Seaglass (15 page)

xXx

The sunlight woke him, which was a thought that made him smile. Still not blind enough to sneak a sunrise past him. He turned and watched her sleep. She seemed peaceful and judging from her breathing, was deeply under. He couldn’t resist running his hand along her long hair. He felt her stir slightly and then her husky voice.

“Hi.” She whispered.

“Hi. Sorry I woke you.”

“S’okay.” She said as she reburied her face in the soft pillow. “What time is it?” She asked, while still face down.

“Um,” Knox leaned over and touched a button on his alarm clock. A computerized voice announced it was 6.27 am.

“Ugh.” She responded.

“Is that for the time or for the chirpy voice?” He smiled as he rubbed soothing circles on her back.

“The time. I don’t mind the voice.” She said as she rolled to her side and laced her fingers with his. “I’m so glad to see you, Knox. I was…”

“Worried?” He asked, face serious.

“A little. I knew you wanted privacy, and I understood that. But I was thinking about you the whole time you were away.”

“I was a fool to keep you away. I don’t know why I did it. I mean, it’s not like I can hide this.” He gestured absently to his eyes.

“You looked good last night. With…with your cane.”

He smirked. “As in, ‘wow, that blind guy with the white cane is sexy?”

She swatted his shoulder. “No. You looked steady and confident. Good.” She added.

He didn’t respond. It was still a tough pill to swallow and he wasn’t ready to confess that last night had been the first time he’d let anyone besides the instructors and Kayla see him with his cane.

“If you don’t want to talk about this stuff, it’s okay—“

“No, it’s fine. It’s just…” He shrugged his shoulders.

“How are you? Really?”

He swallowed. He didn’t want to talk about this. He didn’t even know if he could. Words had never been his preferred medium. He turned to stare into her eyes. She was a little further away than he’d like and he couldn’t bring her face into focus, but the light blue of her eyes drew his attention. She was watching him with such a look of honesty and openness; for a moment, everything else fell away.

“You said my eyes didn’t matter…and I believed you. But then—“

“I left.”

“I understood the leaving. But then you stayed away. Every time we talked on the phone, you sounded so distant…I didn’t know what to believe.”

Maddie scooted closer to him and laid her hand on his bare chest, relishing in the feel of his strong heartbeat. She’d been holding on to the fact that he was here, in this place, waiting for her. She’d been using him as her anchor, she realized, but she never accounted for his feelings. She’s been so selfish.

“The only way to handle it is to shut down. I’m so sorry.” She exhaled as she turned and buried her face in the crook of his neck. “I never meant to shut you out, though.”

“What?” He asked as he reached up and stroked her hair.

“I just…I needed you to be here. Even if it was only in my mind.” She whispered.

“I am.” He pushed up so that he could see her clearly. “I just wasn’t sure you wanted me to be.”

“Knox.” She let her head drop and felt the wetness of tears. “I’m such a mess.”

He was alarmed by the sound of her voice. He’d never heard her sound so weak, so lost before. “No, you’re not. You’re strong, Maddie.”

“I’ve only made a bigger mess of things than when I left the first time. Now, I’ve let myself get tangled back up in all their nonsense and the one and only thing that really mattered to me…I let it slide right through my fingers.”

“Hey.” He tipped her head up. “You didn’t.” He laughed suddenly. “Wait, I’m assuming you’re talking about me, right?”

She let out a weak chuckle. “Yes.” She said softly. “I took you with me, though. I kept a part of you in my heart and I used it whenever I needed to feel safe.”

“Oh, Maddie.” He pulled her in and kissed her softly.

“I want to be here for you, though. You’re dealing with…all this.”

“I’m fine.”

“I wanted to help you.”

He swallowed hard. His first inclination was to say that he didn’t need help, but he realized she didn’t mean the physical kind. She wasn’t offering to help him cross the street or read a newspaper to him; she was offering something else, something he was almost too scared to reach out and take.

“Then help me.”

She was overwhelmed. She’d never witnessed bravery like his. He was putting it all out there; all on the line. She didn’t want to fail him.

