Scandalous Redemption (Ladies and Scoundrels #3) (7 page)

“I do not blame you. I never remarried after my dear husband passed. Mind you, I would if the right gentleman came along, but I have not sought out a match.” The duchess started down the grand staircase.

Claudia followed with a newfound desire to seat herself behind the pianoforte. Leastwise, her playing would provide a small escape.

The duchess offered a consoling smile. “One can hardly blame you for not wanting to remarry after what you endured. All the same, I must caution you to keep the possibility open. Marriage is a wonderful thing when love is involved.”

“Perhaps, for some.” Claudia walked beside the duchess as they started down the long corridor leading to the music room. She believed in love, but she did not believe the flighty emotion had the power to last. It did not signify at any rate. Even if she were to marry for love, she would still find herself under the control of a man and that would never do.

No, she would not remarry. Not to anyone. Not even for love.

SCANDALOUS REDEMPTION

CHAPTER SEVEN

A sennight had
passed since Henry stood at the back of the music room, his attention trained on Claudia. Minutes had trickled into hours that night, and the opportunity to approach her never arose. It seemed the lady had purposely avoided him and still did all these days later. He should be pleased. Having her near only complicated his life. Still, he could not stop his mind from conjuring memories of her, nor could he stop his body’s traitorous reaction every time he saw her. She caused his blood to race and his heart to ache. More than once, he saw hurt and anger in her eyes. The knowledge that he had put it there weighed heavy on him.

Now, with the house party almost at an end, he felt more compelled than ever to speak with her. He could not return to London without explaining himself and repairing the damage caused by his hasty kisses. Claudia deserved to know why he refused her. He simply could not leave things as they were.

Most of the party was out this morning hunting or enjoying other activities. This would be the perfect opportunity for him to find himself in Claudia’s company. He made his way to the parlor where a servant had informed him he might find Lady Wexil and Duchess Abernathy. Claudia spent a great deal of time with the ladies, making it likely she too would appear in the room. And if she did not…

“Henry,” Jane called from behind.

He turned to find her rushing after him. The last thing he needed at this particular moment was to have his sister waylaying his plans. He looked back toward the parlor, anxious to be on his way.

Jane came to a stop next to him. “I have been searching all over for you. I was just about to cease looking when I spotted you.”

“And what is the emergency?” He arched a brow, pretending nonchalance.

“It is only that we will be returning to London soon and you have yet to take me riding into the village. I thought perhaps we could go now. That is if I could find you and it seems I have.” She implored him with a sweet, sisterly grin.

He glanced back down the hall not at all sure how to proceed. It would be his luck that Jane had also stayed in, and he had indeed promised to take her shopping. He could not very well tell her he was on his way to see Claudia. Doing so would unleash a barrage of unpleasantness. He settled his attention back on Jane. “Oh, very well. Go change then, meet me in the entry hall.”

“I will not be long.”

He waited for her to disappear around the corner before continuing to the parlor.

Lady Wexil was seated upon a wingback chair when he entered the room. He glanced from her to her companion, the duchess. Duchess Abernathy was an old friend, she would forgive him for being forward, but would Lady Wexil? He steeled himself before clearing his throat and offering a bow. “Your Grace, Lady Wexil.”

“Lord Shillington, do come have a seat.” The duchess sat her cross-stitching aside and faced him with a pleasant continence. “Whatever are you doing here when all of the other gentlemen are out shooting?”

He settled onto a nearby brocade-covered chaise. “I returned early and was rather hoping for a moment of Lady Wexil’s time.” Would she refuse to assist him? What if she did? His throat tightened. Perhaps she would find his request vulgar. After all, he had no right to be alone with Claudia. The very notion was scandalous, a fact he well understood.

Lady Wexil turned to face him more fully. “Go on. You have my attention.”

“It is a lovely day.” He attempted small talk as he searched for the courage to break convention.

The duchess waved her fan, a knowing glint in her eyes. “Surely you did not seek our hostess out to discuss the weather.”

“You are quite right. I came to discuss…to ask...” Why did he find it so bloody difficult to get the words out? His palms became sweaty and his cravat seemed to be growing tighter by the second. He glanced at his boots not sure how to proceed.

“Do go on,” Lady Wexil prodded.

“I was hoping you might be convinced to--”

“Good day, Your Grace. Vivian.”

He jerked his head up at the interruption.

Claudia offered a curtsy, then strolled into the room without as much as a nod to acknowledge his presence. She clearly remained cross with him. He swallowed back his unease and studied her from her auburn curls to the hem of her yellow skirts. A rosy stain tinted her cheeks and her green eyes sparkled.

“Lady Akford, what a pleasant surprise.” He stood, offering a deep bow.

She glanced at him. “Thank you, my lord.” She offered an amicable smile, seating herself near Lady Wexil.

Henry could not take his eyes from her. This was the closest he had managed to get to her since the day they had kissed. His first chance to explain, but he could not very well speak openly in the presence of the other ladies. The consequences of their kiss were too great. Claudia would likely be ruined for the second time if he dared to address what they had shared.

