into the divorce paperwork too. I passed. This was something I needed to do myself I had told him. I continued with my evaluations for the week and asked Angelica to tell Bruce to sign me up for phone evaluations as well. I could use the extra money and distractions. Uncle worked mostly to keep himself busy. He was a grounds keeper at a golf course, swapping the mundane work for an employee discount for golf. I didn’t see him much aside from breakfast and dinner.