Ruined: Loving An Alpha Male: BWWM Romance (32 page)

“Oh yes, we are. Come on, don’t be a chicken.”

“What’s the game?” Marie asked.

“Well, for fun, Kat, her mom, and myself used to play something sort of like ‘I Declare War.’ We quickly throw down cards until we get a match. Then we spell out I-D-e-c-l-a-r-e-W-a-r with the cards. Whoever has the highest card wins and gets to pick a song for the loser to sing. And they have to sing it, no matter what.”

“Oh, that sounds like fun. I want to play,” Marie said, and then looked at Diane.

Diane shook her head.

“Oh no. I can’t sing. I’ll sit this out.”

“Okay, so let’s get started. Cory, do you have the mic set up with the karaoke machine?”

“Yes, ma’am. Go for it.”

So we started the game slow. I ended up being the first loser, and Kat won the hand.

“Okay, my friend. Since it’s my birthday, I want you to sing…N’sync’s
Bye-Bye-Bye
.”

I laughed and grabbed the mic. When the song started, I sang and danced around as much as I could with my dress on. Kat and Marie were up dancing in front of me as I sung. Cory just shook his head, as I tried to make Kat and Marie laugh. We went through a lot of rounds, where all of us had to get up and sing. We had Marie singing songs, although she had no idea how they went, which was funny. She was all over the place, but we had so much fun. Hell, even Diane was laughing at us.

We made Cory buy us drinks from the bar, and I swear I was barely holding on. Marie ended up quitting on us, and it was just me and Kat. I lost the next hand, and she grinned.

“I want you to sing Deborah Cox’s ‘Nobody’s supposed to be here.’”

My eyes got big.

“Really. Are we going there?”

She nodded.

“Oh yeah, baby. Sing that damn song.”

I rolled my eyes and, as the music started and I heard the background come in, I started singing on cue. If you don’t know the words, it’s about a love coming into your life when you least expect it. So I started the first verse, and in walks Mason, Marc, and AB. Cory was standing in front of me, but further back. Mason stood next to him, and I just started to get into my song by the first chorus.

When I started the second verse, I don’t know whom I was singing to. It didn’t matter. I closed my eyes and just sung my heart out to whoever was listening. The lyrics to the song filled me and made me think back to how my feelings for Mason snuck up on me, and made me realize how easily it has happened again.

When I finished the song, Kat jumped up and clapped.

Marie said to me, “Oh my goodness. That was like I was at a concert.”

I smiled and made sure to not look in Mason’s direction, although I could have sworn that his eyes were on me. I looked over at Kat.

“Oh, you know that payback is a bitch, right?”

Of course luck was on my side, because I won the next game and smiled.

“Lauryn Hill’s
Ex-factor
.”

She stood and shook her head. “You don’t love me at all, do you?”

I laughed. “Come on. I’ll sing with you.”

The music started, and I let her take the lead on the song. This is also one of those songs that talk about a woman who is in love with a guy who doesn’t know how to love her back. Well, that’s my opinion, anyway. She started the first verse. Then I sang the second verse for her, saying how a guy can just express how he feels so easily but then can just walk away.

What I love about this song is the hook. It is perfect for how AB has been treating her, which is why I got her to sing this song.

We both sang this song for the two men in our lives that have no idea how much they affect us but won’t take that chance to see the reward. Kat and I were in our own worlds as we sang. When we were done, Cory started playing some dancing music, and we just started dancing. We heard screaming and clapping, and we saw that the
band and some of the people we invited from the bar the other night had arrived.

This party for eight had turned into a real party. I was relieved, because I didn’t want to pull another card and lose. There was no telling what Kat would have asked me to sing.

Kat and I danced with everyone in the room except for the people our hearts wanted the most. I looked over at Cory, and I could tell something was heavy on his mind. I knew it was time I made a decision. For some reason, tonight was telling me more and more that I shouldn’t be wanting a man that didn’t want me.

I was stealing glances at Mason and Diane, and it seemed they were in their own world. He would touch her and whisper to her, and all she would do is smile at him and lean into him slightly. I sighed. She is the woman for him, and I need to accept that. He doesn’t want me; I’m not the one for him. I wanted to cry. I didn’t know what I did wrong to change his mind about me.

As the night went on, I continued to drink until I was going to pass out. Cory looked over at me with worry, but I gave him a reassuring smile. If there’s one thing I mastered over the years, it is my tolerance for alcohol.

