Second Thoughts (2 page)

She had sacrificed too much in her life to get to where she was today to give up at the first hurdle. After studying for four gruelling years, all of her hard work had finally paid off – she was now the captain of her own ship, in charge of her own projects.

She knew she’d inherited her cut-throat work ethic from her dad. He had pumped it into her from a young age –
Always go for what you want and let no one stand in your way.
He maintained that life was too short to spend days dreaming about what you wanted. That there was only one way to ensure you got it and that was to go after it relentlessly. He laughed about people going the extra mile, his motto was “Sod going the extra mile, go an extra twenty and always do what others are afraid to do.” And that’s what she had done. Although to the detriment of her personal life.

She scribbled some notes into her lab book then removed her lab coat, washed her hands, and exited the room. Glancing down at her watch she smiled. Perfect timing. She still had fifteen minutes to spare before she had to meet her friend for their usual after work drink. She decided to have a quick check of her email before leaving the university – if she dealt with them today, she wouldn’t be bogged down with them tomorrow, which meant she’d have more time to spend in the lab trying to perform miracles.

Entering her neat and organised office, she dropped onto her swivel chair, flipped her MacBook open and powered it up, swaying her legs from side-to-side whilst she waited. Her mobile phone rang and she scooped it up off her desk, smiling when she saw the name of the caller.

“Hey, Serena.”

“You left yet?”

“No, in about five minutes.” Serena had to be one of the most impatient people she had ever known. Also from London, Sara had befriended her on her first day on campus and they had been tight ever since.

“Whatever you’re doing, drop it. I’ve finished my first drink already. I’m getting in the mood for some serious action tonight,” she said, letting out a peal of laughter.

Sara smiled. “I’ll be as quick as I can; I’ve just got to check...” She moved her face closer to the computer screen as an icon popped up – twenty-five emails. “...My mail,” she said distractedly as her eyes flickered down the list, mentally prioritising each of them.
Five Facebook notifications
. She rarely had time to use the website anymore and had been ignoring the constant emails.
I’d better check
. Sara doubted it was anything important but she logged onto the website anyway. Opening the message tab, her eyes stopped abruptly and widened.
Faye
. The message was dated two weeks ago. Her stomach clenched with dread as she leaned back in her chair. She couldn’t imagine why she’d be contacting her after so many years.

Now this is something I could get used to.
Melissa took a sip of the complimentary champagne handed to her as soon as she had taken a seat at
The
Nail Boutique
, all part and parcel of a Groupon voucher Faye had bought. Leaning forward a little, she watched as Cheryl, a young nail technician, expertly painted three strokes of silver varnish onto one nail before moving on to the next.

Sitting a few feet away, Faye, ruffled her short layered hair, before admiring her own painted nails – a shocking illuminous yellow that could no doubt be seen from the moon.

“Chrissy is so gutted she’s missing your hen do on Saturday,” Faye said.

“I know. She texted me this morning. We can meet up for dinner when she gets back. At least she’ll be there for the wedding. That’s more important.”

“Talking of weddings, any second thoughts?” Faye asked, studying her intently. “There’s still time to call it off you know,” she said half-jokingly.

Melissa bounced her leg under the table, a habit she had formed whenever she felt the onset of stress. She knew Faye wasn’t joking about her still having time to leave Bettina – she totally meant it. They’d been best friends since university but Faye had taken an instant dislike to Bettina. For whatever reason, Bettina and Faye had never seen eye-to-eye, they merely tolerated each other for Melissa’s sake. The air was always fraught with tension on the rare occasions the two women were forced to socialise together. All Melissa wanted was an easy life, but Faye was intent on making that near enough impossible.

“And why would I want to do that?” she asked her, feigning innocence.

“Oh I dunno. How about the fact that you’re only twenty-five and you’ve still got a lot of living to do.”

“You mean hanging out in bars, getting drunk kind of living?”

Faye made a face. “Yeah. Nothing wrong with that. You know, once that ring goes on your finger, it’s lockdown for you.”

