Running Away From Love (14 page)

I was shocked that he really was saying all of this. I guess I never realized that I was even holding him accountable for what happened with Trey.

I was on the defensive now so I said “Trey has nothing to do with you and me, Quincy! You are two very different men, and I know that.”

He yelled at me this time saying “He has every fucking thing to do with me and you! You’re so scared to let anyone love you, because you’re afraid to get hurt again. Your perspective on men and love is so damn fucked up after dealing with that nigga. But you say you want a man in your life who loves you. Well I’m right here telling you I love you, Jasmine. And if you want me in your life then you really need to let go of your past. Just take a chance and let me love you. Do you really want to miss out on a good man, because you’re scared? I can’t keep going back and forth with you forever, Jasmine.”

He took my hands into his as he stared into my eyes. He said “I’m right here telling you that I am not him Jasmine, and I will never be him. What we have together is real. I will never let you change who you are for me. I love you just the way that you are, and I wouldn’t have you any other way. I just want you to let go, and let me into your heart. I’m trying to build a future with you. All I want is for you to be as serious about me as I am about you. I don’t think that is too much to ask for. All I’m asking for is for you to take a chance on us. I mean I took a chance on opening myself up to you knowing how emotionally damaged you were. I think it is time that you return the favor.”

              I didn’t know what to say. I mean I knew what he wanted to hear, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to say it. Our whole relationship ever since we agreed to be with each other exclusively has moved so fast. I just didn’t want to rush anything between us. At the same time the truth is that I’m scared to death to tell another man that I love him. I never had a love that was reciprocated back to me like Q has been giving me. So naturally I am skeptical. As I stared into his eyes I could see the anger, and frustration. But before I could speak he blew up on me.

He said “Damn, Jasmine is it really like that! I open up my heart to you, and you can’t even accept it! I’ve been trying so hard to get you to let me in, but now I’m beginning to feel like I’m wasting my damn time with you. You will never get over all your bullshit issues with men!”

He grabbed his coat and keys and began to head towards the door.

I cut him off and said “Wait, please don’t leave, Quincy! I’m just a little bit surprised by everything that you just said. I’m not really sure what to say right now.”

He wasn’t trying to hear me so he said “Just get the fuck outta my way, Jasmine!”

I stayed still in his way and said “Okay, I’m sorry Q, just stop please! You just caught me off guard. I had no idea that you felt that way about me.”

He looked at me like I was crazy as he said “Jasmine, are you fucking joking? You know how I feel about you. What I feel for you I never once tried to hide. You just keep trying to downplay it!”

I grabbed him by the hand, but he snatched his hand away. He was definitely pissed off with me. I knew that I had to diffuse this situation quickly.

I said “I know you’re mad at how I handled the situation, and I am sorry. You’re completely right. I do try to downplay our relationship a little bit to avoid me having to completely give all of myself to you. It really has nothing to do with you it is all. It is very hard trying to take down all of my defensive barriers after years of it being I place. It’s just that sometimes the closer I get to you the more scared I become. I can feel myself wanting to pull away trying to save myself from falling in love with you. But there is no denying that you’re an amazing man to me. The truth is, yes, I do love you. You know I have a hard time showing my emotions and feelings. And it’s really nothing against you it’s just something I started doing after my relationship with Trey. I know you and him are two very different men, and I love that you are nothing like him. I’m sorry if I came off as insensitive to your feelings, Q. Can you forgive me please?”

He just looked at me and I got scared that I had just fucked up big time. I lowered my head trying to hold back my tears. But he pulled my head up, and he kissed my lips.

He said “It’s okay, baby, I forgive you. I just need you to stop overthinking everything. You overanalyze everything when it comes to me and you. I am not him, Jasmine. I will never hurt you like he did. Just relax baby and let me love you. I promise I got you. I will never do anything to hurt or break your heart, baby.”

He opened up his arms, and I embraced him immediately as he wrapped his arms around me. I kissed his lips as I said “I love you and I’m so sorry. Please, Quincy, just promise me that you will not hurt me. I cannot take another heartbreak. All I want is to love and be loved.”

He looked into my eyes as he said “I promise you I will never break your heart. All I want to do is love you.”

I smiled and said “So with that being said, I would love to take the next step with you. I’m ready for the next step, if you are still willing to have me.”

He smiled as he said “The offer is still on the table, and nothing would make me happier baby. I would love to wake up every day to your beautiful face.”

I smiled as I jumped into his arms and he lifted me in the air. I wrapped my legs around his waist and kissed his lips. I said “Wow so all of this is really happening, huh?”

He grinned and said “Yes, it is all happening right now. Are you sure you’re really ready for it?”

I took a deep breath and said “Yes, I am. As long as you promise you got me and won’t let me fall.”

“I promise I will always be there to catch if you ever fall.”

              Q yelled from downstairs “Damn, Jasmine you are taking forever to get ready, and were going to be late. Are you ready to go yet?”

I yelled back from upstairs saying “I‘m coming.”

