Ruined: Loving An Alpha Male: BWWM Romance (27 page)

I knew that my night—and my life, for that matter—had officially gone from worse to unbelievably desolate.

When I opened my eyes, I literally thought I was about to fucking pass out. Standing in front of the table was a woman whom I haven’t laid eyes on in years. I stood naturally, since it was ingrained in me to do so when a woman comes to a table to be seated. AB and Marc stood as well, since we all have been raised by my grandfather. We stood staring at the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, and the one that had given me the most pleasure in loving in my life.

My heart was beating a mile a minute. I thought for sure everyone heard it. I started to shake a little. I put my hands in my pants pockets, trying to hide the effect this woman had on me. My face was a mask I knew, but hers wasn’t. She showed intense hate and disgruntled feelings in her eyes and body language, and it was directed right at me. I raked my eyes over her body—from the t-shirt she wore showing the perfect swell of her breasts to her flat stomach, and down to her shorts that revealed those beautiful thick thighs of hers. I felt my dick actually start to wake up. It’s like he knows where he belongs, and he wanted to be home. If only she would turn around so I could see that perfectly shaped ass of hers, I know I will bust one right in my pants.

Fucking traitor
.
Should I keep up with the charade and pretend we don’t know each other?

“Everyone, this is Monkey, or rather, Maxine. Max, this is Abe.”

Humph. No title… Interesting.

“And this is Marie. Next to her is her husband, Marcus and his brother, Mason. And that’s his fiancée, Diane.”

Seeing the slight reaction on her face told me I definitely need not announce I know her. Marc looked over at me expectantly, but I didn’t move.

“It’s nice to see you again, Maxine,” Marc replied, reaching out to shake her hand.

Marie, of course, looked at her husband. But then she seemed to decide to not go there. So she smiled and shook Max’s hand too. I couldn’t move, and she didn’t seem to care either way. Diane was too far from her, so she just fake-smiled at her. Tiffany looked lost at first but didn’t say anything else.

“Alright, babe. I put everything in the room.”

A brown-skinned male came up behind Max and wrapped his arms around her waist. I frowned. What the fuck?

“And this is my cousin, Cory. Cory…”

Tiffany started the introductions, and I methodically shook his hand and mumbled a hello, trying to rein in my anger. I can’t believe this shit is happening. I haven’t seen her in two fucking years, and I’m fucking pissed that someone is touching her? We all sat down, and as the waiter came, I ordered a double Scotch.

“Don’t you think you had enough?” Diane whispered to me.

I gave her a look that made her turn quickly from me. I was enraged, and I didn’t know how I was going to calm down. Just watching his hands around her beautiful shoulders. Where my hands used to be. Where my tongue and lips used to caress.

‘Fuck, I need to calm down.’

“So how do you two know each other?” AB asked Marc.

Marc looked at me, and so did Max.

I said with as much avoidance of any emotion as I could muster, “He knows her from me.”

AB looked over at me, and so did Diane, Tiffany, Cory, and Marie.

“Really? From where?” Diane asked as I knew she would.

I haven’t mentioned Maxine or my time in Philly. It’s off limits to her, and she knows that. But since I’m the one bringing it up, I should at least give her a little bit of my past.

“When I stayed in Philly a few years back,” I said simply.

The waiter came back with my drink and asked the table if anyone wanted anything. I sipped on my drink and kept my eyes glued on Maxine.

“Oh, did she work for you or something when you were there?” Diane was trying to get an answer out of me that I wasn’t willing to give.

But I didn’t have to because AB whispered, “Oh shit.”

He looked over at Maxine.

Then Tiffany said to her best friend, “This is Mason James?”

Her eyes went wild, and she looked me over. Maxine didn’t say anything, but the look on her face told it all. Cory looked over at me quizzically, but he didn’t say a word.

The table was uncomfortably quiet, so I put everyone out of their misery. I stood and took the rest of my drink.

“Well, everyone, it’s been a fucking pleasure. Looking forward to golf in the morning, gentlemen.” And I left the table.

I mean, what was I supposed to do exactly? That table was the most uncomfortable scene since… Hell, I don’t know.

