Scandalous Redemption (Ladies and Scoundrels #3) (8 page)

Henry stood and moved to her side, questions burning in his mind. “Yet, even after you were told of his marriage, you continued to make a scene. You insisted you loved him and the two of you belonged together.”

She continued to stare out the window, her face expressionless. “I was distraught. Lost. Everything I had believed in, everything I had clung to, crumbled to dust in those moments. I merely reacted without giving thought to my words or actions.”

“And now?” His heart ached for her, but he had to know.

“After Julian had me escorted out of his home, I came here to Vivian. She gave me a room and said I could stay for however long I pleased. She only knew of Lord Akford. I think she assumed my melancholy was related to his passing in some way. What I grieved were my foolish notions in regards to Julian. The demise of a dream I had shamelessly held close for so long.”

She turned to Henry. “It took me some time to accept I had created a fantasy. Even more time to understand why I clung so fiercely to it. I am grateful I had my fictional love to keep me sane through Akford’s abuse, but that is all it was…a fantasy. I no more desire Julian than he desires me.”

Henry read sincerity in her eyes. His heart soared at the knowledge that she did not harbor feelings for Luvington. Then reality crushed his hopes, leaving him deflated and heartsick. She would never be his. He could not have her without hurting Sarah in the process, and that was something he would never do.

“I have let go of the foolish dreams, recognizing them for what they were. Julian moved on, perhaps before I was even wed to Akford, and I wish to move on, too.” She looked into his eyes. “I would like to move on with you, Henry.”

SCANDALOUS REDEMPTION

CHAPTER EIGHT

Claudia studied Henry
while she awaited his reply. She had bared her soul to him. Would it change anything? Did it even matter? She had needed to tell her story to someone, and doing so seemed to free her from the chains of her past. Perhaps she should be content in her hard won freedom rather than pushing for something more with Henry.

He looked intently at her, as if he too, were searching her depths. After several heartbeats, she could no longer endure the silence. She placed her hand on his arm. “Henry, did you hear me? I said I wish to move on with you.”

He stood stoic for a long moment before taking her hand from his arm and holding it in his. “You have no idea how badly I wish that were possible.”

“You do not believe me then?” Her voice faltered. She could feel his heat through her glove as he rubbed his thumb across her hand.

“I can see the truth in your eyes. Hear it in your tone. My reason has nothing to do with whether or not I believe you.”

“Then why?” Even as she asked, she knew they had ended before they’d begun. Still she had an overwhelming need to understand.

He fidgeted with his waistcoat. “Sarah Luvington is a dear friend of mine. I am unwilling to put our friendship in jeopardy.”

His words knocked the air from her lungs. All this time she had believed her scandalous past and unladylike behavior the night they had met stood in the way of them forming a more intimate relationship. She had hoped if he understood her past they could move beyond it. But now…there would be no getting around a cherished friendship and she could not blame him. Nor could she ask him to abandon his friendship for a discreet affair with her. It would be unfair to even suggest such an arrangement.

She pulled her hand from his. “I see.”

Understanding his position did nothing to stop the rush of regret that filled her. She had not even considered a lover until he came blazing into her life like a white knight ready to save her from herself. If she could not have him in her bed, then she did not want anyone. Having said all there was to say, she started to turn to take her leave.

He reached out, resting his hand on her arm, stopping her from fleeing the parlor. “Claudia, wait.”

A jolt of longing tightened her stomach. She turned back, a small glint of hope sparked inside her soul. Perhaps there was some hope for them after all.
Stop being bird-witted.
She chastised herself and met his warm, brown eyes.

“You are an amazing, brave, intelligent, beautiful lady. And those are merely the beginning of your attributes. Someday, you will find a gentleman who can devote himself to you the way you deserve.”

She could tell him that she did not want another gentleman. She should tell him that she would never marry again. But her pride already suffered, she would not damage it further. Rather than speaking, she offered a nod.

“I am going to return to London on the morrow.” Regret was etched in his features.

A new ache invaded her. Would she see him again? She bit the inside of her cheek. His leaving would be for the best. “Safe travels, Henry.”

He dropped a kiss on her forehead.

His spicy, male scent wrapped around her. She breathed deeply, wishing she could freeze time. Her eyelids fluttered shut when his warm lips pressed to her flesh. This was good-bye. Not for now, but forever. When he pulled away, she kept her eyes closed, savoring the feel of him. Upon opening them, she found herself alone.

Time seemed to hold still as she stared at the patterns in the silk wallpaper, tracing them over and over again. Her mind was blank and body lay in turmoil as she clung to the sensation of his lips on her skin. How could she feel such loss over a man she had met less than a fortnight ago?

“Claudia.”

Vivian? When had her cousin entered the parlor?

“You will never guess what I overheard.” Her eyes shone with delight.

