Running Away From Love (27 page)

Luckily, everyone at work was being very supportive of me. They let my private life remain private. While I was in the office everyone was respectful, but there were still some whispers. I barely had any time to digest this whole situation myself. Now it is being shoved down my throat every way I turned. Quincy wants to put this big rush on us getting married. It’s almost like he is trying to make it official before I have the chance to change my mind. He is more into the details and planning than I am. I really haven’t had any hand into the planning of my wedding day at all. I kept trying to tell him to slow down, but it always fell onto deaf ears. I wanted to postpone us getting married all together. I just wanted to spend time trying to work on us getting back into a good space. But he just wasn’t hearing me as usual. He really doesn’t realize our bond has been broken, and it will take some time to get it back strong again. He has already set a date we are to get married on, which is about a month away. He invited the whole damn world. It’s a bit excessive for my taste, but I went along with everything just to make him happy. I wondered if he could tell that my happiness wasn’t even genuine in fact it was damn near nonexistent. Our relationship just didn’t feel the same to me anymore. I didn’t love him the same way that I used too.

The trust that we used to have is shattered. I don’t believe a single word that comes out of his mouth majority of the time. Whenever he would leave the house I always wondered if he was really going where he said he was. Or was he going to spend time with someone else. I didn’t believe he ended his romantic relationship with Lisa. How could he when she was carrying his baby? Yes, as soon as we came back from Buffalo we discussed all of the issues in our relationship. We agreed to start all over and try to make our relationship work despite what may have happened in the past. He promised me he would never cheat again. I promised I would never see, or speak with, Trey ever again. Although it did pain me to agree to that. Truthfully, my heart has been aching for Trey ever since the day I left him. Q even went to the extreme of making me get my cell phone number changed. I didn’t contest because I wanted to give him a sense of ease. As I think about it now I was back to being the compromising, Jasmine. Agreeing even when I really didn’t agree at all. I was losing my voice within my relationship, and allowing another person to take complete control. Mentally I was back to weakened state.

We did talk about Lisa being pregnant with his child. He tried to downplay the possibility of the baby being his. But I knew the child was his, and so did he. He thought he was so damn slick, but I found the bank statements for a new bank account for the unborn child. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t smother the happiness I know he felt about finally becoming a father. He has had the baby itch for a while. Whenever he tried to downplay Lisa and the baby like it could be swept under the rug, it pissed me off. I don’t know how many signs I needed to tell me that marrying him was all wrong. But still I refused to accept what would eventually become my reality. The reality is that once everyone finds out about the baby I’m carrying a lot of people will be hurt. I hate the idea of disappointing and hurting anyone that I love. I felt horrible for how I was lying to everyone. But my guilt for what I was doing to Trey was what was eating me alive the most. All he wanted was a second chance at loving me. Instead, I was playing with his emotions by hiding mine. My disappearing just as quickly as I reappeared into his life was not fair to him and I know it.

              Tonight I was in Atlanta as the magazine was having an unsigned artist showcase party. I was kind of relieved to get away from New York for a while. Things has been overwhelming for me there lately. Not only did I have men issues, but my friendship with London has become somewhat nonexistent. I know that she is very upset with me for agreeing to marry Q. But lately she seems to always have an attitude with me. Whenever I called her to go over details about the wedding she always cuts our conversations short. So finally I decided to just stop trying all together. I quit calling and texting her. I just emailed her, telling her I wasn’t having any bridesmaids at all. I gave her the date and time when I was supposed to get married. The decision would be on her if she chose to show up or not.

Seeing mine and London’s friendship fall apart like this was devastating to me. I don’t know how I’m going to get married if she wasn’t there by my side. I didn’t understand why she couldn’t just let whatever grudge she has with Quincy go. There were numerous men that I couldn’t stand that she dated, but I never let it interfere with our friendship. I never mixed relationships with my friendships. They always remained separate. I always let her come to her own conclusions in the end about the men she chose to date. But she just refuses to let me do the same. It’s like she doesn’t trust me to make the right decisions for my love life. Ever since we’ve been friends she always feels the need to try to protect me. I am a grown ass woman, and fully aware of all of my actions. The sooner she accepted and realized this the sooner we could go back to normal.

As I was getting ready for the party I analyzed my body in the mirror. I didn’t put on much weight so far. But I was having the terrible morning sickness. I always felt nauseous. It constantly felt like a ton of bricks were sitting on my bladder, and I was peeing every five minutes. On top of that, I was always tired. This kid was kicking my ass early. As I rubbed my stomach I wondered if I was carrying a boy or a girl. I glanced at the clock in my hotel room, and noticed I was running late. So I hurried getting dressed and headed downstairs for the car service to take me to the event. While I walked around the event I greeted and conversed with as many people as I could. I must have been offered champagne at least ten times since I’ve been there. But I kept turning it down. I definitely could have used a drink my nerves have been on edge recently. I decided to rest for a little bit so I took a seat on a bench by myself away from the crowd. As soon as I sat down I was approached by a woman who I didn’t recognize.

She came up to me and said “Excuse me are you Jasmine?” As soon as she spoke I recognized her voice almost immediately.

I said “Let me guess Lisa, right?” As I looked her over I noticed her stomach immediately. She was most definitely pregnant.

She sat down next to me and said “Yes, I’m Lisa. I just thought it was about time we met face to face. I know there are some things that needs to be discussed between us.”

I said “So how did you even know I would be at this event is my first question?”

She replied saying “Let’s just say I did my research.”

I wasn’t trying to entertain the small talk so I said “Well, what did you want to talk about?”

