Rotten (23 page)

“It’s not what you think, Toni.” His expression was shattered as the white fabric began to bleed under his fingertips.

I shook my head, knowing that anything that came out of his mouth would be immediately rejected by my anger. I wasn’t in the mood for explanations. I knew inevitably his response would boil down to one painful sentence, and I couldn’t bear to hear it. “You’re the married one,” he would say…a truth I could not deny, but it still made me furious. In one moment, he was poised to claim me once again for his own, and in a matter of hours, another woman was close enough to leave her mark.

“Get out,” I told him through my graveled voice. He knew I was exhausted and this fight was futile, so he left, and nurse Julie came in shortly after. David went to see my daddy and ran into her. She pulled my chart and sat next to me. Raising a brow, she asked if I wanted to tell her what was going on. I gave her the PG version, yet she had come to know both of us better than we let on.

“You know, everyone needs a break, some time alone. Even Jesus went off by himself to pray. If you want my advice, I recommend you do the same. I’ll take care of your daddy. If anything changes, I will make sure you know.”

I managed to smile at her suggestion. She was right, of course. I hadn’t yet had that time to really process my thoughts and what was going on. She assisted in my discharge, and I had a cab take me immediately to the airport. I didn’t call Erin or Andrew. I just wanted to get to the house and crawl into bed and sleep.

Andrew and I needed to talk anyway. The past month had made me see things I had refused to for years. We have been in trouble a lot longer than I wanted to admit to myself. David was simply a catalyst in facing that truth. When my plane arrived, it was already late, so I took a car service to the house. Having David drive everywhere made me a little spoiled. I liked being taken care of. I didn’t need it, but it was nice. As the sedan pulled down the tree-lined street, I asked the driver to stop. From a few houses away, I noticed the lights in the backyard were on and that Erin’s car was in the driveway.

Maybe it was sheer paranoia after David showing up the way he did, but a part of my heart started to sink. I knew Erin and Andrew had spoken since she came out, but I assumed it was at church or in passing at a friend’s house. Asking the driver to let me out, I thanked him and walked quietly down the sidewalk. The closer I got, the more I could hear the music cranked from the hot tub speakers. Shaded by a pergola and lush wisteria vines, it was one of my favorite places to escape. The lights shining out of the water illuminated the two laughing bodies in a lover’s embrace. Not believing what I was seeing, I pulled out my cell phone and crept closer to the house.

Exactly three minutes passed before Erin’s naked body raised out of the water and she hoisted her arms along the side, bracing herself to be taken from behind. Andrew held his very erect cock in his hands and gently began to tease her before slamming in aggressively. My heart stilled as the video continued to capture the stolen moment. Every moan and gasp forever recorded like a burning poker in my soul. I couldn’t move until they were done. I had to watch every painful moment until the bitter, fucking end.

Backing away slowly, I moved to the front of the house and started to make a few phone calls before sneaking into the bedroom. Resting against our headboard in the dark, I waited for them to arrive. Every second was agony as the rage began to roil through my veins. What I would say began to piece together like a symphony of venom. Four years and not even so much as a deep kiss had touched my lips. Four years and my body had grown numb and atrophied from neglect. How long this had been going on, I may never know. The only thing I could be sure of was I was no longer bound to the vows taken so long ago, Catholic standing be damned.

I heard them laughing joyously up the stairs, slightly drunk and hitting the walls. Not even bothering to turn on the lights, they fell into bed and across my lap.

“What the hell?”

Andrew scrambled and turned on the light as Erin scurried behind him to see who had intruded on their tryst. Once both of their eyes focused on me, tension filled the air with a claustrophobic thickness.

I didn’t wait for them to speak. “Get the fuck out of my house, both of you.”

As Andrew slowly approached me with his hands in the air, my eyes focused on his spent cock, dangling between his legs and retracting with every step. Recognizing his nakedness, he cupped his groin with one hand.

“Wait a minute, Annie,” he protested. Erin remained silent, refusing to look at me as she covered herself in a silken robe.

“I have waited long enough. It’s over. Go to your whore’s house, and make her just as happy as you have made me. You are no longer welcome.”

“Look who’s talking. You’re fucking David, and you have the nerve to kick me out and tell me it’s over?”

I looked to Erin who was peering at me from lowered eyes.

“Kissing a man is vastly different than having his cock buried inside of me. Besides, I was honest about my mistake, which is more than I can say about both of you. You weren’t coming to console me; you were destroying what was left of my marriage. That’s why Andrew took me to the Belliagio. You fucking told him. Never once did I say I wanted to stay there. I really should thank you, though, Erin.”

Both of them looked at me nervously as my passive nature disappeared. “You gave me a reason to never come back.” I smiled at her brightly while scooting off the bed and slinking towards Andrew.

“As for you, the bank account has been cleared, a lawyer is drafting a divorce statement, and a real estate broker is coming tomorrow along with movers. I hope you enjoy your new life.”

His face grew deep crimson and throbbing veins crossed his neck and forehead. The clenched jaw I had become so familiar with was no surprise.

“What the hell are you doing, Annie? You think I am going to let you do this?”

I held up the phone and hit play. As each sound recanted through the speakers and clearly showed every detail of their encounter, Andrew’s face went the palest shade of alabaster.

“When we go before a judge and he hears about how you have refused to touch me, blaming it on a medical condition when clearly you are able to perform your marital duties, and how I have pleaded and begged, sought out a priest and hit my brink, as well as being thrown an ultimatum while caring for my critical ill father, who do you think will walk away with everything? You won’t win, so don’t even try. Now pack your shit and get the fuck out of here, both of you.”