I noticed that Kat was screaming for AB to give her some attention, but he seemed to be a little preoccupied with a few of the bar maids that came to the party.

As the night went on, our party mood started to fade. Marie mentioned to some of the guys from the band what we were doing before they showed up.

“Can you two lovely ladies sing?” one of the older guys that played the drums asked.

“Oh yeah, they can,” Marie told them.

“Well hell, why don’t you sing something for us?” he asked.

“I would love to hear you beautiful women sing us a song.”

A couple of the guys around us started clapping, and I pushed Kat up to the front.

“I don’t know what to sing.”

She looked out onto the crowd and saw AB still talking to a couple of women in the back of the room. She narrowed her eyes.

“Now I know what to sing.”

Cory was playing slow mellow songs at this point, so it didn’t matter if he played the song through a CD or if it was sung live. She whispered her song selection, and he smiled and shook his head.

I reached for the mic and said into it, “The birthday girl here wants to sing a song for the guests that came to party with us.”

The guys that were next to us clapped, while the music started. I smiled when I heard the beat, because I knew someone was in trouble tonight. The song was Tamia’s
Stranger in My House
. It talks about a woman who feels as though her man has become a stranger to her. He doesn’t feel the same as he used to, but he won’t tell her that he’s changed. But in the song she contemplates that maybe it’s her wanting more, and he’s the one that hasn’t changed at all.

Tiffany has an amazing voice. Her range can go close to a first soprano and close to a second alto. When we sing together, she usually takes the higher notes. She’s an amazing singer that sings with so much passion, so when she started to sing everyone took notice.

I swear the way she sang this song sounded close to the original, but had a taste of Kat all in it. When she ended the song, everyone stood and applauded. I looked back and seemed to have seen more people standing in the room than what we had before. AB looked angry, but I saw Mason lean into him to say something that relaxed his face ever so slightly.

“… And now we’ll have the final song done by Maxine Shaw.”

I whipped my head around and frowned.

“Oh no, I’m done singing,” I told her.

“Nope, you’re not. It’s my birthday officially now, and you owe me a song. Let’s go hop to it.”

The guys from the band were chanting my name, with help from Kat. I groaned and rose from my seat.

“Sing my favorite please?”

“Oh, come on. Kat, no.”

I looked around the room, and my eyes landed on a curious Mason.

“Yes. Please? It was my mom’s favorite. Can you do it in memory of her?”

I closed my eyes and nodded. Kat hugged me fiercely, and she announced.

“Most of you know Monkey and I are very close. We grew up together. To entertain my mom, sometimes we would sing songs to her. One of my mom’s favorite songs for Monkey to sing was
I Have Nothing
by Whitney Houston.”

I stood there feeling a little exposed. I’ve never been nervous to sing. It’s usually the opposite. I feel confident and at peace. What’s unnerving me is the set of piercing blue eyes that feel like they are breaking me down. I know this song I’m about to sing is going to be something else entirely. I start off soft, and I look around the room. I feel my body getting into character as I sing. I’m becoming one with the music and one with the lyrics. They speak to two parts of my life. One is the life I should have with Cory. But the second is the life I’ve had with Mason and so desperately want to have again…but can’t.

When I get to the famous chord of the song to bring in the chorus, I’m completely enthralled in the music and my performance. I don’t see anyone in front of me but Mason. I’m singing to him without even realizing that I am. I can’t move my eyes from his. He’s leaning back in his chair with his arm around Diane, which fuels me even more to express my feelings through this song.

When the music stopped, I felt so much energy surging through my body. I couldn’t contain it. I noticed everyone was standing, except Mason. He just watched me with a blank expression that I couldn’t read. Kat broke my trance by hugging me. She had tears in her eyes, and I knew they were tears for her mom.

She whispered, “Thank you.”

I nodded and kissed her cheek.

“Okay, that was fucking sick. I tell you that if you don’t sign a contract with someone, you’re doing this world a disservice,” Danny, the lead singer from the band, remarked.

Everyone around me congratulated me—telling me how I need to sing and how rare my gift was—but I was only partly listening. I needed some air.

I went over to Cory and whispered, “I need you to wrap this party up and meet me in the room. You and I really need to talk.”

I gave him a reassuring look. Watching the lack of reaction to my song in Mason’s eyes, the way he was touching Diane tonight, I know what I’m doing and feeling is wrong. I have a great man in my life that wants to be with me. He knows all my faults and flaws, and he still wants me. That is saying something, in my opinion.