Melissa’s jaw dropped open. She would have liked to have taken a deep breath to calm her racing pulse but she didn’t want to inhale the pungent chemical fumes that hung in the air. Instead she tut-tutted to show her disapproval. “Don’t be so silly. Nothing’s going to drastically change just because I said ‘I do’.”

“Oh no. Chrissy was just saying yesterday we hardly see you anymore and when we do you’re always rushing off home.”

“Oh come on, Faye. That’s so not true.”

Faye snorted. “It so is. When was the last time we all went for a piss up when you weren’t checking your watch every hour?”

“Three weeks ago actually. And the only reason I was watching the time was because I had to go into work early the next morning.”

Faye shook her head in utter disbelief. “Melissa, you’re your own boss for God’s sake. You could have had someone else open up for you.”

Melissa looked up towards the ceiling as she recalled the incident. “I had a meeting with one of my suppliers so, no, I couldn’t have palmed it off onto someone else,” she said defensively.

In the back of her mind she had to admit there was some truth to what Faye was saying. She had been guilty of letting their friendship slide a bit, but wasn’t that what happened when you met someone? She had grown tired of being the third wheel in Faye and Chrissy’s relationship. Not that they’d ever made her feel that way, but it was nice to have a partner of her own now. Faye made it clear to her on more than one occasion that she thought she was boring now that she had entered coupledom – but the reality was Melissa liked nothing more than a night in watching movies or just cuddling up together with Bettina. She didn’t need to be out on the town every night just so she had pictures to post on her Facebook page to show the world she had an interesting life. If doing what made you happy was boring, so be it.

Faye crossed her legs. “If you say so. All I’m saying is, you should have waited a while before saying yes to Bettina’s proposal. You were living as flatmates for three and a half years, then out the blue you’re in a relationship and now you’re tying the knot.”

Melissa cocked her head. “Despite what you think Faye, I’m marrying Bettina because I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”

“Ahhh, that’s so romantic,” Cheryl piped up.

Faye ignored Cheryl’s interjection. “Yeah, well she’s all wrong for you as far as I’m concerned. She treats you like a child.” Faye reached over to a table full of magazines and picked one up. Snapping the pages open, she quickly flicked through it.

“No, she doesn’t.”

“Yes, she does.” She looked up at Melissa. “The worst thing is, I think you actually like her mothering you.”

Melissa drained her glass. Immediately a woman appeared at her side to refill it. She looked up at the woman gratefully whilst thinking she could do with a valium instead. She loved Faye to death and there was no way on earth she would ever do anything to jeopardise their friendship but, and it was a big but, when Faye got on to the subject of Bettina she never let it go. She knew jealousy wasn’t an issue. Faye’s partner Chrissy was one of the nicest women she had ever met. Melissa didn’t know what Faye’s problem was half the time. Melissa herself would never pass judgement on anyone else’s relationship, even if she did think something was amiss. She respected people’s boundaries, unlike Faye, who trampled over them as if they didn’t exist.

Melissa looked around at the other customers in the shop, who sat quietly whilst the technicians painted their nails. She was relieved they didn’t seem to be listening in on their conversation. “You know, I wanted to enjoy a stress-free afternoon with you. I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t bothered.”

“Oh don’t start getting your knickers in a twist. I’m just telling you how I see it. Someone has to.”

Melissa blinked, surprised by her cold tone. She could see Faye was in one of her “putting the world to rights” moods.

“You’re entitled to your opinion but that’s all it is, an opinion.”

Faye looked over at her and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, whatever.”

Melissa was relieved when a smile spread across Faye’s face as she stood and moved to the back of her chair. For now it seemed the sermon was over.

Faye leaned down and wrapped her arms around her. “Go on, be a runaway bride, and do what you’ve always wanted to do; travel the world. It’ll be fun.”

Melissa patted Faye’s hand. “Give me a break, Faye. I’m not running away and a wedding will be taking place in two weeks. It would take death itself to stop me marrying Bettina. I would never back out.”

“You know what they say... never say never,” Faye sang out cheerily as she drew herself up and walked back to her seat.

Melissa took a sip of her drink. “Yeah, but
they
have never met Bettina.”