I walked out of the bedroom, quaking with adrenaline. As I paced the sidewalk in front of the house, I waited for them to leave, which fortunately did not take long. Comprehending what just took place would take a great deal of time, yet the calmness that washed over me just days ago in David’s bathroom once again returned and enveloped me in peace. The presence gave me comfort. I was not alone, I was free.

Andrew tried to talk to me a few times through email and phone calls, begging me for a chance to explain. Watching your husband bang your best friend is pretty cut and dry. I refused Erin’s attempts at contact as well. Within two days, I managed to move out everything in the house and put it on the market. After knowing what had been taking place in my bed, it really did not feel like home. From my small hotel room, I ran the crumbling empire of my marriage into the ground.

Before leaving Bloomington, I stopped by the rectory for a visit with Fr. Joseph Laurie one last time. Margo, the lady who came to help him during the day, answered with a joyous greeting. Hugging me tightly, she ushered me into the humble stone home I loved so much.

He was sitting in the study, deeply engrossed in some sort of crime novel. I watched from the entry as his bushy, white eyebrows lifted and pinched through every scene. Licking his fingers as he turned each page slowly, he read five before I moved quietly to the couch next to him and took a seat. Without a word, I slipped off my shoes and curled into the old velvet sofa. Looking around, it saddened me how immaculate parishes could be, all the riches belonging to the Church, yet the priest lived among secondhand castoffs with bare-boned accommodations. They give up so much, yet I realize they chose this sacrifice, each one, receiving some other type of gratification for being humble.

Looking up, his face became jubilant at my sudden appearance after being absent from our weekly masses. I was not here for confession today. I wasn’t ready to let go of my fury, and I wasn’t seeking God’s grace. I wanted his revenge from days of old. My heart wanted to scorch the earth Andrew walked upon and wipe away every memory of time wasted on a love that meant so little. Fr. Laurie placed his book off to the side gently and held his hands in his lap, waiting for me to speak.

“I am leaving, Father, and I am not coming back. Andrew has been having an affair. I came to say goodbye. It seems I wasn’t cut out for this saint business after all.” Pursing my lips together, I could feel them tremble from the pain in my soul. I was prepared for him to give me a lecture on how adultery was not a valid reason for divorce, to stay steady and seek God, but it did not come. Instead, he motioned me over to give me a hug. Sinking to the ground, I rested on my knees as the tears soaked my face.

Placing his hand on my shoulder, he spoke softly. “You know Toni, there is a plaque I keep over my bed to remind me that every day is a fresh opportunity. It says, ‘Saints are the sinners that keep on going.’ Don’t ever give up.”

I raised my head to wipe my eyes and laughed. I wished I could pack this sweet man and take him with me. Thinking about my own father’s impending passage, I realized I would soon lose not one but two men I loved. Guilt panged my heart at leaving here, if only for him. I closed my eyes as he raised his hands in the sign of the cross and placed a blessing over me.

“I’m going to miss you, Father. I have to come back for the divorce hearing, so I will make sure to stop by then, too. Thank you for everything.”

He held onto my hand as I stood up. Shaking it firmly, he patted the top with his other hand. “I will be here,” he said wistfully.

With another hug, I headed out into the bright day, stopping only to buy a postcard of the Hoosier Stadium and cup of coffee; there was no turning back. The sun bathed my skin in the most delicious feeling as I rolled down the highway with the windows down, the wind blowing my hair around wildly. I stopped when I wanted, and drove when I chose to. I kept my phone on silent, which for the most part it stayed.

I-70 was a straight shot through the west, but beautiful in many places. Kansas had fields of sunflowers stretching as far as the eye could see. At one point, there was a twister off in the distance, dancing to the ground and disappearing just as quickly as it appeared. Just across the Colorado border, a dingy roadside diner lit up the dark road. My belly started to grumble in protest of the trail mix and jerky sticks I had been devouring. Not certain of what healthy options would await my arrival, I took a chance and pulled into the gravel driveway.

A few semis were in the lot along with a police cruiser, which made me feel safer. The sheriff tipped his hat as I took a seat next to him at the bar. A thin haze of smoke rested around the patrons in the corner. It was like a movie where I half expected aliens to attack or a gunfight to break out. The atmosphere was ripe for excitement, but alas, the occasional sound of a truck barreling down the road was all that came through.

“Whatcha want, sweetheart? Daryl’s got nothing, so put his sorry ass to work back there.” Annoyed, the waitress eyed the chef who was sitting on a stool, watching a movie. He turned and glared for a moment before turning back to the screen.

“Coffee, ma’am, and some oatmeal with raisins.”

She looked at me and winked before yelling, “You sure you don’t want a steak cooked well-done with some poached eggs and hash brown casserole?”

I giggled under my breath. I knew she was fucking with him, and the sheriff even smirked, too. It felt good to laugh again. I rubbed my fingers where the dent my rings had reshaped over the years was, at the base near my palm.

The waitress noticed and came over, placing her hand on mine. “You know, Daryl there and I have been together twenty-four years this June.”

As my eyes began to water, she squeezed my hand a little harder and continued.

“But my first husband, Harold, was a real piece of shit. Daryl and I were high school sweethearts, but he up and joined the military at sixteen. Done lied about his age and went to Nam. Boys were dying left and right over there, and my mama said don’t hold my breath. So, I didn’t. I realize now that Harold was just holding me still until Daryl and I could have our time.”

I bit my lip to keep from crying as her crystal blue eyes looked at me with love and compassion. I glanced at her nametag, and in worn down lettering, the name
Angel
was scribed in black. I laughed and shook my head.

“You’re the second angel I have met, and I can say I didn’t shit my pants like I thought I would.”