Cory smiled brightly and said in the mic, “Well, cousin, I hope you had a great birthday party. But we have to say ‘goodnight.’”

I looked at Kat, and we had unspoken communication between each other. She knew I needed to leave this room, and she nodded and smiled. Leaving the room took a while, though. There were more people in this room, mainly hotel workers, telling me how beautiful I sounded and looked. Hell, I think someone slipped me their room key.

Marie and Marcus each hugged me before I left and escaped to my room. I couldn’t get out of this dress fast enough. I settled on a pair of cotton shorts and an oversize sweatshirt that hung off my shoulders and didn’t reach but to the middle of my waist.

I paced around in the room, trying to decide how I’m going to approach this with Cory. I purposefully didn’t have on any underclothes. That should make this easier. I just take off the shirt when he gets in here, and he should be able to take it from there, right? Maybe if I give myself to him finally, I can let Mason go. There was a knock on my door. So without thinking I quickly opened it, and found Marcus standing in front of me. He seemed to have on a different jacket than before, but I couldn’t quite understand why.

“What?” I said bluntly.

“Max, we need to talk.”

He walked inside my room, and I looked at him. I watched his eyes, and I couldn’t read anything in his eyes, which reminded me of his brother.

I lost it. “What else does he want from me? Does he want me to apologize for that song, because I can’t. God, just tell him I get it. Okay? I finally accept that he doesn’t want me. I’m not good enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not sexy enough. I’m not rich enough for him. I understand all of that now, okay? I know I’ll never be good enough for him, Marcus. I get it. You don’t have to tell me anything. He doesn’t have to use you to shatter me, because he can do it himself.”

I stopped talking abruptly, as I saw the shock in Marcus’ face. I realized I was pacing, and I felt wetness on my cheeks. Now look what I’ve done. Marcus was about to say something, but I backed away from him and left my own room. I just ran out of there, took the side door down the hall, and ran outside.

The shame I felt was too overwhelming. I couldn’t handle it anymore. Now I have made a complete fool of myself in front of both brothers. This is fucking fantastic.

I couldn’t move. Watching Maxine all night with those band members from the other night had me really pissed off. I mean the flirting that was going on was unfucking bearable. I could barely take Cory, but now these fucking schmucks touching her, smiling at her, and dancing with her was too much for me to bear. Now she stood up there and bared her soul to me. I felt like the biggest fucking idiot known to man. I didn’t feel I deserved her before, and now I really don’t think I do.

She is so amazing and beautiful and sexy as hell…and I broke her. I left her hanging without even the decency of telling her it was over to her face. Out of all the mistakes and losses I had in my life, losing her was the worst of them all. I miss her so damn much, and I’m still completely in love with her. I knew that the moment I saw her come to the table a few days ago. I knew it the moment she was leaving to go home, and we had it out in the parking lot. I knew it the moment when I touched her for the first time in years.

‘What the hell am I doing?’

When everyone clapped and stood, I couldn’t move. I wanted to. Hell, I wanted to go to her and kiss her, claiming once again what’s mine. But I couldn’t move. She stunned me, humbled me, and claimed me all over again…and I couldn’t fucking move.

As she left the room, I finally found my chest moving. I was breathing again. I looked over at Diane, who was studying me closely. I smiled as best as I could and asked her if she’s ready to go. She nodded, and I told her to give me a minute. Marc and I both stood and headed out of the room to put Marc’s disguise plan into action. Earlier in the day, I got my hair cut to match my brother and made sure we had shaved completely. We typically don’t do much when we do this. We combed our hair the same way, and Marcus borrowed AB’s jacket that matched mine. We wore the same shirt, but with the intent of making this switch. Max was right. We do look slightly different, but you would really have to know us to see the difference. When we headed back to our table, Diane was the only one sitting there.

I watched Marc approach and he asked, “Where did Marie go?”

She looked up at him and smiled. Then she looked at me.

“Oh, she went to the room.”

I just looked at her. Could she really not tell us apart? We left the room together, and headed toward our hotel room.

I was on the second floor, so I said to my brother, “Hey, Mason, I’m going to check on my beautiful wife, see if she needs me to tuck her in. Then come back to help Cory. It might take a while though, so you might want to start helping Cory when you get there.” I smiled devilishly at him.

I give credit to my brother; I didn’t see him flinch, even though I know he wanted to cuss me out for talking about his wife.

“That’s fine with me, bro. I’ll see you in a few minutes,” he told me.

I turned and backed away, still facing him and Diane.

