Running Away From Love (26 page)

He didn’t really react to what I had just said. But I knew just by looking into his eyes that he was hurt. He just said calmly “I know about it already, Jasmine and I forgive you. If you’re willing to forgive me then I am willing to forgive you. We can still be together despite the mistakes we both have made. It’s all in the past. I want to look towards the future. We can move forward. But you need to make a choice right now. Either marry me or go back to him. It’s all up to you, Jasmine. If you don’t love him anymore than obviously the choice would be to marry me. If you decide not to marry me then I will know you still love him. I’m willing to accept whatever choice you make, Jasmine, as long as it is an honest one.”

I decided to not disclose the fact that there may be a chance that I’m pregnant. I didn’t want to deal with that situation just yet until I had a real confirmation. Slowly I let out a yes agreeing to marry him. As soon as I said yes everyone in the reception erupted in applause. I guess they had been hanging in suspense the whole time that we were talking. He smiled as he quickly rose up to his feet scooping me into his arms.

He hugged me tight and kissed my lips as he said “I love you so much baby. I promise that you won’t regret choosing us.”

              Everyone rushed over to us and began giving their congratulations. I was finally able to introduce Quincy to my mom and stepdad. My mom was very excited to finally meet him. I didn’t realize that he never met my family since we have been dating.

She gave him a hug as she said “It’s nice to finally meet you Quincy. I’ve heard so much about you. I hear that you have been taking real good care of my baby girl out there in New York City. I had no idea that you two were thinking about marriage.”

She reached out and looking the ring on my finger and smiled. Q said “It’s so good to finally meet you too Mrs. James. I do love your daughter very much. Marriage has been on my mind for a while now. Jasmine just had no idea about what I was planning. I just needed the perfect time and moment to ask her. I’m just happy that she said yes. And I promise you that I will always take care of her. I love your baby girl very much she is always in good hands when she is with me.”

My mom reached out and hugged him again, and then me as she said congratulations. She kept staring at me like she knew something was wrong. I tried to hide it, but it wasn’t working.

So she said “Jasmine, can I talk to you for a minute alone please. Quincy please excuse us for just a moment.” I agreed and walked towards the bathroom with my mom.

As we were inside my mom just stared at me for a minute. She grabbed my hands into hers and said “What’s wrong, baby girl? He just proposed to you, and you don’t even look happy about it. You have been so distant since you’ve been home. What’s going on with you?”

I didn’t want to talk about it. So I tried to brush her off as I said “I don’t want to talk about it mom. It’s really not even a big deal anyway.”

She said angrily “Jasmine, I know when something is wrong. We talk about everything so just spit it out.”

I sighed before I said “Okay well lately I’ve been talking to Trey again. We ran into each other awhile back. And he has been pursuing me relentlessly. He admitted to all his wrong doings, and asked for my forgiveness. He keeps on telling me how much he loves me, and how he wants to be with me again. Recently me and Quincy got into this huge fight and I was really upset. I didn’t have anywhere to go so I ended up at Trey’s house. Trey took me in and calmed me down. I guess what is bothering me the most is that it just felt so right being there with him. Now I feel horrible for letting things go as far as I have with Trey. I feel like I’ve lost control of everything. It feels like my life is slowly spinning out of control. I don’t know what I’m doing. I never thought it was possible to love more than one person. Now I just agreed to marry Quincy, but I think my heart belongs to another man. Ever since I reconnected with Trey I’ve been fighting what I feel for him. I just have no idea what I’m doing anymore. I’ve been wrecking my brain trying to figure all this out, and I seem to only keep making things worse.”

She said “Matters of the heart are not easy to deal with, Jasmine. But you should always remember to follow your heart no matter what. Your heart will never lead you wrong. I know you feel like your heart lead you wrong in the past when it came to Trey. But in every relationship there will be ups and downs. Sometimes you may even fall apart only find that you need that person. I can tell you know exactly where you want to be. As I look into your eyes right now, I can tell your heart isn’t with the man who is out there waiting for you. If I can see it, then I know it’s obvious to him as well. He just isn’t willing to accept it. Do not marry that man, if you can’t imagine living the rest of life without him. If you do chose to go through with it, it will be the worst mistake you will ever make. Sometimes, baby girl you, overthink things way too much. You need to realize that you will never be able to control your heart. The heart wants, what the heart wants. Your heart is there for a reason, start using it. You can’t run away from love because in the end, when it finally catches up to you, baby girl, you’re going to fall harder than you have ever fallen before. You don’t want to miss out on true love because you’re being stubborn and scared.”

I fought back my tears as I said “I know, mom.”

She hugged me and said “Please think about what I said. No matter what you decide I support you.” After she said that she walked outside the bathroom going back to the reception. After she left I gazed at myself in the mirror. As I looked at myself all I could think was what in the hell am I doing.

London then walked into the bathroom, and she just stood there looking at me. I said clearly annoyed “I really don’t want to hear whatever your about to say, London.”

She ignored me and said “What the hell are you doing, Jasmine? Seriously, you just agreed to marry Quincy? You love Trey, Jasmine. Why do you keep doing this to yourself? I really don’t understand why you keep on rejecting shit that is so damn obvious. Why do you always have to be so damn stubborn all the time? I get it; everyone gets it. Trey broke your fucking heart. But you need to let it go! Stop hiding behind the hurt, and finally move on with your life. Did you even notice you didn’t smile once when the man asked you to marry him? How can you agree to get married when you didn’t even work out your issues with each other yet? Jasmine, he hit you and slept with another bitch behind your back. And if that isn’t enough the bitch is pregnant with his child. Now he has the nerve to walk his ass into my wedding like nothing happened, and ask you to marry him. And you really just agreed to marry this fool. It’s like you’re saying all the fucked up shit he did is okay. How could you really stand here and agree to marry his trifling ass? Trey did some really fucked up shit to you in the past, but you’re hell bent on not forgiving him. So how is it that you forgave Q so quickly? What Quincy has done does not even compare to your situation with Trey in the past. I feel like you’re making a huge mistake, and I wouldn’t be a real friend if I didn’t tell you.”