Duchess Abernathy stood, she looked at him, a mischievous twinkle lighting her eyes before she turned to Lady Wexil. “Would you care to join me in a stroll through the gardens, Lady Wexil?”

Claudia’s attention snapped to the duchess before she looked to her cousin. His breath hitched at the desperation he saw cross her lovely face. He had seen snared animals that appeared more comfortable.

Lady Wexil stood. “I would be delighted to. Claudia--”

“I would like to discuss a private matter with you,” the duchess interjected. She looked at him and offered a little nod before taking her leave with Lady Wexil in tow.

How had she guessed? Or was it mere happenstance?

“If you will excuse me, my lord.” Claudia rose to her feet.

“Please, stay.” He was not above pleading after waiting so long to speak with her.

She straightened, her green eyes flashing. “Whatever for?”

“I would like to explain myself. I do not wish to leave things between us as they are.” He stood, then moved to her and took her hands in his. “You once asked the same of me and I obliged. Grant me the same courtesy, Claudia.”

Her eyes softened. “Very well, so long as you do not intend to apologize.”

“I am not sorry for our kiss, but there are other things.” He began to lead her toward the chaise. “Come, sit and let us talk.”

He sat beside her, his body angled toward hers. She held her shoulders back, head high, and face turned toward the floor length window. He wished she were looking at him, but perhaps having her stare at the window rather than at him would make what he had to say easier. He drew in a steadying breath. “I enjoy spending time with you and have come to value your friendship. You are a wonderful, caring, and beautiful woman. I regret we cannot be more to each other.”

She turned her head, her icy gaze colliding with his. “Please expound, my lord. Why is it that we can only be friends?”

He drew in a slow breath, searching for the proper thing to say, all the while wishing he could somehow change things between them.

“Is it my past that causes you to fret?” Her frosty words were like a punch to his midsection, leaving him flustered and breathless.

“No. Yes. No.” He floundered, unsure of how to proceed.

She turned away again, causing a strange tug to his heart. He reached out and placed a hand on her cheek to guide her attention back to him. “Please look at me.”

She allowed him to turn her head until she was facing him once again, but she made no effort toward pleasantness. Her mouth remained a tight line as she peered at him.

“I care not a whit for the scandal of your youth. I believe you were an innocent victim of circumstances. A young lady swept up in first love. You did nothing wrong and paid a terrible price for it. If I could…” He shook his head. “It has no relevance.”

She cast her gaze down. “Julian.”

“You still love him.” He removed his hand from her cheek.

Her eyes rounded in surprise. “You have it all wrong.”

“Then make me understand.” Even as he spoke, he knew nothing she said would change anything. Even if she did not care for Luvington, he still had to protect his friendship with Sarah. The reality of it hollowed him.

“I do not know what I shared with Julian all those years ago. I fancied it for love and believe he did too, but he did not save me. I waited for him to come. From the very moment the scandal broke right up until the moment I said my vows to Akford, I prayed he would.”

A pained expression overcame her beautiful face, thawing the ice from her eyes. He placed his hand over hers, desperate to provide some measure of comfort.

“I told myself he could not come. That something kept him away. Perhaps I was correct and Father prevented him. Regardless, he did not fight for me, for us. I suppose I will never know and it hardly matters now, but back then… When Akford mistreated me, berated me… I clung to what I thought Julian and I shared. I retreated into my memories and built fairy tales about a future with him. It was how I escaped my unbearable reality.”

Henry hung on her words. His heart broke for her when her voice cracked with emotion. He longed to pull her into his embrace when her words trailed off. Life had dealt her a terrible hand and he ached to make everything better for her.

“Once Akford passed, his heir, the new Lord Akford, ordered me out of the house. I left with only my personal belongings, the pin money I had saved for the past six years, and the part of my dowry that Akford had not been able to touch. Blessedly, it all added up to a small fortune allowing me to go as and where I pleased. Unfortunately, I did not know where to go or what to do, but I did know I had to see Julian. After all, whatever had prevented him from coming for me must have been resolved after six years.”

Henry gave her gloved hand a small squeeze. “You need not continue.”

She pulled her hand free, dashed an errant tear from her eye, and stood. “No, I need to say this. I have carried the burden far too long.”

Henry retrieved his handkerchief from his pocket, then held it out to her. She shook her head before stepping away. He could not help but admire her strength. Most ladies would have swooned by now.

“By the time I arrived at Julian’s town house, I had convinced myself he still loved me. That he would welcome me back into his life. Apologize for not coming after me all those years ago, or at least explain to me why he had not been able to. Declare his undying love.” She paced to the window, coming to a stop in front of it. “Imagine my surprise at finding him happily married. Not that he bothered to make the fact known at the onset of my visit. No, he led me along, allowed me to kiss him and declare my love before he saw fit to share that bit of news. I imagine he was rather shocked at my arrival.”