I said, “Well, I should be about thirty… No, make that forty-five minutes.”

I turned away from him and smiled. He was going to whip my ass later, I knew. I laughed at the thought. When I reached my brother’s room, I hoped Marie was dressed. If she wasn’t, it would really be awkward. When I opened the door, I was glad to see she still had her dress on. She walked toward me and smiled.

“Really? So this is how he wants to play it?”

I feigned confusion.

“What do you mean?”

She sighed.

“Very well then, Mason. Can you help me with my zipper?”

“Now hold on here. You mean to tell me you think I’m Mason? All the years we’ve been together, you mean to tell me you can’t tell the difference between me and my brother?”

I helped her with her zipper, and she turned back to face me.

“Please, I knew you were Mason the moment you walked in the door. Now stop being an idiot and tell me where my husband is.”

I grinned at her.

“Well, he’s escorting Diane to our hotel room.”

I walked past her to their refrigerator and helped myself to a bottle of water.

“Are you kidding me?”

“Nope, now go put something decent on before my brother really kills me.”

Ten minutes later, she was back wearing a pair of shorts and t-shirt. She sat next to me.

“So, Diane couldn’t tell you two apart?”

“Apparently not. At least not while I was around. I’m not sure if she figured it out once he got her to the room or not. But the way she was looking up at him told me she hadn’t a clue.” I turned my body to face her. “How did you know so fast?”

She shrugged.

“Mason, let me be blunt, okay? It is very hard to tell you two apart. You two are spitting images of each other. But if a person really cares about the two of you, they can tell the small differences in the way you two walk, talk, smile, the look in each of your eyes. I mean, I feel protected with the both of you. But with you, it’s more like brotherly protection. I can see that you love me and care about me. There’s no question about that. But that’s it. With Marc, I can see and feel how much he loves me. I get excited and nervous at the same time when he’s next to me. There’s no mistaking the charge I feel from being with him, and I don’t feel that with you. Now, I don’t know how AB can tell, but that’s how I can.”

She touched my leg.

“I’m sorry Diane can’t. Maybe she just needs more time.”

I didn’t reply. Diane has known me longer than Marie has. But even putting aside the time frame, Max picked me out of a picture when we first me. When I show that photo to everyone else I know, they can’t tell the difference. But she could. I wondered if I affected her the same way Marie was affected by my brother. Once I thought it, I knew the answer instantly, and it was like another punch to my gut.

Marie and I talked a little bit more about my nieces and nephew, when my brother knocked on the door. I went to answer it, and he looked strangely at me.

“What? Did Diane hit on you, or something?” I asked, trying to figure out what had him so upset.

“Nah, that’s a hopeless cause. I don’t know if it’s the alcohol or not, but she thought I was you all the way. She said she’d be waiting up for you and to not be too long.”

I nodded.

“Okay, so what’s up? Why are you looking at me like I’ve done some egregious act or something?”

“Well, since I knew Diane couldn’t recognize me, I went to see Max.”

I stood up straighter. “And?”

He shook his head. “And I know I said this before, but you’ve really fucked up big time, bro. I mean really screwed up. You need to go find her.”

I walked toward him.

“What did you say to her?”

He put his hands up in surrender.

“Hey, don’t be pissed at me. I didn’t do or say shit. This is all you, man. She didn’t let me say a word. She just went off, thinking I was there to give her a message from you again; just like I did with the letter.”

I was stunned. I asked, even though I knew the answer, “She knew it was you?”

“Yes, she knew as soon as I walked in the door.”

I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. I said, “Where is she?”

He shrugged again. “I don’t know. She headed toward the beach. Man, I bought you some time with Diane; you need to do something to make this right.”

I nodded and left their room as quickly as I could. I didn’t know what I would say to her. I just hoped it would come to me when I saw her. I made my way out of the back of the hotel and walked down the wooden walkway to the beach. I looked around at first and finally spotted her down by the water. I trekked to her, not caring about the sand that was getting in my shoes. When I finally got to solid sand, she turned as if she knew I was going to be there.

I saw the tears in her eyes, and I instantly felt the ice around my heart melt. I got to her as quickly as I could and wrapped my left arm around her. My right arm went instinctively into her hair, and I tilted her face up as I devoured her in the most desperate kiss I have ever felt.