“I will.” She pushed his long blonde bangs back from his forehead. “And you’ll help me.”

“What can I do?” He asked as he ran his hand up her arm.

“Call your dad. I need a ride back to the airport. I have to go back to New York.”

“Maddie—“

“I need to finish this. Once and for all.”

xXx

During the entire ride to the airport, Madeline had been quiet; contemplative. Ed and Knox had attempted to draw her out a few times, but then let her be. She wasn’t trying to be antisocial. It was just that her brain was swirling with activity. She had a plan now. On the flight here, she’d been despondent and depressed. Now, she had a renewed determination to reclaim her life and get back out here as fast as possible.

She’d decided to take a chance on love and on herself. Unfortunately it would require her giving up everything. She just hoped she had the strength to do it.

At the drop off area at the Denver airport, Madeline climbed out of Ed’s Suburban and stood at the curb. Knox unfolded himself from the seat next to her and reached out his hand. She took it immediately and let him pull her in. He didn’t speak. He only wrapped his arms around her tightly and held on. She pulled back and looked into his eyes. There were no words, she realized. Everything that needed to be said had already been said. Instead, she gently touched her lips to his and held on.

Knox released her and watched the blurry form of the woman he loved enter the airport and disappear from his sight. Something unsettling fluttered in his chest. He fought down the protective instinct to run after her and keep her by his side. She’d always seemed strong and confident to him, but for whatever reason, now she seemed small and vulnerable. He didn’t like it, but he didn’t have much of a choice. Whatever task lay before her, it was hers alone to deal with and if she needed his help, he’d trust her to ask him.

Now, with a heavy heart, he climbed into the passenger seat of his dad’s truck as it pulled away from the curb. It was a long time before either of them spoke, but eventually, Ed broke the silence.

“She’s got a lot to figure out, son.”

Knox blew out a frustrated breath. “Why does it have to be so complicated?”

If he was expecting a sympathetic ear or an understanding pat on the back, he was mistaken.

“You think you and Kayla had a good childhood?”

Knox frowned in confusion. “Yeah.”

“Not everyone does, Knox. Not even close.”

“I know, Dad. She told me all about it.”

“You don’t know. You don’t know what it’s like to grow up like that.” He looked away toward the mountains.

Knox didn’t know much about his father’s family except that his parents had died well before he and Kayla were born.

“She’s a smart cookie, though. She taught me a few things I didn’t know. I suppose that’s part of your generation. You actually bother to figure out what the hell went so wrong.”

“Dad—“

“She said I should go to therapy.” He laughed. “You know, when I was younger, there was no such thing as therapy.” He said using air quotes to demonstrate the ridiculousness of the word. “You only went to a head doctor if you were a nutter or hearing voices.”

Knox laughed a little.

“No, back in my day, you stayed quiet about what went on at home. You never said a word, even when you showed up at school with a black eye or a bloody lip.”

Knox felt his stomach sink. “Was it your dad?”

“The old man knocked me around a bit, but it was my older brother that got most of it. He just couldn’t keep his mouth shut.” He smiled ruefully, locked away in a distant memory. “It was his last day home. ‘Course we didn’t know it was his last day then. My father was ranting about something. He grabbed my brother by the shirt collar and yanked him down the stairs. Charlie got up from where he tumbled down to the landing. He stood up tall. He was taller than the old man by then. He looked him dead in the eye and said, you’ll never see me again, you son of a bitch.”

Knox turned to look at his father, stunned.

“None of us ever did. He was crossing the train tracks and was hit by a train.”

“Jesus, Dad.”

“I remember my mother wailing and sobbing over his casket. She was inconsolable. All I could think was ‘you could’ve stopped this. You could’ve stood up to him.’”

“Why didn’t she?”

“That’s something I always wanted to know. I blamed her. I hated her. I felt like she killed him as much as that train did. I can’t remember a time when he wasn’t getting in our face and roughing us up. She should’ve left.”

“That’s some serious shit.”

Ed laughed. “Yeah.”