I made my way to the beach to try and get my shit in order. For the next few days, Max and I will be around each other. I need to get a handle on my jealousy first and foremost. I’m getting married, for fuck sake. I shouldn’t be pissed that she moved on. I mean she’s entitled, right?

And, hell, Diane is a catch. I mean she’s is a nice golden color with long black hair that is silky smooth. Her green eyes are beautiful, and she has a great body. She can take what I dish out, both verbally and sexually… Well, somewhat, anyway.

I’m a lucky guy, right?

So, I should be able to handle this. So what if she moved on? So what if she’s fucking someone else only a few rooms from me?

‘Shit, shit, shit!’

I heard chuckling behind me, and I turned to find my brother coming up from the hotel.

“This isn’t fucking funny.”

“Oh, yes, it fucking is. I mean what are the odds Tiffany would be best friends with your ex-fiancée? I mean you couldn’t wish this kind of luck on your worst enemy.”

He smacked his hand on my shoulder, and I gave him a dirty look. I looked out on the swell of the water. The ocean, or any body of water for that matter, always settled me. It gave me peace of mind when shit was always garbled. When I was in the Navy, I used to spend countless hours sitting on the deck of the carrier or destroyer I was on…thinking about the next hell I would find myself in…hoping I could get out of it in one piece. The rough water always managed to calm me.

“Seriously, bro, are you alright?”

I shook my head.

“She looks good, doesn’t she? I mean a little on the thin side for my taste, but…” I said.

He came up to my left and looked at me, “Yeah she looks good. But she looked like that when I saw her last; maybe smaller.”

I looked at him.

“Really? Why didn’t you tell me? You said she looked amazing.”

“No, I said she was amazing. She looked like shit when I saw her; sleep deprived and I could tell she wasn’t eating. But what would you have done if I told you all that? Would it have changed your mind?”

I knew it wouldn’t have. But still it hurt to know how much I affected her. Damn, I was a son of a bitch.

“Yeah…I didn’t think so,” Marc added after I didn’t respond to him. “So what are you going to do now?”

I turned to face the hotel.

“Nothing…Look, she clearly has moved on, and so did I. The past is in the past. I’m not the same Mason she knew, so we shouldn’t have a problem.”

“Uh, it’s that simple, eh?” he asked me.

I started walking back to the hotel. “Yup. That simple”

That night, after I took all my anger and aggression out on Diane, I was sitting on the patio sipping on a glass of cognac. I wondered if I would be able to do this. Could I pretend that nothing happened between Maxine and me? Diane came back to the room, trying to ask me a lot of questions. Apparently nothing was revealed after I left the table, and I didn’t answer any of her questions. I simply told her the past is my past. If I hadn’t shared anything with her by now, and we’ve been together for a year now, I wasn’t going to start opening up under these circumstances.

Again the extent of our relationship gives me the leeway to be this way. She knows the rules. This is more of a business relationship than anything. I mean, I don’t treat her like a business trip, but we don’t share emotional and personal feelings with each other…we just don’t. It was something that I didn’t want to do ever again, and being with Diane gives me the type of relationship that I want…one with no emotions to attach us, so there won’t be any feelings involved if shit don’t work out.

She won’t look at me in a disappointed light because I won’t feel like I have to live up to something. What she sees is what she gets; a broken, fucked up individual with next to no heart.

****

I woke up at six in the morning to grab some breakfast before the 8:30 a.m. tee time that Tiffany so graciously set up for us. I think she did that on purpose since she knows I drink so much at night that I never really wake up until after eleven. But I love playing golf, so I got myself up and showered. I was drinking coffee when my brother and his wife came into the restaurant.

“Wow, Marie. Are you seeing what I’m seeing? My brother up at the crack of dawn?”

He sat next to me, and Marie sat on the other side of me.

“Why, yes, Marc. To whom do we owe the pleasure of your presence this early, Mason?”

“I think I have an idea,” my brother replied.

I gave him the finger and continued to drink my coffee. The couple continued to make Maxine innuendos, and I tried to ignore them. But it was hard. Well hell, I was hard just thinking about her. As a matter of fact, I had a boner all night and still woke up with one. I was doing fine until these two brought her up again.