Claudia could not imagine she would care. Whatever it was could not hold a flame to this day’s events or the turmoil of her mind. Still, Vivian appeared excited, and Claudia could use a distraction. “Do tell.”

“I was making my way down the stairs when voices coming from the entry hall caught my attention. I slowed my pace out of curiosity and that is when I heard it.” She smiled.

“You heard what?” Claudia was already growing bored with the conversation. She wished to retire to her room and rest her body and mind. She needed a good night’s sleep to restore herself.

“Lord Shillington informing his sister they would be leaving on the morrow, but that was only the beginning.” Vivian took Claudia’s hands in hers. “Lady Jane was not pleased. She demanded to know why. It did not seem as though he planned to give her a straight answer, but then...” Vivian leaned in. “I heard Lord Shillington tell her he cares for you. That it would be all too easy to fall in love with you.”

Claudia pulled her hands back as though she had been burned. Moving to the hearth, she drew in a shallow breath. “It matters not. We cannot be together.”

Vivian moved to her side. “Do not be a goose. It matters a great deal. You cannot allow him to get away.”

Claudia looked at her cousin. “I already have. There is no future for Lord Shillington and me. As I told you before, I will not remarry. I wanted him as a lover. It is as you said, he requires a wife. Therefore, we are finished.”

“Why? I know you care for him. I can see it in your eyes and your hidden smiles when he enters a room. The very fact you wished to take him as a lover proves you want him. And now we know he cares for you as well. Do not toss out a chance at real happiness.”

Claudia’s heart thumped. She had come to care for Henry, but even if she were marriage minded, they would still be doomed. Vivian meant well, but she did not understand everything. She knew nothing of the barrier created by his friendship with Lady Luvington or that Claudia had gone to Julian before coming here, and even less of the hellish years Claudia endured under Akford’s thumb. She attempted a smile. “If you will excuse me, I would like to retire.”

Vivian sighed. “Very well, if you insist, but I urge you to consider Lord Shillington before the opportunity passes you by.”

The words stung as Claudia departed the room. She could go to him. Beg him to reconsider. Perhaps he might even change his mind and take her into his arms. They might enjoy a discreet affair. Maybe even a lifelong commitment outside of marriage. Such arrangements happened often enough.

She chased the musings away. Not because she opposed the idea, but because she was unwilling to make a fool out of herself again. She would rather part ways caring for him and having him care for her. If they dared to have more, it would not end well. He would have to marry eventually and what would happen to her when he did?

* * * *

Henry stood on the terrace holding a crystal glass in his hand. He had believed he would be at ease after talking to Claudia. Oh, he did experience some relief at explaining himself, but he also longed for things to be different. If she were any other woman, he would be courting her with marriage on his mind. Instead, he was tucking tail and running back to London to escape his growing attraction to her.

There remained no other choice. If he stayed, he would lose his heart to her and his friendship with Sarah would soon follow. He had tried to explain it all to Jane when he went to collect her earlier for their venture into the village. She agreed Claudia was entirely unsuitable, but did not give a fig for his reasons. In the end, she consented to leave the party early if only to keep him away from ‘the tart.’ His blood warmed at the very idea of anyone referring to Claudia in such a way.
She is not yours to protect.
He had reminded himself of that at least a dozen times, but it did not change the fact he wanted her to be.

He took a healthy drink of his port. In time, he would find a suitable lady. One that would make him forget the daring, beautiful Claudia. Damn it all. He did not wish to forget her. He longed to have her, to defend her and keep her safe.

“Lord Shillington, I hear you are to return to London on the morrow.” Duchess Abernathy approached.

“You have been talking to Jane.” He did not need to wait for her nod to know he had the right of it. His sister had always been too chatty with her friends. He would never understand how she transformed into such a wallflower in public.

“Your presence will be missed.” She fluttered her fan in front of her face. “I dare say it seemed as though you and Lady Akford were getting along smashingly.”

Henry clenched his jaw. Claudia was the last thing he wished to discuss. All the same, he could not be rude. “She is a delightful lady.”

“Did you know she intends to purchase a home in London?”

He had not been privy to her plans, though it made sense she would wish to settle into her own residence. “I was unaware.”

“Mayfair, I believe. How wonderful would it be if she were to purchase a mansion on Grosvenor Square? She would be our neighbor then.”

Henry’s head spun. His neighbor? That could not be right. How would he ever manage to put her behind him if she were living so close?

“Are you all right, my lord?” The duchess looked at him through wide eyes. “You look as if you have seen a ghost.”

“The port seems to be souring my stomach. I think I had better retire for the night.” He held his tumbler out in front of him.

“Indeed, and safe travels on the morrow.” The duchess waited for him to bow, then moved down the terrace to chat with Lord and Lady Wexil.

Henry entered the house, deposited his glass on a tray, and retired to his room. All the while, the mention of Claudia living so close raced through his mind. It could not be allowed. He would surely go mad having her so close and yet forbidden to him on the same count.