She was stunned but only briefly, as I felt her hands go in my hair. Damn, tasting her again has fueled the fire in me. It’s coursing through my body like the most potent drug known. I wanted more. I needed to feel her. I traveled my left hand down to her butt and pulled her closer to me, without breaking this kiss. I then took my hand over her beautiful ass and went under her shorts and felt her bare ass. I deepened our kiss even more. Damn it, my dick felt like it was going to explode from the pressure.

I had to calm down, or I would take her right here on this beach without a care in the world. I pulled back slightly, but rested my forehead on hers. I caressed her hips and arms, trying to get my heart rate lowered. I finally found my voice, and I said her name. I felt her head shake, and she tried to move away from me, but I didn’t let her go.

“Tell me you still love me,” I whispered, taking a hell of a risk.

But I didn’t know what else to say. Damn, I wanted her to say yes to me. But she shook her head. “Please, Mason. I can’t do this. I can’t.”

“Allura…”

I tried to not let her go, but she pushed away from me. I heard and felt her starting to get upset again. The last thing I want to do is hurt her again. So I had to put away my selfishness and let her go.

“Look at me?” I asked her, but she didn’t.

She shook her head and mouthed, “I can’t,” and walked back toward the hotel. I watched her walk away, and it was that moment that I knew that I never wanted to see her walk away from me again.

Damn it, I shouldn’t have kissed her. I wasn’t sure what came over me. For the life of me, I couldn’t control it even if I did know. Just seeing the tears in her eyes made me feel like shit. All I wanted to do was make her pain go away. I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. I still taste her on my lips…on my tongue. Her scent is all through me.

I shook my head. She felt so good. Fuck it. I need to feel her again. I have to know if what I felt from her was real. I turned and headed back to find her. I didn’t think about finding out that she wasn’t alone. I didn’t care about anything but finding her. When I got to her room, I knocked quickly. When she opened the door, I simply walked inside and closed the door behind me.

At the same time, I found her wrapped around me with her lips on mine and her tongue in my mouth. I locked the door, as she pushed my jacket from my shoulders. I wrapped my arms around her.

“You feel so fucking good,” I told her as I kissed her neck and chest, trying desperately to get to the rest of her.

I pushed her up against the wall, and my fingers found her inner-most sweetness that I’ve been missing.

“Baby, you’re so wet.”

I moved in and out of her, as she deepened our kiss and grabbed my hair tighter. I needed to taste her, so I pulled my fingers out of her and put them in my mouth. And wouldn’t you know, she moaned. I mean, she fucking moaned when I tasted her. I was hard as a rock, as she climbed down from me and went for my pants. I pulled off her shirt and found her braless, which fueled my need even more. She pulled off my shirt, and I picked her up so her legs could go around my waist again. I ripped the thin fabric in the middle of her shorts, and plunged into her.

She gripped me tightly around the waist and on my dick.

“Fuck me, baby,” I whispered in her ear.

I pulled her back and looked in her eyes. I wanted to take my time and enjoy this. I missed her so much, and it was at that moment that I knew I would do anything I could to fix what I had broken. When I started to move, she moaned in my ear, and I swear, I almost came right then. I had to keep telling myself to relax and enjoy the pussy that I’ve been dreaming about for so long now.

I moved her to the counter, against the refrigerator. Then we graduated to the bed. I didn’t stop moving in and out of her slowly, methodically, until I brought her to her climax, and she called my name. I looked into her eyes as she came undone underneath me, and I told her how sorry I was. I said it over and over again, as I felt my own release coming. I touched her face and placed my hands on top of her head to deepen my penetration. She moved with me and finally, when I asked if she forgave me, she said yes.

We reached climax together, and I just watched her. I touched her face and kissed her lips. It was that moment I realized I came inside her with no protection. Damn, no wonder she felt so good and I wanted to come the moment I entered her. I pulled out slowly, and she closed her eyes. I pulled her up and carried her into the shower. I turned on the hot water and cooled it slightly, just the way she likes it. I kissed her again. When I pulled back from her, I could see the question and remorse in her eyes. But I wouldn’t let her over think this.

I said to her, meaning every word, “This isn’t over.”

She looked away from me, and I pulled her face back to me where our eyes were locked. I leaned in closer to her.

“This isn’t over, angel. Not by a long shot.”

I heard my cell ring, and I knew instantly it was my brother calling me. I kissed her again, and then left her in the bathroom. I got dressed quickly and reluctantly left her room. I stood outside her room and gathered myself. I knew I missed her, but how much I never knew until now. I was still in love with that woman. Hell, I never stopped loving her. I have to know that I can do this without hurting her. I know I want her, but will she have me?