Second Thoughts (6 page)

“What do you want me to do, Missy? Sacrifice something I’ve worked my arse off for?” She stopped abruptly.

Melissa’s jaw clenched as she threw her hands up in the air. “Go on say it, for what, for me? For someone who is as disposable as a bag of rubbish?”

“You’re putting words into my mouth now. You know I didn’t mean it like that. You’re my world.”

Melissa grimaced. “Yeah of course I am. Do you know what? Do what the fuck you need to do, but please leave out the romancing of this situation like we’re two star-crossed lovers in a tacky romance.”

Sara shook her head slightly. “If this was something you wanted I would never stand in your way.”

Melissa stared at her wide-eyed. “That’s because I’d never put you in this position. I would only want something that works for both of us.”

“So you think I’m being selfish, is that it?” Sara gasped indignantly.

Though she wanted to scream, Melissa kept her voice level. “No, Sara. I just think you’re being you. I’m not going to stand in your way.” She tugged open a drawer, grabbed a handful of clothes and stuffed them into a duffel bag.

“Can you just sit down and let’s discuss this like two adults.”

“Oh because that was a real mature thing to do wasn’t it? Make the biggest decision of your life without consulting me first. Forget it Sara, I’m leaving.”

“What! Where are you going?”

Melissa snorted. “Oh quit pretending you give a fuck.”

Sara’s voice was faint. “I really didn’t want it to end like this.”

Melissa winced. “No? What did you think was going to happen? I’d be like a lovesick puppy, waiting for the
Dear John
email that would surely have followed once you settled down.” She crossed the room and opened the wardrobe doors, ripping down several pairs of jeans from their hangers.

“That wouldn’t happen. I told you we’d...”

Melissa spun around, a pained expression on her face. “Yeah you told me a lot of things, Sara. Like all the plans you had for our future. Basically anything you say isn’t worth shit.” She guessed she shouldn’t have been so surprised by Sara’s sudden change of mind. Hadn’t she told her over and over that she would never be satisfied with the mediocre opportunities the UK had to offer her? But Melissa had stupidly thought that Sara’s love for her would have been enough to make her want to stay.

“Don’t leave things like this. Maybe you can come to America with me,” Sara’s eyes followed Melissa’s every move.

“The only place I’m going is to my parents. There’s no point discussing this any further.” She sighed heavily. “Go and live your dream. I hope it turns out to be worth it.”

Sara blinked away the tears welling in her eyes. “Please don’t go, we can work this out.”

“To be honest, I don’t think I want to. You’ve made your mind up about what’s important to you, and it’s obviously not me. So let’s just leave it at that. I’m not going to play second fiddle to your career.” Her throat ached and her voice was hoarse.

Quickly pushing the rest of her belongings in her bag, Melissa glanced around the room. For a heartbeat she considered her options as she looked at Sara’s pleading eyes. But in her heart she knew even if she stayed there’d always be something threatening to take Sara away from her. Better to cut the cord now whilst she had the strength.

Wasn’t it a well-known fact that if you loved someone you set them free?

Present day

Eli was pleased the evening had gone well. So well in fact that she didn’t care if she had a hangover from hell the next morning, it would be worth it. She slipped out of her coat and hung it on the rail.
I wonder if Scott’s still awake.
She smiled to herself as she peeled off her top. She’d give him the surprise of his life. He always said she wasn’t adventurous enough in the bedroom – well she’d show him tonight. She started along the hall stopping and leaning her ear against the living room door when she heard the sound of groaning.

Eli frowned. Was Scott crying? What on earth could have happened to reduce him to tears?

Tentatively, she pushed opened the door and saw an empty bottle of whiskey. Scott was slouched over, his face in his hands. Fear circled in the pit of her stomach.
Has someone died?

She moved to his side quickly. “Scott, what’s happened?”

He looked up at her like a child grateful to see its mother after having a nightmare. He encircled her waist and dropped to his knees. “I’m so sorry, Eli.”

Eli stared wordlessly at the top of his head, her heart pounding against her chest. “Scott?”

“I didn’t know how to tell you.” He sobbed against her.

“Tell me what?” Panic rose in her voice. She could feel his tears soaking through the material of her skirt.

