Scarred (Lost Series Book 2) (8 page)

What he did to me was horrible, nasty, and fucked-up. And I wanted him to do it some more and never stop... But killing Derrick mattered more.

River

I
was losing my mind. Absolutely losing my mind, but Ethan Kendall was a monster that utterly destroyed me. And I loved every fucking minute of it. I didn't know why, and I couldn’t explain it even to myself when he was away from me and I hated him again. But right now, his cock pushing in and out of me, his hand around my throat, and my mind splintering with pleasure, fear, anger, and desire, I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

My pussy was on fire, unused to his possession and the girth of his penis. He was almost too big for me to take and he pounded deep inside of me with each dig. He was too much, and too little.

Yes
, I screamed in my head, even though I knew he wouldn’t be able to hear me. I wanted it deeper, harder. I bucked my hips under him, trying to entice him to get rougher, force me higher. My clit was a pleasure-filled bud that was tight and rubbing against his jeans. Even that was bliss.

“I got you, detenysh. I got you.”

I didn’t know what the word meant, but I liked how his voice softened when he said it. I liked that it belonged to me and stamped me as his. I knew it was wrong, but right now I felt too good to fight it. He hooked my leg up by gripping the back of my knee and resting my ankle on his shoulder. Then he leaned his weight onto the hand around my neck and pounded into me.

I imploded.

Nerve endings misfired, my vision blurred, I opened my mouth on a silent scream, and I came. For the first time in my life it felt like, I came. Every muscle in my body clenched so tight it hurt, and I couldn’t move, couldn’t lessen the blow as he rocked his hips. He moved faster against me, pushing me higher, and, somehow, I jumped to another level.

He released my throat, and that was painful too. My first deep breath felt like it was filled with glass. He ripped out of me and flipped me over on the desk. My ass caught fire when he slapped it. Over and over. I yelled, tears pouring down my face. One hit came close to my clit and I tried to move, time his next downward strike so that it would, but he moved. The next slap was on the back of my thighs, pushing my ass higher up in the air.

And then he slammed back into me, between one breath and the next. Sliding so deep I couldn’t tell if I cried because of the pain, or weeped from pleasure. It was too twisted, and I fell into it. I held the edge of the desk, crying out with each of his thrusts. My hips hit the unforgiving wood, but that was perfect too.

I wanted this. I wanted Ethan.

The shock of it steamrolled through me. Because, on the edge, it was a bit more than want, and I was too afraid to admit that. I couldn’t. So I held on, and let my body take me away before my mind could ruin the best moment of my life. Before reality intruded and I remembered I was supposed to hate him. That I was only supposed to appreciate that he was a man who could give me what my body needed, but he wasn’t a man I could respect, or love.

His cock was a masterpiece as it thickened inside of me. He moved his hips faster, and placed his hand in the small of my back. That anchor, one small expanse of skin, controlled me. I stilled beneath his hand, pushing my ass higher, and let go.

“Fuck yes,” he said.

Fuck yes.

We clenched together, pleasure rendering us silent as we exploded. I felt his seed jutting inside of me and it sent shock waves through me. I was his. His stamp. His woman.
His
. My legs gave out. He pulled me into his chest and slid to the ground with me. I rested my head on his shoulder, trying to catch my breath.

“Three to ten minutes, River.”

“What?”

“For me, that’s how long it takes for me to strangle a man. For you? Maybe five to fifteen. And that’s if they aren’t fighting you to get away.”

“How could you—”

“Because I am a killer and you aren’t.”

That quick the euphoria was gone. He was the asshole again, and I was his plaything. I pulled out of his arms, and tried to ignore the feeling of his cock sliding from me. Feeling exposed, I pulled my pants up and walked toward the door.

“Walking away won’t change the truth.”

“No, Pantera, it doesn’t. But it does change the deal. It’s off, and I’m going to fight you every step of the way.”

“You will only hurt yourself.”

“I’ve got plenty of experience hurting. You are just another fucker I’ll learn to stomach too.”

It was the hardest thing I ever did to walk out of that room, but I did. I kept walking until I got to the bedroom and into the bathroom. And then I collapsed. I barely made it to the toilet before I spewed my lunch. My stomach felt like it was one big knot and I couldn’t get it out. How the hell did I let him do those things to me? How did I enjoy it?

Here I was, hugging a porcelain bowl and wishing I had never walked into Pantera Jiu-Jitsu with some wild fucking idea to enlist Ethan Kendall in taking me on. Now I was stuck with him, owned by him, and it made me sick.

With pleasure no longer clouding my mind, I realized how fucked up what we did together was. Every time we touched it exploded into dangerous situations that could ruin my life. And finding it sexy was only because my one sexual partner other than Ethan, had been a sadistic bastard that got off on beating me.

Somehow Derrick messed me up inside, and now I was paying for it. But I’d get out. I had to. Forcing myself to my feet, I spit the last bit of muck out of my mouth before flushing the toilet. Then I got in the shower and turned on the water as hot as I could stand it. The spray stung, but it woke me up. It cleared the cobwebs out until I could think straight.