Tonight we are going out to an after party for the ESPY Awards. I guess making a whole bunch of appearances at the different sports events is a must if you are in a relationship with an athlete. I will admit that this whole lifestyle was starting to wear me down a little bit. I was beginning to hate having to be so sociable all the damn time. I am normally a very quiet person. And I keep to myself for the most part, but you can’t be that way at these types of events. I loved Q, but I was beginning to wonder if this lifestyle was one that I could really live for the rest of my life. I’m always alone in this apartment while he travels and plays ball. I mean I understand that basketball is his job, and his first love. But it can get really lonely at times. I guess I didn’t realize how much effort you have to put into a relationship when you’re dating a professional athlete. It is definitely a life that takes time for you to get used to.

You hear so much about athletes, and the trifling stuff that some of them do to their women. It can be very hard to not think about if your man is out there doing the same. Hell I’ve seen women throw themselves at my man while I was standing right there with him. It’s amazing how some of these chicks have no type of respect for themselves or another woman. But I trust Q I know he wouldn’t betray me like that. He hasn’t given me any reason not to trust him. I have access to everything he has; we don’t have any secrets. I am a firm believer in if you don’t have trust, you have nothing but an end to your relationship. Thank God for my dog, Lyric, and work, or else I would have been gone crazy.

Tonight my whole outfit was on point. I wore a form fitting white dress by Herv Ledger. This dress complimented and highlighted my curves perfectly. I matched it with white strappy YSL stilettos that Q had bought me as for our six month anniversary last week. My man knew that his boo had a thing for nice shoes. My makeup was light and very natural. I looked great, and would definitely do my man justice on his arm tonight.

              As I walked down the stairs to meet up with Q, I saw his eyes light up as he looked at me.

He said “Damn baby you look beautiful.”

I kissed him on the lips as I said “Thank you! I’m glad that you like it.”

He pulled me into his arms and placed kisses all over my neck as he said “You look so damn good tonight. I don’t even want to take you out of this house. I want to keep you all to myself. Yup, I’m being selfish and I don’t care.”

I laughed as I said “Come on now stop playing you was just rushing me a minute ago, and now you want to be looking all lustful at me. Nope not right now we have somewhere to go, and we are already late so stop it. No time for a quickie sorry. But you are looking and smelling real good right now.”

I kissed him seductively and sucked slightly on his bottom lip. He managed to slip his hand under my dress. He began to stroke me light and slow as I wrapped my leg around his waist. I moaned in pleasure as I said “Stop, we really have to go.”

He didn’t stop he kept stroking me and kissed me as he said “You didn’t wear any panties for a reason. So stop talking.”

After he said that he picked me up and placed me on top of the kitchen counter. He got on his knees and rolled up my dress above my waist. He placed light kisses all over my clit. He licked, kissed, and sucked every part of me. I dug my heels into his back the deeper that his tongue went. I loved it I placed my hands on the back of his head pushing him in even deeper. As my moans became louder he picked up his pace and ate relentlessly. Once he did that I couldn’t hold back anymore I screamed as I came hard. My orgasm was so intense that I thought my juices would drown him. But he didn’t let a single drop escape his mouth. My body was shaking as I tried to come down off of my orgasmic high. As he got up off his knees he just looked at me smiling and licking his lips. As soon as I stopped shaking he took me down from off of the counter.

He laughed as he said “Now didn’t that feel good? Just so you know that was just a preview of what is to come tonight.”

I pulled down my dress and laughed as I said “Well now, since I’m fully satisfied, I might go to sleep early tonight.”

He smacked me on the butt as he said “Yeah, okay you can play hard to get if you want. Just know that when we get back home that ass is all mine. He walked away going into the bathroom to wash his face and brushed his teeth.

He said “Tonight we may even finally make us a baby. I think that it’s about time that we start a family. You already know that I plan on making you my wife. I don’t see any reason why we can’t start a family now. I mean I know how you feel about work. Your schedule is busy, but so is mine. I was thinking that once we start a family you can stop working all together. I make more than enough money to take care of us. Plus I’m sick of wearing condoms, Jasmine we have been together for a while I think we are passed that now.”

I got aggravated with this conversation. I didn’t want to have this conversation at all. We can never see eye to eye on this whole family thing. He wants me to be a stay at home mom which is not what I want. He should know by now how much my career goals mean to me. Yes I want to have a family eventually, but I also have a career that I value. I couldn’t understand what made him think that I couldn’t have both? Plus I refuse just be his baby mother. If I’m going to do this I want to do it the right way. I want to be a wife first, and enjoy being married. Then we can work on starting a family. So I chose not to engage in this conversation to avoid an argument.

So I just smiled and said “I hear you, baby we can talk about it later.” I went into the bathroom to freshen up before we left out of the house.

             
Q and I sat at a table with a bunch of his teammates and their wives, girlfriends, and even some of their mistresses. I was getting real annoyed because one of Q’s teammates kept staring at me like he wanted to take a bite out of me. So I moved in closer to Q and kissed him. I wanted to show his teammate that I was far from being even slightly interested in him. He needed to know I was nothing like the other scandalous chicks he came across. I am loyal to my man. Once I did that he turned his attention away, and I just laughed.

Q looked at me surprised as he said “I don’t know what that was for, but I want more.”

I smiled as I pulled him into me by his chin, and we kissed some more.

He said “You need to stop teasing me, before I take you out to the car.”