“I’m going to wait out in the lobby for you jokers. Come and get me when you’re ready.”

In about thirty minutes, my brother and AB came toward me, dressed and ready to go. I stood and headed for the door when AB stopped me.

“We are waiting for Cory.”

I groaned but didn’t reply. Just as fate would have it, Cory and Maxine came through the front door.

“Hey guys, let me just grab my things from the room.”

He jogged off, leaving Maxine standing in front of us.

“Good morning, you guys. Ready for some golf?”

“Oh yeah. We haven’t had a lot of time to get together on the tee, so this should be fun,” AB told her.

“How long have you played?” She looked at Marc.

AB and Marc looked at each other, and I smiled.

She knew what they were thinking, and she said, “I know that you are Marc and that he’s Mason.”

“Seriously, how can you tell?” AB asked.

She shrugged. “I just can. Besides, you two really look slightly different now that he’s let himself go.” She pointed at me, and my smile dropped.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I asked.

“Sorry to keep you guys waiting. I’ll see you later, babe.”

Cory gave Max a quick kiss, and my anger started flaring up again… but it wasn’t because he kissed her.

Chapter 17

Maxine

I lied to myself last night, thinking I could handle this. Seeing Mason again and being this close to him is doing something to me that I hate. It’s been years since his coward ass dumped me. Now after all the tears, self-loathing, and misery, all that seems to be forgotten as my body started to react to just being near him.

When I finally arrived at the hotel, I couldn’t wait to see Kat. I haven’t seen her since she buried her mom, and even before then I missed her terribly. She was the only family I had left—the only one that truly loved me and I her—and we needed each other now more than ever. So I decided I would move back to Dallas. I finally got myself settled in the new apartment. We got together, and Cory was nice enough to drive down here with me.

Well, I’m sure he wouldn’t have said no, considering we were starting to see each other. It’s been a long time since I’ve dated anyone. Mason was the last, and I vowed to never date again. Cory is a very nice guy. When we were growing up, we used to always have fun. He was originally from Arkansas. When I would go with Kat and her mom to her aunt’s house, we used to always hang out with Cory and his friends. When I first moved to Dallas after my grandfather died, Cory and I went out a few times.

I knew he liked me, and I liked him too. I just never thought of him as anything other than a friend. When I came down for Kat’s mom’s funeral, he finally sat me down and told me how he had feelings for me for a very long time and wanted to see where this could go. I told him I came with a lot of baggage, and I couldn’t promise anything. We would have to take this day by day. So far, it’s been cool. We haven’t slept together, but we kiss, and I enjoyed kissing him.

Cory is a good looking guy; he’s tall and slim, but built. He wears his hair cut close to his head—almost like a shadow—and he keeps his facial hair trimmed and low. His complexion is chocolate and smooth, and he has a great smile and an even better personality.

He’s treated me very well so far, and I have to say these last few weeks have been cool. He came to Philly with me and spent a few weeks helping me pack my things and just getting to know me more. We did some karaoke at the bar, and Mimi and the girls loved him. We thought all the ladies that came in would swoon when they heard his smooth vocals, and he didn’t disappoint.

Tiny had finally moved on from Alex’s death. She was starting to have feelings for him and was looking to really get him to only focus on her. She wanted to be his one and only and couldn’t wait until he came back from Miami to make that happen. She was turned off with dating for a while but met a really fantastic guy and is engaged to be married. I promised I would come back to be in her wedding next year, so I’m looking forward to that.

What I’m really looking forward to is starting over. I got a great job at a prominent sports rehabilitation practice in Dallas in the Los Colinas area. I did manage to get a job at DeWitt Rehabilitation in Philly, and I was there for a few years before I decided to relocate. My boss was really good about the decision to move. He even hooked me up with a recommendation and a reference to a friend of his that works with most, if not all, of the Dallas Cowboys and Dallas Mavericks players. Dr. Robert Lansing has been in business for decades. He only works with certain athletes personally and continues to work with them even after they retire. He took one look at my references and my skills, and he hired me with no problem. I haven’t decided if I would go back to school. DeWitt let me do a lot more than his nurses that work for him. That could be because my extensive knowledge and abilities really spoke for themselves. I’ve been doing this for a very long time. I have the knack to study the person I’m working on to make sure I do everything I can to get them back in shape.

