Running Northwest (55 page)

“When was the second time Ann, you said there was two?” Thomas asked.

“Think about it Thomas, I think you already know, I think you have been wondering about it since it happened. I know you, and I know something like this you would not have been able to forget” Ann said.

It only took him a moment to think of it, turned, and looked at Ann with amazement and surprise in his eyes. “That same day…it was that same day but on the beach. Daniel and I were walking down the beach; we were right in front of haystack rock. There was a woman with long brown hair, way up on deck watching us. Daniel was upset, I was hugging him, and I saw this woman watching us. I could not make out her face, was that really her?” Thomas asked as that entire time on the beach came back to him in quick flashes, every detail was there.

Ann smiled and patted Thomas on top of his big hand then said “I knew it was there, I knew you couldn’t let th
at go easily.”

Thomas nodded and said, “No I haven’t, I think of that day every day at least once. I remember seeing her standing there, her hair blowing in the wind. I remember I could barely take my eyes off her. I turned away for a minute or so then I went
to look back and she was gone.”

“You know Thomas she had the same reaction almost. After she saw you by the coffee shop she waited until you two were out of sight then went back to the cottage. She was shocked when she saw you and Daniel right in front of where she staying. I remember her telling me she could not take her eyes off you, she thought you saw her and got scared and then went inside. She watched you and Daniel though…through the window, she watched you walk until you were out of sight.

Thom
as stood there
silently and a few tears came down his face. The gut feelings he had been having for a few weeks did have a reason behind them and now he knew why. Ann grabbed his hand and squeezed it, comforting him…or tying too. Then Ann spoke again, “she didn’t try to see you again because she was afraid she was going to mess your life up. She saw you, the man you are now with your son and became scared she would ruin the life you had made here on the coast for yourself Thomas. That is why she never came to see you. Believe me she wanted to, she did fly all the way from Michigan for the chance just to see y
ou with her own eyes again. She
knows how badly she hurt you, she loves you Thomas,
and she
always did and
didn’t want to hurt you again.”

“She loves me Ann?” Thomas asked
bar
e
ly
above a whisper.

“She always did Tom, she just wasn’t ready for it then, she wasn’t ready for you. But she always loved you, she just wasn’t ready for that kind of love back then” Ann said.

“Do you think I will ever see her again Ann? Do you think I’ll ever get the chance to tell her I’m sorry?” Thomas asked.

“Why should you be sorry Tom?” Ann asked since that was an odd thing for him to say.

“For not calling her sooner, I forgave her years ago, I forgave her because I loved her and when you love someone that much, you can’t be angry at them forever, and you can’t hate them. I knew she was scared then, leaving Michigan was the best thing I ever did for both of us maybe. But I’m sorry I never talked to her since I left, sorry I never even tried” Thomas said.

“Yo
u know Thomas, you surprise me. Y
ou should really show this sensitive side of you more often.
However, as far as Stephanie goes and seeing her again, I do not know. I would like to say yes, an old lady can hope but I just do not know at this point. I miss her though; the hubby and our friends do also. She was a very magical young woman, her laugh and smile just made your day worth it, wouldn’t you agree
?
” Ann asked.

Thomas smiled and said “I would very much agree Ann, I think about that smile all the time, I remember the way she used to look at me, with her blue eyes, it’s like they were seeing every thought and feeling I was having at that moment, it made me feel naked. She is the only woman to look at me that way; the only person who made me feel like that
.
”

“She’s got some thinking to do, Thomas,” Ann said then
adding,
“Remember all those talks we had when you first moved here and were living here alone; before Derrick, Sarah, Daniel and the coffee shops. All that soul searching you did; your quiet walks alone at all hours of the day and night. I remember we talked about Stephanie a lot back then. I just got another piece of your puzzle I think. But as far Stephanie goes…only time will tell I think, but we can hope right?”

“That we can, with her hope is one thing I never let go of. I just hid it and put it away, I had too,” Thomas said then
asking,
“
Do
you think I should call her?”

“I’d love to say yes Thomas so you get all gutsy, but I think it’s better to just know all of this and let things be for now. Her life is changing and she has to figure out some things on her own, and only time can do that. And what did I always tell you about time?”

Thomas smiled and said you always said, “Timing is everything and fate messes with your life because that is fates job”

Ann smiled and said, “Good you didn’t forget
.
”

“You know it’s funny, she got here and was a stranger to this area, the people and our way of life. Nevertheless, she got it and felt it right away, the life here. When she was here, she would do the same kind of wandering that you do, aimless, pointless wandering lost in thought. She gets you better now too I’d guess, she sort of understands why this area, the places around us always meant so much to you since you first lived here.

“I worry Ann that I just lost my chance with her again, to even try to mend things, let alone anything else,” Thomas said.

“Not trying to be a bitch Thomas but you took that chance the minute you left Michigan for good, you know that. You knew by leaving you
might
never see her again. And if my memory is correct with some of our first conversations…that was your intent, to leave her and everything there behind
,
” Ann said.

He looked over at Ann who was taking a drag of a
cigarette and ran his hand through
his hair. “Yeah, I know but I think I’ve learned since then that something’s you can’t ever let go of no matter how far away they are, maybe something’s you never should,” he said then adding “and something’s just stay here” pointing at his heart.