I wasn’t going to stay here and let him have his way with me any longer. I had to get out. If he could renege on the deal, then so could I. As the idea formed in my head I finished my shower. Derrick never liked to have his toys played with, and maybe that could work in my favor. I searched for my phone in the room and dialed a number I memorized long ago.

“Who is this?”

Just hearing his voice sent shockwaves through me, but I forced fear from my voice.

“It’s me.”

“So the bitch decided she’s done playing games.”

“I’m sorry, baby. I don’t know what got into me.” It made me sick to talk to him with that same terrified and whiny voice he liked for me to use. But, for now, it worked for me.

“You’re going to fucking pay for this shit, do you hear me?”

“Whatever you want, baby. Just get me out of here.”

“Find a man called Vadim. He’ll bring you to me.”

Vadim? The dark-haired man that helped with Ethan’s security detail? I hesitated. Someone that tight inside Ethan’s camp was a traitor, and that was dangerous for Ethan. He could get him killed. Maybe I could find a way to let Pavel know when I was out safely. As soon as I got close enough to Derrick, I’d kill him, and it wouldn’t matter what happened to me. I’d be free of Ethan, and probably be rotting in some fucking jail cell, but I wouldn’t have to be afraid anymore.

“River? Did you hear what I said?”

What the fuck is wrong with me?
I didn’t have to worry about Ethan’s men. I just needed to get the fuck out of here.

“I hear you, baby. Let him know to get me out of here.”

“I’ll meet you at that gym that sonofabitch owns.”

“I’ll be there.”

I’d be there, and he was going to die. I took my time dressing in another pair of gym pants and a tight fitting tank top. I needed everyone to believe I was heading to the gym. Ethan didn’t let me out of the compound, but if Vadim was with me, we could probably get through. I was finding a place to tuck some mace, in case I needed to disable Derrick first, when a knock sounded on my door.

“Pantera says you get one hour at the gym.”

I recognized Vadim’s voice, and was happy that he gave the excuse for me to get out before I had to come up with something to get passed my guard. I stepped out the door and nodded at him.

“Good, I was going to do some working out downstairs anyway. Maybe I can do some mitt training today.”

I walked with Vadim out of the house, shaking the whole way. It was hard to keep my composure as we went out the side door and headed towards a nondescript brown car. I was glad we hadn’t seen Pavel or Ethan on the way to the car.

“You sure Ethan doesn’t know?” I asked once we got in the car.

“If he did, you and I would both be dead.”

“You’ll be dead when he finds out.”

“
Nyet.
I’ve got enough money stashed that I can disappear once I hand you off. Keep your mouth shut and everything will be fine.”

I was happy to do as he said. If nothing else, staying with Ethan this long taught me I was stronger than I thought, and I was worth more than a fuck. As long as I stayed away from men like him. I had to remind myself I was worth more than what he was willing to give me. Still, it was odd driving away from his home. Some feeling deep inside made me turn back and look out the back window until the house disappeared from my view.

I was leaving a piece of me behind.

A piece that I didn’t need anymore, but a piece all the same. I conserved my energy as we traveled, going through my mind with a million different ways that I could hurt Derrick. Scenarios blazed through my mind. I had to be prepared for anything. Working with Pavel had taught me that. Derrick liked to go for my legs first, weakening them so I couldn’t run. But when he was mad enough he went right for my throat, going for the shock factor. I would bet any amount of money today was a throat day. A more dangerous situation, but easier to defend. I’d be ready for him.

Or so I thought.

“Shit,” Vadim cursed, and I couldn’t say a word.

As we pulled closer to the gym, there was no Derrick in sight. Only the remains of a burning car and a bullet riddled body beside it. I could see the bloodstained face and knew it wasn’t the man I’d wanted to kill.

But that wasn’t what made me freeze, and Vadim stopped the car.

No, that was Pantera. In all his fury, holding a gun in his hand, his cold eyes narrowed at the car, and Pavel was standing beside him, signaling. Revving engines made me turn around, just in time to see three SUVs blocking our way back out. I closed my eyes, fear making my blood run cold.

What, on God’s green earth, had made me think I could ever get away from him? Why did I think getting away so easy would have worked?

“He knew I was betraying him. That quick, he knew.”

I ignored Vadim, already guessing what he said was true. AlI could think about was what my punishment for this might be.

“Tonight you will see why they call me Pantera.”

That’s all Ethan said before turning away from me and heading to another SUV. But that’s all he needed to say. His soldiers converged on the car, and I could not see Ethan any longer.

“Just let me go,” I whispered.

“He won’t. And I’m going to be the example of what happens when you try.”

I was more afraid because he sounded terrified, but he wasn’t willing to fight what was coming. I knew it was because there was no way he could get away. And I was trapped with a monster who could incite such horror.

I belonged to a fucking demon.

I kept what was mine. Or I killed them.