She said “Well first off I wanted to let you know I didn’t know you and Q were in a relationship. While I was messing around with him I was under the impression that he was a single. But I think you should know the truth about Quincy. I am not the only woman he messed around with. In fact, I know of about maybe four other women that he has a sexual relationship with currently. He must have you fooled because he really isn’t the man that you think he is. To be honest, I don’t think he will ever be faithful to you. Shit faithful is not even in his vocabulary if you ask me. I did hear about you two getting engaged recently, but I think you should reconsider. After all I am going to be the mother of his child and quite frankly you aren’t. Maybe you need to step aside, and let us try being a family together.”

I laughed in her face. This bitch really couldn’t be serious. So I said clearly annoyed “Okay, so you want me to step aside so y’all can be a family is that right? But you just told me in the same breathe that he will never be faithful to anyone. Are you trying to say that he will only be faithful to you? Granted, no, he wasn’t faithful to me seeing as how he got you pregnant, but somehow here I am sitting with a ring on my finger. Let’s be serious what kind of family are you going to be when you two were never official to begin with? If Quincy wanted to be with you, then he would be with you. He is with me by choice not obligation. Quincy knows I will be fine with or without him. Now don’t get me wrong, if it is his child that you’re carrying I will not interfere in him being in his child’s life. I encourage any man to step up to his responsibilities if he fathered a child. But understand this, as long as I am in his life, you will respect me as his wife. Disrespect on any level will not be tolerated. For the most part I chilled and took the high road in this whole situation. I could have been on some other shit when I saw how quickly you took all of this to social media. You obviously wanted to flaunt your relationship with Quincy in my face. I noticed all the slick shit you put out on twitter and Instagram about me. I didn’t flip out or engage in a back in forth like I could have. For the most part I let you rock with whatever petty shit you was on. But please sweetheart don’t take my silence for weakness!”

              She sat there silent for a moment as she tried to think of something else to say. I could feel myself getting pissed off ready to hit her. So I decided to leave before I caused a scene.

I said “Listen it really is in your best interest to stay away from me. There isn’t anything else for me and you to discuss. Yes, Q is engaged to me. I know that must hurt your feelings or whatever. I guess since your carrying his child you feel like you’re entitled to him now. But trust me when I say I earned this ring on my fucking finger. In the end he did not choose you he chose me. He chose the woman who he is actually claiming as his woman regardless of who he might have been fucking on the side. Being with Quincy should not even be your focus right now. Your focus should be on the child you’re carrying. What he and I are doing shouldn’t be a concern of yours. So for the future, I’m only going to tell you this one time. Keep my name out of your mouth! Let’s be clear in case you have any doubts. I don’t like you, and I know you don’t like me. I’m not about that fake shit. If I don’t like you, I won’t pretend to. You are my fiancé’s mistress; never was I cool about that. It’s been very obvious you don’t give a fuck about me or my feelings! So don’t act like you’re such a civilized woman now, when you talked so reckless about me since this entire situation blew up.”

I walked away from her after I said that. This whole situation with Quincy and Lisa was really getting old and exhausting to me. Was I really willing to deal with this for the rest of my life if I married Quincy? That baby will always be a constant reminder of a really fucked up time in my relationship. I would hate to have resentment or dislike for an innocent child. How am I supposed to forgive and forget if there is a constant reminder in my face? The reality is that this chick and their child together will never go away.

I wanted to call Quincy badly and curse his ass out I was furious. But I decided against it. I felt like my life is spiraling out of control. All I wanted to do was run away from it all. I wished nobody knew where I was just so I could have a moment of peace again. I wanted to talk to London about all of this, but I knew she would only make matters worse for me. I was visibly upset at this point. I wanted to break down in tears kicking, screaming, and breaking anything that I could get my hands on. All of the stress I was under was beginning to take its toll on me. I imagined that at this point in my life when I’m about to get married I would be on cloud 9. Instead I was anything but happy. I felt as if I was losing my damn mind. I took some deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I didn’t need to be under any stress being that I’m carrying a baby. I didn’t want to lose my baby, so I forced myself to calm down.

One thing I will say about this pregnancy is that it is making me a complete bitch with a short ass fuse. Once I’m annoyed I am ready to snap on people for the smallest things. It took everything in me not to punch Lisa in her mouth. I wanted to take out all of my frustrations on her face, but I needed to check myself when it came to that situation. She isn’t the one I should be take my anger out on. If Q would have kept his damn dick in his pants I wouldn’t have to deal with this shit! So I forced a smile back onto my face and rejoined the event I had a job to do.

              It’s been a while and Trey still hasn’t heard a word from Jasmine since their encounter. Not a single day went by that she wasn’t on his mind. It felt like the memory of her haunted him every single waking day. She invaded his dreams every single night. It was devastating when he called her phone only to find that the number was disconnected. He couldn’t understand what he did to make her just disappear quicker then she had appeared. How could she be okay with walking away from him? He couldn’t understand how she couldn’t love him anymore. If it was one person in this world who he knew loved him it was her. Instead the woman he loved moved on, and found love in the arms of a man who wasn’t him. Maybe it was time for him to accept that she moved on, and he needed to let her go. As much as it pained him to come to this conclusion he needed it in order to maintain his own sanity. He couldn’t keep doing this to himself. Today Trey had to meet up with Mike for a quick lunch to go over some business. Melo had just signed a multimillion dollar deal with Island Def Jam. This was the big break that Trey and Mike had been waiting for. Finally all of their hard work and sacrifice had paid off. This was a huge milestone in Trey’s life, but he didn’t feel the happiness he should be overwhelmed with. He wished Jasmine was there by his side to celebrate this moment with him. She was what was missing. His heart ached just to see her smile, and tell him how proud she was of him. As he waited for Mike to show up his phone rang. It was a 716 phone number that he didn’t recognize. He answered it reluctantly saying hello.

The female caller’s said “Hello is this, Trey?”