“Belinda said if I didn’t tell you she would. Oh, Eli, I’m so sorry,” he babbled on incoherently.

She tilted his head back, wiping away his tears with her thumb. “Scott, you’re not making any sense.” Dread gripped her. Was this confession time? Had he slept with his ex-wife, or somebody else? Was she blackmailing him with that? It would kill her to find out that her strong, reliable Scott had cheated.

“Scott, you’ve got to tell me what it is. What is she holding over you? Is this why you’ve given in to her every demand?”

He gulped in air and nodded.

“Have you cheated on me, Scott? Is that it? Have you slept with her since you separated?” she whispered, tears brimming in her eyes.

Scott looked at her as if she had thrown a bucket of cold water over him. “What? Slept with Belinda? No, no of course I haven’t. I would never be unfaithful to you, you know that, Eli.”

Relief flooded her. Whatever it was couldn’t be that bad then unless... “Have you been to see a doctor? Is something wrong with you?” Panic gripped her again at the thought of losing him.

“No, Eli. I wish there was.”

“You’re making this seem a lot worse than I bet it is, Scott. What has Belinda done?”

“She said if I didn’t tell you the truth she would,” he wailed, burying his face against her again.

“So bloody tell me then.” Her voice was on the edge of hysteria. “What the hell can be so bad that you’ve got yourself into this state?”

He lifted his head back and looked up at her with puppy dog eyes. “I slept with your mother, Eli,” he blurted out.

Eli froze, certain she had misheard him.
He’s slept with my brother?
But she didn’t have a brother. Her mind drowning in confusion, she tilted her head. “Say that again.”

He looked away. “I said I slept with your mother. It was over twenty years ago.”

The air in the room suddenly thickened, as if all the oxygen had been sucked out of it. She let out a feverish gasp. “But my mum married my dad when she was nineteen.”

He looked up at her; sorrow etched his face, making him seem a lot older than his sixty years. “It was just the once, Eli. We were drunk and foolish.”

Eli’s brain refused to accept what he was trying to tell her. “But she was married to my dad.” Tears welled in her eyes.

He eased himself up with the aid of the sofa and leaned in trying to embrace her. Holding her hand out, she stumbled as she took a step back. The tears, finally released from their bank, flowed freely down her cheeks. “Why Scott? Why?”

He reached out for again. “I’m sorry babe...”

Eli slapped away his hands. “Don’t say you’re sorry, don’t you dare say that to me,” she said between sobs as her small fist bounced off his broad chest.

He gripped her firmly by the wrist, their arms bobbing up and down as he tried to restrain her. “You were never meant to find out, especially like this.”

Pain like she’d never experienced before swallowed her whole. Not even when her parents had died had she felt so near to the edge. Her vision was blurred as she looked at him.

“So if it wasn’t for Belinda you would never have told me, is that it?” she asked choking on the words.

“No,” he said truthfully.

Eli frowned. Had something happened to her vision and hearing? Who was this stranger in front of her? She knew it wasn’t Scott: the man she had been so hopelessly in love with for two years. The man who had promised he would rather tear out his own heart before ever hurting her. The Scott she knew would never be so cruel.

He released her wrist. “I never wanted to tarnish your mother’s memory, Eli. She loved you and Melissa so much. What happened between us was a mistake. A drunken mistake.”

“Mistake! Oh for the love of God, please tell me this isn’t happening.” She dropped onto the sofa, gripping her hair in her hands. “I want you out of here,” she screamed, pounding and tearing at leather upholstery with her nails and fists.

Scott gripped her shoulder with his large hand. “Keep your voice down, Eli, the neighbours will hear you.”

She knocked it off like an irritating bee. “Fuck the neighbours, I want you out of here,” she yelled. Suddenly, all of the adrenaline that had been holding her up seemed to dissipate and she crumpled back against the sofa. She wrapped her arms around her head. She couldn’t bear to hear the words of this stranger any longer. Her slender body racked with sobs as she thought about her mother, her own mother lying naked with another man, with Scott.
How could they have done this to Dad?

She opened her eyes and watched him walk to the window, his trembling hand lifting his drink to his mouth.