So with my job lined up, and my apartment set up, all I have to do is work on me. I told Cory that I wanted to take our time with this relationship. I didn’t want to rush into anything, and if he was cool with that, then we could hang out. I didn’t want labels, so I told him he could see whoever he wanted. But I knew deep down he wouldn’t be a player.

When Kat decided to have this birthday getaway, she told me who was coming. She didn’t give names. So I knew nothing about Mason and Marc being friends of her boyfriend—or whatever he was. She calls AB “Abe,” and I never put two and two together. I mean how would you? She did say one of his friends was a jerk and that his friends were twins, but still, I never put it together. When I walked up to the table though and saw Mason sitting there, I almost passed out. I couldn’t breathe. My hand suddenly went to my heart. Then I suddenly felt rage and hurt all over again. He looked so calm when he saw me—as if I had no effect on him at all—when I was dying inside.

I wanted to punch him in the face. I wanted to scream at him, just to see if he felt anything. But the look in his eyes told me all that I needed to know. The light I was so used to seeing in him was gone. He looked like shit, and I could tell he wasn’t the same man I fell for once. I started to feel sorry for him until Kat announced the black-haired girl next to him was his fiancée.

What?!

So now I’m thinking,
Was I not good enough for you?
My eyes narrowed, hoping he would open his mouth to say something so I can say everything I wanted to say. I could see it in his eyes that he was feeling some type of way about Cory having his arm around me. But the nerve of this asshole! He has a fiancée sitting next to him, and he has the nerve to be jealous?

So I watched him to see if he would even acknowledge that he knows me. I vowed to castrate him right there if he didn’t say anything, but finally he did. He didn’t say much to his fiancé when she asked, but at least he acknowledged me. Then the little coward got up and left the table.

Yeah, he’s so not who I fell in love with. Maybe it’s a good thing he did what he did. Maybe I would be in utter hell if he came home to me this way.

When he left the table, I finally started to breathe. I looked over at my best friend and smiled.

“Come help me unpack. That is, if you don’t mind I steal her away for a little while,” I said, looking over at AB.

“Oh no, I don’t mind at all,” he told me.

I smiled at everyone at the table and politely excused myself. I gave Cory this look that I wanted to be alone with Kat for a little while, and he got the hint.

When I finally got her alone in the room, she let out a huge sigh.

“I can’t believe that the guy you’ve told me about over and over is the same sorry ass at the table. I mean, why did you call him Mason James? I really thought that was his last name.”

She plopped on my bed, and I went to grab my suitcase. I shrugged at her question.

“I don’t know. I mean I just called him that in the heat of frustration when I was first worried about him, and then was angry as hell at him.”

I was trying to concentrate on taking my clothes out of the bags, but I gave up. My hands were shaking like crazy. I sat down on a chair next to the bed and looked at my best friend.

“He’s really getting married?” I asked her.

She nodded. “It would appear so. Sometime next year, I believe.”

I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. I shouldn’t feel this way, especially after all these years, but I do.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I wish I would have known that Mason was the same person that broke you. If it makes you feel any better, he’s a miserable SOB without you.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I can tell.”

She shook her head. “No, seriously. Abe tells me that ever since he came back from Philly, he hasn’t been himself. He’s been very angry and drinks a lot…and I mean a lot. Marc says that he came back broken, and he doesn’t think anyone can fix him. Everyone hates him and hates being around him. Abe said he was never like that…
ever
… Well, he did say he’s always been an asshole, but never to the point of being obnoxious.”

You would think this would make me feel better, but it doesn’t. It makes my heart go out to him.

Ugh!

Kat looked at me nervously. “You’re not going to leave, are you, Monk?”

I shook my head. “Wild horses couldn’t drag me away from you.”

We talked more about the new job I would be starting in two weeks, and about the new apartment and the plans we had about decorating. It was great to be back with her. I’ve missed her terribly, and I couldn’t wait for us to catch up…we have so much to make up for.