“So what happened after?”

“You mean after Charlie died?”

“Yeah.”

“He never touched me again. Our house was like a tomb though. No one talked to each other. I had two more years of high school. I joined the army the day I graduated.”

“When did they die?”

“A couple years after I married your mom.”

“Did you ever see them again?”

“No. I heard she died first. Then him a couple years after that. I used to think that if he died first, she’d be free and maybe she’d look me up. Didn’t happen that way.”

“Dad, I’m so sorry.” Knox reached out and touched his father’s shoulder.

“I didn’t want to have kids—ever.”

“What?”

“I was so scared, Knox. What if—“he stopped and swallowed hard.

Knox followed his father’s train of thought. “You didn’t though. You’ve never raised a hand to us. Hell, you never even raised your voice.”

Ed smiled as he watched his son. This boy—this man. This man in front of him and his sister were the absolute loves of his life. The thought of hurting them brought tears immediately to his eyes.

“For the life of me kid, I can’t wrap my head around it. I can’t understand how a father beats his child.”

“I don’t know.”

“Madeline helped me understand it some.”

“She did?” Knox asked, stunned. “She talked to you about her family?”

“I was dropping off a slew of plumbing supplies. She looked like she needed a hand and I had a free afternoon. We got to talkin.”

Knox smiled thinking of Maddie and his dad. He’d known from the beginning that they were kindred spirits.

“Her father did a number on her.”

“I know some of it.”

“I think her leaving New York was the absolute best thing she coulda done. Starting fresh. Starting over.”

“He didn’t hit her, though.”

“I used to think that there was nothing worse than getting hit. It used to make me so angry. I wanted to grab something—anything and smash it into his face until it was nothing but hamburger meat.”

Knox started at his normally placid father using such violent language.

“Madeline told me some of the stuff he did to her—said to her. Some things are worse than getting hit.”

“Like what?”

“Knox, I heard enough to know that her father’s crazy…and I’m worried for her.”

“She’s coming back, Dad.”

“I think the longer she’s there, the harder it’ll be to leave.”

“She did it once.”

“She had money then.”

Knox frowned. “What do you mean? Even if her father gets his hands on her inheritance, she still has money from her flips out here.”

Ed sighed long and slow, “I think that’s what this lawsuit is about. He’s gonna try and take everything she has left.”

Knox felt rage coil up inside him. “He can’t do that.”

“Lawyers can damn near figure out a way to legally do whatever the hell they want. And her old man’s got the money to hire the best.”

“Why?” Knox asked, truly perplexed.

“Control. It’s always about control. My father used his fists. Hers uses his brains.”

“This is about me, isn’t it? He knows about us—that she was happy here…with me.”

“I think that’s probably part of it.”

“Maybe she shouldn’t come back here then. I don’t really know what kind of a future I can offer her.” Knox said as he looked out the passenger window.

Ed watched the uncertainty and doubt play over the young man’s features. Watching him struggle with his eye problems had been one of the hardest things he’d ever done. If he could’ve traded places with him, he’d have done it in a heartbeat. But he couldn’t. He had to step back and watch Knox get through this…and he had. His son had risen to the challenge and tackled it head on. His son was fearless in so many things, but now, the doubt that he was enough for Madeline bubbled up and Ed could see that Knox was lost.

“You don’t think you’re enough for her?” He asked.

Knox shrugged his shoulders in gesture that was so familiar to Ed that he almost laughed. “Knox…”

“Dad, maybe you’re wrong about her. Maybe I’m wrong. What if...this scares her?” He gestured to his eyes.

“I don’t believe that. And I don’t think you believe that either.”

“Why not? Hannah left me for a lot less than going blind.”

‘There it was,’ he thought. The core of the matter. “Hannah didn’t leave you, Knox.”

Knox snorted. “I beg to differ. I think I still have the letter she sent to me in Iraq. It’s pretty brutal, Dad.”

“She wanted to settle down. You didn’t. Sometimes people want different things. Sometimes it’s too big a gap to overcome.”