At that moment, he heard car tires on the gravel and on the other side of the house. He looked at his phone and realized he missed a text from Daniel about 15 minutes ago. Layla got up, barked and hauled ass around the corner to meet her boy.

“So what are you going to do slugger?” Ann asked.

“I don’t know, I guess just keep living my life one day at time Ann just like I have been since I got here. I suppose we will see what happens if anything down the road” he replied then asked “Ann if you hear from her, or if she comes back again, will you let me know…if you think it’s okay to let me know at least
.
”

“You will be the first phone call I make if she does come back Thomas” the old women replied. There was no reason to tell Thomas yet that she talked to Stephanie by phone every few days, those conversations were between her and her young friend.

Just then, Daniel flew around the corner and immediately ran up to Ann hugging her at the waist. Thomas stood looking down at his son but his mind was still on the conversation that just took place. Thoughts of Stephanie, the almost meetings up in Cannon Beach lingered in his mind; some things made better sense now though. Daniel let go of Ann and then he hugged his dad who picked him up in the air.

“You did not answer my text Dad, what’s up with that? What were you doing?” the boy asked.

“I’m sorry buddy me and Grandma An
n were talking about something
I didn’t hear my phone go off. Are you hungry, did you guys eat dinner already?” Thomas asked.

“No we didn’t, we had lunch but I’m starving” Daniel said as his father put him down.

“Okay well then I will make dinner then, Ann would you like to join us for dinner or do you have somewhere you have to be?” Thomas asked.

Daniel grabbed onto Ann’s hand and began begging her “please Grandma Ann, stay for dinner I haven’t seen you in months and months it seems
.
”

Ann smiled and looked down at the boy “well how can an old lady say no to face like that, okay fine count me in” she said then adding, “What are we having?”. Daniel let out a “woo hoo!” sound and went through the slider into the house, followed by the dogs.

“Barbeque chicken, cornbread and salad I’m thinking
,
” Thomas said.

“Sounds wonderful, I haven’t had cornbread in ages and I know you make some wicked ass chicken,” Ann said.

A moment later, they were all in the house, Thomas was getting started on dinner, Daniel was feeding the dogs and Ann was calling her husband letting him know she was going to stay for a bit.

Out on the Oregon Coast the summer seemed to speed by faster than normal. The large influx of summer tourists and their money came and went. School started up again the day after Labor Day and Daniel was ready to go back, Thomas was eager to get back to working more with his son in school. His son was getting bored and restless and missed being in school, his father missed, just like any parent; having some quiet time. The conversation in Jun
e with Ann was still in Thomas’
mind, replaying it every day at some point. He thought of Stephanie more and more often, her ghost haunted him but he welcomed it. Over the last few months, he fought the urge to call her after acquiring her cell phone number, stopping every time before pressing the call button on his phone. Then he thought about sending a post card, he did not do that either.

One night about two weeks before
school,
Thomas was feeling particularly nostalgic and was looking thru an old photo album. There were many pictures of his past in it, his younger days and many with Stephanie in them, many from Florida and some from other places. Daniel saw the album, became curious, and wondered why his dad had been sad lately. For some reason he opened up to his son about Stephanie. He did not give all the details, left many things out but the boy got the point and understood.

“So she was special to you huh Dad?” the boy had asked.

“Very special buddy, very special
,
” Thomas answered.

“Special like my mom was?” Daniel asked.

Thomas felt awkward and unsure what to say and thought about that question, without using the word love. Finally, he looked at his son and said, “Your mother was unique buddy, one of the most unique
women
I have ever met. I think though that every person in your life is special to you in different ways and for different reasons. You can’t compare one person with another; it’s not fair to do that.”

The boy put his finger to his lips and seemed to be thinking over what his dad told him, and then asked, “So like for me, you are special to me in one way and Grandpa is special to me in another,” the boy said.

“Exactly, b
ut it doesn’t make one person better than the other, or matter more…unless we are talking about you and no one is m
ore special to me than you are.”

Daniel smiled at that then rested his head on his dad’s shoulder and turned the next page of the album, eager to see what was next. “You had more hair in that picture Dad,” he said.

“Umm…yes, yes I did buddy, it happens when you get old. Just ask your grandfather about it,” Thomas said laughing.

They never talked about it again but just the fact that his son knew about her now, even a little helped Thomas. It helped his mind be at ease, and was glad he could share something like that with his son and even more that he seemed to understand what he told him.

.
             
.
             
.

Towards the end of September, Stephanie sat in a chain coffee shop near her house in Michigan sipping a simple cup of coffee with cream. She looked out the window at some trees on the far side of the parking lot that were already bright red with the fall color change.
Other trees around it were green but much lighter shades, those also
would
soon be bright with color.
Red and orange leaves rustled across the parking lot with the strong fall winds pushing them along. A man in a suit was sitting across from her sipping on his poorly made latte’ and talking but she was not listening that much. Her mind was somewhere else far away…it was on a wind and rain swept beach on the Oregon Coast. Her heart was walking along the quaint storefronts, peering through the windows of the shops, her dog Shadow walking along side of her.