I asked her what she had planned for us, and she started to get excited. She made plans for us to watch the dolphins, fish with the guys, do some snorkeling, go surfing; which, by the way, I’m not doing at all. Shopping, of course, as well as lying out enjoying the day were givens, though. She wanted to have dinner in her room for her birthday and relax. The rest of the nights, she wanted to party. 

“Well, the night of the dinner, why don’t we do something big? Maybe we can rent out a room here, and I can cook you a birthday dinner.”

She clapped her hands.

“Oh, I was so hoping you would say that. So here are the prices for the rooms.”

I smiled brightly at my friend. She always looked at life in a positive way and never let anything get her down. I was distraught when my grandparents died, and she was there for me one hundred percent. When her mom passed, she didn’t let it bring her down. She stayed positive and just wanted to remember all the good things about her mom—and not the fact that she was gone.

We made plans to start our day early with breakfast. When she told me we would be joined by Diane, I sighed. It would be a long day with questions I’m sure she will throw my way. Well, I will make it known to her that, if Mason didn’t tell her about us, then I wasn’t going to either. Besides, it’s not my story to tell.

Kat stayed a little longer after Cory had walked in. We talked a little, and Kat told her cousin about tomorrow’s golf outing she planned for the guys as well as the other events she told me about. We laughed and joked for a while as Cory and I unpacked our clothes.

After about an hour, she left, and it was just me and Cory. I took a very long hot shower, and when I got out, Cory was lying on the bed only in his boxer briefs. I had on just a tank and short shorts, and I folded my arms in front of my chest.

“And what do you think you’re doing?” I asked him

“Well, I figured since your ex clearly has moved on, I figured why shouldn’t we?”

I told Cory a little bit about Mason, but not everything. He doesn’t know how close we were. He doesn’t know how deep my feelings are—I mean
were
. All he knows is that we dated, and he decided he didn’t want to be with me anymore.

“Um sorry, buddy, but it doesn’t work that way. You can take the bed, and I’ll take the couch.”

I headed for the couch, and Cory jumped up from the bed.

“No, Max, really. You can take the bed, and I’ll take the couch.”

He walked up to me and placed his hands against my cheek.

“Do you realize how beautiful you are?”

“Cory…” I started to protest, but he bent down and placed a gentle kiss against my lips.

I opened my mouth so he could deepen the kiss, but I was conscious about him taking this further. I didn’t want that, but I knew he did. Suddenly I felt him grow on my belly, and I went to pull back.

“Max, I want you so much,” he whispered, continuing to hold me close.

“Cory, I just can’t yet. Okay? I’m sorry.”

I stepped away from him, and without looking to see what he was working with, I walked quickly to the bed. I heard him sigh, but he didn’t say anything. He seemed to wait until I completely got in the bed before he turned out the lights.

“Good night, Max.”

“Good night, Cory, and thank you for understanding,” I told him.

I know this is so unfair to him, but I’m afraid to give myself to anyone like that anymore. I don’t want to be broken hearted and thrown away like I didn’t matter. I heard him sigh again.

Then he said, “That’s me; Mr. Understanding.”

I feel so guilty about everything. I like hanging around him. He makes me feel wanted. But I’m just not sure if I can give him what he needs. Hell, I’m not sure what I need. I know I need to really talk to him and explain everything. Maybe then, he’ll understand why I’m so hesitant.

My mind then went to Mason. Even though I could tell he isn’t himself, he still looked good. I started to remember all the ways he made me feel good, how he just knew how to pleasure me in ways that I never knew existed. We were so good together physically. Was that all we were?

I didn’t think so. I felt we were more than that. All the time we spent together in his apartment, cooking together, watching TV, talking and listening to music. We laughed and joked all the time. We enjoyed each other’s company without an effort. There was no way our relationship was one-sided. So if that was the case, why in the hell did he just leave me like he did? What was it about me he didn’t want?

I have been racking my brain for a long time trying to figure this out. Now maybe, since we’re here together, I can get some closure. Maybe that’s all I need is for him to tell me face to face that he doesn’t want me. If he can say the words to me, then maybe I can finally move on with my life. It’s possible that’s all I need to give my heart to someone deserving.