“Did my dad know?” she asked in a shaky voice.

“No. I don’t think so,” he said grimly.

Eli drew a sharp breath. “How could you have Scott? How could you have slept with your best friend’s wife? I thought you were a decent man.”

“I was, I am. Please don’t punish me for something I’ve regretted all my life–”

“Is that all Belinda has been holding over you?”

“What do you mean?” he asked looking at her with a confused expression.

“Have you got any other skeletons hidden in your fucking closet I know nothing about,” she screamed at the top of her voice.

“Yes,” he yelled back, his neck turning crimson. “I’m Melissa’s father.”

As sunlight broke through the dark clouds on a fresh summer’s morning, Melissa was unceremoniously hurled back into consciousness. Her eyes snapped open and blinked rapidly. Her mind wouldn’t allow her the luxury of a few peaceful moments, where she felt everything in the world was how it should be. Bettina stirred beside her. On a normal day she would have turned to a sleeping Bettina and covered her face with kisses until she awoke with a huge smile on her face. Then they would snuggle together until the sound of the alarm would finally prise them apart.

But today as her thoughts raced in her throbbing head, she carefully turned onto her side and stared out of the window.

Images of Sara swarmed through her mind.
Those damn eyes and lips.
The most powerful one was of Sara standing so close she could feel her breath against her cheek. Her stomach somersaulted as she replayed the words in her head. “It all depends on you.”

Sara’s appearance was so badly timed. Why couldn’t she have come back seven months ago, even six and a half, when she was still single and maybe just maybe they could have worked something out? But as it stood, despite how she felt about her, their past relationship was unsalvageable.

She wasn’t going to lie to herself – things that she had thought were long buried had resurfaced with a vengeance. The feeling of not being good enough, not worthy enough, not being deserving of Sara’s love. Over the years, she had become a good imposter of portraying herself as someone who had self-worth and self-esteem, but in the back of her mind, deep in the unconscious, her internal message of lacking something was always the same. Hadn’t Sara’s decision to put her career ahead of their relationship been a sign that Melissa was right?

All she wanted to do at that moment in time was to wallow in bed, let life get on without her for a day. Unfortunately, reality called and she didn’t have the time to dwell – she had to pick up the new menus she’d ordered from Scott. All things to do with Sara would have to wait until later.

Deciding against waking Bettina, she slipped out of bed and padded quietly along the wooden floor to the bathroom.

Showered and dressed in tight-fitted stonewashed jeans and a black jumper, she walked into the L-shaped kitchen just as Bettina was filling two mugs with coffee.
It’s a Beautiful Day
played on the radio which seemed ironic considering how miserable the weather looked outside.

“I thought you’d still be sleeping,” Melissa said, walking up to her and pecking her on the cheek. She kept her eyes focused on the grey morning outside as she was hoping to have avoided Bettina this morning. The last thing she wanted to do was lie to her. But was being evasive actually lying?

Bettina handed her a coffee. “I got up to make you breakfast. I don’t like you leaving the house on an empty stomach.”

Melissa took the cup, still avoiding her eyes. Bettina had the uncanny gift of picking up all sorts of cues by her body language, that’s why she needed to drink her coffee and get out of there ASAP. “Thanks but you shouldn’t have bothered. I’m not the slightest bit hungry.”

“After-effects of last night I take it?” Bettina slid onto an upholstered chair overlooking the garden, and pulled her knees up against her chest.

“Not at all. I was really good actually.” Melissa took a seat at the table. She frowned as her stomach betrayed her with rumbling sounds and coughed hoping to disguise the noise. She’d have to grab a bite to eat from outside, away from Bettina.

Bettina sipped her coffee. “So you said you’d tell me about last night.”

Melissa’s heart skipped a beat.
She knows, she knows
. She took a quick peek at her and was relieved to see her expression was neutral. Normally, if Bettina thought she was hiding something from her, she’d raise one eyebrow, cock her head at a ninety degree angle and scrutinise her until she fessed up. “Oh yeah, um nothing much to tell really. Faye hired a stripper.” She scratched her head when the last bit accidently slipped out. She didn’t want to give her any more ammunition to hate Faye than she already had. Bettina hated anything she considered derogatory towards women.