The air-conditioning was a welcome relief as Sara made her way through the bar. Despite having spent four years in San Diego at UCSD, she still wasn’t used to the hot summers. Passing a group of women playing pool, she noticed Serena sitting alone at a table at the back, boldly eyeing every woman who walked past – whether they were alone or not.

“You’re going to get into a cat fight if you carry on like that,” Sara said, leaning in to give her a hug.

Serena feigned innocence. “Just looking honey, nothing wrong with looking.”

Sara threw her bag on an empty seat and pulled her shirt away from her body. “I need a drink.”

“Me too.” Serena grinned, displaying a set of even white teeth.

“No, I mean I really need one.” Sara raised her arms to show Serena her still trembling hands.

Serena’s brown eyes widened. “What happened?”

“I’ll tell you after I get a drink,” she said patting her jeans until she located some money.

As she walked over to the bar the message from Faye assaulted her mind.
Melissa is getting married.
An emptiness swirled in the pit of her stomach. She reached the bar and was served straight away. The place was unusually quiet for a Friday night and this only added to her sense of loneliness. Sara loved the place but the familiar olive green walls adorned with pop art and the wooden panelled bar were doing nothing to ease her mood.

She grabbed the beer and made her way back to the table, taking a long gulp as she sat down. Almost immediately she could feel her nerves begin to relax.

Serena propped herself up in the seat, her gleaming eyes fixed on Sara’s. “Come on then, out with it.”

Sara pulled at the collar of her shirt. “I received an email from an old friend today.”

Serena’s eyes narrowed. “And?”

“And...” She put her fingers to her lips. “My ex is getting married.”

Serena let out a long whistle, a pensive expression covering her face. “I see.”

“Is that it? I see?” Sara’s shoulders sagged as she took another sip of her drink.

Serena hesitated before finally saying. “Sweetie, I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Anything but
I see,
would be a good start.”

“Okay then, you asked for it.”

Sara watched as Serena tugged at her neatly trimmed dreadlocks, took a sip of her cocktail then clasped her hands in front of her on the table. “If I remember rightly,” she began, her tone raising a notch. “Your break up was all your own doing. What did you think she was going to do, sit around while you got on with your life? Come on, Sara. I thought you were an intelligent woman. How long did you think she’d be alone before she hooked up with someone else?”

No, Sara wasn’t that naive to think Melissa wouldn’t meet anyone else. Even she’d had a few flings over the years but they had meant nothing to her. The women had been passing ships in the night. No one could replace Melissa. Not then and not now. Although it had been years since she’d last seen her, at no time had it ever entered her mind that Melissa would actually get married to someone else. The gravity of what she stood to lose only hit her when she’d received the email from Faye telling her the “good news”.

Sara twisted her lips. “It just feels, I dunno, strange. I always thought we’d get back together–”

“Was your ex a party to this fantasy of yours?”

Sara gave a weak laugh. “Well no, not exactly. I stupidly thought by the time I was where I wanted to be with my career and ready to settle down, we’d pick up from where we left off.” Her voice sounded as flat as she felt.

“Do you want another drink?” Serena asked, standing.

“Please. But make it stronger this time. Beer just isn’t doing it for me.”

“JD on the rocks it is then.”

An hour later, her head woozy from alcohol and her mind languid, without hope, Sara watched as Serena made out with a blonde woman in the corner of the bar. Why did it seem so easy for everyone else to move on with their lives? Melissa had obviously done it and Serena never seemed to let women get to her emotionally.
If only I could be the same.

Serena prised her lips away from the other woman’s and headed back to their table.

“I’m sorry to have to do this to you but duty calls,” Serena said scooping up her jacket and bag. “What are you going to do for the rest of the evening? Wallow in self-pity or come back to…um.” She clicked her fingers as she looked towards the woman she was entwined with only minutes earlier. “Damn. I’ve forgotten her name already.”

Sara rolled her eyes. “Did you ever know it?”

Serena grinned. “Come to think of it no. Anyway, she said she has a single flatmate at home if you’re interested.”