As she was saying all of this a flash of heat spread throughout my entire body. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I began to gag, so I quickly rushed into an empty stall, and I started to throw up. London quickly rushed by my side, and held back my hair. I threw up any and everything that was in my stomach. It’s normally not a good sign to throw up after you just got proposed to. This is supposed to be one of the happiest moments of my life, but I felt the farthest thing happy. I got up and rinsed my mouth out. London gave me a breath mint as I tried to clean myself up.

As I pulled myself together she said “Why are you throwing up? Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I don’t know why I’m throwing up,” I lied. “I guess I’m just nervous about all of this. Yes, I have a ton of reservations about marrying Quincy. What happened between me and Trey was a mistake that should have never happened.”

She tried to get another word in, but I cut her off. I yelled at her this time. “Stop it, London! Why can’t you just be happy for me? Why do you have to say I’m making a mistake? I’ve always supported your decisions whether they were good or bad. I never once judged you like you doing to me right now. I need for you to just be happy for me as my friend. I have always been happy for you, London. All I’m asking for is for you to show me the same respect.”

After I said that I walked back out to join Q. As I left the bathroom the pregnancy test I took this morning fell out of my purse. London picked it up and saw the plus sign. She stood there shocked. It hurt her that I was keeping a secret like this from her. We never kept secrets from each other. We told one another everything. So she began to think of the reasons why I would keep this a secret from her. And the only reason she could think of was that the person I was pregnant by wasn’t Quincy. She put two and two together and realized that I was pregnant by Trey. Well, this was it; she now knew what she needed to do. The wedding between Quincy and I couldn’t happen. She had no choice but to intervene and stop me from making a huge mistake. No matter how much I pleaded her to stay out of it, she made up her mind that she couldn’t. Even though she really didn’t care for Trey after all that he has done to me, in the past, she knew he was the right man for me. And if there was any chance the baby could be his, she felt like he had the right to know. Even if it meant that she would have to tell him herself. London formed a plan in her mind right then in there before she rejoined her reception to enjoy the rest of her wedding day.

As soon as I got back home from Buffalo I immediately made a doctor’s appointment. I needed to get a real confirmation that I was pregnant, and to learn how far along I am. As I waited for my doctor to come back into the room, I was a nervous wreck. She came back in smiling and congratulating me. She told me that I was about five weeks pregnant. As soon as the words left her lips, all of my nervousness vanished. I instantly fell in love with my unborn child growing inside of me. It was amazing to me how instantaneous the unconditional love fell over me. I couldn’t stop smiling. I have always wanted to be a mom, but a lot of times I felt like it might never be my reality. I would be lying if I didn’t wish that the circumstances of this pregnancy were completely different. I would rather have the father of my child right here, sharing this moment by my side. I still hadn’t told anyone about my pregnancy. I just couldn’t work up the nerve to say anything to anyone. How would I even begin to explain this whole thing? Everyone would just assume that the father is Quincy, but the reality is that the father is Trey. How would I explain that one night of passion produced a love child? I am afraid that people would judge me, or think that I’m type of hoe for this happening.

There is definitely no question about me keeping my baby. The issue is I agreed to marry Quincy knowing the possibility of me being pregnant with another man’s child. Since our blow up, I know Quincy and I will more than likely not end up together, and deep down I know he knows this as well. But it’s like we both don’t have the strength to end it. I know it will crush him to find out I’m pregnant with another man’s child, especially when he used to beg me to have his child. I couldn’t help but wonder if my denying Quincy a child was the reason he ended up getting his side chick pregnant? Maybe my aspirations with my career forced my man into the arms of another woman. I was just settling into my career, and I didn’t have the time to start a family. Plus we could never agree on things when it came to starting a family. He made it clear that if I had his child he wanted me to be a stay at home mom.

He didn’t care that idea was now how I wanted my life to be. No matter how many times I tried to explain that to him he just refused to ever see things my way. Everything had to be on Quincy’s terms and Quincy’s way he never compromised most of the time. I worked damn hard to get to where I am in my career, and giving it all up because I had Q’s child was something I wasn’t willing to do. So I avoided getting pregnant all together. I forced him to use a condom every time we had sex. He hated it, but he knew he wasn’t getting it any other way. I didn’t like the long term effects of birth control, so I never got on it. I heard that birth control could lead to cancer, or fertility issues down the line.

Ever since we came back to NYC together, we both put on this front like we were this happy couple. I had to smile when all I really wanted to do was hide. The whole cheating situation had now become public. Lisa was not being quiet about her relationship with Q. Pictures began to surface on almost every gossip, and social network site. I couldn’t go anywhere without someone staring and whispering about me. The headlines haunted me almost every single day. I was trying every day to get over this situation, but it was constantly being thrown in my face every way that I turned. But the million dollar question on everyone’s minds was why I still stayed by his side. Everyone knew Lisa is pregnant with Q’s baby. All of this drama was a gossip and blog site gold mine. I was so embarrassed that my private life and relationship was now available for the entire world to judge and see. It was way too much attention, and I hated every single minute of it.